Dear Mr. Anatomy,
As we all do, I have a past, and mine is a bit checkered. 5 years ago, I was up against hard times and I started to sell my services as an escort in the rather large city I live in. I had a select few clients and I was always safe and discreet with all that I did. I was a single woman, without children and I always went to remote places. I haven't done anything like that for about a year now because I have my stuff together, a new man, and a great new job. I told all my clients that I have retired, so to say, so please don't contact me. Well, the other night, while at a business function with my new boyfriend, he introduced me to his boss. When his boss turned to shake my hand, I and he instantly realized we knew one another from my escorting days. My expression said it all, and when my boyfriend asked, I blatantly lied because I didn't know what else to say. Since I knew this man intimately, I told my boyfriend I knew him from church vaguely, but didn't offer anymore information beyond that. Every since that night, I have had an uneasy feeling about lying to my boyfriend. We have been open and honest about "most" things in our relationship, but being and escort has been hidden very deep inside me! My Question is ......
Ma'am, thank you for bringing you issue to our forum. I will give your question my full attention, but not until after my bloggers, and followers have had a chance to chime in. From hence forward, I will refer to you as "Ms. Escort." Please remain available for any questions my bloggers may have of you.
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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You want to be completely honest with this man if you ever want a future with him. what happens in the dark comes to the light....u wanna tell him before anyone else does. Good luck
ReplyDeleteBeing a man & speaking as one, here we go. I would not like to know, need to know, especially if we are going to have a long close bonded relationship. The issue at hand, you already lied to him? I, we have all did things in our past that No One should know. This may one of them for you. On the other hand, if he truly loves you and care for you as you say, he will stay. Escort, various partners, whatever. Only difference you got paid directly instead of indirectly. Only you can make this decision & only you. Every man want to think he was, is the only driver when he finds the right one so to speak. Very few car have not been test driven. Some just more than other. It will come to light sooner or later. May as well be from you.
ReplyDeleteA NEW man how long have you been dating him?
ReplyDeleteI think you should be the one to tell your bf before the boss does. even though he may not like what you have to say he needs to know.
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't tell him nothing. You told him what you wanted him to know. I promise you he hasn't told you everything either. I am sure his boss isn't going to say anything. Because he wouldn't want his business out either. Just keep it moving. If you just have to tell somebody tell God!!! Man can't put you in heaven or hell. But if you tell man be prepared for him to kick you to the curb. As long as you don't have pictures flowting out there or something that can come back to you. Just selling booty it's nothing.. Hell most women give it away for free and they don't tell every man about every man. That's just me. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteBe honest and open with him. He will appreciate your honesty more than if he were to find out from his boss or by anyone else. This is your past, we all have a past and we all have done things that we are not wanting to openly share with certain individuals. But, if this relationship is serious and you are thinking of starting a future with this man- just tell him, exactly how you explained it here.
ReplyDeleteDON'T SAY SHIT!!!!!! Take it to the grave sweetie. Men ask the dumbass question of how many men they women have slept with and sm really don't want to know the answer to that. I don't know one man that would want to know that there woman was an escort before.
ReplyDeleteYou do not have to let the Left Hand ,know what the Right hand is doing. So until it presents itself leave it alone. You do not have to go to all company functions? Stay your butt home....His Boss may not want it known he was with a Lady of the Night. So charge that to the Game and let it ride.
ReplyDeleteI think you should keep it to yourself. It's his BOSS. It was cause nothing but trouble. He has 2 see that man everyday. If I felt the need 2 tell him I wouldn't mention his boss. Lord knows his boss would not want anyone in his office 2 know he was seeing an escort! Really... Good luck.
ReplyDeleteMr. Anatomy.....thank you, thank you, thank you for selecting my question!!!! I have been stressing over this decision since I lied to my boyfriend. Someone asked how long we have been dating. Patricia, We have been together for 10 months now, and I love him so much. The only reason I only considered opening my mouth is after the chance meeting with his boss, he started to ask questions about everything, including how many times I have been to that church. I am telling one lie after another. Then, last night, his boss invited him out for drinks and later asked my boyfriend if I would be joining. My boyfriend text'd me and asked me to come. I said NO, and that started a fire-storm of questions. I feel like his boss wants to keep looking in my face, and I refuse to play that game. I did what I did, and that is behind me. I will not be put in awkward situations. We didn't have an agrgument, but I felt the discussion was unnecessary, but I don't know if I can keep this lying up. Please help me Mr. Anatomy. I sincerely thank EVERYONE for your kind words and guidance.
