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Mr. Anatomy.....My Girlfriend in Memphis calls you "Dr. Phil of the Internet" and your followers keep it REAL! She says you have answered some really bazaar questions, so I have a serious one for you. I live in the Northeast and it get's real cold here! My husband is a Pastor and has been for several years. It's hard to talk about intimacy with him. I want to "warm" the bedroom a bit but he is from old time "down South" and is very traditional. I'm the second wife and I'm considerably younger. (the first wife passed on) My Question is...
How can the "First Lady" introduce some heat in the bedroom without being too disrespectful to a man who keeps it missionary?
Ma'am.... your friend gave you some good advice, and I thank her tremendously!! Bloggers, let's help her out but let's try to be very respectful to her situation and husband's position. Have at it!!!
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker,
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
Williamshjr@anatomyofacheater.com (send US your Questions anonymously)
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Why is it hard to discuss intimacy with your husband? Has it been like this since the beginning? If u feel disrespectful talkin about intimacy what do u talk about? Was intimacy this boring while courting? Sounds like unevenly yoked people to me.
ReplyDeleteMr. Anatomy, thank you soooo much for posting my question. I am so ready to see these answers. Sherita, it's always been hard to talk about sex with him because he respects me so much. But, sometimes I just want the man inside of him to speak and receive and read my mind! When I do something out of the ordinary, his eyes say, don't do that and I stop. We are evenly yoked spiritually, financially and even educationally. It's just lately after counseling ladies at the church, I realize there is so much more we can be doing. Am I wrong for wanting to try something new?
ReplyDeleteFirst Lady
@Sherita. It just means they need to have a serious conversation w/o feeling like she's letting her flesh speak.
ReplyDeleteBlogger its nothing wrong in expressing to you husband how you want to be pleased. The book of Solomon expresses exactly how a man should connect with his WIFE Intimacy plays an important role. Talk to him bfor your flesh starts talking to you. You can teach an old man from the South new tricks respectfully.
ReplyDeleteI agree Sam!
ReplyDeleteIntimacy is viewed so derogatory now bc its no longer between husband and wife Nor man and woman but everything under the sun. Wives have to compete wit women that will do any and everything and man also. It has bc a game to sum ppl
ReplyDeleteNo u not wrong for wantin something different you should be satisfied in your marriage sexually by your husband. But if your husband thinks its nasty or disrespectful to do other than missionary in bed then a much needed sit down is in order.
ReplyDeleteFirst lady. No you are not wrong. You can be saved and please ur husband. It just will probably take time. Baby steps with him. Bc all he knows is the norm. Just be patient.
ReplyDeleteLadies,
ReplyDeleteI don't know your ages, but I am 36 and the Pastor is now 53. He is very complete in the bedroom, we are just teetering on boredom. Everything has been good for the years we've shared and our relationship is so rewarding. The only problem is I want to expand some things without hurting his feelings. I want to try "-ral" and have each of us experience each other. I have gone so far as to talk to the "Mothers" of the church and even them, in their 70's say Pastor got to get with the times. I'm trying not to say to much, but Sam, you are right, baby steps are fine, but he is Married to the Church and anything new for him is frightening. I honor my husband, I just want to hold his hand without him saying, "Where you get this ole nasty stuff from!"
First Lady
Wow, this is very interesting.. First question is why is it hard for you to discuss (talk) about intimacy with your Husband, what is wrong with the communication? Communication is key in a Marriage. You can not be disrespectful in the bedroom with your Husband that is a sacred place and it is Undefiled. Hebrews 13:4 What do you like that will please you? Answer that question first. When you get that in mind tell your Husband. You should surprise him and do something New, see how that goes. You may turn him out! (Smile) He will probably be speaking in tongues with toes curled up. Lbvs..Talk to him and let him know you want to spice it up a little I mean alot if it is only Missionary style. That is your husband you should just Wip it on him in different ways and styles just surpise him and I am sure you will BLOW his Mind. Just Suprise him bring new things in one at a time. Please you say you are young please do not let your sex life get boring, because temptations will come on every hand to tempt you so spice it up. Hope this helps Women of God!
ReplyDeleteFo sho sherita. Much needed sit down.
ReplyDeleteSam you hit the nail on the head. I didnt want to say this but there are men who dont want their wives to do "those things" but get it else where, not sayin this is the case but ive heard of it in some circles. Yes try baby steps with him and maybe the counselor needs some counseling as well. I wish u success in warmin yo bed bed First Lady i really do cause bein in a nonsatisfying relationship can put a real strain on it.
