Mr. Anatomy, my relationship has hit a wall and it has been at this stand-still for quite sometime. Last week, a new Co-Worker of mine actually made an advance at me and it felt so good to be noticed by someone. My Question is ............
It pains me to roll over and make love to my husband, but I'm tingling for a true outsider/stranger at work to touch my body. What's happening to me? Am I being tested?
(Tempted and Willing!)
(Tempted and Willing!)
Lately, I've been getting several questions from bloggers and since my audience has grown significantly, I allow the masses to assist with answering my questions. With that said, go ahead group, tackle this one!
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker,
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
Williamshjr@anatomyofacheater.com
https://www.facebook.com/anatomyofacheater71
The answer would be for her to ask herself what has her husband done to her for her not to want to make love to him...What is he not doing to have her wanting to be touched by someone else other than her husband...Something has gone wrong in the marriage for her to have all these mixed feeling about her husband and this other guy...And if she really want to be touched by this other person whats the hold up...Now if it was me...And I was not happy I would be willing to let this other person touch and please me the way I want to touch and pleased...There nothing like going home after being touched and pleased with a big smile on your face and your husband is wondering why your smile is from ear to ear...But that's only if your husband has done something to you to make you seek else where...So again the question is...What has happen to your marriage for you to feel the way that you feel about your husband...What happen? When it happen? Why has this happen? And how has this happen? And if all the answer are wrong on his part I would be WILLING to be touch by the new guy...I'm just saying if it was me...
ReplyDeleteDear Babegirl,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you opening our discussion into this topic. My disclaimer, while I don't condone cheating, I do recognize that it happens! OK, with that said, I must disagree with your assessment into starting any type of 'tat a tat' with the new guy! (the new Mr. Anatomy) Remember, when you know better, you do better, and with that said, I have learned to not think in the short term, but more so, what will tomorrow bring. For me, over the years, I opened a lot of can's of worms that I was not proud of in the name of "self gratification!" In the long run, I wish now, I would have talked out the circumstances to myself long before I climbed into strange beds and rested on strange pillows! Seek first to understand your present "legal" relationship, long before you try to understand another!
Thanks for opening your heart to our dialog.
H. Williams, MBA
Thanks for your comment BabeGirl.....this scenario for me involves temptation. Maybe the woman has lost interest in her husband sex wise, but stays for security. Men look at women seductively and this could be the turn on that led to the cravings. I was tempted during my past marriage by women who looked at me a certain way that made me feel like I was prey and it turned me on. Morally I didn't act upon those feelings, but I recall the warmth I had from the experience. However, once the neglect grew at home I acted out those feelings.
ReplyDeleteMy assessment is DO NOT give into your lustful desires while being legally bound. It will only create more confusion and convolute the situation. Bringing a third party into a relationship that is strained already will only cloud your judgment in making a good decision about what you need to do. If you have any value system or conscientious, it will haunt you later if you chose to give into the temptation as well. Trust me, I have been there and done that. I think you should assess your situation with your spouse and ask the questions Babegirl mentioned. Why are you at this place in your marriage? What happened? Examine yourself as well as your husband as to why you have come to this place in your relationship!! Seek counsel to see if you can mend your fences in your marriage and if they are not able to be mended, then and only then get out BEFORE you act on seeing anyone else. Another important question is, are there any children involved? They are sensitive to a broken down relationship between their parents and you don't want to open a door to allow any more stress to enter for their sakes. Even though you think you may be doing a good job in hiding your unhappiness they know, believe me. You need to set an example to them on how to deal with difficult situations, showing them how to handle them correctly in order for them to learn how to be successful at dealing with stresses in their lives as they grow up into adults.
ReplyDeleteMr. Anatomy, I didn't say for her to cheat...I said if it were me what I would do...I also said that she need to ask herself, How? When? and Why? And what went wrong in her marriage no what she choose to di at the end of the day is her business...I said if it was me and I said what I would do...Not telling her to none of the above...
ReplyDeleteThanks Byron, We are kind of on the same page...
ReplyDeleteThanks CindyLou for your comment......I like what you said about not giving into temptation and talking with your spouse to either resolve or letting go. My situation involved letting go once counseling didn't work and there was no effort on my spouse's behalf to make the marriage work.
ReplyDeleteBabegirl,
ReplyDeleteI was speaking in general and not about you personally. It's documented that cheating, in the past, would probably have been my first thought, or even practice. If she wants to see the guy at work, I just advise she finishes sailing on one boat before jumping ship for another. It's hard to park two boats in the same "slip" at the Marina, if you catch my drift! In these days of fake attention, my goal is to point people in the direction of what is right, rather than what feels right at the time!