ReplyDeleteMs. Escort (did ya have to call me that Mr. A)
lets put the shoe on the other foot. Say he was an escort and the same situation happened but he was with your boss, would you rather find out through your boss or through him? How would you feel about the situation? Everyone else, it may be easy for you all to say "charge it to the game" but if your significant other had that type of secret.... and you found out through someone else -- you would not feel right.... things tend to weigh heavy on peoples hearts when it comes to not being truthful. A good relationship is based on honesty and communication. She does not have to go into full detail but atleast give her man a heads up.
ReplyDeleteIf you have been dating him for short period NOPE U DON'T owe him any past information. Now if U are planning on marriage .... well I would sit down and have a talk. Details who, how many and where nawww don't go into all that garbage. It will cause issues with his boss. I don't think bossman wants all that to come out anyways. I would start my conversation asking about his past as well. His maybe much deeper than yours while U stressing about your past.
ReplyDeleteWell if you gonna keep acting like that then u might as well tell him because your going to give yourself away. You have to learn how to play it cool.
ReplyDeleteokay now Mr. Bossman wants to push the issue. Is Mr. Bossman married? Just let me say this if he is then Mr. Bossman playing with fire. Stop lieing to your man, U digging a deeper hole. Sounds like he may want to use your BF to possible reopen that past life. If your BF continues to question U , just as your reaction of seeing Bossman gave knowing him away, he already questioning U so he knows something isn't right. Tell him lady gez.. if he can't deal with it then he will bounce. Its not like y'all have been together 10 yrs. Stop the lies b/c your conscious is going to eat U alive.
ReplyDeletePatricia, he has been widowed for about 3 years. When we were together, and I was "servicing" him, he had an ill wife and that is how he justified being out there. Me, I truly didn't care because it was business. (sorry to sound harsh) Valerie, I completely understand about the shoe on the other foot thing, but this is a new, good relationship for me and do you all think this would ruin it if I just sat him down tonight and came clean? Raymond, yes, it is stressing the hell out of me. I am in Cali and I just had to refill my prescription for some smoke, just to deal with my anxiety. :) Charles, you make all women seem like escorts......Is that real?
ReplyDeleteMs. "Stess-Cort"
I believe in the statement " cross that bridge when u get to it". Honestly....... I think if you sat him down and told him that he would leave. Right now y'all have 10 months invested. That's not a lot of time and he's not going to feel like he should stay. So again. DON'T SAY SHIT!!!!!!! Learn to play it Kool. Go to company functions. Stick by your man and don't get caught alone. The boss ain't gonna talk
ReplyDeleteIf your boyfriend loves you then he'll understand it's your past and appreciate who you are and what you have together now. It sucks that his boss was a prior client. I had to tell my boyfriend something that I thought could break us up. It wasn't a lie but it was something that I believed he needed to know. Keeping the truth is sometimes worse than lying. Anyway, it really stressed me out to not be honest with him. Very few things in life are cut & dry. You could lose him if you tell him but then again maybe not, you could be stronger together for being open and honest. In any case, a huge weight will be lifted off your shoulders. If you decide to tell him, details are not important. You had a life before him.
ReplyDeleteI Agree with Raymond don't say nothing and if u say its been a year since u been out there that's the past and you say you are a different woman now then be that go to the functions with your boyfriend. And be yourself there are some things ppl just don't need to Know we all have Skeletons in are Closet ..and as far as the boss I would just be cool an talk ...BUT NEVER BE ALONE WITH HIM !!! Remember that's the past ..hope everthing works out for u !!!
ReplyDeleteWhew! Girl, my initial response was don't say nothing. But, I think if it is bothering you that much, you should come clean. Shoot, don't allow anyone to have that much control over your life. Either he is going to accept it or not. The end, take it as a lesson and keep it moving!
ReplyDeleteAny how, I believe he already knows something else is going on. The church lie was bad. You should have used something different. I would advise you to pray about it first. Remember God is always there and he will still be there even you bf is not. Good luck! Be sure he is really ready for your answer before you come clean
My beautiful Sister..... I have followed this blog for about a year now, and what I love about it is the realness of the people who give advice, and the way Mr. Anatomy allows others to express themselves in an open format. Many of you may have forgottem me, but I am First Lady and while I don't have much to say, I tell my women's group to follow this blog for therapy. Mr. Anatomy lays the advice out there for you to use, and absorb with an unbiased opinion. Young sister, I was a stripper during my college years in New Orleans. At the time, I knew I was wrong because I hid it from my parents, but no one was giving money away, and I had bills. I didn't know the LORD the way I do now. People judged me, but I just kept forging ahead. Today, I am a pharmacist, a wife, a mother, and a "First Lady" of one of the biggest congregations in the New York/New Jersey areas. My point, Nobody can condemn you for your actions. As long as you survived your ordeal, use that as motivation to help others. It is solely up to you whether or not you tell your boyfriend, but don't let a situation make you go against who you are, or lie because you are trying to save someone else. That sacrifice has already been made!!
