Mr. Anatomy,
I met a guy on a "Christian Dating Website" and while I try to follow the teachings of the bible, I am still a human woman. I have been dating this guy for 4 months now and he refuses to have premarital sex. We're discussing a future, but marriage is still a little ways away. My Question is .........
"How do I tell my Christian friend I want to have sex? This is 2012 and my body has needs!"
This is a very touchy subject, but, like with all questions, I don't judge individuals and the way they think. I just offer my honest opinion as to how I feel about the topic. Bloggers, start your engines and tell me how you feel about her dilemma.
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker,
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
Williamshjr@anatomyofacheater.com (email US your private questions)
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There are a lot of ways to handle your problem. You can accept him, respect him for who he is and what he's trying to do... You should be happy that he respect you enough for not wanting to have sex with you right now...If you can't accept or respect his lifestyle then let him go so he can find someone who will accept him for who he is...You have a good man... If you really care about him I mean play with yourself go buy you some toys (I'm not saying that to be mean or funny)... I mean do something so that you don't push him away from you...IJS
ReplyDeletewomen r always told "if he loves u he will wait" turnin da table, if u love him shouldnt u wait n respect his decision 2 wait on marriage? ijs
ReplyDeleteWhy. R u on the christian web site then ija. Go to another web site 4 wat u r looking 4. Respect his wishes. We know everybody in church aint saved. But dnt mk him compromise bc of ur Flesh. Food for thought.
ReplyDeleteI went to the Christian site because that is the type of man I want. Somebody who wants what's right in my life but also wants to feel what I want to share with him. I thought the days of people waiting forever to feel togetherness was over. I want to pray together, but I also want to experience intimacy with the man I love. Is that So bad?
ReplyDeleteIts nothin wrong wit u and ur desires just respect where he stands in his walk with God.
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Frustrated,
ReplyDeleteI completely understand your frustration but it is his desire to wait till marriage to engage in that form of intimacy which is commendable in this day and age for a man to have such strong convictions. Why not take your frustration to God in prayer and ask him to subdue your desires to such a time as when it will be right to enter into a more intimate relationship. God is very faithful in honoring our prayers especially when it has to do with our purity. He cares about every detail of our lives no matter how small or large the issue is. It sounds like you really like this gentleman and it could grow into a more permanent one so the other option is to speak to him about it. You say that you would like for you two to pray together so take your frustration to him, discuss, then you both pray together about it. Communication is vital in any relationship. I have heard it said many times: "A couple that prays together stays together". Start now putting God first in your relationship if that is what you truly desire. There is a possibility that he may be frustrated as well and would like to pray about it too but you won't know until you talk. You have a great opportunity to draw closer to him as well as draw closer in your relationship with God by praying together. Approach him by mentioning that you are struggling with your feelings in this area and then go from there. Don't misunderstand me, don't try to talk him into anything because then you may lose his respect and jeopardize what could be a great relationship but share your struggle. By asking him to pray with you about it may give him even more respect for you. You may be surprised at the outcome and how it may bring you closer. Communicate, communicate, communicate!! That is my suggestion.
ANONYMOUS......
ReplyDeleteI must agree with everyone else on your approach. IF you wanted something different out of a dating site, I probably would have sought a site that offered intimacy or a person who didn't take a hard stance against my needs and beliefs. Ultimately, you need to have a conversation with your new mate and express your desires BUT, if you already know how he feels, it might be pointless. Find a deeper connection and maybe speed up your possibility of being one. (see my rules for a "Real Warding" relationship..www.anatomyofacheater.com - Hurchelism) Understand this, there are more incredible ways to reach your counterpart intimately without it being physical!! Ponder that ! Thanks for sharing your ideas with us.
H. Williams, MBA
Mr. aNatomy,
ReplyDeleteI hear what everyone is talkin about, but you mean to tell me NoBody thinks he and I can exist in a monogamous relationship of intimacy before we get married? I am a Christian but I can't be a Christian and enjoy my life in the physical too. I like him and I don't want to desire anyone else but I have to marry to be pleased? Is that what everybody's telling me. Was my question really this difficult? Should I tell him about me real desires because I haven't yet.
I am a man and I was in the same shape you are in. I met a lady on a dating site and she had found some new religion and faith. I didn't push it but eventually when the time was right, it happened. I respected her space and let the opportunity just come. We married now and we are both active in the church. I was tempted many times to just give up but like the Cindy lady said, I prayed about it and the time we spent was more special because we waited until we both wanted it. So just wait and he will come around.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mr. Anonymous for confirming my suggestion. It is great to know that there are men still out there like you!! Blessings to you!!
Delete