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Mr. Anatomy,Please help me with my situation. I am not attempting to sound like an overbearing, over protective daughter, but my mom is dating a guy my age. I am 36 years old and one of 3 children she has. My mom is turning 60 in a month but her younger beau is 34. It started out as a professional relationship with a local radio personality on the gospel radio station. She is our church representative and coordinates all the interaction between the church and the station. I don't know how that relationship escalated but last week, she brought that "baby" to church and that was the last straw! People were asking if it was her nephew or something, and she politely said "No, he's my boyfriend!" I almost fell off the pew. My Question is.......
"What do I do to get my mom to date guys her own age. She is running around like a 25 year old, loose and free. I want her happy, but not with a baby!"
Ma'am, I thank you for bringing your question to our forum. While it's a matter of the heart, I am trying to figure who's heart is involved here. From hence forward, I will refer to you as Ms. Concerned Daughter and attempt to sort through the facts while my bloggers offer insight into your dilemma. Please remain available for any questions my bloggers may have.
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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First let me preface my comments with a quote my own mother used just this past Sunday: author unknown; ”if you truly want to win any fight, stay out of the ring“
ReplyDeletewith that being said, let me ask a,very important question, what businessis it of yours who your mother dates? My mother celebrated her 60th birthday this year and I was happy just getting the chance to see her wobble baby, back that thang up and drop it like its hot! Yes my mom believes wholeheartedly in God, has a church home and attends regularly and tithes faithfully, but she isn't dead. She has earned the right tobe with any person she chooses to spend her time with. I once was embarrassed by my mothers actions until I learned to stay out of grown folks business. No matter how grown I think I am with my 4 children and 4 grand children, I will never be as grown as my mother and I stay out of her personal ” ring”
DeleteI agree ^^ she is a grown woman and even though it might be what you feel is "right" for her she is still your mother and is probably going to rebel anyways if people are always on her about it...what is meant to be will be...let her enjoy her life. Would you want her or anyone else to judge you? they are both grown.
ReplyDeleteYour Mother's life is her life you can not run or control who your mother see's just be happy for her if she is happy. Dating a Younger man may bring back the Youth in her life experiencing things she never experienced before and just having a blast. Question is he Disrespecting You or your Mom or family, abusing, using her for financial gain? If the answer is no then be Happy she have someone that she is happy with! Question do you have someone? Could you be jealous? Hmmmmmm that is the question? Ijs.. Hope this helps.. The Precious One!
ReplyDeleteGROWN FOLKS DO WAT GROWN FOLKS WANT TO DO!!! GET YOU SOME BUSINESS AND GET OUTTA MAMA'S!!! STOP RESTHAVEN YA MAMA HOLE AND GO GET YOU A HOLE, YA HURD!! END OF STORY!!!
ReplyDeleteHow old was your father? Maybe she wants to be wild n loose. Let her have her fun, she's grown enough to know what she wants by now. As long as he's not taking advantage of her let them be.
ReplyDeleteYour Mother's choices are hers. Just as she chose to be your mother. She isnt doing anything wrong. Support her in her choices. Nothing else to say.
ReplyDeleteLet Your Mother Enjoy Her Cougar Years? Not like it's gonna last...There is an Ole saying" It's Better to be an Old Man's Sweet Heart, than a Young Man's Fool...Let it go? in my Betty Wright voice,No Pain - No Gain? Luv Dem Cougars grrrr!
ReplyDeleteI don't think many of you understand where I am going with this. I don't mind my mother dating a younger man, but when she brought it out from behind closed doors to a point where she calls this guy her boyfriend, we have a problem. My mother brought this man to CHURCH where we have been going for years. When my mother and father were together, this was our place of worship. Now, my father has passed, I just think it's disrespectful to be seen with someone that could be her damn son. Everyone at church asked, and when she continued to introduce him as her boyfriend, and held his hand, I could've just died. Precious, to answer your question, I am currently not seeing anyone, but that is by choice. No, he is not abusing her, or being disrespectful, but I sure wish he would date in his own age group, this is ridiculous. Patricia, my father was only 9 years older, not several decades! I thought other ladies my age or a bit older would understand.....I guess not. A Concerned Daughter !
