In life we always want to be important to someone, so much so, we sometimes feel we are more to someone than we may truly be..........Today's Question is ........
Are you thinking you are more to someone than you are? What are you doing to make yourself a priority in their life? Here's a hint, "sex ain't enough!"
Often times we get comfortable thinking sex, affection, and just being in someone's life is enough to keep the relationship viable. To that, I say, dig deeper and find a sustainable solution to how both people should feel so there are NO questions who we are to each other. Let me hear your thoughts !!!!
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker,
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
Williamshjr@anatomyofacheater.com
https://www.facebook.com/anatomyofacheater71
Anatomy,
ReplyDeleteI'm in a relationship where I feel I am "VERY" important, but sometimes I seriously don't feel I am being appreciated! I mean, I work, I contribute and I give him the best sex I've ever given anyone, but he still wants more. This is my first relationship with a man, previously I dated women and I understand the needs of a woman, but men are new to me. I have my own house but I spend more time at his place than I spend at mine. At the end of the day, he never say's "Thank you" or "Job well done" he just continues to expect more and more of me! Am I a Priority, or am I just existing? Help Me.....
<<<<>>>>> but Met you on A Plane !! :)
Dear (Met me on a Plane)
ReplyDeleteThe Question is "how do you feel? I mean, are your needs being met consistently in this relationship? The sad thing about questions and answers of our "worth" in an association with another is "when we look in the mirror" we always know the answers! Does your counterpart look you in the eyes with the same spirit and desire he did when the relationship was brand-new? Is the passion in his eyes when you open the door from a long days work? I call it the "puppy dog" mentality.... does his tail still wag when he hasn't seen you all day? IF not, "Houston, we may have a problem!" Develop your own personal checklist of your needs and desires, weigh them to see if this partnership should continue, if he's missing your "marks," it may be time to reevaluate why you are still there!
Thanks for finding my Blog........"How long ago, and what Airline?"
H. Williams, MBA
Anatomy......
ReplyDeleteThanks, you are 100% correct. I have carried the answer inside of myself for a few months now, but I guess I just wanted another person's opinion from the outside! I just didn't want to feel like I gave up without giving this my all!
Again, Thanks! BTW...It was Southwest Airlines, New Orleans to Orlando....(Now you know me, right?) :) :) :)
(Met you on a Plane)
Anatomy,
ReplyDeleteI feel once you meet someone and establish a relationship right up front you should make sure where you stand in someones life at the time lay it ALL out on the table what you are looking for. Then you can determine if you would make he or she Priority. Sometimes we waiver in our emotions because of actions by both parties, he say he likes/love me and want to be with me , but his actions at times don't show the same. At the time of the relationship where was the maturity level? We (myself) try at times to guard our hearts and not really show emotions and feeling TOO SOON, because we don't want to get hurt. I feel that in a relationship we should just let nature take it's course and just live each day and look for greater things ahead. We can not determine the future , but we can pattern our lives the way that we would like for our realtionship to be day by day! When you really have feelings for one and want to be with that individual you WILL make them Priority and do whatever it takes to make that individual happy! Key point: you can not make anyone else happy or treat them PRIORITY if you are not happy within yourself!
Dear (Met me on a Plane)
ReplyDeleteOften times while the answer continues to smack us in the face, we run from our truth! My advice, face it, talk it out and you know my favorite line, COMMUNICATE your feelings! I just posted my new 10 ways to a (Real-warding) relationship. It will be on my website later! Read them as a guide to your new beginning with men!
Yes, I remember you, Dark Haired Cuban lady! Miami, right?
H. Williams, MBA
The Precious One,
ReplyDeleteEstablishing who you are and what you will be to a person is a great concept and it's awesome to go in with a plan, However, (and you knew it was coming) this question's tone is about sustainability and continued status in someone's life! What are you doing to MAKE yourself a "priority" in their life. Are you following a certain path to keep them happy and to assure you will always be there? OR, Are you subconsciously relying on physicality to carry you month in and month out? I loved your KEY POINT, care to expound on it? After you make yourself happy, do you then turn to your counterpart and say, "I'm happy, now let's work on you?" Thanks for allowing us to pick your brain!
