In life, do we ever receive the love and admiration from others we covet? Well, I would say in most situations, we settle and fall short of all the intangibles we feel we need to be whole and that leaves us longing for certain aspects of the true picture desired to complete our love circle. (hence, we cheat)
With that said: What are your requirements for LOVE ? If you could completely script your mate, tell me what he or she would have to possess, to make you feel whole?
Let me hear you, chime in and share your "deepest desires"; together we will explore the depths of your soul today!
H. Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Speaker,
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
Williamshjr@anatomyofacheater.com
Wow.....where do I begin...Well first..I think alot of people make the mistake of wanting someone so they can feel "whole"... We were born whole and we were born complete, so anyone else that comes into our spaceor into OUR atmosphere, is simply a compliment to our lives.... I would like a man that is willing to compromise. Men want women to do all these things to them and for them, but then they expect us as women (some do) to accept the BS that most bring.. True, it may not be all men, but it is most men. It's our choice if we choose to deal with it...there are consequences for our choices 2. A man with morals... there use to be a time when men respected women and their opinions, but we don't have that anymore, because we forgot about the basics. Somewhere along the line of life, we forgot what love truly is or should be about. 3. Spiritual because if a man has no relationship with God and he isn't submitting to God, how can he possibly expect a woman to submit to him? You can't lead a house if you haven't found your own path (no need to elaborate)...I can go on and on, but lastly, give me someone who has been thru hell already; that has been broken, because he will know what it feels like to be hurt, because maybe just maybe that little bulb will click on letting him know that Respect isn't given it's earned. You treat people the way you want them to treat you.... We as women must know our value and not allow anyone let alone a man, come into our lives and cause us to forget who God made us....#ijs
ReplyDelete~Je
Let me be frank, if that is at al possible, and say that women (most of us) already have what we want in a man when we accept his advances. Hence, we want to be advanced upon. We love attention from all mankind. Even from the ones that we have idealized as "not our type" his mere glance in our direction excites us. Women always give the typical "fantasy type" when describing what she wants, yet she is not the fantasy type herself. We are shallow and vain individuals. That is why even the most physically unattractive girl in the world puts on lipstick and too small clothing. When it is all said and done, what we want usually doesnt coincide with who we are as individuals and we end up with failed relationships because we are not who we said we were in the first place.
ReplyDeleteI can say that I want a spiritual man, who believes in God and His word and puts God 1st in everything he does, but that isn't true of me. I don't always put God 1st so why would God extend that Grace to me?
I can say that I want a man who loves me unconditionally and respects me to the fullest but what does that really mean? I don't love unconditionally and the mere drooling over Idris Elba's every appearance is a small form of disrespect. (that man is fione as hell)
I can say that I want a man who loves my children and treats them well, when in actually every man doesnt love children and every woman that has them is not destined to be a mother to them. What I really mean is that I want a man who doesnt "mind" children and is willing to make some sacrifices if need be for mine and if he has some, for his own as well. But mine must come first...and you know I am being real with you on this one!
I can say that I want a hard working man who earns an honest living but seriously, if a man keeps the rent/housenote paid on time most of the time, keeps the lghts on, keeps me with gas money, makes sure that I can hang out every once in a while, on him, it doesnt matter what he does as long as the police and or robbers arent kicking down my door and scaring my dog!
IN MY HONEST OPINION, BASED ON MY OWN OBSERVATIONS OF MY REALTIONSHIS AND THE REATIONSHIPS OF THOSE AROUND ME...
PEOPLE WANT THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THEY ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP TO MAKE THEM PSEUDO-COMPLETE.
Sincerely, K. Michelle
Good Morning Anatomy of a Cheater,
ReplyDeleteRequirements of LOVE?
My requirements would be he has a love for GOD and not only a love but GOD must be the head of his life. I cannot submit and follow someone that is not being led.
He compliments me and does not seek to complete me. (One is a whole number)
He is fun loving and able to find humor in most situations.
He is affectionate and empathetic
He has a heart for people and service
He is family oriented
He is nice, some people are just mean
He is a motivator, I motivate people everyday but sometimes I need someone to motivate me when needed.
He loves life and wants to live it to the fullest. He lives everyday as if it is his last
He is respectful to all people regardless of their position
He is cultured and well rounded
He is able to communicate
He should be tall, dark and handsome but I can bend a little on this.
Now to the other side, I think also in knowing what I want I have to know what I dont want.
