By REQUEST, We will stay with Tuesday's Question, Please take the time to review what "Turquoise Eyes" had to Say within the post!
Today's Question, like most, is based on a conversation I had with an individual about real life occurrences. For me, inspiration comes in many forms. To "Ms. Turquoise eyes", thanks for allowing me to use your material for my bloggers. Today's Question is ..............
Today's Question, like most, is based on a conversation I had with an individual about real life occurrences. For me, inspiration comes in many forms. To "Ms. Turquoise eyes", thanks for allowing me to use your material for my bloggers. Today's Question is ..............
Is it possible to "LOVE" so strong that it becomes detrimental to your health? IF so, how and when do you say, "Enough is Enough" and either seek help or terminate this union all together?
Yesterday, while flying back to Dallas, I met with "Ms. Turquoise eyes" on one of my plane rides and what she shared with me was shocking to say the least! She was told, "If you leave me, I'll kill myself!" At the conclusion of this blog, I will tell you how that promise played out! VERY scary indeed!
As always, I will request her to log on and share her story!
As always, I will request her to log on and share her story!
H. Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Speaker,
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
Williamshjr@anatomyofacheater.com
http://twitter.com/anatomyofacheat
I am sure that there are some people in the world that have those stalker tendacies. But anyone that is willing to threaten to harm themselves for someones love should seriously consider seeking professional attention. In the midst of loving someone, taking care of yourself is a part of the process. The fact that you have to threaten someone for their attention is a problem that continues to apply salt to the "true" dating game.
ReplyDeleteAddtionally, there are songs out there with lyrics like, "I'll catch a grenade for ya'!". Anyone that has actually seen the damage that a grenade can do would never even play around with such deviated thought processes.
Love is the most powerful emotion...having it, seeking it or losing it without a doubt we all want it. Many of us hang on to people that are unhealthy for us just so we dont have to be alone. However if someone truly loves you they want you to be healthy and happy even if its not with them. No matter hard it seems to walk away from an unheathly love due so your life is worth more than that. I know its hard but you have to love your self first...If you dont love yourself than how can you love another!! I WOULD NEVER KILL myself over any man..My life is a daily struggle but if you cant love me at my worst then you sure and the hell dont deserve me at my best...Love the one that truly deserves your love!!!
ReplyDeleteI was in a very abusive relationship for 11 years. The reason I stayed the relationship so long is because I wanted my family. My kids father was verbally, mentally and physically abusive to me. I would hear on a daily bases bitch I'm going to kill you or how nobody else wanted me or I was nothing. He would choke me till I pass out I would wake up to him standing over me. We would fight like two men I had a brother that taught me how to fight so you beating me and just taking it was out of the question. You knew I was there beating his ass like he was beating my ass but you know who won the fights. He would rape me when I didn't want to have sex. To this very day I still take very hot,hot baths. Enough was enough for me when I told him he had better not go to sleep because if he went to sleep I was going to kill him. My kids are the reason I'm free today because I was really going to kill him. My baby at the time was 5 years old came to me and she told me mommy we can be happy without him you have me and my brother and sister to love you. You don't need him to feel love you have us. My kids love me hard. But I still didn't leave until I met the guy and he found out my kids father was beating on me. He went out and got an apartment took me the new apartment and told me welcome home that this was for me and my kids. And that he would never let anyone hurt me again.
ReplyDeleteWow....Well, I, too am a victim..except I didn't threat anyone else, just myself. Yes, it is very possible to be so overcome by your emotions until you lose all sight of reality. Going back to a previous lifestyle I lived for half of my life; I was in a relationship with a female that I cared for very, very deeply. She was never with woman before, but she was attracted to me. We worked together, so we saw each other often. She was married to a military man, with two beautiful children. To make this story condensed, We moved from our hometown to Houston....I guess after he woke up and realized that a woman just took his wife and kids, he tried to take her children from her. She, my mother and I paid for one of the best gay attorneys in Houston to represent her, because we didn't want to see her lose her kids.
ReplyDeleteWe won the battle, but lost the war on love.
Although she was in love with me as well, for her children, she walked away. That was one of the most painful experiences that I would face in all the years that I had been a lesbian. My best friend Robert was at my house one day listening to my words and he indeed felt my pain. But what he didn't know, was that he was about to witness a suicide. He left to go upstairs, and when he came back down, I grabbed my 9mm and pointed up under my chin..and as tears streamed down my face, I told him I just wanted the pain to end. That I was tired of being hurt and giving so much of me and never got back..I told him that I didn't care how but it needed to end and end right then. My best friend came down those stairs with tears in his eyes, because he had never seen me like that. Needless to say he talked me out of killing myself, allowing me to realize those I would leave behind hurting, if I did.
So, yes, it is very possible to love so hard until you will kill; but the healing comes when you are able to love someone enough to let them go. Never love someone else so much until you forget about your own self worth. If that person chooses to leave, then God never meant for them to stay. A reason, a season and a lifetime are the 3 ways someone enters your life. It's up to us to chose how much time they spend. How did I make it thru it? Prayer...and lots of it...