ReplyDeleteThat was a topic last week on michael baisden. Man seeing there wives as a motherly figure after they hv their children so the role of intimacy changes. It becomes the norm. Not for pleasure but to keep the peace.
ReplyDeleteFirst lady. It has nothing to do with him being a pastor. I'm 44 my husband is 49. Bn married 21 yrs. So I get wher you are comin from. Not to indulge to much but baby steps. My husband said something like that to me. Lol. But I told he this is a new century. I'm not Lucy and he's not ricky. You got to do things to kindle the fire. All I cn say is dnt listen to your girlfriends talk abt intimacy bc you will get MAD bc the lack there of. Baby Steps and Patience.
ReplyDeleteIm 40 First Lady and i knew wat you were talkin about before u said it and yes there are still some men who think its nasty for their wives to do that but if he understands that its something you want to do to expand your sexual relationship then he may come around. Thinkin "where you get that idea from" is immature and really disrespectful to you, but you guys jus need to talk but you may have to accept that he jus dont do other than missionary and be happy with that. Everybody cant handle it sis. Sorry
ReplyDeleteHallelujah my Sisters, Hallelujah!!! Let me give you an example of what I mean and how I am turned off when I am ready to be me. On the Feb 18th, we attended Whitney's funeral in Newark. While it was a traumatic experience, when I got home, I was wanting my husband. I took a deep bath and dressed appropriately and went to the bedside to stroke his back and massage him. When I attempted to be "One" with my husband, he said, "We just left a very moving ceremony, are you really gonna try to put your needs in front of the LORD taking our sister home?" I stopped but I cried myself to sleep. All I wanted was my husband. The look he gave me cut into me deeply. I felt trashy. On another occasion, we were getting ready to be with one another and I said, "let's try this" and I turned around to lay on my stomach. He said, "I ain't no Dog and I ain't trying to get stuck. Turn on over and give your husband what he wants, the way HE wants it!" I have probably said too much so I pray I haven't offended anyone.
ReplyDeleteFirst Lady
Girlfriend you gots problems!!!! seek counseling cause something something,something something jus aint right!
ReplyDeleteWell FIRST LADY at the end of every day PASTOR is only a common MAN........ You need to express your desire to try other things in the bedroom, there is no disrespect betweeb a man and his wife speaking of their needs with one another be it PHYSICAL, MENTAL, FINANCIAL, SEXUAL or any other desire. You are best discussing this matter now before ot leads to CURIOSITY on your part because at the end of the day you are a COMMON WOMAN, COMMON meaning a woman or man with needs, wants, and desires.
ReplyDeleteFirst Lady I'm at a loss for words . Did he marry you for show. Does he compare you to his first wife. I truly feel that he is goin need more than baby steps. You needed love that day regardless of where yall had bn. Their are times whn we are not in the mode but we are odedient. SMH.
ReplyDeleteMe too Sam.. Smh really hard!! & scratchin it!!!
ReplyDeleteAmen Sherita he got issues @ monique fix it bfor curiosity becomes and issue.
ReplyDeleteBack again, It sounds like to me the Husband is selfish and just want to please his needs. Remember on the Color Purple? Mr just climb on top of me and handle his business. This sounds like the same issue. You have to talk up and speak out! You can not tell me that you are Happy and you are bringing a issue that is bothering you pleasedon't just accept anything you also have needs and wants and feelings too! And for me I use to date older guys and it DID NOT work out because we had NOTHING in common. Older MEN are stuck in their ways and sometimes and basicly ALL the time they are not willing to change! Again as I stated just do new things slowly and see how it works out! Hope this ALSO helps. Women of God!
ReplyDeleteLadies,
ReplyDeleteI am so grateful for your responses. I am almost in tears for all of your honest responses. I love him and HONOR him with all I have. HE is a powerful MAN of GOD. I don't think he married me for show, Sam, but we are good together. Monique, he is VERY old school and that is what drew me to him initially. I just want to open the door for more passion in the bedroom without dishonoring GOD or my Husband. You ladies are everything my girlfriend in Memphis said you were. Mr. Anatomy, I love your blog!! Thank you from my Soul! I'm a good wife, I am just lacking a thunderous run with the bulls! The ladies I counsel speak of treasures with their spouses and make life seem like a soap opera of riches and sensuality.
First Lady
Amen Monique. He needs to take a sit on the couch. Ijs
ReplyDeleteLay down on it!!
