Mr. Anatomy,
My Question for you is serious. I am lost in a relationship that I no longer want to be in. I have been married for 16 years and the marriage has completely run its course. We are just taking up space in one another's life and I don't know how to get out. Please don't tell me to get counseling, or turn to my faith, none of that will work. I want a loving relationship where I matter to a man again like I matter to myself. I want to feel like a teenager in love and not just a mother and housewife. Everyone thinks we are so happy, but when the doors are closed, life sucks!! My question is ..........
How do I get out of a relationship that I've been in my whole adult life, without affecting my kids negatively? I want OUT now!! Please help Mr. Anatomy.
Wow, I feel the strong conviction of this question and although I've had it about a week, I wanted it to be the beginning of a week so our bloggers could face it with fresh thoughts. Women that have been in this situation, have at it. I will say my peace and clear the runway for others!
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
Williamshjr@anatomyofacheater.com (email US your questions)
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Lady, I am not a good person for information because I have been married for 20 years and HATE it. I live in New York and the only peace I have is going out with friends in the city. My husband is older than me, when we got married I was 24 and he was 40. Now I speak out against younger women marrying older men. As we age our differences show. I stumbled upon this blog, but this is a topic I know oh too well. My name is Erma, and take it from me, if you can exit, do it fast. The children can re-bound, it's you who need a life. An older man is like a can of Soda Pop, if you leave him sitting too long, he loses his fizzzz!
ReplyDeleteErma L. - New York
Dear MS. "I want Out"
ReplyDeleteI typically don't make it a habit of telling women to leave a relationship without exhausting all means of reconciling available to them. However, in your case, you gave us quite a bit of evidence you DON'T want to stay. As such, with your mind being made up, follow your own course of action BUT, try to be understanding to your husband's feelings. Be transparent and help him understand why this marriage failed. I don't know the age(s) of your children but kids are often very resilient and can absorb more than we think. Whatever you decide to do, do it with respect and grace. If you are truly feeling as bad as you have described, I'd bet the farm, he is not too happy either! Both of you are probably showing poker faces, now it's time to put all the chips in the middle! Thanks for stopping by and leaving a piece of yourself for us to ponder!
H. Williams, MBA
Dear Ms. "Done",
ReplyDeleteHave you and your spouse discussed divorce already? If not then you need to and do it quickly. Then you need to talk with the children. How old are your children? What you tell them and how you tell them will depend on their understanding according to their ages.
I have been right where you are twice. My first marriage ended when my oldest son was 7 and his younger brother was 18 months. Children know when there is discord in the marriage without you having to say a word to them but the truth of the matter is you need to communicate with them about what is going on. You need to be honest with the children about the issues in your marriage keeping in mind their age and what they can understand. I cannot emphasize enough that the children need to know specifically that it is not their fault and that they have done nothing to contribute to the demise of your relationship with your spouse. I know you don't want to hear to turn to your faith or seek counsel but you can do that even if you get a divorce. It will give you the support you need. I turned to my faith which gave me the strength to get out of my first marriage. There are some churches that have support groups for families going through a divorce called "Divorce Recovery" and that may help with the children to be able to cope as well. Children are very resilient! I would like to reiterate though how important it is that you let your children know what is going on!!! Honest communication is the key to solving most issues or at least coming up with a workable plan. IF YOU MUST LEAVE, then this is my suggestion in hopes that it will not affect the children so negatively.