Dear Mr. Anatomy,
The other day, I got a text from a lady who wanted to know why my number was in her boyfriend's phone over and over again for a period of 2 weeks. After figuring out what guy she was referring to, I asked her to call me and I filled her in on exactly why her boyfriend was reaching out to me. I told her I met her boyfriend on a dating website and after going out on a couple of dates, we had sex; after which we text'd a few times and then the relationship faded. Of course, he never told me he was seeing anyone. My question is simple......
Ma'am.... everyone sees exposing their intimate antics differently. While I have a full opinion, I reserve the right to answer your question after my bloggers have had a chance to address your concern. From hence forward, your blog title is Ms. "Imma Tell it" and please stay close to our blog for the next 3 days in case our bloggers have questions.
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
AskMrAnatomy@anatomyofacheater.com (send US your Questions anonymously)
www.cafepress.com/anatomyofacheater (purchase OUR merchandise)
www.anatomyofacheater.com (visit OUR website)
http://twitter.com/anatomyofacheat (follow US on Twitter)
https://www.facebook.com/anatomyofacheaterpage (like US on Facebook)
AskMrAnatomy@anatomyofacheater.com (send US your Questions anonymously)
www.cafepress.com/anatomyofacheater (purchase OUR merchandise)
www.anatomyofacheater.com (visit OUR website)
http://twitter.com/anatomyofacheat (follow US on Twitter)
https://www.facebook.com/anatomyofacheaterpage (like US on Facebook)
Send Your Friend Request to: "Author Hurchel Williams (MrAnatomy)on Facebook.
Hell no!!!!! Why tell her anything. If she want to know let her ask him. It's not your business to tell her nothing! 1 because she already know the truth. She know what kind of dog she got. 2. You don't have to tell her nothing of your sex life to her. I would have said this is something you need to ask him. Just tell you don't tell your business to people you don't know. It's not a civic duty to tell your business. She don't have any business going threw his damn phone anyway. I get mad as hell when people don't respect other people privacy.
ReplyDeleteno... I didn't ask to get involved with the past and she should keep me out of her current issues. if a woman feels the need to find out if her man is being faithful then she is either 1.not ready for a relationship(due to her insecurities), 2 already knows he is cheating 3. isn't happy in the relationship she is in(due to other reasons). In any of these cases she doesn't need to involve another to find closure in the relationship. That being said. I have had a woman call me about someone I was currently dating. I don't date in the dark(Im not friends in the dark either), so she was well aware of me. She contacted me to warn me, that I would be hurt like she was. I responded and let her know my heart went out to her, but I was not confused about the type of relationship I was in. I enjoyed his company and was going to continue you to do so until I didn't anymore. I told her that I hope she experienced some happiness during the moments she spent with him and had no regrets. As I have enjoyed being with him even if I know it is only for a moment in my life. I let him know someone from his past contacted me and if he wanted to know the details, I would share them. Otherwise, I would never bring it up again. And I didn't. I did not like that she contacted me, but I understand why she did, so I sympathized, but it didn't change how I felt about it(out of line). I would never call another female up about my man. I don't need to. I don't go looking to find my man cheating and don't need proof of it. All I need to know is I am happy and if I am not, I am out. .......oh :) to answer the question, we as woman don't need to answer at all. their issues are between them and should stay there.
ReplyDeleteThe first problem, in my opinion, is the fact that you felt so compelled to tell her anything at all is incomprehensible to me. But, to each his own or her own. Why women feel inspired to be going through their mates phone is beyond me. Was anybody calling for her on his phone or was she just being nosey and insecure and doing all the other things that make our mates seek attention else where? I can say this because I have done this very stupid thing myself and having reflected on my past behavior, I can look back and call that spade a spade. But it sounds like you got a big kick out of telling her what went on with the two of you. It makes me wonder if the reason that you are single is because you talked to much in your own relationships. Just my opinion
ReplyDeleteyep, seems like she likes drama. If I didn't give you my number don't call it or text it.
ReplyDeleteWell I'm glad she told her maybe she needed to know for whatever her reasons are, sometimes the truth hurt but she needed to know what she was dealing with. You never know why another woman is calling another woman, she may have been feeling something and wanted to see if her intuition is true. She may not know he was a dog until she found proof. Who knows but I'm glad she told. Now me on the other hand I wouldn't have said anything I wouldn't have even answered the phone.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! "Do unto others as you'd have them do unto you!" Simple. If you choose not to disclose, that is your right but then know you are just as guilty. Details should be for her man to explain but if the other woman is made aware that she too has been involved, then heaven help her if she keeps it to herself. I have been the other woman without even knowing it and you can best bet the minute i was made aware of the mess that man was getting me into... I told her where she could come pick his sorry behind up at! Karma is real <3I will tell you that if you have to go through someone's belongings, you already know what fear. I'm guilty of giving the "benefit of the doubt" too often. But once i reach a point where my own standards owuld need to be lowered to acquire a resolve... I'm out! Ladies and Gents, don't lower yourselves to the levels of those that don't deserve. love and honor you. A true loved one will respect you without the worries and fears.