H. Williams, MBA
This is very interesting, we as women do go through this at times and I am speaking for myself, because I went through it while i was married. I can start off and ask is the love making boring is there anything that you have done to spice it up ,or is that your partner just got lazy, or is it the same old same old? He get his , but you still laying there like okay what about me and then he rolls over and go to sleep. Try to search deep within to see why you feel this way did he get caught cheating , or is the Thrill gone, it can happen because it happened to me. What I did was tried new and exciting things to spice it up and told him to step his part up as well. It should be great fore play before they enter in so that way you can enjoy it more, and more teasing and maybe a little bit of role playing, if that does not work then something was lost, try to see what it is did something happen that made you feel when he touches you it's like ugh? Did your partner gain weight or is that you are no longer interested in men anymore? Myself I tried we both tried and I still felt the same way , which is not good, so I told him it's just that he no longer sexually turns me on, what to do in this case? Me myself I am currently seperated at the time , not just because of that , but other issues as well which to me PLAYS a LARGE part in his touch no longer turns me on...
ReplyDeleteI understand how you feel. I too am married and have been dealing with an infidelity situation (on my husband's part) since last April. In my marriage, the sex was so routine I could say when he was going to breathe hard. A few things caused this result. My husband is insecure and jealous. He gained weight and had a recent problem with his testosterone level. Then he was caught with his lady friend. While attempting to digest this fact, thoughts flashed through my head like a whirl wind. I didn't see it coming. The late nights, always working over, the limited times he could actually talk to me, the talks on the way to work grew less and less, he could no longer talk on his lunch break. And the kicker, I always had to be face down or with my back to him during sex. If you trust your husband as I DID, stop the motion around you and take a long look. You may be suprised what you will find. I am still married and still living with my husband. After everything that has transpired, my husband still won't tell the truth about his lady friend and chooses to treat me as an incompetent woman. So......recently, I reconnected with an old schoolmate. Didn't say it was right, but it feels so good and I am in love with him.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, I am so sorry you have to go through that. I will strongly take a look and see if this husband is really who you want to be with foreal! I am not saying to divorce sometimes it is good to seperate to find you again and see what you really want, but I think it is WRONG that you can not look him in the eyes while being intimate something is WRONG with that picture foreal! I feel you on the sex tip mines TOO was SOOOO Boring I am just keeping it real I wanted MORE excitement adventure. Question is are you happy still living with your husband? If no why do you stay? I myself had to seperate and LOVE me all over again and do some self checking for myself, what and where did I go wrong and just work on ME. We are no good to others if we DO not love ourselves. How do it make you feel when you have to make love to your husband with your back turned? Do it mess with your self-esteem? Oh my goodness I also too reconnected with someone from school and I am like treated like a QUEEN, it is not right because I am still married. It seems like when we are at odds with our mates that is when everyone starts coming out of the wood works as far as past. And I say it is a Temptation do we we give in only you can answer that and we only have ONE judge that we have to be judged by and that is GOD! I really hope that things get better for you and you do some soul searching like I am doing as well. Just everyday LOOK in the mirror and SAY I AM beautiful start loving yourself!
ReplyDeleteNo, I am not happy and it gets harder everyday to deal with this situation. Her husband found out as well and it really got heated. I honestly thought someone was going to be killed that day. The only reason that cooled down is because I didn't offer any information and they (my husband and his lady friend) lied to her husband. As far as I know, he still doesn't know about the hotel incident. However, I chose not to make quick irrational decisions and pleaded with him to tell me the truth. He still, to this day, will not acknowledge why he was at the hotel with her. He is of the opinion if I did not see him nude going up and down on her, then it didn't happen. I am not deaf, dumb, or blind. I have spoken with her as well. She is just as much a liar as he is. I have gone numb and don't bring the subject up at all. I am making changes in the background and biding my time. I know what I am dealing with so I go quietly. So far as loving myself, I do. I realized a long time ago his insecurities were not because of me. As much as I tried to build him up, it didn't work. He would not go to counseling. My self esteem is where it should be. It made me mad when I found out he was cheating, but I then understood why sex had to be that way. He couldn't look at me and imagine her. It was easier for him to turn me around and make me think it was due to the testosterone issue. He is still working with her and I am sure he is talking with her. I think being busted just made him more cautious. Anyhoo, I just don't have the time or energy for them anymore.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, I can imagine.. Oh my goodness you were caught not good. To me it sounds like you are trying to get back at your mate like he hurt you , so I am going to hurt you back because he will not be honest with you , and to be truthfully honest he may NEVER tell you the truth he may carry that to his grave! Don't feel like you have to be second to NO one else.. Well if we loved ourselves and I am speaking for me we would not allow to be second best to ANYONE we would ALWAYS want to be first we think that we have it ALL together when actually we do not.. And I am speaking for me... I really hope that you can find your happiness and be happy, sometimes it may mean that we become distant and seperate ourselves, because no one likes to get hurt or be lied to. Again you are being faced with betrayal having to have your back turned while making love that is NOT good! Please get in a secret place and ask GOD to expose you to you..
