Sometimes I get questions from Bloggers that I feel have the "strength" to be my Question of the day. This one came in from someone I actually know. She wanted me to address it to you, my audience. With that said, Today's question is ..........
My husband has a daughter with another lady. Oct. of last year, he left our house to live with her and only comes home during the day to check on me and my 2 children. However, 2 weeks ago, he slowly worked his way back to my bed permanently and now only goes there to "check" on them. Why has this happened, what do you think is going on?
Of course, I have my opinion, but I will save that until such time everyone else has had a chance to dive into our question and give her an opinion from both sides. Happy Blogging.
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker,
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
Williamshjr@anatomyofacheater.com
https://www.facebook.com/anatomyofacheater71
It was allowed to happen!!!
ReplyDeleteHe saw that he has a fool for a wife and decided to capitalize on that! point blank... I wouldn't have allowed him to come and "check" on anything at my house after he decided that he was needed at his new family's house (mistake #1). When he left, I would have changed the locks on the doors and had the cars rekeyed, drained his (our) bank account and reopened an account in my name only at another bank (mistake #2). I would have allowed him to see our children in a public location and/or have weekend visitation at his new home, I would be celebrating my newfoundfreedom (mistake #3)! I would have filed for divorce, he was the one that wanted to be free and I would give it to him in a hurry because Rome wasn't built in a day and neither was his new baby and family (mistake #4)! ALL OF THIS MESS IS THIS WOMAN'S OWN FAULT!!!! SHE MUST BE SOME KIND OF INSECURE TO ALLOW THIS MAN TO TREAT HERDOORMAT! BUT I DON'T FEEL SORRY FOR HER BECAUSE SHE HAS ALLOWED ALL OF THESE EVENTS TO TRANSPIRE IN HER LIFE! AND UNTIL SHE RECOVERS HER INNER STRENGTH HE WILL ALWAYS WALK ALL OVER HER! THIS MAN IS A DOG AND HE HAS MARKED HIS TERRITORY ALL OVER HER AND I AM WILLING TO BET THAT SHE EVEN LETS HIM MOUNT HER BARE KNOWING THAT HE CHEATS AND HAS UNPROTECTED SEX WITH OTHER WOMEN...BABIES AREN'T MADE THROUGH BARRIERS!
ReplyDeleteYeah Kim you just bout summed that answer up!!!! No mo explanation needed!!!!!!! WE ACCEPT WHAT WE ALLOW!!!!YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO TREAT YOU!!!!!
ReplyDeleteOK Ladies,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad Kim chimed in. There are several intangibles that I haven't given up, so I will offer more. They are pretty well off and she has NO control over the money. She is very passive and allows things to happen to her. She is one of my "Coach -ees" and I am literally gotten frustrated with the advice she won't take. He treats her like Sh*t on a stick and she allows it. He comes home, make love, (or whatever you call it) to her because that's all she has. IF she even thinks of getting a man, he ruins it with the, "do you know he is still married crap, and scares them away!" In her words, what man will deal with that when they have other options! She don't want to be judged, just need some advice! He is Super Controlling. She did finally see a lawyer, (finally taking my advice) and he told her, She can milk that cow for everything, but she shied away!
this man has two fools and he is playing them both like a fiddle. It has Happened because she Allows it to happen and man can only do to u what u let him do and what u ACCEPT MOOD..low tolerance for stupid women. I hope she doesn't have daughters who are watching this mess and think this is how they are suppose to be treated
ReplyDeleteWELL WHY IN THE HADES ARE WE DISCUSSING THIS FOOL? SHE OBVIOUSLY HAS NO BACKBONE! SHE NEEDS A TYLER PERRY "MADEA' INTERVENTION! COOK HIS A$$ SOME GRITS, HE LOOKS HUNGRY!
