In my life, there was always someone who made my toes curl. In the sexual sense, someone who knew my needs and met them continuously. "Whew!" (wiping my brow) Today's question is.......
Do you have a secret "itch scratch-er?" Someone you may or may NOT still see that whenever you did interact with them, you knew it would be fireworks romantically? Someone who, even today, just the thought of them makes emotions crawl down your back!
Come on, let's talk about it. Explain what they did to make you, "wipe your brow!"
H. Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Speaker,
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
WilliamsHjr@anatomyofacheater.comFollow me on Twitter
Yes there is a guy that I truly enjoy being with so much so that I think of him from time to time out of the blue and still smile. I am no longer dealing with him because he is a commitment phobe and I want something meaningful and real but he puts it down without a doubt. I could only imagine how much more awesome it could've been if he were my man. If he had been exclusively mine it would have been without inhibitions and truly off the wall! He is a decent guy though. He has his "glitches" we all do but oooooh the possibilities if he were truly ready to receive some real love.....whoa! I wish him well though.
ReplyDeleteOMG! Anatomy this is after dark conversation. lol
ReplyDeleteWell lets see if I can get through this without having to step out with my church finger up and head down.
Ok lets see...mine was someone that I knew was bad for me but even still we just could not get enough. He was older than any man I had ever been with. Needless to say he made my toes curl over and over and over and then it was morning. Ahhhh. So there are so many times I think about calling this person to come by just for a tune up but I would not dare. Cause somethings are just meant to be memories. But my oh my the flesh can get weak. Ok I will stop before I have to excuse myself. :-)
Tameka mine was older than I ever "dated" also...lol. I guess it gives new meaning to with age comes wisdom and boy was he wise in the ways of making me not only see God but call for him over and over again! I have the same dilemma, I want to call sometimes and get worked over like only he can but like I always say, a confused man can prove to be fatal to a woman's heart.
ReplyDeleteAntamica,
ReplyDeleteYes a confused man is fatal to a woman's heart. My guy was also confused of not willing to make a vital decsion that could make our relationship thrive or die.
A man’s point of view... (Disclosure: men I won’t give up the whole game but this topic is too juicy…LOL!). I do have such a person and like many of you I think of her often....She is bi-sexual sexy and daring. But loving and dedicated... and that still wasn’t enough for me, for some odd reason…. I later learned my low self esteem contributed to this odd behavior…,” The I am a dark, big nose, nerdy guy OMG, I am getting attention! Syndrome”, I’ve learned my Lesson and now I am a better man from it. What I took away from the relationship, which to this day has enabled me to say, shall we say, “keep them coming back" is to ask questions, "lots!" be patient and listen. Most women tell you exactly how they want it and simply want you to allow them to…. “Think outside the box ;-)"….without thinking "….”she does this for everyone". Well her season has gone and past ... NOW I CAN'T WAIT FOR NEW FRUIT...LOL! And usually if MOMA IS HAPPY I AM HAPPY ;-)
ReplyDeleteSad part is...men prey on the things women say. We are guilty because we tell men what we want from them, which is only fair, because we are sensitive creatures and for some reason, we may feel that if we honestly tell a man what we want and how we feel, then maybe the one we choose to show intrest in, will be all that and then some...But in the end, the "boy" only does enough to get the draws and move on...NO not all of them, but most of them do...They do what it takes to get us...yall know the rest....
ReplyDeleteSooner than later, men (and some women) need to stop trying to run game and read the rules and the playbook...That shit ain't gonna work forever...
ReplyDeleteI agree, but let us be clear when we use words...there is Ebonics (slang) and correct English with various definitions. When I refer to game, it is a colloquialism. Therefore, as men and women mature there is an understanding that, “that game” is either maturity or childish. Every woman plays a little cat and mouse that is the fun in the hunt …. I enjoy a challenge from a mature game … but run away from childish games. Your maturity relies on your ability to know the difference.
