Dear Mr. Anatomy,
I have quite the dilemma. I am dating a much older man and I truly enjoy being with him, but I am ashamed to take him around my friends. I know that sounds bad, and I must apologize but the fact still remains that my man is 18 years older than me. I'm 27 and he is 45. In the beginning, 6 years ago, he was this mature guy that had it all together; Great sex, great body, and super smart, but as he has crossed into his mid 40's, things are starting to beef up. While sex is still okay, it's routine, less frequent, and he is acting more his age and less like the firecracker I met when I was 21. He's been acting really insecure lately and just showing up at functions and places where I normally go alone. While I love the security he offers, I never thought the day would come where I am truly ashamed of him. Yesterday, he mentioned marriage and I said to myself, "I have to do something before it goes too far!" My question is .......
"How do you break it off with someone you truly love but KNOW you can't spend the rest of your life with?"
Ma'am, your question is quite unique in nature and I will give you the opinion you seek. However, prior to my answer, I will allow my bloggers to give you their opinion. I will address you as Ms. "Young Thang" from hence forward. Like my email to you stated, please remain available for any questions my bloggers may have of you. :)
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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Ima give you the alternative YOUNG THANG, lose the mature dude wit a few insecurities but SECURITY and go get you young vibrant long strokin sexy chocolate of a man who ain't got shit don't want shit but want you to give him YO shit and he got babie mama drama. Gon get it girl and see how that works for you. 80/20 rule applies here you better adhere to it. And dress that mature up and make him look like what you would like to be seen with. Don't be no fool cause them same friends waiting on yo ass to let him go so they could be the CLEAN UP WOMAN.......
ReplyDeleteShe's the one who'll take him in when you dump him in the street, so take a tip, you betta hip, to the Clean Up Woman she's tough I mean she really cleans upppppppp!!!
Jus cleaning up yeah!! By the way where you live lady I got a Swiffer I need to use.
You question is not how to stay in it and make it work ,you want to know how to end it, so just be honest and let him know you love hom but you are not in love with him and you do not see a future for the two of you..he will respect your honesty! Then be done with him just dont try to have your cake and eat it to. Your mind is already made so end it and move on! Also stop fooling yourself if you truly loved him we would not be having this conversation, it sounds like you truly love what he does for you!
ReplyDelete@sherita ,she gone learn about the clean up woman today...lol
Well, he has asked me on several occasions about having a son for him. His children are grown and out of his house and it's only us that live there now. Since he has supported me through school and my twenties, I seriously considered having his child. He told me he would never leave me if my child bears his last name but he always said when I got tired of him he would take care of me. I do love him but the age difference is taking a toll on our relationship. I start to think about how our life will slow down when he gets older. Ms. Sherita, for your information, he has no need for any other woman his heart is with me so clean up or no clean up, he'll still be around, I'm just wanting to be young again.
ReplyDelete"his Princess forever"
I WILL TEACH HER!!!
ReplyDeleteWow ms. Miller!!!! But I agree
ReplyDeletewow i have to agree with T'lisha on this you dont love him else you wouldn't be thinking about leaving him.... One can understand your fears the age difference scares you but you know what they say its only numbers what matters is how you utilize the times shared together and you have been apart of this mans life 6 years and only now realising that he ass older than yours... As for him acting insecure he has all rite to you are younger and he fears that someday some younger man is gonna take you away from him....He loves you and you worried about what your friends think and say while they are probably as Miller said waiting to pounce..... Honey as much as i feel you i cant help as look at it as you're being selfish...
ReplyDeletei am not normally this cold and i try to look at both side to matters but i must say this last thing you said that you "truly enjoy being with him but ashamed to take him around your friends" Honey Get New Friends....
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with y'all she don't love him truly she don't. If she did it wouldn't matter how he look. But someone no one of her girlfriends will clean up for sure.
ReplyDeleteSweetie poo bear I done been your age you ain't been mine, trust and believe NEED has nothing to do with a Clean Up woman and neither will where his heart is. You are young and your words tell us so and babygirl you keep on living and thinking he won't go no where. It ain't jus women who get feed up with being used. I got dat Clorox to clean up to mess don't worry.