ReplyDeleteI don't even think I could add to the comments already posted. But i will try. Its ya mommas business not yours. If you want to express to her you are embarrassed go ahead. But still support her decision on who she chose to be with. Love and respect her. Don't try and choose for her. It wont bode well for you in the end. As you made your own mistakes when you got grown. She is allowed to make her own (if that's how you see it) but none the less, they are hers to make. More power to your hot momma, I hope to have it like that when I get up in age.
ReplyDeleteLooka here babygirl. you need ta stand bac and letcho moma do her thang. i dont giv a dam if she datin a tenager, dats her damn busness. She grown and you dont kno whats goin on for her. She havin a gud time and dont need you up in her face tellin herr how to live. She dun rasied yo ass, why dont you get a damn man and leave her be. she livin her live lika soldier. you said yuo dont have a man by choice, wat that mean, a mane done made a choice not to date ya ass?
ReplyDeleteTha Don - Miami
So you would prefer your mother to date in the dark? You would want her to be hidden and to hide? To be hidden is disrespectful. I am your age and no I don't understand where you are coming from. Every has an opinion whether you give them reason to think bad or not. If your mom doesn't care what the members of the church think then nor should you. She probably knows more dirt on them anyway. And who is she disrespecting?
ReplyDeleteAnd just so you know. My father is dating someone not quite young enough to be my child but close. Its not what i would prefer for him but its not my business. I don't care if either one are with each other for the right reasons or if it will last. Its not my business.
ReplyDeleteThe Don has spoken!!!!
ReplyDeleteSo its you with the embarrassing problem. Are U afraid folks going 2 talk about your Mother? She took him to church not the club, so thats a positive. Your Father passed away & your Mother has a new man, just be happy for her. If he make
ReplyDeletes her smile why should U be resentful b/c of his age? She held his hand but U are the one who's in shame. YEAH, shame on U. What if she dated a man who was 90? I think U do have a problem with their relationship. "WE have a problem", who is WE? So you rather her "to keep it behind closed doors? U are embarrassed about your Moms decisions. We understand your words but I can not tell U a lie just b/c U want me to understand how U feel. If it upsets U so U dont have to be around them-your choice. My Mother never ever dated when my Father left over 41 yrs ago oh how I wish she had one to make her smile n want to HOLD HANDS. Come on lady let tour Mother enjoy her time, tomorrow isn't promised. It may be a fling or he may be tour Mothers next husband. What would U do if she married him? Lawddd how would U feel then? ijs
She aint gotta feel nathing!!!!! My mama shut down after my stepfather passed away. Hasn't been in not relationship since!!! I wish she would find a man young old or in-between!!! She may say she happy but I know betta
ReplyDeleteEXACTLY SHERITA! !!!!
ReplyDeleteSweetie it is too obvious that your own insecurities have you acting out your jealousies! Babygirl, unless your mother is mentally.challenged and this young man is dating her for her money maliciously, GET YOU SOME BUSINESS AND STAY.OUT IF HERS! there is nothing that you can do to stop her relationship and if you tried and she didn't shut you down right away, then shame on her! The bottom line is, she is your mother, not you hers!
ReplyDeleteI am not embarrassed, I just feel as if she should have enough respect for self to keep this "baby" away from the good church folk of our church. People talk, and we live in a small community outside of NYC and I think that is a bit much for her. The other day, I came over late in the afternoon and they were locked up in her room doing "God Knows" what in the middle of the damn day. I waited in the living room and told her she was too old for this type of behavior. She is still a mother and a grandmother. Go to his damn house, not in the family home where I grew up!!! So understand ladies, I am not jealous, just want better for her. She's a great woman, and this behavior can't lead to anywhere but disappointment. I'm just trying to protect her from hurt. If her sisters knew, they would be embarrassed too. Our family reunion is down in Mississippi in 3 weeks and she is thinking of letting him escort her. I told her over my dead body!