He does not smoke
He drinks in moderation if at all
He is not abusive in any way
He does not have more than 2 children(and one baby mama, or ex-wife)
He does not take me for granted
Im sure I will think of some other things but this is a start. I actually have a list written down. I feel if you dont know what you want and dont want, how will you know when you find it? If you dont stand for something you will fall for anything, literally, lol...
I completely agree with Anonymous; alot of people, men and women, are looking for a dime and they are a nickel at best. You can not seek and expect what you cannot in turn offer. That is why a few years ago I had to sit down and seriously revise my list. And make a realistic wish list. It is fine to want a man that is tall, dark and handsome making six figures, traveling the world etc. But if you are average looking, making 28k a year, and have not been out of Nutbush, TN then my response is Really? Really? Nah Really?
ReplyDeleteI agree with Tameka!!
ReplyDeleteLet me work from the top down, so that means you are Up first JE! (smile)
ReplyDeleteI like your requirements because they seem to be near and dear to you. However, having requirements means sticking to them. It's not good enough to speak them unless we walk in them. I always tell people, when you lay your groundwork for the type of person you want, don't settle for anything less. Make sure he knows what it is you need to feel whole and if he falls anywhere short of those "requirements" he is toast and should not be on or in the BOAT !!
Thanks JE for sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
K. Michelle,
ReplyDeleteGurl, Oh my God, NEVER, I say again, NEVER have I ever had anyone say exactly what it is they feel and put it so straight forward and poignant as you did. I am standing up, applauding you right now as I type. You have my respect and I'm sure, the respect of your peers here on the Blog. You put the hammer and nail together and made it work. That is what I would like this blog to be "keepin it REAL!!!" What you are saying is we want one thing, but will actually settle for something else just so long as the good in them show! That is the best way of showing transparency. You want to be happy, and you want to be free to make mistakes in judgement, as long as the man is giving you the best of him that he can offer!
Bravo Ma'am, Bravo, Well Said!
Thanks for Sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
Oh yeah...was reading K Michelle's comment again. and I also agree that most women have what they want in a man right in front of them. Only issue this presents is I have what I want right in front of me but it is in several men. Dont think that will go over very well to use this guy for his sense of humor, this guy for his relationship with GOD, this guy because he is respectful. Im looking for more of a package deal. Here is where the problem lies. #IJS
ReplyDeleteTameka,
ReplyDeleteIn an effort to be direct, but not funny, I have a question for you about your list....."How's that working for you?" Are you willing to waver on any of your requirements or are they pretty much set in stone. I think, often times we set our bar very high and when our men-folk miss the mark, so to say, we are very disappointed in not just that aspect, but all things "Man!" Meaning, we let a small portion of what they are not, effect our happiness level and cause us discomfort when they don't live up to our enormous expectations. Now, with that said, I am not saying your rationale is not a good one, I am just asking, where is your median bar set? Who can get next to you with being just who he is and showing you the 3 "R's" of life, respect, relationship, and romance? Can a man have a small crack in his armor when trying to deal with you, or is it all or nothing to scale Mt. Tameka?
Give me your thoughts. I love your passion for your life. For women, it can be contagious!
Keep 'em coming,
H. Williams, MBA
Tameka and JE,
ReplyDeleteI like the Nickel and Dime reference. If you are a nickel and you get a man that is worth at least a nickel himself, a dime is what you share together! You have to be willing to take an ole rusty nickel, shine it up and watch it bring you to the light!
Make sure you are not throwing away anyone that could just use some dusting off to be great. Those who are already sitting pretty feel they don't need your help to be great. Sometimes, those are the hardest to land!
Thanks for Sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
Ok Anatomy(yes we are now gong to a first name basis)
ReplyDeleteThanks for comment about my passion for life. I hope it is contagious.
So far I have not met the one for me. My list is flexible, you wanted the idea man, right? "If you could completely script your mate, tell me what he or she would have to possess..." This is a list of my ideal mate. I have things that I will not bend on, but this list can be adjusted. There are a few "must haves" and "cant stands" that are in no way flexible. If he does not have my must haves then he is not for me or vice versa if he has all my must haves but has one of my cant stands he is not for me. This is a very short list. Life is hard enough alone then for me to settle for any man just to have someone laying next to me. I can offer everything I ask for I dont think any thing I ask for is outlandish or unrealistic. I do think a man that possess these traits will be equally yoked with me.
It may seem, I will be single forever but from my past experience with the relationship where "Tameka" was lost, I feel I need to have certain standards and requirements to be in the type of relationship I want/need. "My Perfect relationship". Not neccessarily perfect in the eyes of society but perfect for me and my mate.