ReplyDeleteWell, you ladies are all wrong, I love him, I just worry about him and his health as we get older. I am still young and we use to go to the gym together, but now he doesn't find the time to do the things he use to. He just wants to sit home or always play golf. I told him, there is so much more to life than playing golf and drinking Dos Equis. Kami, do you really think I am being selfish? No one truly sees my point. Yes I want to be with him, but what happens when he's 55 and I'm 37. I would have missed my best years. Plus, my friends all have younger men that dance with them, or hike and bicycle, and he says that don't interest him. My mom says I should weigh the good and see that he pays everything and we have no debt while my younger friends are struggling, but so what, he told me he will always pay my bills, even if I found another man that is closer to my age. Do you think he is lying to me? Raymond, you are a man, do guys lie to the woman they promise to love forever?
ReplyDeleteConfused Young Thing
U ought to be old enough to know that men will lie to get what they want. With that being said...... What man in their right mind gonna pay for you to be with another man. If y'all was just "fuck buddies" then that's a different story, but your talking about love and I just don't see him living up to that
ReplyDeleteRaymond i told him I got this! LOL But seriously you can tell that she needs more time to mature cause to think that a man gon support you while you trollop around with a younger man "hiking"????? Is foolish!!!!! while you worried about dancing and riding a bike you NEED to makin moves to keep this man in your life while you have him. Your mama told you right but as usual yo young butt gon have to see that a hard head make a "broke&struggling" ASS!!!!! Have that baby on his word if you want too, I GUARANTEE you will sho nuff be "hiking" to the welfare office and "dancing" on a pole to support you the baby AND that timberland wearing YOUNG man who gon pump his seed in you as well. Mark my word dont be no fool.
ReplyDeleteY'all not saying what she wants to hear
ReplyDeleteWeigh your options. Don't allow his age to be the reason. Maybe you are in two different places in life. Security is one thing, but if your miserable that's another. But, be very sure. Pray about it. Security is so much better. I say try and make it work. Make him know that he is number one. Omg, please weigh your options. I don't want you to regret it later
ReplyDeleteAND "for your information" my 14 year old sasses me better than that, I dont tongue wrestle on blogs you wanted help we giving it I hope you listen. Raymond she listening she lettin her pride get in the way.
ReplyDeleteRaymond, I'm listening but I am just so confused. I am a Christian and I am praying about my decision everyday. I love this man, I want this man, I just don't want to wake up one day very old, and not having lived my life to the fulliest. Charice, thank you for your advice, and I know you all are trying to help. So thank you all equally. I knew this wouldn't be easy, but each day I am seeking the right direction. I think my mom just don't want me to struggle because I never have, and says I need to just grow up. Sherita, I don't even like guys who wear timberlands. I want guys who are not Rough Necks and have class, like me.
ReplyDeleteYoung Thing
by the way, my male friend says with older men, they lose their sex drive and my man makes me wait 2 or 3 days sometimes for his affection, and that is getting old fast!
ReplyDeleteYoung Thing
Young Thang, you talkin bout things you HEARD about older men not something that has happened!!!!!! Stop makin up things in your head!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You writing the man off before he even does anything????? I suggest you cool your heels and stop listening to them friends of yours. and baby sex wit a older man was some of the best sex i've had............CORRECTION 2ND BEST!!!! Cause i got a same age intermission that got me moist RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT JUS JUMPED THANKIN BOUT HIM!!!!!!!!! INTERMISSIONNNN!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou don't fall out of love because of age, if you really love him you will make the best of the years you have left ,what do you mean you will be 37 and 55 you will have missed your best years you can be in a miserable relationship with some one your age and still miss the best years of your life the best years don't happen at a certain age ,they happen when you are truly happy and know how to appreciate your mate...Damn some people don't hit the best years until after 40 or 50 ...and since women mature faster then men you have to grow up and do what's best for you but be true to your self why would you even want him to take care of you while you another man....While you are with another man.....please
ReplyDeleteMs Young Thing...I have a saying that I jokingly share with my friends when they ask what my criteria for a man is..."Im looking for a wealthy man with one foot in the grave waving good bye". While there is some truth to the statement there is also a great deal of teasing. Wealth (or stability) and maturity are not optionsthey are necessities. I am a self proclaimed hot lady. I am confident, beautiful and sexy!. If you have any self esteem and true love for your man you wouldnt care what your friends think. You also wouldnt think of him taking care of you financially while some other man is doing you is alright. We use to have a name for those kind of women, not very nice names. Rise to the occasion and become a self proclaimed hot lady too...dont chase boys, stay with your eal man.
