Many people have asked about the outcome from 28 Jun 2012. So I reached out via email to the lady in the blog, and I was given the following information:
Mr. Anatomy,
I picked my (ex) husband up from (Not Gonna Say it) prison and started to drive home. He had requested we get a room close to the prison, but I declined citing our son would be with me. When he was released, the conversation quickly went to how much he missed touching me, and how he wanted to immediately get to having another child. Like you requested, Mr. Anatomy, I waited until we were half way home to initiate the conversation about us not being together anymore. Although I told him we weren't married anymore, he first acted as if he didn't hear me because he said it was impossible to get a divorce without him signing it. Because I didn't want to rub it in his face, I took the high road, and continued to confess my love, but how I just wasn't "in love" with him anymore! After finally acknowledging what I said, he asked me if there was someone else. I told him yes, but that wasn't the reason I got the divorce. I told him it was because I was lonely and afraid about the future. He screamed and yelled the whole way to the halfway house. My original plan was to take him to the house and show him how I maintained it in his absence, but after all the screaming, I turned him in a whole 6 hours early. He slammed the door and broke the window to my car. He wants to know who the other man is I am now seeing. My Question this now is........
Sorry to see your car window in shambles, but think about it, it could have been worst. Based on what you have shared, I think things went rather smooth. I have some questions about your future, but lets first allow our bloggers to chime in on your ongoing saga. Please remain available for any questions my bloggers may have.
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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Somethings are better left unsaid! Its none of his business who the other man is ! Personal opinion enjoy your drama free life with your new man.
ReplyDeleteU reap what U sow! U were very bold to tell him so far away from the halfway house.Why would U even care to show him the house when U couldn't be woman enough to tell him U wanted let alone got the divorce? Therefore, it doesn't make it his house anymore. U lucky he didnt whoop your a** or much worse kill U! U don't owe him to tell him who the other man is, don't worry he will find out on his own. What U did owe him as "his wife" was to tell him what U wanted to do such as the divorce. See I didnt comment in the first posting but U really are treading on a bad future. If that so called christian man did if the proper way he would have NOT gotten involved with U all matters were resolved, one being U told your husband U were getting the divorce. I say, preacher man may just do U the way U did your husband. SMH..U were wrong!!
ReplyDeleteYour Ex-Husband deserves someone Better than You! The Preacher man used You, he saw how vulnerable you are, not were? Just another notch on the headboard. I am willing to Bet that the Preacher does not end up Your next Husband.As for your Ex don't get mad or upset when you see him with the next Woman. Would ask you to keep us updated on Your relationship 6 months from now. But you could not keep it 100 with your husband , why should you keep it 100 with FB or Mr.Anatomy?
ReplyDeleteI guess I just remember your husband took the count- that alone should have told U something. U thank him by doing this? Kinda makes me wander what the charges were now.
ReplyDeleteYou know what Mr. Hudson, the Minister was there for me during a very rough time, and by you thinking he took advantage of me, you are way off base. In the beginning, we were only friends. Things didn't change until after I was divorced. He has been very comforting and understanding and a rock to help me stay positive. He insisted I tell my ex husband right after it happened, but chose not to force me if I didn't. He is still in my corner and is even willing to talk to my husband, however, since the church was my husband's originally, I don't want there to be any bad blood until all of this calms down. As for Ms. Gatlin, yes, my husband took a case that he wasn't directly involved in, but he was a silent owner, so ultimately he was responsible. It was just a big mess, and I will never ever forget what he has done and sacrificed for this family. I feel truly bad for what happened, but put yourself in my shoes, I was a lonely woman and 7 years is a long time. Time is the only answer to make this better.
ReplyDeleteStill Ms. Confused!
Hold Up ! You got with the Preacher of His Family's Church? WTF? Then You are his Secret Lover? If any of his relatives even got the Hint you and Preacher man was messing around. They would have gotten a message back to him. And someone would have approached the Reverend about you and him. You don't get it You can never have a relationship with this preacher Openly. He Violated the Trust in the Church Sinning with You. If me and my wife have a problem and we want to seek counseling. It would never be with that Preacher.