H. Williams, MBA
Anatomy,
ReplyDeleteI agree with you 100%, I am about the old sayings that a man should pursue the women i am just saying , then at that time she would know that he really wants her and her ONLY that would certainly have him PRIORITY in her life. As far as the happiness is concerned me in my past I had some baggage in my life even when i got married i carried the baggage into my marriage as well as far as trust and emotional, physcial abuse that I had sustained, which was not good I never received help for it, so with that being said I went into something where i was emotionally damaged and unstable in my emotions. Right now I am working on me and to LET GO of some things so I can move on with my life, that is why I say we have to be happy with ourselves first in order to make someone else happy. I don't rely on physical ,no not at all because that can all go away with a blink of an eye, and then what do you have I rely on something much deeper than that love , commitment, trust ,respect...
The Precious One....
ReplyDeleteI have a much better understanding of your statements now. I agree, there are several things you have to clear up in your personal life before you can see yourself into a "perfect" relationship with another. The best part of what you are saying is, this time, you are seeking to understand your shortcomings and are trying desperately not to take previous baggage to your next relationship. That gives you a huge KUDOS in my book. My advice, as you enter into the gates of love with another, communicate your needs as well as his, and have preset checkpoints along the way to loving one another. Talk about whether or not you are meeting expectations; then and only then will you know if you are a true PRIORITY in the life of another.
Thanks for sharing your life with us.
H. Williams, MBA
I don't think I'm more important then I am in a relationship. I feel that I'm just as important to the person as he is to me...I let the person I'm with make me feel important and I do the same...I might text him though out the day to let him know I'm thinking about about him and he do the same. I'll call him just to hear his voice and let him know I just to hear his voice and tell him to have a good rest of his day and he do the same. I mean my list is endless as to what I do to make the person in my life feel important and the list is endless as to what he does to make me feel just as important... I don't go down one lane highways...
ReplyDeleteBabegirl,
DeleteLet me start with your last statement first; "I don't go down one lane highways..." I seriously like that statement, which I take to mean, you don't involve yourself in relationships that don't give back as you give to it, right? I like that and feel more people should adopt that policy. It seems you start your relationships with a plan, and for all intents and purposes, that's all a partnership requires, a PLAN! It seems, you are definitely a Priority.... you wouldn't have it any other way!
Thanks for chiming in on our topic!
H. Williams, MBA
I believe in order to sustain a relationship there has be a strong commitment with an unconditional love on both sides. No one is perfect but if you can love the other, overlooking their imperfections, that love will draw them into you making them less afraid to allow you to peek into their soul giving you the opportunity to get to know them. Make them your best friend! Plus this opens the door to deep, meaningful conversations that help you maintain intimacy. COMMUNICATION is a key ingredient to a successful relationship. Learn to be an active listener so that you will be able to understand what the other is saying and/or feeling. Your communication needs to be sincere and honest. Having great communication between you and your partner gives you the power to solve any issue that may arise even if you end up agreeing to disagree. Surprise and spontaneity can keep the fire burning. Keeping the romance in the relationship is important by surprising them with what they like or ask. Mutual respect, honoring the other, making them feel as though they are the most important person in your life and only one in your world. Be available to them whenever they need your support and comfort. When a disagreement arises it is important to apologize and quickly ask for forgiveness. Sincere apologies can melt the hardest of hearts. Practice humility always!! Pride-fulness is a poisonous snake that has a bite that kills. Love them as if they are part of your own body. Take care of them when they need you the most with love, compassion and patience. I believe as you put all these things above into practice, they can create a long lasting, deep, intimate relationship.
ReplyDeleteGood thoughts everyone and Anatomy I appreciate your assessments...aside from your comments, let's make we are making our significants accountable. I mean to say that a lot of emotions are invested in relationships and most are tainted with past hurt that recycles into the new one destroy it before the returns come in. Communicate, be available, cast out old demons, plant new seeds and fertilize. Thanks for your expressions....