As for the small crack, I dont mind cracks that show he has been to battle and can withstand the fight, afterall he is still standing or has decided to jump back in the ring if he is approaching me. It is and will never be all or nothing, I am not perfect but I am who I am and I deserve the best cause that is all I know how to offer.
I agree Tameka...In most relationships I have been in, I lost myself in them and became everything to them and what they needed me to be; but when I needed them to be everything to me, you can't get that in return- Ever. I learned to never lose myself again because when you do, that other person controls you...never forget who you are in pursing what our hearts desire.
ReplyDeleteI know what I have to offer, what I can bring to the table; so why should we have to settle for any man that can't provide anything to me but crumbs? No woman (or man) should ever have to dumb down or jepordize who they are just to have a warm body next to them, because when you forget who you are, no one else will remember who you were.....#imSTILLjustsaying
Tameka and JE,
ReplyDeleteLet me just say this to put it out in the atmosphere, when it comes to men, our first thought is how you look and what we see. We know very little about who you are or what you possess inside your head. Our first attraction to you is purely physical. I know that sounds superficial, but it is what it is! (I hate using that term) So, when you guys are busy worrying about what we have, what we worship, how we will be in the future, and our intangibles, we are simply saying to ourselves, "I wonder if she can kiss, I wonder if she is HOTT in bed and so on and so forth." Yes, that is a sad state of affairs, but you have to start seeing things the way we do so you can learn on the curve that we do. We are visual creatures. If you don't believe me, look in our eyes when we first meet you, we are checking you out up and down, then round and round. No matter what we tell you, we are looking at your round butt and a smile. THEN, after you past the "she's HOTT" test, then we get to know what you have between your ears. IF you master knowing this about us, then you have mastered us. THEN, last statement, and remember this one as long as you live because I teach you, that you should live by this, so pay close attention, here it goes:
A. There are NO single MEN !!
B. IF he tells you he is Single, revert back to A
Live by that cycle and you will then master the creatures we are!
Thanks for Sharing, thanks for caring!
H. Williams, MBA
Very true...Men are drawn to what they see (we had this talk..lol) that is why they usually come with the same line..."Girl when I first saw you"...etc...They use this against us...because Women are drawn to what they hear, that is why men constantly spit game in our ears because they know we fall for what we hear...Both are illusions of reality...because a man can fall for what they see..the model type chick, long hair, bright, etc...(the usual) but when they get her, then they realize the grass wasn't as rich as they had hoped. Then for us as women, they say all the right things, and sometimes, we do fall for the ish because we want to believe what they say...then at the end of the day, 95% of the ish they say is only said to get you, rarely followed thru to keep you... Soooo with that being said...We all have to be careful about who we chose to give ourselves to mentally, physically, sexually and emotionally, because if we aren't careful, we can all be caught up in the "Illusion of Love".....#isjs
ReplyDeleteAnatomy
ReplyDeleteI agree and understand all you speak about visual and so forth. But once he has checked me out and I pass the "she's hot" test. What is a gril to do? I have not met many men that are willing to get to know unless they know, let's be frank, if the booty is right. I have met several men that spit a whole lot of game about how women are this women are that. But not realizing that men are not up to par themselves. You all say you want a good girl but dont try to form anything with her until you have "hit', so how does that make her a good girl. They say they dont like drama but all the chicks I know that (singing) "bust the windows out ya car" are rocking rocks. I dont do drama nor do I accept it. I am not jumping into bed and would rather not be expected to. Men use the we are physical creatures as a smoke screen to not express themselves and their emotions. True men may be more expressive about their physical being self but women are also physical but it is taboo to say, "Dang I want to take that fione piece of man home tonight". Now she is a hoe. Men should stop hiding behind the fact that we are physical first and just be themselves. We all know that it is a safeguard but we are all scared to release or expose our hearts. But at some point you have to go with Nike and Just Do it! put yourself out there and if it does not work then learn and move on. Females do it, we dont like being hurt any more than a man. Men love hard and so do women but if no one is willing to let doen their guard Love in this lifetime is a lost cause. If you never take that leap of faith no one can ever catch you. oops think I went kinda hard, but that is what this is, right?
Cute last statement
Elaborate please
Ok, First I was invite to comment and as hard as it is to remain quiet I think I should apply my "2 cent worth". Where should I begin?