ReplyDeletePlease understand, I know the difference between Ebonics, and correct English. Both are understood by the simplest creatures. The problem is too many people, men and women included play "games" whether it is a board game, or the "colloquialism" version of game. There comes a time in a person's life where they should be mature enough to realize that game playing on either parts should end. Any game that plays with a person's mind or emotions should be considered childish on all levels. You can't expect a woman to take any man serious...when they have not figured out if they are playing Chess or Chuttes and Ladders...or excuse me, cat and mouse or whatever you catergorize it as....
ReplyDeleteBravo everyone, bravo! Sorry I've been away doing "work" stuff and all the while y'all are doing exactly what I asked, "giving it to me real!" I can't wait to finish my next 2 appointments so I can go "hog wild" with my analyzation of what I'm reading through this I Phone; y'all, like me have been naughty and for that reason alone, Fantasy after dark on Friday will keep us up late into the early morning! See, I knew there was a need to let everyone feel free! Looks like I am developing a couple of "regulars" who have so much to share! I"ll have to gold emboss my book for you when that day comes!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing! I promise, tonight, I will be all ears and ever-present!
H. Williams, MBA
Anonymous #1
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with what you are saying. It is sad but whether it is men or women we all play games. It just depends on the type of game and how far we let the games go. It would be idea Anonymous #2 for all games to end but then what would be the fun in that plus that is all we know.
Take for example a man meets a woman, he takes her phone#. He calls her but she does not want to seem to anxious so she does not take the first call. Or she takes it and acts as if she does not remember him. Games(she knows who she met, when she met him, and how he approached her but noone wants to seem to anxious or available.)
Another example: Man meets woman he calls her they talk for a few days she seems really cool and he wants to get to know her. she tells him that she is looking for a serious relationship and does not want to play games. He also wants a relationship but never wants to limit his options so he decides to play it cool. He does not answer the phone "every" time she calls any more, and when he does he is always busy. Games...
Bottom line is we all play games to protect our heart. Men play games so they do not have to show their true feelings and women play games so they do not expose themselves to fast. Ideally we should all stop the game playing and just grow up and face our true selves but that is not likely to happen. Games are the human way, it is how we express ourselves without exposing ourselves. We have gotten so good at it we now know what the different games mean.
Cat and mouse means the girl wants to be chased, woo'd
Men want to feel wanted as well no one wants to be the first all their cards.
I will say that men are better at playing games then women but that is only because we as women let them get away with it for much longer. Therfore their games are more in debt and go on longer. But before we point the finger at all men that play games we should examine all the games we as women play and not get upset that they are just better at it.
Childish vs Mature
Anonymous#1 stated it perfectly "Your maturity relies on your ability to know the difference"
I am sure you do understand the difference and I meant no offense, but in life there is only one thing you can change …. That is YOU. So often we try to blame tom dick and harry. Most of the time somewhere during “da game” you realize it’s just that “childish” but you continue on, usually because the SEX IS THE BOMB. and you fool yourself in thinking ,”I can change him/her or he/she should know better”. The change must come from you… “When a woman feed up she is feed up! Period”! Women play a cat and mouse game from the beginning and men do too …. One great woman told me, “Hey anything worth having is worth working for.” How am I to know what I really have unless I work for it? And I don’t mean sweat for it either
ReplyDeleteI ended my "thing" when the games started. I was cool with our "situation". He saw me out and thought that I was with someone and acted a fool! He then stated I was his "girlfriend". Of course he didn't mean that and I knew it deep down but the ups and downs that followed.....tooo much! It is not always the woman playing games. I was cool when I knew what we were doing but once he made me the "girlfriend", I wanted that treatment and title. It became confusing when he went back to what we started off as.