ReplyDeleteFirst Lady - New Jersey
You already know the answer. If there happens to be a next time; put it on the table at the beginning if you think the relationship has merit.
ReplyDelete1 mostly females are telling you to hush 2 most guys are telling you to tell ... ask both sides who all is in a successful relationship ... (btw a guy can tell you how a guy would fell better than a woman)
ReplyDeleteThis is a real sticky situation. First of all, "your past" is your business. Technically we have ALL slept with people in our past but it just so happens that you were smart enough to make some money from it. This is something you have to carry inside your heart regardless but you don't need to broadcast it. It's not like you were in prison for murder or have a life-threatening STD. Those are on the "need to know" list, NOT who you slept with. I don't think your main stress is about your past business/lifestyle, it's about your life flashing before your eyes when you saw his boss in the same room. If you wanted to be open and honest for the sake of love, you would have done so 10 months ago. How do you think your man will feel NOW knowing #1. you were intimate with another man he is close to (his boss) and #2. you lied about it. If you tell him now, he will never get that picture of you and his boss out of his head and you will not live this down. Make peace with yourself and let it go. If it comes out later, deal with it but for now, "Do not volunteer information".
ReplyDeleteWow well said First lady actually that was my message to Ms Escort but I think tou said it better than I would of... Ms Escort if he loves you he'll forgive you but one lie leads to another and another and his boss will only make it more difficult for you so tell your man about your past but be strong when you do so that he too will know that it was your past and that you are not going or looking back... I strongly believe that our past is not to be relived however its not to be forgotten either... Kneel and sk God for your answer to this we can only say sooo much but God never fails us trust me he doesn't... You will be in my prayers Ms Escort I truly hope you make the right decision
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Escort,
ReplyDeleteI want to first say, I appreciate you sharing in our forum and having the courage to ask for help. Our goal here is to NEVER judge, just evaluate the facts, and move in a positive direction for you. You have been given a large cross section of ideas/advice, but here is what MR. Anatomy feels you should do. Evaluate your situation with your boyfriend to the best of your ability. Try to understand within yourself where this relationship is going. For me, I don't believe in lying for any reason at all. I tell anyone who'll listen, in the unlikely EVENT that I lie to you, it must mean I love you enough to feel my lie keeps you from being a detriment to yourself! What does that mean, tell him because, I have a funny feeling BossMan is about to proposition you for services again. Because he knew you were an escort, it devalues you in his eyesight. Men have a tendency to look down on certain professions, and Escorting, regretably, is one of them. When you say no, or completely ignore his advances, it will anger him and because he truly has nothing to lose, he may tell boyfriend which means you are again, in an awkward place for lying should he question you about the facts. So you were an ESCORT, so what, that is where you were, not where you are going. Be honest and it will save you some heartache in the long run. Men and their sexual desires are a strong bargaining tool. BossMan is about to come at you. Stop him in his tracks by being honest now!
Mr. Anatomy = Hurchel Williams, MBA, PHR
IF YOU TELL HIM THIS THEN YOU MAY AS WELL TELL HIM YOUR LIFE STORY.....SOMETIMES WE ALL DO WHAT WE HAVE TO DO. WE DON'T KNOW WHAT LIFE WILL THROW AT US OR SHALL I SAY WHO LIFE WILL PUT IN FRONT OF US.......SOMETHINGS ARE BETTER LEFT NOT KNOWING OR ON A NEED-TO-KNOW BASIS.......GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR DECISION.
ReplyDeleteOkay Mr. A
ReplyDelete1. how should she go about telling?
2. He's going to lose his woman and his job at the sametime
You need to tell him before his boss does! You keeping telling all these lies your going to slip up and forget what lie you told. If he is a real man then it wont be an issue if he is not then better to know now before you get in to deep!
ReplyDeleteFirst Lady, thanks for the kind words and support of my blog. I try my best to empower all mankind to see things that are before their eyes and make an informed decision based on what is shown, and not heard. Raymond, I would simply sit my boyfriend down and let him know where I've been, because he can see where I am going! You would hate for the (ish) to roll up hill, instead of down. We all have things in our past that we are not proud of. All this happened prior to him so he should have no real gripe about where she has been, however, I think he will take a seriously long look at her either way, especially if she gets caught up in her lies, but the choice is hers to make.
ReplyDeleteMr. Anatomy = Hurchel Williams, MBA, PHR
He is not your husband and unless y'all are talking about marriage I wouldn't tell him nothing. If you trying to leave you past in the past then do just that. If he ask you for your hand in marriage then you be open and tell him until then.... Noah need to know all your business. Because if he walks away after you tell him after he ask to marry you then it's be then because he would walk away later.
ReplyDelete