ReplyDeleteThen to me you're just as guilty. JMO You do not have to explain yourself if you weren't guilty of partaking in something you not to be. If you are innocent, wouldn't you want someone to do the same for you? Shame on ya.
ReplyDeleteno. I wouldn't call another woman. My concerns are only between me and my man. another woman doesn't owe me anything, she didn't agree to have a relationship with me or any dealings with me.
ReplyDeleteWell, I told her because I wanted her to know what type of asshole she was dating. She said on that weekend, she was out of town. This guy bugged me for a while before we finally went out and things happened. He kept telling me the thought we were soul mates....blah blah blah. Well, I never knew he had a woman, so when she text'd, I wanted her to know what trash she was screwing with. He is a teacher and a high school coach. She even friend'd me on facebook and I happily accepted so we could further compare notes. Shit, I didn't want him but I felt if a woman goes through a man's phone or reaches out to a complete stranger, her efforts shouldn't be in vain, so I gave her what she sought, the damn truth. Sorry for those who don't feel that was right, but that is why these assholes get away with this crap, because we keep things to ourselves and don't share the truth. If he was abusive, wouldn't you women want to know before you dated him? She said they haven't been dating long and she is a single mother of a boy and he wanted to mentor him; Yeah right, mentor my ass!
ReplyDeleteMs. Imma Tell It... and I did!
I have been on both sides of this situation. I have called numbers before because MEN tell you what they want you to know not what you always need to know. It wasnt that I was being nosey sometimes things happen and you answer and the wrong one is on the other line. For myself if I nor my mate have anything to hide it shouldnt be an issue with either of us answering or going thru the other ones phone. Privacy hell. If you call yourslef in a committed relationship then you shouldnt have nothing to hide. I believe that sometimes things happen for a reason. And by ol girl telling the mans girlfriend doesnt mean she wants drama or was looking for it she dont know if the woman is psycho or not and dont want to be in nobodys drama. Alot of times men say they are single because they see something they want. How many times have you heard a married man tell a single girl yea Im married but I still want to know you....come on now. I dont think the girl was wrong for telling or the girl for calling and asking. She wanted the truth and the truth is what she got.
ReplyDeletethey get away with it, cuz woman hook up with them neely willy. The problem is woman don't get to know who they are dating before taking it up a level. and if that is what you are into then so be it, but don't complain because thats how you wanted it. why is he an asshole because you let him hit it and offer nothing else? if you are in a relationship there should be no secrets, but going through his phone? not needed. a lot of woman think they are in a committed relationship without the man saying so, they just assume. woman need to get to know the man, for a hella long time before they get the kids involved. and there are a lot of men out there that are married and say they are, but still openly pursue outside the marriage. its up to women to decided if they allow this. GET TO KNOW THE MAN FIRST
ReplyDeleteI agree with getting to know your mate first, but i also agree with Hardnett Brandy about full disclosure! I was with a man i had worked with and dated for several years before he was caught married and cheating on me. We were military and not always stationed in the same country let alone within the same dating zone. So i'd say "Know the situation" before you judge. I by no means rushed into anything. The military didn't even allow for it. No one should expect the other party to disclose details but if you're asked and you hide that you were with them, you're guilty too. The wife that called me was not perceived as dramatic at all. Poor girl had kids to feed and a home to secure. Neither of us knew what was up until his commander contacted his home in the states looking for him! If i had not answered her, she may not have ever known he was straying from home. Again, it wasn't my place to disclose details and i chose not to, to avoid any further involvement in the drama or contact with him. But i damn sure let her know, i wasn't anything she needed to worry about. I gave her all she needed to know and what she did with it from there was her business. Now let me say, if we do not so this for one another... we are just as guilty. Women/Men are battered and abused only keeping silent and allowing for it to continue when they think someone might accuse them of being dramatic if they reach out. We should all put ourselves in each others shoes when matters like these occur. You don't have to participate but we definitely have a duty to communicate. It could save a life and It may be yours! Remember the woman calling you is doing you a favor too.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm I think imma stay outta this one. Sounds like a lot of man bashing going on
ReplyDeleteRaymond Lee Jr- I've been careful to state men and women in the same sentences. Women cheat too.
ReplyDeleteYou know when someone is married in the military. Its not a secret especially if you worked together. You didn't continue because of fear of being court martialed. I was the wife in this story. And at the end of the day I already knew he was cheating. I only needed the proof for the civil suit against them both. So give up the info if you want. It can and will be used against you in a family court of law.