ReplyDeleteLady I'm normally very positive and understanding of the issues aired here; but.......you are just a silly little self serving rabbit you are so dumb to believe your own jacked up reasons for your betrayal of your husband. You were lonely did you ever wonder if he was lonely? Seven years. And you crazy enough to think he is not going to find out honey just get up and put your big girl panties on cause ish gone hit the fan. Lastly ask yourself IF YOU WENT TO JAIL AND HE COWARDLY DIVORCED YOU WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE WOULD YOU WANT TO SEE HOW HE MAINTAINED THE HOUSE? YOU JUST FOOLISH IT SEEMS THAT HE WAS A SILENT PARTNER IN BUSINESS BUT YOU WERE THE SILENT PARTNER IN THE MARRIAGE. MESSY JUST MESSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMr. Willie Hudson, I didn't set out to date anyone at the church and the minister is NOT the pastor. I have been on the up and up because I didn't start to keep adult company with him until after I was divorced. This is a very unfortunate situation, but I can't go back an undue the mistakes I made. I brought my issue here because those close to me told me Mr. Anatomy has the bloggers who understand the tough issues and give great advice, as does he. I know it's hard not to be judged, but I thought I was doing the right thing at the time. My ex husband is still furious and as you can see, he broke my door he slammed it so hard. That in itself wasn't called for. Monique Robinson- Smith, you mean to tell me, you have never made a huge mistake that you wish you could take back? My Minister friend just text'd me and said he wish he could come on and defend me and our relationship, but he doesn't want to be caught up in the cross fire. Yes, we need prayer, but not crucifiction, he says!
ReplyDeleteMs. Confused
What you did was not a mistake. You could have just as well taken your concerns to your husband and at least not have blindsided him with this after you did it. This man could be so furious that he reacts in a really bad way. Who is going to benefit from that? As far as the good ole MINISTER "FAITHFUL SERVANT OF GOD" so he WISHES he could get on the blog to defend you, question is WHAT'S STOPPING HIM? We have no way of knowing who he is.......... looks to me like he has stepped out of your corner. To answer your question of me no I can't recall making a MISTAKE this huge that is not to say in the future I wont make one but if I do I assure you I will think of your big mess, before I do something crazy like you did. Dont feel like I'm bashing you because I'm not but sister you need to take a reallllllllllllllllly long look at your whole dilemma. There were other ways to handle this.
ReplyDeleteThA Don!!!!!!! Now you just shut the blog down!!!!!! I was really thinking a lot of what you said. That man is not going to accept this like that and move on.
ReplyDeleteDon, was that necessary calling her that?? Seriously dude !!
ReplyDeleteYou posted your issues seeking advice... Sorry it's not what you want to hear without a doubt your 100 percent wrong in your actions. You should have been upfront and honest from the very beginning. And yes we all make mistakes but damn wrong is just wrong. You waited until the day he was released from prison to tell him after he spent 7 years of his life locked up like a caged animal while you lived free as bird...Wow karma is a bitch and she will find you sooner than later!! You get no support or sympathy here I'm shocked you're still breathing.. Most men who got released from prison and come home it this would of snapped and killed you!!!
ReplyDeleteTo All, This is Minister S. and as I read over all of the post here this evening, it pains me to see the direction this conversation has taken. While, what my sister has done may be a bit out of the ordinary, or distasteful, it certainly wasn't meant to be cold or callous on her part. This sister was going through a lot, and at the time, she felt she was making the proper decision. John 8:7 clearly states "So when they continued asking him, he lifted himself up, and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." While I have read this blog for several weeks now, I feel that you have chastised her with blinders! Try being in your life alone for 7 years, and maybe you may see where she is coming from. As for my relationship with her. We were forthright and conscience of our actions and didn't hide them from anyone. I did not lead her into anything that was not of rightfulness. We didn't hide, nor will we hide now. In life, it can be very difficult for one to choose who they fall in love with and for us, this was the case. I stand firmly beside her and will continue to challenge the naysayers. I will be available tonight and all day tomorrow if ANYONE has a question of merit in association with our relationship. I will take individual questions from anyone here that has spoken today. Mr. Willie Hudson, Ms. Patricia Henson-Gatlin, Ms. Monique Robinson-Smith, and Jacklyn Sparks. As for Mr. Tha Don, you were way out of line, and I am, as a man of God, asking that you consider apologizing to my Sister of Love, and every woman under the sound of my voice!