ReplyDeleteAs I am reading this post, just you can't have it all. You want the fun and find yourself in a miserable situation, or do you want to keep what you have been blessed with. Something many are still seeking at much older ages than you
ReplyDeleteI know your not suppose to just settle for less but you can be doing a whole lot worse. Now your worrying about what your friends might say. If u need to worry about that then they're not your friend. I'm sure there's plenty of women that would love to be in your shoes. BTW, if you think that man won't leave and go to somebody else. Try him and see
ReplyDeleteguys i just got in not feeling well but have to say this Ms. Young Thing now that you realise how much you "Love" this man what really is your problem the man OLD not DEAD create your excitement and include him enjoy your life especially if he can make it possible for you too... i'm not a gold digger but i don't believe in giving up...if you say you love him talk to him you're old enough now to be able to communicate and i hope you do it better than you are doing now.... Life is too short to be studying petty things.... the truth is the older we get the wiser we are suppose to become hunny you eh missing nothing and if you feel your life is passing you by then the only person to blame here is you... Grow up and face it most people kill for someone to love them this much..... And another thing you made me laugh when i read this but dont put god outta yuh thoughts an believe he will mind you and a next man hahahahahaha one thing with older more mature men and women they not gonna be an ass twice in their life #foodforthought you end it you loose it it simple....
ReplyDeleteCan sombody please answer her question she asked how to break up with him,not how to stay with him....Mr. A can you please tell her how to break up with him so we can move on....ijs
ReplyDeleteT'lisha. That's easy. Tell him your done and that's it. She can say exactly what she told us and that will be all
ReplyDeleteT'lisha if she wants to break up with him she can that easy..... say it was nice but she cant anymore and wants to go her seperate way...but if you continue to read i dont think that is what she really wants...
ReplyDeleteI can help him get her outta his mind.... shes just gotta give him my name and the rest is cyberspace magic. I been schooled by Anatomy Academy!!
ReplyDeleteI will say this and i am done....maybe you are not doing something the right way because i am older then my husband but he keeps me young....think about it.....young in age means nothing if you dont have what it takes to keep him interested. MR.A please take over before I go there....lol
ReplyDelete@janelle i feel you lets just say i helped develop Anatomy Academy....lol
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Young Thang.....
ReplyDeleteFirst, let me thank you for bringing your question to our forum. I have read every response our bloggers have offered as well as your replies. I think there is a bit more going on, than you first reported. If I am way off base, then, I will be the first to apologize. I have been accepting questions for over 2 years now, and with that, I have learned to read between the lines, but, before I go there, let me answer your question. If you truly want to leave your 6 year relationship, honesty is always the best policy! When you leave, understand this, all bets are off!! I don't care what has been promised or drilled into your head about what will be done AFTER you two separate, PLEASE, don't bank on it. AS men, we say a lot of things in the heat of love and emotion, but once the separation happens, anger takes over. Anger over WHY you left, anger over WHO you are with, and anger over WHAT you may be doing. IF he does continue to take care of you, it will come with some level of control. So, if leaving is what you are seeking, develop a plan, a time frame, and execute said plan. Now, do we (as a community) know all there is to know about your situation? Is there someone behind the scenes pushing your separation from your boyfriend? Are there promises and/or an emotion connection from a 3rd party? If so, let's talk about it. If you truly want answers, we must know all the questions!
Mr. Anatomy = Hurchel Williams, MBA, PHR
askMrAnatomy@anatomyofacheater.com
Mr. Anatomy I am guilty as charged. Well, I am not seeing somebody else, but a good friend of mine who went through a lot in a recent break-up has been trying to advise me because I did ask him what I should do. He said you helped him on this blog last year so he has been my support through my confusion and told me to bring my question here. But, since we have been talking, and spending so much time around one another, my boyfriend has been thinking more is going on, and the other night, while we were at a NBA watch party together, my boyfriend just showed up. Yeah I told him where I was, but he never mentioned he was coming to the event. I was sitting at a table with my friend, and it was awkward when my man arrived. Picture the 3 of us sitting there with nothing to talk about. So, needless to say, I had to hear about it when I got home. There is some attraction there with my friend, but I know that if we hooked up, it would just be because he is lonely, so NO, I am not going to. However, he and my other single friends make being single look so good!
ReplyDeleteYoung Thing