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous 1 -
ReplyDeleteWhat you are experiencing is an age old problem in relationships and the exact same scenario as our "subject" seemingly! I feel as if the fire is gone, and no one wants to figure out how to reignite it! "No one wants to go outside in the cold and get some more logs to add to the fire!" People need to remember what a relationship is all about and how to keep them fruitful. No one truly has a remedy for what goes on in YOUR house. It's always a work in progress. You said you talked about it with your mate but things didn't get better. Well, typically, when there is a lack of passion, the mental aspect of sex is lost and you are left with two naked bodies rubbing against one another for heat and friction NOT LOVE or Seduction! I see later you said you reached back to an old High School mate and the sex was amazing. LET me make something perfectly clear and it serves as my disclaimer: While I don't condone Cheating, I do recognize that it happens! With that said, over the years, I have learned a few things about infidelity. Typically, it's a good Quick fix for physical attention, the reason, because the 2 of you don't share anything else; no bills, no kids, no everyday issues in the same house. All you do is meet, eat, and burp! Ponder that as I move on to Anonymous 2 and offer some insight there!
H. Williams, MBA
To all..... (I'm Tempted and Willing!)
ReplyDeleteI truly want to thank you for all of the answers I have received and I'm still getting. I never expected the type of responses you are leaving. Thanks to Mr. Anatomy for allowing my question to be heard. Well, Sorry to report, but I DID IT........! The young NEW work guy and I got together last night and met on the outside of town for a little one on one! It seems the young baby had hands EVERYWHERE! He touched me seductively and stroked my hair as he kept looking in my eyes and kissed me. For the ladies out there, I didn't feel bad until I got in the car. While portions of what he did on top of me were quick, it was the way he kept looking in my eyes and telling me how much he had been wanting to touch my body. I'm in my late 30's and he's 25. Am I a Cougar now? Ladies, temptation won and I don't know what I am going to do. I told myself it was 'ONLY for ONE Night' but I sat in the garage for an hour before I went in the house. My husband, as always, was sitting in his chair watching Sports Center and never even turned to say hello. Babegirl, you were right, I smiled internally as I walked by!! I sat in the mirror and called myself a SLUT (in a playful manner) as I continued to tingle, but Damn, this slut feels good!!! Today at work was filled with silence and smiles from my young man. Anyone who has been there, please tell me one thing, "What happens Next?"
Signed......"Did It and still Tingling"
Dear Anonymous 2 -
ReplyDeleteYou seem to have had some very traumatic experiences take place in your life! Women are very strong individuals and we men probably don't realize when you are crying out for our attention. WE continue to do the things that we do, NEVER realizing there is a Hammer about to drop. I see you clearly have a plan for the next phase of your life. All too many times, we men don't understand the storm that's brewing inside of you. As I continue to study women and try to understand the painful cycles they face, one thing is always evident; Women always get the last laugh! If you wait long enough, a woman will make the tide change in her favor. I commend you for your strength. AND, even though, I don't condone Cheating, and I recognize that it happens, I am happy to see you have found strength in yourself to feel good between the sheets again. Never let pain overshadow the woman you have inside. Get back to being the young woman that enjoyed the company of a man. Ignite those girlish qualities in yourself. Share your pain with your new mate and explore the possibilities of becoming one with him, but on several other levels, other than just sex. I have to ask this as I close, is there a future there? Are you planning something permanent with the new "Sexual Tension Reliever" or is it JUST what it is, he's a garden tool for a season?
H. Williams, MBA
Mr. Anatomy,
DeleteLet me clarify for the readers. I never intended on being with another man. I was faithful to my husband until now. If this incident would not have occurred, the thought would have never entered my mind. When my husband cheated, he took the sacredness from our relationship. On top of that, he denied the affair and to this day is holding onto that lie. There is healing in the truth. We could have moved forward if he would have been honest and we would be way past the situation by now. At this point, the lying is worse than the cheating. I don't feel the same and it will never be the same between us. I was not looking to do what he did to me. It is not my character to be vengeful. Believe me, I thought this through. For anonymous #1, my husband is not aware of my affair. I did not get caught. My relationship with my husband can be best described as a roommate/business partnership. We are not intimate. For Mr. Anatomy, I am with my future now!! He is not for a season. We are much more than sexual partners. And as for your description of him being a garden tool, he is digging deep holes and planting seeds for our future:)
OH Crapola,
ReplyDeleteTempted and Willing, I was so busy formulating my response to Anonymous 2, I didn't realize you had a few words of your own to share. Give me a moment to catch my breath and I will certainly take a long look at what you have shared with us.