ReplyDeleteDr. S. PhD
she betta be glad that window wasnt her face!!!!!!!!! what did you expect dear heart???? Preacher Man didnt even have the balls to be "BY YO SIDE"!!! if he care so much about you he wouldnt have let you go alone to break that God awful news!!! I think he secretly hoped that he would kill you, go back to prison and he was gon preach both yall funerals like he had squeaky clean hands in this the whole time!!!!!!! You betta take them blinders off and get somewhere and sit down before the next pic is of you layin beside him in a casket with dat jack legg preacher cheesing like a chess cat wit the next ignant woman by his side, talkin bout........this is why i counsel yall to leave!!! girl please!!!!!!! no sympathy here and wolf, i mean preacher man dont even think about correcting me, i KNOW yo kind and that Pulpit Pimpin dont work for me. Sherita "dontpassnoplatetome" Miller
ReplyDeletePreacherman says they are not hiding!!!! I can't tell and by the way it's MRS. MONIQUE ROBINSON-SMITH MARRIED 17 years and I stood by my husband when he did 8 years and 2 years later we separated!!! No sympathy here
ReplyDeleteThe "Minister", there isn't enough time tonight to discuss this situation. Its still wrong, did U think one would comfort her? She took vows for better or worst. I believe its not the "lonely " part thats the issue most had here. One can be lonely with a house full if people. U are a man of the cloth, so yes U know better. What flows from the top of the church flows to the people- thats the main reason I am very careful who prays/ lays hands on me. I sure would not want that kinda thing to "impart" on me. If she wouldn't tell her husband, U shouldn't have gotten involved with her. Wrong on so many levels. #1. She didn't talk to her ex husband to let her know how she felt. #2. She went behind his back n filed for divorce. #3. She didnt even tell him. #4. She lead him to believe everything was fine. #5. She went to the church he knows n messed around with the preacher. #6. The preacher betrayed Gods child. #7. She should be thankful she's not at the morgue. #8. Why she feel SHE HAD to pick him ip n take him to halfwayhouse. #9. She wanted to show him how she MAINTAINED the house in his absence wow <--- thats one U should be questioning since U are in relations with reap what U sow.
ReplyDeleteif she had gon to that hous Tricia, that would have been her last time seeing it, "show him how you maintained it"????? im beginning to think that she needs some professional therapy. NOT preacher man who leads her to slaughter!!!!!
ReplyDelete*typos* :( I don't wish anything bad on anyone but the bottom has NOT hit yet. I just pray he doesnt pop up at the church one day b/c Lord have mercy if he does!!! She needs time to heal n find herself go get some professional help. Would U be by her side if she broke down n went to thechurch halfway house? Pr better yet-U went to jail wonder if history would repeat itself?!?! I am just saying 2 wrongs dont make a right-this is an example of 2 wrongs!
ReplyDeletei dont wish her no bad luck or ill will but when you blatantly ask for it???? smh
ReplyDeleteHave U taught a sermon on Marriage is for 2 or a divorce is acceptable in Gods eyes when..... (if U all plan kn marrying someday). Or perhaps Fornication, I'm sure since she was lonely U all are sleeping together. If I was in her shoes - I would go to the ex n ask him forgiveness. He already in the halfway house, if he does something now they have already claimed him as "crazy". Gez... Ya'll need prayer n have U talked to your pastor about this? May need to step up the armorbearears.
ReplyDeleteMs. Confused. of course there were other ways to tell him, better ways. but you chose, on you own against the advice of your minister friend, not to tell him when it was right to tell him. All of us warned you. i don't wish bad on anyone but no one feels sorry for you or your car. Just be thankful that is all he has done and pray nothing else happens. it is likely you have yet to see the end of his wrath. he is completely justified in his anger. there is no talking around that. The only wrong is see in your ex husband is he chose to love a trifling woman. my heart truely goes out to him. what i want to know... Did you file a police report for the damages on your car? are you expecting your ex to pay for the damages? I hope not to both of those questions. He has already paid enough for his wrong decision...................Normally I would say it doesn't matter who the guy is and your ex doesn't need to know. However, you have a son with him. your ex should know who you have around his son. Give him some time to deal with the betrayal before approaching him on any subject.
ReplyDelete@The Minister , I did not know You had to be SAVED for an Opinion with this Blog. Yeah she came this way for Help? I would like to Help your ex- Husband put on his Boots , to kick your @ss! But that would be to easy...You have to live with Your Actions. Before you dropped your Husband off to the Half-way house, did you at least take him to get something to eat? What about buy him a nice Outfit? Cause a majority of people like to put on a nice outfit and have a nice meal before they are F@ked!