ReplyDeleteI see in my church today I see that ALOT of couples in the church are not happy and staying in Marriage's because of Status Quoes (not good) also they stay in it because they feel that it is wrong to Divorce. ( not suggesting that you want a divorce) Some also stay married just to say I have a husband. Please, please sit down and talk to your husband about your concerns. The Man of God should be OPEN and ready to receive your concerns and at least try to change. But again take it slow and introduce new things slowly! The Husband (Man of GOD) should love HIS wife like he Loves the Church. Hope this helps as well Women of God!
ReplyDeleteFirst Lady,
ReplyDeleteAllow me to say, first and foremost, you are welcome. I always seek innovative topics to share with my bloggers and when yours showed up in my inbox, I was more than happy to make you our topic for the next 3 days. What you are experiencing is actually something I cover in the latter part of my book. Without giving too much away, I once dealt with a woman in your position and she had a unique way of dealing with what she felt was her "Pastor husband" being married to the church as well. My advice, stand with your husband, but don't be afraid to open the doors of communication. Remember, you are "equal parts" in your marriage which means you have the right to be heard. In a submissive way, go to your husband and express your desires. Start with subtle notes or acts of passion that will open the door for discussion. Remind him of the age difference and how you guys have merged the *old* with the *new*. Seek counseling from a trusted source for the both of you. Walk hand and hand with him through his struggle to please you. I honestly believe there is a sense of control he has while in the bedroom that needs to be discussed. Try the approach of, "honey, while in counseling today, a woman said blah, blah, blah, and I wanted to see if you and I can expound on that in our relationship because I think that sounds fun!" Open up and don't take NO for an answer. I sure hope I was able to help you in day one of discussing this topic. Tomorrow, I will explore a bit more of him based on clues you provide about how he corresponds to my top 10 ways to a "Real-Warding" relationship on my website. (www.anatomyofacheater.com) Tell me how he balances with each question via my email. Tomorrow should be fun, stay tuned!
Mr. Anatomy - H. Williams, MBA
First Lady. Fight the Good Fight of Faith. Hold ur peace and watch God work even in this. Nothing is too Hard 4 our God and he desires 4 you to be HaPpy even in the bedroom. The only thing that put a bad report on God is sin. Take it to God in Prayer. Be encouraged my sister. "You are not alone"
ReplyDeleteOh My Goodness Mr. Anatomy,
ReplyDeleteI am on your website now and I don't know if I can discuss some of these with him. (blushing, lol) But, I am definitely going to download and print a copy for the ladies I counsel. You are SPOT ON with what you are saying for this day and age. Oh My Goodness! When your book is out, I am going to share it with the ladies of my church. I like your approach to life. If we could discuss more about what is going on in this world without turning a blind eye to it, we could help the younger generation understand the errors from our past. I am reading your "First Glance" now. Good Job Sir and GOD Bless you for your honesty. I will do my best with the list and try to make it fun when I ask him some of them. (blushing, still)
First Lady
First Lady
ReplyDeleteMy advice wasn't to read my top 10 list of a "Real Warding" relationship to him as a means of attacking him, just tell him you stumbled upon this list of New Age thinking and ask him how he feels about you incorporating them into your teaching/counseling. Use them as a means to break the ice for discussion purposes. THEN, report back to me how he felt or his facial expressions. Good luck!
Mr. Anatomy - H. Williams, MBA
He will never be able to read your mind!!! Just open up and tell him if you have to show him step by step.....
ReplyDeleteDear First Lady,
ReplyDeleteI agree with the masses that you need to open the lines of communication with your spouse. As I was praying about how to respond to your question, I was reminded of the story of Esther. How she fasted and prayed before she entered the court of the King when she needed to talk to him knowing that it was against the law to do so without being called, but God showed her favor. My suggestion to you is to fast and pray for your husband before you talk to him. Pray specifically for the shell around his heart to be broken so he can feel the passion within and what you feel. Pray for the walls of the old school that he has built up to crumble down. Pray for his ears to be opened to hear your heart and to comprehend what the intimacy could be like between two people behind closed doors who love one another in a Godly relationship. Pray that God will increase his desire for you and much more. Then pray for whatever else God may lead you to pray. Prayer and fasting changes things my dear. I have done this many times and God has always been faithful in answering!! Blessings to you! You will be in my prayers!!!
CindyLou,
ReplyDeleteI thank you for your wisdom and guidance and what you have said tells me we are all connected in this universe. I read the story of Esther again last week for support within myself and strength and you come to me with the same direction! GOD shares through his own! I have also been reading about Sarah, “Now Abraham and Sarah were old, advanced in age; it had ceased to be with Sarah after the manner of women. So Sarah laughed to herself, saying, ‘After I have grown old, and my husband is old, shall I have pleasure?’" - Genesis 18:11,12 and Genesis 21:1 "Now the LORD was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did for Sarah what he had promised." Look closely there, "Shall I have Pleasure!" Then, the LORD, did as he had promised, gave her her child and gave her PLEASURE. My wisdom tells me to keep waiting and that shell around his heart will soften.