ReplyDeleteI have learned confusion comes when we don’t realize one is really two. There are two sides to each person and each must be feed and each must make compromises. You cannot receive anyone into your life until the spiritual you and the physical you learn to compromise (trust me this is easier said than done). Paul says in Romans” 15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Therefore until your TWO learn to compromise. You are unable to learn to compromise when it comes to a mate …friend … lover…
This is usually the reason many people say,” he or she is good for this but the other one is good for this etc. etc.” and this is total confusion within yourself. If I say, step in front of that running train and stand still till it hits you. Your response would be heck no! Why? Because both of you agree that would destroy you.
So when you pick a mate first learn to compromise within the two people that live within you. Society calls this “getting to know yourself” but it is so much more than that it is much more than quoting must haves there is only one must have ….JESUS!!! the word is clear but once again we keep stepping in front of Him.
Well, I desire my true my homie, lover, and friend. A man who will let down his walls and reveal the man/boy within and create an atmosphere for me to do the same. A man who will be a leader to his lady despite her career success... A man who is aware of his spiritual nature and willing to embrace life's simple pleasures. A man who realizes his potential and supports his woman attain hers... A man who will accept my kids/family as i embrace his. to love the man God has for me, grow professionally and accomplish my goals but maintaining a strong family unit. There's more but that is the foundation.
ReplyDeleteTameka,
ReplyDeleteYou said "Cute last statement, elaborate!" What it means is no matter where you see us, or how you meet us, somebody is in our life! Whether we acknowledge it or not, we are sniffing around some hen house somewhere! Trust me, so if you walk in with your eyes open, then you will understand that NO wool can be pulled over your eyes if you have the right mentality. NOW, after we meet you and like you, there is a possibility, we go straight and treat you right and give you the one one one!
Understand?
Thanks for sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
The Anonymous of "Biblical" proportions, I have to say, that was very well put and stated with the right purpose in mind. So you are saying, stand firm on your convictions of walking as one together? (If I am reading that right)Then, as we learn each other, we start to lay a foundation of truth and having an extended relationship. I have a way of seeing through words. What you said can work for the masses, but both parties have to buy into what is said, and as a really good friend of mine always say....."Walk in your Truth!"
ReplyDeleteThanks for being a new blogger with us, Do come back and share in the future!
H. Williams, MBA
Tanya,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your foundation and I appreciate you walking straight forward and not wavering from what you believe in. But one quick question, will you know when you see all of those things in one MAN? When you do, will you embrace it, or will you dismiss his straightforwardness (oh wow, that's a word) as GAME? Sometimes, people walk in with the right intentions but we dismiss their walk before their TALK! When I counsel strippers, I always say this, "There are a lot of guys who walk in off the street and show themselves to be true. Tell you I'll do this, and I'll do that for you. What if your knight in shining armor actually dawns the shadow of the stage; will you be able to recognize him through the cloud of everyone else? Think about that one Ladies, and chime in with your responses!
Thanks for Sharing, thanks for caring,
H. Williams, MBA
After reading all the comments and replies it is apparent that what we each desire and what we experience varies drastically. Now because I know that God is faithful what we desire does exists, but the question remains do we desire it enough to wait on it and not settle. You see having been married and divorced more than once I understand the pains of settling. I am at a season in life where what resonates within my heart is on lock down for the Boaz God has for me.
ReplyDeleteI encourage everyone single on the blog to set your standards but trust that God knows best what you have need of. Give your petitions to Him and have unwavering faith that you shall receive, then be grateful in advance.
I love the blog Doc! Be blessed.
Doc, I can't say I will know him but I believe my spirit will recognize him. My natural ears will always attempt to analyze and bring clarity to his declarations, but when you are seeking God for the ability to know your mate; the one sent by Him- I believe you will know. In the Bible, a woman by the name of Elizabeth was with child and she went to speak with Mary who was also with child (Jesus). When Elizabeth approached Mary her child leaped inside her womb. The unborn recognized the spirit that was within Mary. Well I believe something in me will do the same when I meet my lifemate.
ReplyDeleteI hope that answers your question....
Oh Wow, Tanya, both of your blogs, or should I say testimonies are read and received. When it comes to being the experienced one, we should all follow. I have a few phrases I live by, one is this: I will not follow a biblical teacher, pastor, or Minister if he or she, hasn't walked a mile in my shoes. I need you to have been there done that so you can understand the temptations of life that are not taught at the Seminary. With your marriages, and subsequent divorce, you can be a blessing to others where the knowledge is lacked. Life continuously repeats itself and we have to be faithful carriers and say, "I've seen that situation before!" Learn from our mistakes, because I always say, and have probably said today on this blog, If you KNOW better, you Do better. Those who do what they've always done, will always have, what they've always had!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for double dippin with your blog! Keep it coming, and keep it strong!