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Confused & Dr. Minister S.,
ReplyDeleteI have labored with this question and all that is associated with your divorce and new relationship with the minister. So much so, that I reached out to one of my spiritual advisers to get a clear understanding of relationships and the pulpit. She too is a PhD and has seen a lot through her counseling efforts of others. I will address you first, Dr. S. I have gone back to read all of the post from this period, as well as the period covered prior to. I don't think you were ever "counseling" her, but she saw you as a spiritual adviser. With that being said, I don't know what your policy is at your church, but based on my conversation this morning, I was told, the reason you are getting so much flack from my bloggers is, you are held to a higher authority and if you are dating within the confines of your church, you are sending the wrong message. As you stated, and I agree, it is hard to be selective on who you fall in love with, but you have to have the wherewithal to know what is good for you and what is not. I can almost bet, even though you were probably NOT dating prior to her ending her marriage, there was an emotional connection of some sort which internally helped with her decision to go forward with the divorce. She, in her mind, thought she was doing the right thing by NOT being with you prior to, but I can assure you, the thoughts were in her head. As a man of God, you have to be very careful with the signals that you send out to your congregation. What if this relationship don't end in Marriage, what are you saying, it's Okay to date within your church? You leave yourself a very narrow path to walk to happiness. Ms. Confused, I see you in two different lights, the villain and the victim. The villain because of how the incident concluded and how you saw your husband week in, and week out, and never disclosed your true feelings. The victim because you fell weak to your own bodily desires. AND, the victim because I can assure you what happened between you and Dr. S was calculated and premeditated by at least one of the involved parties! Not saying anyone set out to do anything wrong but, the heart, soul, sexual desires, and loneliness, all play a pivotal role in how we end up in the situations we do. Intimacy is like a drug, and sometimes, we have to treat it as such, and seek a REHAB facility of sorts, to keep us from relapse! As outlined from one of our bloggers, it's possible to wait, your biggest hurdle was closely related to WHO held your attention while waiting!
Mr. Anatomy = Hurchel Williams, MBA
This is Minister S. I truly thank all of you for your comments, both good and bad. It seems there is not a lot of understanding for the relationship that has developed between my Beautiful Sister and I. Mr. Anatomy, you have made some very valid points and again, the fact remains, this was not a relationship built on physical love, or even intimacy from the beginning. We are both highly educated individuals who should not have to make excuses for what transpired. I have NEVER dated anyone in my congregation and when this association started to take shape, I sought the blessing of my Sr. Pastor. He told me while he frowns deeply on anyone on his staff dating a member of the church, if both of our hearts were deeply involved, he could not personally ask us to end it, but would not offer his public blessing professionally because of the ramifications. Simply put, he said we are both adults, but if this union brought a black eye to his church, he would ask us to leave. With that said, I agreed if anything negative would come of this, I would voluntarily leave to keep order intact at the church. So you see, we have sought the opinions of others, and I will, in the near future, speak to her ex husband as the situation calms. I have been in prayer deeply about all of this. Some of you believers tend to forget how many unions in the bible started. Some negative associations ended for good on the other end. I pray that you understand and I offer this; I am reminded of the story of King David where a person can repent and be made whole in the eyes of GOD. "We know King David is considered to be going to heaven (by most people), which means he didn’t die with sin left on him. Does he divorce Bathsheba and send her away? Nope. In fact look at 2 Samuel 12:24 (which right after his kid dies): "Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and went in to her and lay with her; and she gave birth to a son, and he named him Solomon. Now the LORD loved him and sent word through Nathan the prophet, and he named him Jedidiah for the LORD’S sake." Yes, you read it correctly, David sleeps with Bathsheba right after this. Not only that, but he remains married to her his entire life. In fact, on his death-bed we find Bathsheba persuading David to give the crown to Solomon, and he does! How does God feel about this? We are told he LOVES Solomon. He even blesses this child. So, there are examples in the bible where the present may indeed imitate the past and we can grow and learn from it.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless Us All - Minister S. PhD
All I have to say is you should be glad the he only bust the window in the car door and not your head
ReplyDeleteMinister S.
ReplyDeleteI have to take a moment to at least try to get the issues back in the forefront of this ordeal. There are several issues here that are called into play and while your usage of King David and Bathsheba is done correctly, are you saying it's OK to knowingly sin, because you have the option to repent for your sin? Yes, Jesus died on the cross for my sins and yours, but that doesn't give us the authority to sin, and then ask to be forgiven because the option is there. Minister, I was a stripper once before. I didn't think anything of that life while living it, but now, I am a born again child of GOD and I am married to a mighty Man of God. If I go back to my stripping ways and mentality, I should be struck down because I know what's right from wrong is and I preach it daily as I walk through life and counsel. So, I am not trying to confuse the issue, and I would never publicly dispute a fellow person of GOD, but let's find ways to help this situation, and not glorify that it happened. There is a man and a woman from this story that is hurting somewhere deep inside. I am praying for all parties involved to find an end to this because hurt is an awful feeling.