We talked last night about Mr. Anatomy's top 10 ways to a Real-Warding relationship and his answers shocked me. I'm waiting on Mr. Anatomy to give me his opinion on what I sent to his email service.
First Lady
First Lady....
ReplyDeleteI am utterly shocked at the Pastor's approval of my top 10 ways to a Real-Warding relationship. However, your comment of, and I quote you, "he said every thing ain't for everybody," kinda concerns me but we can make some headway if we tread water slowly! I will cut and paste your words:
"Mr. Anatomy, he actually liked the direction of your words and suggested I share the realism with my counseling sessions. Your list opened the lines of communication with the two of us and gave me some hope. I talked to him about the word "PLEASURE" as it related with Sarah in the old testament and we both opened our Bibles to study right there on the spot. He said PLEASURE for a man and a woman is the togetherness they share, and if we are both happy during the act, then, (in his words) "we both are whole, right? Don't I make you feel whole?" When he asked me that, I talked about your reasons 2 and 6 as they relate to (intimacy)! He laughed and said, "every thing ain't for everybody!" I laughed with him and remembered I can't give him too much, too fast. He did say, to me, "who you been talking to woman?" I just smiled and said, "the LORD old man, the LORD!"
First Lady, I hope it was OK to direct quote you. I feel it can be helpful for others. OK, let's see what our bloggers will have to say about your night. I will then come back and offer my commentary later.
Mr. Anatomy, H. Williams, MBA
Mr. Anatomy, I love that advice! Perfect just Perfect! Fasting and Praying is the key to be intune with the Holy Spirit there is NO WAY around it. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
ReplyDeleteMatthew 6:33 ! Be blessed!
Mr. Anatomy and Friends,
ReplyDeleteThank you for all of your help. I know this is not an overnight process, but we are talking! I would never tell the Pastor where the information came from, or that I reached out for our relationship, but I take my vows seriously just like I teach in my counseling classes. I am adopting your principals with your top 10 list and I am a blogger forever! The advice here is REAL and I have to share this site with others. CindyLou, I can feel your spirit in your words. I have to thank you all one at a time. Sherita Miller, Samjustkeepitreal Woods, Jacklyn Sparks, Monique Woods, Woman of God, and Precious Beason, GOD Bless you all! GOD IS LOVE....Mr. Anatomy, keep sharing your advice, I can promise one day everyone will seek your words for themselves.
- First Lady -
First Lady you are more than WELCOME we are all sisters of the struggle GOD BLESS US ALL
ReplyDeleteFirst Ladyyyyy!!! You welcome once you welcome twice you welcome anytime to seek our advice!!!! Be blessed and oh yeah i hope yall get cha freak on!! And i mean that in the most respectful way!!! Lol
ReplyDeleteFirst Lady , be blessed and pray a double annointing and an abundance of blessing and prosperity! And God will forever bless you and your marriage , because God do Honor Marriage! Be Blessed!
ReplyDeleteYour welcome..I pray you can make it work true love is rare
ReplyDeleteFirst Lady thank you 4 entrusting us with your discussion. We all have our issues but our main desire is to be the wife God wants to be and to serve him(GOD) with our Heart Soul and Mind. God understands the littlest of things. I Pray that God will teach your Husband to Love you outside of the norm. Be Bless my Sister. :)
ReplyDeleteI just love you ladies, your desire, your hearts, your commitment to making others better is why I do what I do. KUDOS to all of you from Mr. Anatomy. You guys make "getting a better understanding as a man" a meaningful task! :)
ReplyDeleteH. Williams, MBA
Dear First Lady,
ReplyDeleteI am glad that my words ministered to you. I give God the glory for I am only a vessel that has chosen to serve Him by speaking the words He lays on my heart. I too feel your spirit as well as your maturity in the Lord in the way that you write. I admire your grace at such a young age of 36. I am touched deeply by your relationship with your man. It appears you both have set an awesome example to your flock of what a Godly marriage could look like. My prayer is that my next marriage will be that as well!!! It is so inspiring to know that God's spirit has no geographical boundaries!!! I can only hope that by divine appointment our paths may cross one day. It is apparent that you are a woman of the Royal Priesthood as mentioned in 1 Peter 2:9!!! :)