ReplyDeleteThis is called the territory game. Most men do not want to share anything they think is theirs but expect women to be ok with sharing them. I cannot deal with the territory game cause if you are not acting like I am your "Woman" when we are not around people then dont try to by all under me when people are around. This is the quickest way to make me run the other way. Women do the same thing so it goes both ways. #IJS
ReplyDeleteAntamica and Temeka (last 2 post) I have to say, what you both say has some validity, however, all men aren't that way! There are some that are cool with the non committal sexual escapades, but when it's REAL good, we have a tendency to all want to stake claim to the Good-Good! Just the nature of the beast! These games have been around since the beginning of time and that's why I say you must have communication! See, the problem is some women think what they have is gold and it's merely just a shiny "hole" with some depth!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!! (I'm sitting in a lobby, appointment is late) LOL
H. Williams, MBA
Tameka, in my opinion you are somewhat correct. I call this the “checkmate stage”. It is actually when the game should stop. It is the point where each person no longer wants to play…… It is like sex …. women want sex to be long and loving “the don’t you dare stop feeling” , this is how men feel about the “girlfriend” title. We like the hunt and we don’t want it to stop so we will use the “girlfriend “title. When what we really mean is, “don’t you dare stop”. This stage is so delicate because it is about the only time each person has to get the “click feeling” at about the same time…. When the king cannot escape( can no longer fool himself with excuses on why he loves you so much) and says, ‘checkmate’! …. I NEED YOU….
ReplyDeleteThat is all fine but how does the man get to call checkmate. My problem lies where boundaries are set and lines are drawn and then the King decides to call checkmate. HOW DARE HE? He is not the only person in the game. He does not get to decide just because he does not want to play anymore the game is over. That is the problem with how most relationships start. For example man and woman start doing the do. They have an understanding they are just kicking it. But then one evening the bump into each other out and about and he sees that he is not the only one that wants her. This is fine until he sees it for himself. He eyes some man checking her out or saying something nice about her. And there goes the territorial side of him. "Aw man, she and I kick it from time to time" Checkmate. He says just enough to get the guy to move on. Then he starts to see her different or for lack of a better work just cockblocks to keep her to himself. This happens whether he wants to make her his woman or not. He just does not want to think of the possibility that she could leave him for a meaningful relationship cause he likes her and would rather keep her on a string until he is ready for her or ready to move on. I run into this alot. Don't be a heffa and kill my chances of a meaningful relationship because your ego is on the line. Im saying CHECKMATE! Grow up. Game recognize Game. Play the game fair or not at all!!!
ReplyDeleteMaking decisions is easy, living with them is the hard part.
ReplyDeleteReal eyes, Realize, Real Lies
ReplyDeleteCommunication is the most important attribute in any relationship. I should not become your woman on a whim. And it is not every womans dream for you to decide to be with her exclusively. This has to be talked out. You (men) cannot assume that all women want this and even if they do that they want this from you. After all she was ok with you all Kicking it. Some women can handle themselves and know exactly what they want. Dont underestimate the female we are very complex and intricate. :-)
ReplyDeleteWe said we had an understanding from jump so he wasn't my man. I was never territorial with him, but I never really had to be. He never really followed the rules anyway. I always thought that these things were supposed to be discreet, in and out, and about one thing no questions asked. He always wanted to hang out, introduced me to everyone (Mom and Dad over the phone as well as others), he's a DJ so at events and clubs I was introduced on the mic in public, and he allowed me to drive his truck. I never played into it though at least not until he said "girlfriend." I wasn't playing a game but once he labeled it, I realized that deep down I wanted that title but with someone who truly wanted me as that. He's not ready for that and probably never will be cause at his age and still playing..........
ReplyDeleteSorry this is life….;) …. On a serious note. “Women wear makeup… men lie”. Is there really a difference? Who is fooling who? But to get us back on topic ….SEX! women choose when they are going to do the do…. So actually you choose the first checkmate….. The last is choose by men… think about it. “Thus why there is a little something that says,” wait till your married…”;-). Not easy TRUST! But if quality is what you want…? I do understand it is easier said than done. The fact is women don’t use extra (make-up etc.) to get average …. They look their best to get the best…. But if you show something not real … don’t be surprised when you get what you put out….Just saying………….
ReplyDeletePoint taken Anonymous. Some women look for the real thing when they put on a facade but this does not apply to all as men lie does not apply to all men. I only speak on my experiences and I dont want to be called checkmate on ending the game unless we have agreed on it. Sex, yes we decide when, but that is not a checkmate move, more like rook takes queen, this changes the game but checkmate ends the game. quite a different scenario. But part of the game nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteLOL! I hardly ever wear makeup so there! I don't care what anyone says, feelings get developed anytime you sleep with someone on a regular basis. I admit to developing feelings but I knew he didn't really want anything with me. I know he has some feelings for me too but not enough to settle down with me. It happens, that's real. He puts it down, he's still the best I've had and I am getting off before I get the urge to call and be bad...lol.
