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Mr. Anatomy,
I've been dating my boyfriend for about 3 months now and while it hasn't gotten totally serious, in my heart, I feel it's heading that way. He is saying all the right things and has been a complete gentleman along the way. Since I just moved to the Jacksonville, FL area from Texas, I truly can't verify anything about him or his past. We met at work, and I can't help but wonder why everyone has told me to be careful with this relationship without elaborating. We work for the same company, but in different departments. He talks about his last girlfriend as if she ruined his life and he totally hates her. My question is.....
"When a man talks negatively about their last girlfriend or "fiance'" what does that say about him?"
Ms. "Inquisitive" as I will refer to you from this point forward, you have a real question that deserves an answer. Often times men can give you a peek into who they are just by speaking about their past. Before I render judgement, I will give my bloggers the opportunity to chime in first. Please remain available for any questions my bloggers may have.
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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He still have feelings for her. Good or bad. She has some powers for her.....
ReplyDeleteI think not only what Lena said is true but, he's not admitting his fault in the relationship. I'm sure he had some doing in the reason there not together. Sounds like he's hiding something and making it all her fault
ReplyDeleteIdk...he concentrates on negative things and is a negative person, he's not over his past relationship, he's over her but still hurting and needs a friend to listen; he's looking for sympathy, he wants you to think he hates her to cover up different feelings, he wants you to feel more secure about his past...who know's it could mean different things for different folks. The only way you are going to know is spend time and get to know him (and even then you may never really know). How did the subject of his ex come up? Do you enjoy spending time with him? Or is he so negative that you can enjoy yourself? I would say heed warnings others are giving you but I am guessing you don't know them either to have good judge of character to know what their motives are for warning you. Its too early in your relationship/friendship to catch serious feelings. Allow yourself to experience happiness without interference (from other people or your own negative thoughts). Get to know him if you think its worth it and don't analyze anything too deeply. If something HE does is unsettling to you, it doesn't really matter why it just matter that it is and you should heed your own warnings....I know I am kinda all over the place with this. But I can't say having a relationship at the work place is a good idea especially if you don't already know him very well. Ijs. ~LKJordan
ReplyDeleteI agree with all the above yet I believe he definitely isn't tellin the whole story and the "ex" is usually always the wrong one who destroyed everything ...time reveals all a slick mouth doesn't mean its the truth. Guard your heart listen to what he is saying yet remember actions speak louder than words!! Listen to the words of people who know him regardless what he says!!!! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteMs. Inquisitive,
ReplyDeleteAlong with everyone else I would have to say keep your ears open and eyes focused since you don't know him that well. Guard your heart and give it time before judgement is passed and don't allow him to bring in his past hurts into your relationship. He is a bit insecure and using his pain as a crutch not be committed to you in the future. Be careful not to let him mentally abuse you because he is having trust issues as well. Good luck
That he will do the same to you!!!
ReplyDeleteYes he will !
ReplyDeleteMajority of Men do not know how to show their true feelings about an Ex. Based upon the Negative comment, you can hear either the hate he still has or the feelings he still cares. He could really dislike an Ex, example " He says she never listens." Is that hate or is she still not Obeying the restraining order. "She always needs something?" Could mean he was her form of transportation,along with her mother. My thing is if he does have things negative to say , he does not care for her. If he does not say anything negative means he still cares? It's part of human nature to say something negative about a person. Somethings matter some don't , it's up to you if it's worth it or not.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry I haven't been available Mr. Anatomy but I just realized I was the topic of your discussion. I have read everything your bloggers have said and I will attempt to answer all of the questions they have. Leslie, you asked how the subject of his ex came up. Well, if I do something that reminds him of her, or often times when we are in bed, her name comes out of his mouth! He says, "forgive me, but you have to understand how long we were together!" Normally that is how the subject comes up and the bashing begins. Yes, I do enjoy spending time with him, and I feel good when I am with him, I just can't help but wonder if you like someone as much as he loved her, why do you hate them when the relationship is over? Byron and Willie, I so appreciate a man's opinion about what y'all do. Willie, I loved your references and the comparisons you have made. The problem is, I am new in this area, and meeting him means I didn't have to be alone in this area. I am just proceeding with caution.
ReplyDeleteMs. Inquisitive
Dear Ms. Inquisitive:
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like to me that he was hurt deeply by her in that relationship and those wounds are still fresh. It is my experience that when people get hurt and don't deal with that hurt right away it usually turns into anger, bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness therefore being expressed as dislike/hate. He needs healing in his heart of those places that are still tender and until they are healed that baggage will continue to be carried forward to future relationships. I have to agree with Byron, take time to listen to the things he says and that will help you to get to know him more but guard your heart. Keep your eyes and ears open to what he is telling and showing you!! Pray for wisdom on how to proceed with this relationship and I believe God will give it to you.
James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. Blessings to you!
I would like to add that the more you listen and find out about him you will see those things that he may have been accountable for in the relationship that brought it to a demise. It is never just one person that causes the failure of the a relationship. Chances are he is in denial for his part for the relationship going south. Proceed with caution and be wise.
DeleteDear Ms. Inquisitive,
ReplyDeleteFrom what I can see, you have gotten some excellent advice from my fellow bloggers. The advice I always give for new relationships is this: If a person continuously speaks of their EX there is some hidden pain behind what they are saying. What they can't say to you is, "I really missed my last girlfriend, but I truly screwed up, I hit her, I cheated on her, and I was mentally abusive to her!" If all that were the case. Remember, when we first meet a new, unsuspecting female, we always put our best foot forward, however, it is so hard to maintain that facade' for an extended period of time. Slowly the person inside will start to peek out. You will see flashes of who they really are and what they truly stand for. I always asked men or women who are divorced this question after they have been together for a long time and they are emphatically complaining about the EX: "Was he or she an a-hole before your met them? So, all those years, you didn't see anything that said they may have a slight problem?" In almost 100% of the cases, typically, they saw something. Well that was your warning of things to come. My advice, proceed with caution because if the last girlfriend was so bad, why one earth will he continue to relive his torture by bringing up the past! There is a song by Keith Sweat that says, Something Just Ain't Right! In this case, he's right!
Good Luck!
Mr. Anatomy = Hurchel Williams, MBA