ReplyDeleteMs. Concerned Daughter
No she is embarrassed because her mom has a man close to her age and she don't have one at all ( by her choice) haha !! Yea right!! Everyone is more than likely saying " damn shame her mom has a man her age and she can't get one her age or
ReplyDeleteher mom age" I guess I would be embarrassed also. You go find you a 21 year old and let him break your back. Because momma is getting her back broke and cookies snacked on. You just have nothing ( your choice ). Lol
Well that could happen. I mean your dead body. See remember when she tried to tell you about your first good peace???? That's what I thought... You didn't listen and she ain't listening to you either. Leave her alone and if she pay the hous
ReplyDeletee note or if house has her name on it.. She can f@&k, s&$k, whatever she want to do in it. She should take your damn key from you !! You need to call before you go over there the next time. You need to get a life. If she get hurt well it won't be the first or last and the worst pain she has ever dealt with. At 60 she has been thru some sh!t anyway. Let her enjoy whatever life she has!!! Girl go to bed!! I bet you momma is and she ain't alone like you but it!! Just pray for her strength and be there if or when the pieces fall like she was hen it happen to you baby girl.
this is ridiculous! thisgirl is behaving like her mother is screwing the pooboy while her father is at work. She contradicted herself over and over again. When she said that this is the home that she grew up in, she lied! She can not be grown and throwing this big of a tantrum
ReplyDeleteShe is meddling in affairs that dont concern her. Her mother needs to be ashamed of having such a prudish pissmyer for a daughter! Girl get you some business!!!! You are going to give yourself a coronary and your mother will still be getting her grove on! Go head Moms, get your grove on! Your daughter is nuts and needs to be some where getting her own headboard broken!
ReplyDeleteShe has left Mississippi and moved to NYC and think that she is better than us regular folks! Us regular folks are too busy living and loving our lives to get involved in our parents affairs! You should be so lucky! and those good church folk are probably doing worse than that with each others spouses.... the good church folks, girl stop! killing myself laughing! Lena she ain't gittin none! that'd her real problem! she wants that man for herself!
ReplyDeleteWhat? I hopeand pray that I live to be 60 and some man, of any legal age, still thinks I'm sexy enough to wear out my sealy posturepedic! And the good church folk can kiss my grits while they are gossiping about my personal affairs!
ReplyDeleteMs concerned. You want better for your momma? Getting it in at 60. It doesn't get any better than that. You can't protect anyone from hurt and most enjoyments in life are worth the pain you go through, this is definitely one of them. .... S
ReplyDeleteo she will be taking her man to the reunion over your dead body? That's a high price for you to pay for her pleasures but that's your choice because she is still going to get her pleasures in and well she should. Is there anyone who will stand up and say this is your business and have a right to interfere? Anyone? I would t even change my locks. You want to sit there and listen, go ahead. Let it remind you (If you ever knew) what real enjoyment sounds like.
Well, I can understand your concern but not involvement. I am dating someone who is much younger as well. It took a moment to get past the age difference but I managed because of the joy I found in the relationship.
ReplyDeleteI believe that people must accept love when it comes. Granted I think there are gaps that may pose a challenge but if two consenting adults can make it work without games them who says it can not work...
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Dear Ms. Concerned Daughter,
ReplyDeleteI know you understand that your mom is old enough to make her own decisions. While I can sympathize with you and the age difference, your mom has to get to the point where she sees the differences in age and the possibility it may cause a little tension or uncomfortable feelings. Right now, momma is just enjoying the "current" state of affairs and the true feeling that she can still attract a younger man. Let her have her moment because nothing you say or do is going to stop her fun. As for the guy, he has to see something in her that makes him like her. To him, she's the cougar DEN master and he is probably learning techniques and important information as to how to treat a woman. When I was younger, I dated a lady 20 years my senior and nothing but good came from that relationship because, she taught Mr. Anatomy how to feel through understanding and not just touch. Stay in your lane, and let momma keep driving! You may learn something yourself about your ladder years.
Mr. Anatomy = Hurchel Williams, MBA