H. Williams, MBA
In reference to the previous situations, I have been on both ends. I have been the cheater as well as the cheated on. As I end my second marriage at this time in my life(not due to cheating I will add), I am under the firm belief that God HAS to be number one in each persons life as well as at the helm of the relationship like the Captain is at the helm of an ocean liner. The captain is there to insure that the ocean liner travels safely through the ocean because he is the one that has the knowledge to guide it through smooth waters as well as rough waters. The only way you or I would be able to steer that vessel is if we listened to the direction of the captain because he knows how to read the instruments and what they mean. He is the expert just like God is the expert for us since He created us.
ReplyDeleteWhat I see is that because we don't have a personal relationship with God in the first place we end up choosing the wrong person for ourselves rather than allowing God to bring the one that will compliment our gifts, talents and personality. The person that we can become one with so that we can best serve His purposes that He has planned for us. So with that said, I advise you to seriously search yourself, seek counsel and seek God for direction. Then make your decisions based on what you discover.
Tempted and Willing you asked what happens next? Well that is up to you what happens next...Either you will finish what has been started or it will really be a one time thing for you...All I can say is if it were me I would do what feels to me and what made me smile from ear to ear...You already have it made up in your mind what your going to do next are the question wouldn't have been asked....Just know that we who play with fire will sooner or later get burned...Be a big girl and be ready to accept what will happen when and if your husband was to ever find out what you have done...I hope I kinda helped with your question...
ReplyDeleteAnonymous 1 -
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I read your post again last night as I analyzed Anonymous 2's comments that you were referencing. You said she got "caught," however, she never said SHE got caught. She said her husband was caught "with his lady friend!" I just wanted to clear that up. She is seeing someone from her high school past, and it seems she is doing better. "It Seems anyway!"
H. Williams, MBA
Dear Tempted and Willing,
ReplyDeleteI read your question over and over, then backwards and forward to get a full understanding of what you did. I also waited to see what your lady counterparts would say to what transpired between you and the "young gun!" Well, While I don't condone Cheating, I do recognize that it happens and in your case, I feel you answered the call of the wild! Reading your initial question and then your subsequent posting yesterday, I felt you backed your way into a situation kinda like men do all the time. My advice, be very careful with what you are doing hence-forward. Your husband did not notice a change when you walked in because he seems a bit withdrawn. Why do I say that, well, ME, I would have noticed the noise from the garage when you pulled in and wondered why you waited so long to come in. When I ventured outside to check on you, my intuition tells me that since this is new to you, I probably would have noticed something different in your demeanor. This difference may have ignited a conversation and maybe followed by emotions, on your part, to show. I am curious, though, about your feelings here in day 2 after the 'get together' with your "young gun!" If you have expectations, be careful. If you think he can be more than a sexual fill in, be careful. I know from experience, women are typically not like us (men). Normally, feelings develop because you have now given your body away in a manner not consistent to marriage, that is totally new to you. If you don't mind, address my concerns before we close out this segment today.
Thanks for allowing us into your mental escapades.
H. Williams, MBA
I'm Tempted and Willing .....
ReplyDeleteWow, Anonymous 2,
I like the way you answered Mr. Anatomy's question above when you said, "And as for your description of him being a garden tool, he is digging deep holes and planting seeds for our future:)" That was crazy-strong! Girl, I like you and if I were close by, I would give you a High-Five!
OK, Mr. Anatomy, I feel like I need to reveal myself a bit so you will have a better understanding of my character. I don't like being ANONYMOUS but you never know who knows who. What I did the other night was brand new to me but when 'you' met me, you pegged me "CORRECTLY" and I remember asking myself, how did he know? It was a few weeks ago. You were with a young man who I think was your son. You were purchasing him a phone and I helped you. Your son was trying to "holla holla" at me but you said "Son, she is probably married." I responded and said, yes I am. You asked me how long I had been married and I said 7 years. You then said, "You are possibly in that window where affection has escaped you and you are wondering about the future of the relationship, am I right?" I had a blank-dumb look on my face.....but I remember thinking, "Damn, does it show?" You then told me what you did and how all relationships, if not cultivated properly, go through a period of uncertainty! While you were 100% correct, you were a complete stranger and I was puzzled as to how you could have known. It wasn't until I read the card you gave me, I found the courage to send you that email about my "home issue" with my husband! I was at my second job, OK, I have said too much. I hope you remember me.