ReplyDeleteI agree but this women ( like y'all say) fail to do her research. She slept with this guy on the first date. That's one reason y men cheat. Y'all given away pussy like these ppl gonna be giving away candy tomorrow. Now, don't get it twisted. That's y'all twat and u do with it what u please, but u gotta remember that if you offer it to a man he's not gonna turn it down. Now I'm not condoning cheating but sm can't help themselves. As for this lady telling it. I sure the lady that was cheated had been cheated in b4 with this guy and it probably won't be the last time.
ReplyDeleteHoney we both were on tour in Germany and his family was in the states. Know what you're talking about love. Your commanding officers change per duty stations when you are overseas! I had NOTHING to fear and infact told my commander immediately. He had been doing it for years with other women before me and wasn't caught. Your judgemental attitude is what keeps cheaters from being caught, for fear that the innocent who tell the wives like you the truth react as you are doing now. AND THAT's if we even know what the hell is going on. So please sister, don't assume you know someone's situation. Have a heart. I had no reason to hide a thing. I was just as innocent as she was and in our case, HE was court martialed and released with his wife and myself leaving him for better men! She and i are still friends to this day and we know we have each others back no matter what. It's because we were both honest and forth coming that we can trust one another. I never let fear of anything be my guide <3
ReplyDeleteUMMM okay I think we went left somewhere here....I thought we were talking about the question for the day......
ReplyDeleteRaymond Lee Jr- I've been careful to state men and women in the same sentences. Women cheat too.
ReplyDeleteYou know when someone is married in the military. Its not a secret especially if you worked together. You didn't continue because of fear of being court martialed. I was the wife in this story. And at the end of the day I already knew he was cheating. I only needed the proof for the civil suit against them both. So give up the info if you want. It can and will be used against you in a family court of law.
ReplyDeleteI agree but this women ( like y'all say) fail to do her research. She slept with this guy on the first date. That's one reason y men cheat. Y'all given away pussy like these ppl gonna be giving away candy tomorrow. Now, don't get it twisted. That's y'all twat and u do with it what u please, but u gotta remember that if you offer it to a man he's not gonna turn it down. Now I'm not condoning cheating but sm can't help themselves. As for this lady telling it. I sure the lady that was cheated had been cheated in b4 with this guy and it probably won't be the last time.
ReplyDeleteA person will tell you all day long they wont, havent, dont go thru their mates phones.......BUT....I bet at one time or another you have...you might not admit to it or will say you had a reason to but you have....Ill admit it I do and mine knows I do....but Im working on it yall dont count me out just yet...trying to get the trust back to where it needs to be....
ReplyDeleteShouldn't have to feel you need to. I think we're all agreeing that you 'know' (feel) when it's not right. It's not easy to just leave if you're not sure. Sometimes the proof is only in the pudding. lol I learned if i have to lower my standards (as i mentioned earlier) to just walk away instead. He's not worth any extra energy at that point.
ReplyDeleteI've done it. When I was young and didn't know better. I didnt just go thru the phone. I took it. And he took mine. I had to learn that it never needed to go that far. Its hard to call it and walk away when you have kids but at the end of the day you have to do what's better for them. You can't be with someone you don't trust. You don't need proof to know you are not happy. You don't need proof that he is cheating to know your kids see you suffering. Respecting peoples space and property is a learning experience and comes with personal growth. But I still don't want another woman calling me if I didn't invite her to. Whether she is calling me to tell me about my man or she is inquiring about hers.
ReplyDeleteI think she had a right to know what was going on however she found out about it bottom line. If he didnt want to tell her because he didnt want to lose her or hurt her feelings well what the hell did he think her seeing numbers or text in his phone was going to do to her....I mean if you going to cheat at least be smart about it. IJS
ReplyDeleteI have a 6 months rule. lol If we're serious after 6 months of dating... we'll explore physical options where appropriate. Definitely not a rusher. ha
ReplyDeleteI've done it. When I was young and didn't know better. I didnt just go thru the phone. I took it. And he took mine. I had to learn that it never needed to go that far. Its hard to call it and walk away when you have kids but at the end of the day you have to do what's better for them. You can't be with someone you don't trust. You don't need proof to know you are not happy. You don't need proof that he is cheating to know your kids see you suffering. Respecting peoples space and property is a learning experience and comes with personal growth. But I still don't want another woman calling me if I didn't invite her to. Whether she is calling me to tell me about my man or she is inquiring about hers.