GOD bless US all!
First Lady - NJ
You took advantage of a woman in a vulnerable state and destroyed a marriage in the process through your manipulation. Point blank. It is convenient that you left out the part that before David went in to comfort Bathesheba he had faced the circumstances of his sinful act and had been in mourning for 3 days for the death of the child that he had borne with Bathesheba in sin. The Lord had struck down the child that eventually died.
ReplyDeleteAre we in a world where Ministers or Clergy members are not expected to be human and date? I enjoy the company of my significant other and he enjoys my company. I admit, I have made some mistakes along the way, but I have to move forward. Was I wrong for divorcing him, YES, was I wrong for not telling him about the divorce or the man in my life, yes! All I need now is a chance to make it better. I thank all of you for your opinions, it truly helped me. The issues have been scattered and I spoke to my ex husband today about our life and the life of our child. That's what we share now and I will be getting counseling for my son, myself, and my ex husband from the Chaplain at the halfway house. Mr. Anatomy, thank you for all of your words and the no frills attitude you take. Whatever you end up doing, you will be successful. Sherita, I was never Pimped, or played, I knew exactly what I was getting into, I just wish I could have a do over, maybe I would have been more honest. My Minister is a good man, he never forced anything or was out of character.
ReplyDeleteMs. Confused
So called preachers like your new boo groom women like you to do and be whatever they want you to be. Vulnerable women never know they been pimped til they take the blinders off. You still suffering from munchowsen syndrome right now so you don't see the web he caught you up in. I thought the flesh /mind being weak was a trick of the devil to fall for.??? He and you keep saying "I was lonely ". So he counseled you to resist or he pimped your mind to see him as a refuge??? Dear heart, here, at anatomy, we tell it like it is and trust when I say, you ain't the first or last victim to his game. How easy to know a persons weakness and use it for gain!! That's what he did, what sane person would stab the man in the back who saved YOU from them eight prison years??? He should have counseled you on holding steadfast for your HUSBAND!! not used what he knew to tear up what God put together. Its your world hunnie I'm jus the nut TELLIN you to open your eyes and see that the sky he told you was purple, is really blue! Research him and see what he has left in his reign of preachdome. I bet my left ass cheek he done did this before to another weary women seeking spiritual guidance and got sucked into a pit of hell. I dare you to background check him, I dare you.....
ReplyDeleteDearest Ms Confused,
ReplyDeleteIn response to your question, we do NOT live in a day where a single Pastor or Minister can not date or enjoy friendly companionship. We DO, however, live in a day where a person of the cloth should & MUST exercise sound judgment when doing so. A person's life, soul & well being are at stake.
As a single Pastor, Spiritual Advisor & Life Coach I've made it an unspoken rule to NEVER date any of my members or clients of whom I'm counseling or as Dr S. said "comforting".
Because I understand that those who seek my spiritual & professional help are usually hurt, angry, lonely or as in your case CONFUSED by something going on in their life, I know that any intimate feelings expressed towards me are misplaced & in that setting deeply inappropriate.
It is my job as the Spiritual Advisor/Pastor to steer them back to the true purpose for which they sought my help & if necessary refer them to someone else. It is NOT my job to act upon their emotions & engage in an emotional or physical relationship with that client or member. To do so in my opinion is truly UNETHICAL. Dating vulnerable clients or members is unfair because they are already at a disadvantage & TRUSTED ME to lead them in the right way. It also can give the impression to the church that the Minister who does so is simply a womanizer or player.
I honestly believe that if you had not become emotionally involved with your Minister while he was "comforting" you, the decision to divorce your husband & not tell him would NOT have become so clouded & easier for you to make. Honestly, you did it because you believe in your heart you have a future with this Minister. Because he chose to engage in a relationship with you instead of remaining professionally objective, he failed to share with you the consequences of your actions & the backlash you are now having to deal with.
I wonder now in hind sight if you honestly feel this was worth it? Would you have done things differently if he had advised you of such? Now that it's all said & done, is this Minister going to marry you like David did Bathsheba in the bible?
May I suggest my dear sista, that you do some serious soul searching regarding your life & where you are going from here. You made a major mistake & can not afford to make another. The good news is our God is a God of a SECOND CHANCE! Sincerely seek HIS PLAN, wisdom & guidance for the life of you & your son. It's not over until God says it's over!
In my prayers,
Lady Pastor
Dear Lady Pastor,
ReplyDeleteI applaud you for the truth you have spoken and the way in which you have said it. Thank you for sharing you thoughts with us!!! It is spot on!!!