To answer your question, after day 2, I truly don't know what I feel. My 'young gun' as you called him (I like that) just left my office dropping off the mail. He works in the mail room and comes by often to check the in-boxes. I have ZERO expectations, but I do want to see him again. He is so innocent and just moved here to go to college. I told him about this blog, and he promised he would log on and share his side of what happened before the day is over, so I beg you, don't change questions until he lives up to his promise. So, I have NO expectations, I will try him ONE more time, and he understands that my husband is Kinda important in this city so messing with this wife is probably a No-No! He just pleased me for a quick season! Babegirl, is it even possible to keep seeing him if I was totally secret? Sounds like you have been down this street before. Just a question, no intention in doing so!
signed (Tempted and Willing!)
Tempted and Willing, Yes it is possible to see if him if he remain totally secret...How in order for you to do that you can not lose sight of your huband...And what I mean by that is your stiil going to have to take care of home when he wants you too...If you and young gun text though out the day you need to delete them if you and talk all day long you need to delete all phone calls if your husband calls you and your on the phone with young gun you need to tell young gun to hold on or you will call him back... DO NOT change nothing about you when it comes down to your husband...Once you change and do something totally out of the normal ALL EYES will be on you...The attention that your not getting from your husband you start to get all of his attention plus some...And I have been down this road before...So I know how you are feeling and what your going though... going back and forth with your thoughts...Waiting for your reply...
ReplyDelete"Young Gun from the Mailroom"
ReplyDeleteHi Blog, I don't know if I am doing this correctly but, here goes nothing. I met Ms. (Tempted and Willing) shortly after I started working here and thought she was FINE. Can I say that here? Anyway, she is such a lady that sometime I stare at her as she walks by, or gets on the elevator downstairs. I don't know many people in this city so I kinda wanted to get to know her. Although I didn't ask her if she was married, I kinda figured she was because of the big diamond on her ring finger. She is so beautiful that I knew I wanted to see if I could get to know her better. Since she is older, I don't know if I be using the right words, but looking in her eyes made me feel something I haven't felt for a long time. The other night just kinda happened. She sent me a text that said, "Right Now or NEVER" and I had to leave campus to boogie on over to the spot she wanted to meet at. In the beginning, we were just talking, but before I knew it, I locked the door on her Mercedes and we were trying to find a spot to finish our kissing. We found a spot and I got the room. I was nervous cause this is not my city, but once we got inside, everything went real smooth. She smelled real good, and her undies matched and everything! Silk never looked so good. I don't know how much more to say, but I felt like I was in good hands and did what came natural. When we finished, I went in the bathroom and just stood there for a minute because I felt like crying it felt so damn good. OK, I'm through cause I don't know what else to say. I want to see her again, but I don't want no problems. For me, since I ain't seeing nobody, it's on her if she want to keep on doing this. I Like her and I want to see if I can even handle a lady like that all the time. Everybody at work says she classy like they scared of her. Shit, I'm off to a good start! Mr. Anatomy, tell me, what's up now? Am I in over my head, or can I show Ms. Tempted and Willing how we roll back in Philly? Let me know, I am waiting for you to answer!
"Young Gun"
It's Me, (Tempted and Willing)
ReplyDeleteBabegirl, thanks for the advice. I am so not use to doing this, so any help you can offer is greatly appreciated. However, I don't expect to make a career out of infidelity. My husband has his "Hand" on the city where I live and with that being the case, I have to watch where my car is parked and my whereabouts! Thanks Young-Gun for living up to your promise. You really had a lot to say, huh? Matching Undies, wow, you noticed? Everybody's undies match young man! That is a product of class and success. Victoria Secrets is in business to make us look pretty when the lights go down. I will honor Young-Gun's wishes and I will give him one more chance to please the old lady. After that young man, you have to go back to your age group and give them a lesson from me! Thanks Everybody for your help, but at the end of the day, and as I leave the office, I am happy, fulfilled, and feeling pretty damn good. Young-Gun, watch your phone. Right now or Never!!!
(Tempted and Willing)
Tempted and Willing I hope you don't make a career out of being infidlity....LOL!!! Just giving advice here and just telling you to be real careful with what it is your doing....Seeing how your husband has hands in the city...Good luck with whatever it is you choose to do...And I hope you do what puts a smile on your face....Rather it's your husband or young gun....Mine keeps a smile on on my face ;-)....Waiting on your reply.... here to help if you still need it....
ReplyDelete