ReplyDeleteHi Everybody....No harm, no foul...Let's get to it...first of the chic that had the audacity to check his phone and send a text message got whatever info she deserved..when you go looking for trouble, you will find it. NO doubt...If you suspect your man or woman is cheating, then you let let them hang themselves...you don't need to do a damn thing but watch....Men act upon routine...they are repetitive....when they break cycle is when you pay attention, but most are too damn stupid to know that...so it took someone else to write a book and a movie for the light to come on. It's when you do it consciously that it is a problem.... I had the same situation happen to me...this guy and I conversed over the course of about 6 to 8 months...when he would come home, he would spend time...hang out....but his routine changed and so did his attitude and began to blame me for the shit he would do...-No your dumbass just have one too many women. She found out about me snooping....plus the other 6....She said he did this every year with a different chick...and this was my year....so I asked her then why is your dumbass still with him...that is your problem because you allow it...I didn't....I couldn't miss nothing I never had and never looked back... So, you did right by saying whatever you feel you need to say...not on the account of being messy but on the strength of being a real woman. Because if you are bold enough to call, then you should be woman enough to suffer the consequence... Check your dude not the broad...she don't have nothing to do with it...because she believed his lies..give your time to someONE that doesn't belong to someONe Else and chill....#rns... 1
ReplyDeleteConvo develops in odd ways sometimes. I can't wait to hear what Author Hurchel Williams has to say about the question of the day.
ReplyDeleteJust saying. The other woman didn't have to say anything but I know I did in my case, because it's what I would have wanted someone to do for me. She did me a favor too. JMO
ReplyDeleteMonique. I don't think you were being messy. It was a valid question. A lot of people don't know the boundaries of their family law. People should realize because there are civil implications. Know who you are sleeping with or you may have to pay a civil settlement to the wife and then how is that going to look.
ReplyDeleteMonique said someone was "childish and messy." I was asking her who that comment referred to. I wasn't calling her that! lol
ReplyDeleteI thought she was talking about to the author of the blog
ReplyDeleteHaha see, that's why i ask. I didn't want to assume. It was right after I had posted my comment. So I just didn't want her to feel like I was ignoring her if she was talking to me. I was confused. lol
ReplyDeleteBrandy, not that I know of and if she wants to keep a peaceful house she better not let me find out she has. But I don't give her a reason. She has the code to it. It doesn't ring all time of the night. I don't guard it. I leave it laying around and sometimes when it ring I'll ask her to tell me who's calling
ReplyDelete@ Raymond what would happen if a Man called you about a Woman? Would you be Honest or tell him You do not know her? As a Man we can't say anything to another Guy? Y we care about the Female's Safety.
ReplyDeleteAnatomy Of A CheaterOctober 31, 2012 1:12 PM
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Imma Tell it,
In this life, people have a tendency to do what they see fit with little regard to how it makes others feel or behave. Now, let's start from the top; I agree, the lady should have NEVER contacted you about her "boyfriends" phone bill. She was out of line and probably let her emotions get the best of her. You should never question anyone about a phone they are using. Technology, ease, and access has made people's information so available. With that, she should have gone to her boyfriend and whatever his response was, should have ended it. However, because she reached out, she was definitely looking for something. With me, I would have directed her back to her man and not expressed everything that happened, but I would confirm that I knew the gentleman, but again, directed her back to him for details. I may have mentioned that on that weekend, we did meet, but again, details are for him to answer. Since she wasn't there, it wasn't my business to stroke her ego or confirm her suspicions. I probably would have reached out to him via email and let him know if he didn't control the situation, I wouldn't be pressed again.
Mr. Anatomy = Hurchel Williams, MBA
Her relationship is with that man, not you! He has a civic duty to be honest. IMO
ReplyDeleteI say yes... Why lie? He deceived you.
ReplyDeleteAgreed with Author. Just as i said all along. This post was interesting. :))
ReplyDeleteTanya has a good point. But that doesn't mean that you ruin someone else's life too. Let him grow the balls that God blessed him with and be honest with this lady. Again, he's in a relationship with her, I'm not. Also, in this message she never stated that she asked him and he lied about it. Why didn't she ask him first! I'm a woman and we have a manipulative way of getting the information that we want from someone.
ReplyDeleteAnd that's exactly what homegirl did. Now go get him! Lol
ReplyDeleteTanya Angelique, I am not saying lie, I am saying it is not the goal of the source to break her heart. As the lady with the information, my allegiance is with the guy I was with, and not to hurt the young lady who reached out. Now, I did say I would tell her, "yes I know him, and yes we spent the day/evening together, but it's not my place to provide glory details. Then, I called/emailed him to let him know someone is seeking information on our time together. I would suggest he handle it because if she contacts me again, I may not be as nice the second time around because NOW she is involving me and my safety, etc!" My goal is for them to discuss it without me.
ReplyDeleteMr. Anatomy= Hurchel Williams, MBA
I agree to previous post! That's how people get killed
ReplyDeleteI never stated how far to take the conversation with her but seeing everyone's viewpoint I will be specific.... I would tell her that he and I met briefly and I was not aware he was with someone and leave it there.
ReplyDeleteThe details wouldn't matter at all.
betta calllllll tyyyyroooooone!!!!
ReplyDelete