H. Williams, MBA
I'm loving the conversation....
ReplyDeleteJE,
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear that, I strive to please, but the PEOPLE make the community. I am proud to have the individuals stop by and give their comments!
H. Williams, MBA
Okay, okay, I`m late but had to put my two cents in. In a relationship I've learned that one shouldn't search for completion because God has given you that blessing if you chose to follow his plan for your destiny. I simply REQUIRE a man that adores me and must be a well-spoken, respectful, God-fearing, responsible, optimistic, witty, clean-cut, passionate, manly man that without a question understands the formula that unlocks the mind, heart, & soul of a woman. ...3P= Provide, Protect & Please.
ReplyDeleteLaToya,
ReplyDeleteAround here, you are never too late! The Doc is always in, (just kidding) ! Anyway, the requirements you have are very admirable, but are you as equally yolked? For what you seek are you willing to give and be all things to the eventual mate you are blessed with? Because if not, and if you find someone who falls a bit short, maybe the plan is to walk slowly with him. If not Ruth Chris, maybe In and Out (at first)! Then, when you grow and start to progress, Nordstroms would be in the cards. Ya feel me? All I'm saying is be bendable but not breakable!
Thanks for Sharing, do come back, and this time, bring a friend. By the way, Join our blog while you are here!
H. Williams, MBA
Well said Toya.....I get tired of hearing that people think/feel that another person is needed to complete them...God allowed us to develop for 9months to be made whole; And as Tameka said earlier : One is a whole number....it can't be divided....
ReplyDeleteYou ladies are simply amazing and for that reason, relationship books are always successful. Women thirst for knowledge because they become the research projects for men without ever knowing it. Women have so many ways of saying the exact same thing, and that is what today has proven. You all want a man with a lot of attributes, and for the most part, you are willing to give to get! That is a major undertaking, the only sad trend I see is this: Women expect a mountain right away. It took a lot of years to build the world as you see it today, the same goes for men. We are slow creatures, however, if you are right for us, WE figure it out, not YOU. There is a HELLA difference. I have this saying (how many of those do I have) It goes like this. The longer a man dates you, the less likely he is EVER to marry you because he knows to much about your Ass! The more he knows, the less likely he is to lock your butt down. Proven fact on so many levels.
ReplyDeleteThanks for Sharing Ladies,
H. Williams, MBA
I thank you for the invitation to your forum Mr. H! I totally agree that a person should definitely possess the qualities that they expect from others within themselves, anything other than that would just be uncivilized. : ) I love pretty hard so my requirements of my man are definitely qualities that I exude. So yes I'm all in for slows walks as long as we're on the same path.
ReplyDelete...and if we should come to a fork in the road, I'll be the first to utilize a map, gps, etc... Giving up is for the weak & feeble.
ReplyDeleteLatoya,
ReplyDeletethe right path is right! But, so is the right neighborhood and the same thought pattern. As I said earlier in this day, when we meet you guys, our mind says this: Damn, she fine, Damn, she look good, Damn, she got nice hips, Damn, she got nice hair. What cho name is? At that time, you give us your full name, then, while we are out to dinner with you, we still thinking, Damn you this, damn, you that. Ok, fast forward about a month, you finally give in and give him some. Y'all are in conversation, and he is diggin you and want to send you some flowers, we, as men, are runnin around in circles trying to figure out your last name...... HELLO, and you gave it to him a long time ago. Moral, once we get some, we start listening!
Thanks for staying up late, we love Friday nights!
H. Williams, MBA
Exactly! Overcoming physical tension is a major key as well. Thank you for paying attention to detail... lowercase "t". :)
ReplyDeleteLaToya,
ReplyDeleteSad to say, but over the years, that is what made me very successful at cheating. The attention to detail and the nurturing soul. Like in that first chapter (I hope you have read by now) it's called an angle. Those who figure it out, make better boyfriends, mates, and significant others.
Everything takes conscious effort!
Thanks for sticking around. Will you make it to our very first Fantasy Talk night next Friday. We will go really deep into Sex, Lies, and Love. I am sure you will enjoy my perspective. Join us, and bring a friend.
H. Williams, MBA
Sure thing! I've shared your site. Job well done!
ReplyDeleteGood Job Latoya, Did you Join? I have to go up there and check. Thanks for being a part of what we seek to do, educate the masses on relationship of the underworld!
ReplyDelete