ReplyDeleteDont do it!!! LOL Be strong we have moments but we have to fight past them. Sorry just trying to lighten the mood.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah I hardly ever wear make up either, Now what Anonymous#1!!!
I won't but the urge did get stronger.
ReplyDelete... padded bras... high heals....weave...push-up bra's ... eyelash... lipbalm...LOL!....fake nails.....LOL but your point is well taken ladies... GRANDMA SAYs
ReplyDelete." If to peolpe lay down someone is coming up with feelings."
Ladies and Gentlemen,
ReplyDeleteI am on the blog right now as we speak, and let me just say, I am enjoying what I am reading. I have a bag of microwave popcorn and I am reading from top to bottom. Y'all put your "foot" in here today and that lick might leave a mark! Thanks for everyone's passion and honesty. Oh, and by the way, looks like a MAN actually showed up to give you guys a MEN's View on what y'all do!
Keep it interesting, I am gonna hang around for a while.
H. Williams, MBA
You all get A's for your content. Good job
ReplyDeleteTo all,
ReplyDeleteI am caught up and I must make a comment before I go any further. A few of the ladies talked about the "itch Scratch-er" being all that, and being older but would not commit! Well ladies, that is what made him an ITCH SCRATCH-er, he only comes through when he had a definite need. IF he was your man, husband, or even significant other, the love making wouldn't be as intense! You call him like you dialing 911 during an emergency. IF he was more to you, it would get old like in long term relationships or marriages...(I'm just saying!) In some cases, men and women, we don't even like that person; they are just there to do what it is they do best, KNOCK US out the box and move on. When you finish, all you want to do is grab your appointment books and say, "OK now, let me see, looks like Mama is available on the 17th, nah, nah, no, wait, Shit, I got to hang out with my ole man that day. Let's look at the 19th." Y'all know what I'm saying. Let's just keep it real and above board. They come through when what you getting ain't enough and ya got to be tuned up to release the stress!
Talk to me, tell me I'm not right!
H. Williams, MBA
Wow! I'm enjoying this conversation as well. All I have to say on this topic is love hard with no inhibitions, no regrets or expectations. The "real thing" will make what you thought was "top notch" "bottom shelf" at it's best.
ReplyDeleteYou are right Anatomy but in my case, I am completely single. I have no man, he has no woman, just two grown folks with an understanding. Oh and he was older and putting it in on a regular basis. I couldn't hardly keep up....damn I am done.
ReplyDelete....boy a fly on the wall.....LOL
ReplyDeleteYes! My past has a guy who had me singing "you got me going in circles," made me smile from ear to ear and touched my soul but that thing is no more. He could stimulate me mentally and physically but we just couldn't seem to make a go of a relationship.
ReplyDeleteWhy is it so hard to find ONE man to meet the array of needs I possess?
Yes, this guy I have been knowing for a while now. When ever I call him my heart still skips a beat and I have this big smile on my face when we talk. Just to hear his voice I melt. When he calls me and I hear his ringtone everything stops so I can talk to him. And while we are on the phone nothing else matters. I miss this person more and more everyday. It's not a day that goes by that I don't think of him.
ReplyDeleteWow this was a great discussion.
ReplyDeleteAnatomy, I completely agree about the itch-scratcher that is how I saw my guy but he wanted more but was not willing to do what it took to have a real relationship. But he served his purpose.
Very inspiring comments. Keep it up....
ReplyDeleteGood Evening Family....
ReplyDeleteGood Evening J
ReplyDeleteHi all, I have been watching all day long and not really speaking on the subject. There is this one person that is considered an "itch scratcher" for me. The truth is I have never physically touched this person, but it is something about him that gives me the "willies" I just watch him from a distance and we conversate regularly and we act as though we have a crush on each other. There is some flirting back and forth and we are both married. I just wonder if we actually ever touched if I would be truly pleasured of if I will be disappointed...inquiring minds wanna know
ReplyDeleteWow, you guys are very active tonight. Wow, babygurl, sounds like to me, you have a winner, keep it in the fairway! If you understand that term!