ReplyDeleteRelationships at one time or another appear to be one-sided. There never seems to be a mutual feeling of love between two individuals at the same time, at the same place. One always loves harder and by the time the other catches up, it's just too late!!!! The other has moved on and honestly doesn't give a damn anymore. This is my situation. Coupled with the fact my opinion of him being "THE ONE" was shattered when he was found to be cheating with a co-worker. As you move through life and are force fed life's more unpleasant lessons, you learn what you will and won't deal with from another person. I am a person who likes to know that I know that I know I am number 1. Stripping me of that armor will not be tolerated. Don't believe in the "my bad" concept at all. Doing right by your mate is a choice, not leverage. Communication is the key!!! It is a must. And it has to be brutally honest. My philosophy: Don't be selfish. If you love someone, show them every chance you get. In public, in private, in the mean time and in between time. Not materialistically, but emotionally and with extreme affection. It is simple, but affective. Be quick to listen and slow to speak. Sex is definitely not enough! If you and your mate are totally mutual about your feelings for one another and the bond can't be broken, sex is definitely a PLUS:)
ReplyDeleteDear, Cindy Lou,
ReplyDeleteAs always, your words jump off the page with sincerity and correctness. I completely agree to your approach as to how to make yourself, not only a priority, in the life of another, but a vibrant fixture as well. We, all to often, put too much emphasis on the physical aspect of what two people share. While I admit that is VERY important, if you don't have a sincere approach to communication, the ship will sink, and sink slowly like the Titanic! AS I aged, I learned to have more substance that presence in the life of another! I wanted to be a permanent fixture in their heart and mind, and not just in their sexual cavity! I feel, when you are correct in the heart and mind, the mental approach to their body follows, and follows in a hurry. So please, allow me to once again quote one of my favorite writers, Stephen Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, "Habit 2, Begin with the END in Mind!" Start there, with your relationship, end there with your happiness!!
Thanks Cindy for your contribution to our overall success of the Blog!
H. Williams, MBA
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteI must slice and dice your comments as I see fit. I will jump all around in my response, but eventually touch all aspects of what you referenced. Yes, as you have outlined, you must communicate and communicate until it HURTS if you have any hope of saving a relationship after what you say you experienced! I just released a list of my top 10 ways to a "Real-Warding" relationship on my website (www.anatomyofacheater.com) and in it, I try to speak to dating/marriage in the 21st Century. The old ideas of marriage are antiquated and need revising; Seriously! As for the #1 feeling, and achieving it, I say start by giving that feeling to a man, and then expect it in return. Yes, I see, you said your idea of him being THE ONE was shattered, but if this was a marriage, and you loved REAL HARD, are you sure giving up after one bump in the road is something you truly want? Have you tried counseling, speaking to a Life Coach, or reaching towards your faith for answers? Now, let me agree with you on the last part of your comment; Show the LOVE Ma'am, show the love! I believe, as you do, one should take every opportunity to show their mate how they feel about them in every situation possible! Never let there be an ounce of doubt by others that your armor can be penetrated and success will show on all fronts in the eyes of your onlookers and critics.
Thanks for stopping by, and please, stay focused on what youR happiness should look like!
H. Williams, MBA
Well..... I guess you didn't read me the first time! I said.....infidelity is a NO, NO!! If a person can't deal with it, they can kick rocks. In this day and time, if you don't have the common decency to not compromise your mate's life, you are not worth the time. Counseling is not an option because he won't make it one. Hell, he won't even be honest with me about the affair. Anyway, on a lighter note I appreciate your feedback and will think about what you have offered.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteI heard you loud and clear, but my goal is to speak in a realistic manner about how I perceive things will be, based on my research. Now, with that said, there is always exceptions to the rule, but typically, people have wandering eyes, and this concept is compounded by what men call "the punishment factor" at home. Without knowing everything about your situation, I must speak in generalities and keep it moving. Are you absolutely sure your husband/boyfriend cheated? If he won't be honest, how can you be so sure? I always tell women, take the high road and always deal in fact until you see something that absolutely makes you believe cheating existed. Don't speculate, authenticate! What is your present state now? Are you still with him? IF so, why?
H. Williams, MBA
Can't get more authentic than your son catching you at the hotel with the other woman! I am still with him...... that is all.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteIt seems that you want me to stop pulling the onion layers back, so I will stop here. However,if for some reason you would like to continue with us and let us dive deeper into your scenario, Mr. Anatomy is always here to offer his advice from the REAL side of the Street!
Thanks in again for stopping by if your are new to our community!
H. Williams, MBA