ReplyDeleteDerna,
ReplyDeleteShe has a son and a 12 year old daughter. I have been coaching her since Nov 2010, and it has gotten worse and worse for her. Sometimes I throw my hands up. She progresses slowly but then he does something to offset her progress. I have never seen someone's situation this bad!
WHERE SHE AT????? IMMA MOVE IN WITH THEM AND HANDLE THIS TRICK FOR HER!!!!
ReplyDeleteI KNOW SHE COULD USE A NEW NANNY!
ReplyDeleteKim,
ReplyDeletelet me say this, I respect your strength and tenacity, however, there are SOO many that don't carry that torch. She is small town and scared for her and her kids. She cries and cries but you can't help someone who says "IF I call the cops, then nothing gets paid for on our 65 acre ranch. The cows will go hungry and my kids will starve.
so if money is her reason for staying and u said the lawyer says she can milk that Cow uh y stay if u can leave have a peace of mind and a piece of his money tooo lol
ReplyDeleteDerna,
ReplyDeleteI don't understand why she stayed after that advice from the lawyer. I truly don't. The lawyer was frustrated when she didn't proceed. He said because hubby has a child out of wedlock, it's a "NO-Brainer" case. BUT, fear is a Strong emotion! Seriously. No she says he is hiding money from a business they use to share together!
Derna,
ReplyDeletetoo late, been frustrated months ago, but you can't turn your back on your clients! You just endure with them and see if you can assist them. I have given her the numbers of abuse shelters, and faith leaders but they live in a small town, Hubby is a pillar of the community (imagine that)! So, it's one of my hardest clients EVER! But she was one of the first so I endure along with her. He's actually called me after seeing my number on the bill !
Mr. Anatomy,
ReplyDeleteShe needs a plan of action and escape but only if she wants to leave. Start wit important papers, pack an emergency bag for her and kids stash at a friends, try to put money away, get a trusted friend to find a place to escape to, LET THE LAWYER DO HIS JOB!!
Now, to get back to the actual question, why he's home. My idea, I think he is positioning himself for something. She recently started working after he cut her money off. He has since, stop paying the bills. He has the best lawyer money can buy. I think the lawyer told him to move back in for a few months and then file for divorce. Her lawyer told her, his lawyer is a snake, but the best snake in the area. I truly think his return is a ploy, but not being an attorney, I don't know what ploy it is!
ReplyDeleteThank you ladies for all of your comments! At the end of the day, you just want your friend/client to be happy but I never expected this one to be easy! I pray she finds the strength to move forward. R. Kelly said it best, "When a Woman's fed Up," well, apparently, she ain't fed up!
ReplyDeleteIt is sad but true that until she gains the inner strength to make that decision to do what she needs to then she will continue to remain in that horrible situation. I remained in an abusive relationship for 8 years, received lots of advice, encouragement and support, but it was only when I found my fighting spirit within me that I took action to leave. Frustration and anger towards her will only make her feel less of a person. She has to find that fighting spirit within herself to make the decision that she needs to make. You can only continue to offer her your support, wisdom, encouragement and instruction plus pray for God's hand to intervene as well. I think you are right Hurchel, he is positioning himself to take action when the timing seems right. She definitely needs to take action NOW. I will definitely be interceding in prayer on her behalf.
ReplyDeleteKimberly,
ReplyDeleteYou have some serious strength from within. I don't know where you muster it up, but it's admired and commended! Women typically have to go through some things to build enough character to take a stance! Kudos, you have my respect!
She needs to know that I will be his outside girlfriend and I promise when I get through with this SORRY EXCUSE OF A MAN SHE AND I WILL VACATION AT HIS EXPENSE SHE NEEDS TO GET HER BACKBONE STRAIGHT AND GET PLENTY MILK JUGS......... IT DOES A BODY GOOD!!!
ReplyDeleteI took a rolling pin to my ex-husband's head and he didn't touch me after that. But I am a fighter, grew up with 7 brothers and learned how to take care of myself very well.