ReplyDeleteThanks for Sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
Hey, Doing it Well,
ReplyDeleteYou only live once, Repent when you go through the gates, as for now, Do you and Do it Big. Don't be Skerrred! Tell that dude you want to do bad things to his body. I will continue that on Friday at 11 !
Thanks for sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
I will look forward to the 11 o'clock "hot" night .. I just dont wanna mess up the friendship we have, but I really wanna go there with him...I want him to be my itch scratcher, back scratcher and C&^% scratcher too...
ReplyDeleteDoing it well,
ReplyDeleteDon't be afraid, this is a one lane life, stay in the right land and have NO REGRETS! Live it!
H. Williams, MBA
Thanks for the response...I'll see you Friday night and I will be wet and ready...
ReplyDeleteDoing it Well,
ReplyDeleteI like a person who lives in who they are, a woman who expresses her inner most desires to be fulfilled. You get the "Do YOU" Prize of the day. And that, my dear, is why we exist!
KUDOS Doing IT WELL!
H. Williams, MBA
The blog is "HOT"..I like it papi!!
ReplyDeleteDoing it well,
ReplyDeleteIf you want him that bad go after him. The only regret you will have is the not knowing if the scratcher was what your itch really needed. I had that same itch and went after my scratcher and I have NO regrets.
Well its fun now wondering from afar...but disappointment could b a bitch...Babegirl34 I might have to take that chance...thanks for commenting.
ReplyDeleteDoing it Well,
ReplyDeleteBe nice and join our page. We would love to have you.
Thanks for hangin out this evening!
H. Williams, MBA
If I join will I get "the" prize?
ReplyDeleteYep, we gonna hook you up like a tow truck!
ReplyDeleteH. Williams, MBA
Consider it done...but I kinda like being incognito...stay tuned "My Anatomy."
ReplyDeleteI've had a few itch scratchers in my life and they all served a purpose while they were in my world. The first was a older guy and he was the first guy to make me tell him what I wanted and to give me exactly what I needed. Although I never cheated on someone with him he set the bar pretty high for the men that followed him. For a while he was my late night early morning fix and just thinking about him takes me back to those days. He taught me to ask for what I wanted and to get it by showing me that I had the power in bed. Every man that came after him owes him a big debt of gratitude cause his loss was their gain. I never lost control with a lover until then and it was the most liberating feeling just thinking about I'm getting excited that's the power of a man who knows what he doing...A woman is willing to take what she can get cause its just that good!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous,
ReplyDeleteIt's good to hear a woman give credit where credit is truly due. In the later chapters of my book, I talk about an older woman who really put me in the place I needed to be. We all have a story to tell. Most men won't admit, but normally, if we are really good, I mean, really, really good, a woman taught us our moves and dedication for perfection. Y'all showed us how to work the stick in YOUR ride!
Thanks Last Anonymous for chiming in and keeping me up past personal curfew!
H. Williams, MBA
Anatomy... Can we also add bi-sexual women to that list of teachers. Their are actually some real loving women who are and willing to let you in on the secrets...LOL!!! worked for me...;-)
ReplyDeleteJustyes....
ReplyDeleteWe can do any and everything that will educate the masses. My goal is to have many cross sections of people and fruitful souls to pull from. Are you in that category of people who treasure alternative lifestyles? I'm just askin!
Thanks for Sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
ANATOMY ... I have been exposed to that to some degree... swap...bi-women ... orgy... I am totally straight. No gay activity on my part if this is where you question is including or headed? That "underground Life" can be both educational and dangerous you just have to make sure you have the right guide....
ReplyDeleteIn my opinion, relationships usually never go at the same speed. It seems that one person is always ahead and wanting more out of a relationship than the other person.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that so many people over think what might happen and miss the boat. Life is to be enjoyed. If you have a CHEMISTRY with someone than take the risk and give it a try!
I was just out of town and was browsing in shops. I saw a sign on a wall "Love like you have never been hurt before" That is my new motto! Take chances, because you only live once and it could end tomorrow!