ReplyDeleteCindy YOU ARE MY HERO! lol
ReplyDeleteYes, he found out real quick that he couldn't take me down. LOL He started lifting weights and working out to intimidate me but it didn't work. Hahaha!! I started lifting weights as well. LOL We would have some pretty crazy fights until I got him with the rolling pin. Then he realized that I was not going to take his crap.
ReplyDeleteShe really just needs real boot-wearing gal pals, to talk her through this, for real! If Cindy and I hold her hand, she will make it through this! But she needs to be willing to accept the help and she has to want it really badly!
ReplyDeleteI might have her call some of you and maybe coming from a woman, it may sound different ! But, if you talk to her more than once, he'll see it and call to see who you are, seriously! He checks the bill daily! She's living in hell on Earth!
ReplyDeleteHe needs to call me! Remember the preacher from Selmer, TN? hmpf, play with it if he wants to! I WANT HIM TO CALL ME!!!! I NEED TO TALK TO HIM!!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree Cindy! Im telling you, she needs some real friends in her life like you and I, we would have that cow out to pasture in no time...Ultimately, she has to find her inner strength and until then she will either continue to be trampled upon or she shall become the trampler! Unfortunately, so many women in her position end up with nothing or dead when they continue to let husbands and boyfriends abuse them in this manner and from everything that I have read about her situation, she is too afraid to live and very well may end up dying from this situation. LIVE FREE or DIE!
ReplyDeleteWell then she needs to beat him ALL NIGHT long till he gets the message and not stop with a few punches. @ Kimberely I guess you and I need to take our baseball bats and get her out of there. I could use some good excitement, haven't had any in while. LOL I am due for some. I am pretty scrappy!!!
ReplyDeleteyes Cindy we really do! and Hurchel man we need to have a movie watching session and kick-boxing lesson class!
ReplyDeleteWell I don't care who he looks like, he needs is ASS creamed. That just pisses me off to no end for a man to treat a women that way. That is why I got out after 8 years. I knew if I stayed one of us was going to die and it sure in the hell was not going to be me. I could fight good and carry my own and he knew it!!!!
ReplyDeleteI wasn't going to comment on this post at first...I'm not hear to judge... But I understand what she is going though and how she feels helpless. And if you have never been in a relationship let this one you wouldn't understand why she's still there...But in order for her to get out of this she has to learn to stand up for herself and fight back...the reason she is still there is because she still love her husband after all he has done to her she still love him. She allowed him to do all of this to her in hopes that he would come back home and they would be one big happy family again...But that will never happen he has lost all respect for her which is why he doing her the way he is...Now for her to get out of this messy of a marriage she has to see for herself that her marriage to him and with him is over...and now come up with a plan to leave him if that what she really want to do...We can talk till we are blue in the face but at the end of the day she have want her marriage to be over and need to know that her marriage is over...where she messed at she let him control everything and 9 times out of 10 she put any money to the side to get away....All I can say is for her to find her backbone and to become the woman she know and feel that she and start fighting back...She has him by the balls and don't even see or don't want to see it...She has kids and they really don't need to see any of this because they are to going to think that all of this is ok and it's not...And if they don't want her to leave there father she can leave their ass right there with him...At the end of the day happiness is all that matters....He came back for a reason and his reason is not a good reason his lawyer is all over it...And if she don'tdo nothing to help herself for herself at the end of that day she will be left with nothing...She needs 3 good rough around the edges black female friends and we will show her how it's done...But that's only if that's what she wants...And people do get sick of the same story over and over again if she's not going to do anything about her marriage to this man she need to stop talking about...But if really want not of that mess don't talk about it be about... Because when your really sick of a person treating you wrong you don't talk about it anymore you do something about it...The more you talk the more people will start to say whatever... She need to start being about her business and making herself number one...Because at the end of the day if her husband really cared about her and really loved her he would have not done none of what he has done to her...He don't give a damn about her and she has show him that she weak...2012 let's get together...
ReplyDelete