Wow today is deep
ReplyDeleteI have never been in a stay or die situation. Nor have I ever wanted to take my life over a past love. But I do think we can love so hard that it hurts. I have loved hard and always love hard. I give 100% of myself, which may be why I dont take relationships lightly. I have loved so hard to the point I made myself physically sick. I would sit up and wonder what/who he may have been doing. It was a long distance relationship and those things I loved about him drove me crazy being apart from him. He was outgoing, flirtatous, very lovable. I took all those things and would sit up at night making myself sick when he did not answer the phone the first time or the 50th time I called. Yes, I in those days could have been considered stalker like. Honestly in hindsight I think I may have pushed my ex to cheat if he ever did. No confirmation either way on whether he did or did not. But it is like that song says I should have cheated(since you accused me anyway).
All that to say it is possible to love someone so much that your health comes second to either being with that person or making that person happy. And we all hope to be with someone that take our health into consideration but they may not know how you are being affected. Im sure my ex did not know what I was going through. They may take it as you being a great catch cause you do so much to make them happy and most are about self first. Therefore it is important to keep what is important in sight. You have to take care of self in order to take care of anyone else.
I do hope that all those in relationships where your partner is hazardous to your health seek help.
Amazing Meka...and yes been there too. Doctor after Doctor, therapist after therapist.. But one day, I snapped out of it and looked in the mirror. Kudos sis! WE are survivors and conquerors!
ReplyDeleteYes Ma'am Je, It took me waking up one day thinking WTH, No one is worth jepordizing Me. Yes survivors and conquerors!!! Kudos to you as well. Thanks for sharing your story it was very moving. I am glad you were overcome the pain and hurt to become the person I know you to be today.
ReplyDeleteTo all,
ReplyDeleteToday's subject in very controversial in nature and it's one that has touched the lives of either YOU, someone you know, or someone close to you. I want to give this topic the attention it deserves. I will be online tonight and I pray the lady "Ms. Turquoise Eyes" stops by and gives us her story to the best of her ability. It was very moving. Thanks to all of my bloggers for sharing how this question touches your life. I respect all individual's ability to express themselves.
H. Williams, MBA
I stayed in my abusive relationship for 28 years because I had 3 boys that needed a male influence in their life. I thought for years I could fix the relationship. My boys loved their dad and they listened to him. They learned respect and honor from him when he wasn't acting crazy. He let me teach them things in his absence (he as a truck driver)I would tell them "you never mistreat a woman, even though they saw what their father did to me!"
ReplyDeleteWhen I went to my mother, and reached out for help, she said, "As long as he is not KILLING you, stay there with him! If he does it when he is young, he won't do it when he's old!" I NOW know, that was a big lie and I stopped listening to my mother!
I have been divorced since 2003. He actually left me for another woman and tried to come back on the scene this year. I say, "He never knew what he missed, until he left it!"
Ma'am Je I too have done the suicide attempts a few times. I have taken sleeping pills, I have cut my arm open, ran into a brick wall doing all of about 80 mph. I didn't do it behind a male or female I done all of this because I want the pain to just stop. When I love I love hard and I wasn't getting any of that same love back. Back then I didn't know who I was or what was my worth.
ReplyDelete@Babegirl....Thank God for clarity, huh? Trust and believe, no one is worth losing yourself over. Sometimes, it takes tragedies or near death to overcome...
ReplyDeleteLadies and Bloggers,
ReplyDeleteKudos to your honestly today!! I must say, everyone has truly given much of themselves today for the clarity of our topic. What I have learned over the years is we have a true effect on people's lives, actions, and outcomes and not truly understand how. I can't tell you how many of my ex-females have told me I have altered the way their lives turned out with my lackadaisical or lackluster effort I gave in our relationship. I cheated, I lied, and I eventually told the truth in a "matter of fact" model. Well, NOW, as a mature adult in his late 30's, I now know our actions with another, affects how they feel about themselves. Well, this affect could be the difference between life, death, happiness, and sadness. What I now understand is the long term ramifications of what we men do in relationships. Tameka touched on it earlier when she said she would call her man 50 times and wondered what he was doing when he wasn't answering. Women may hurt in many ways based on what we do to them, but they hold it inside and don't share their feelings with the person who actually caused the pain! WE have to be very careful and COMMUNICATE our feelings. If you see yourself being detrimental to a relationship, back away, and leave it gracefully.
Thanks for listening and thanks for blogging!
H. Williams, MBA
Ma'am Je I could've said it better!!
ReplyDeleteSelf therapy is a beautiful thing. It allows you to step outside of yourself & evaluate the decisions you've made in life & why. With that said, life is definitely what you make it, nothing more and nothing less. I've read your testimonies and all I can do is thank you ladies for allowing yourselves to release. I too have fallen victim to putting someone else before me because of what I
ReplyDeletethought was love. This person defined a form of
love that we're all too familiar with. He said all
the things I wanted and needed to hear and
mastered the manipulation of my heart. He feed off
off my insecurities and made me feel as if only he
understood me. He isolated me from my family &
friends and mentally corrupted my mind to a point
to where I lost myself in him and hosted the imperfections that others frowned upon. I was
mentally weak behind this man but after years of
being his crutch I saw how he literally became a
"cancer" to my mental and physical health I
finally saw the light and through prayer & God's grace I finally left him and got back to loving
me and my daughter (pure love). So in reality the dangers of love reside in the lack of love that you have for yourself and that can be detrimental. Love for the most part is an addiction or thirst for unconditional acceptance of self from another person. Please be wise with matters of the heart and don't allow the unworthy drive you "mad".
I've thought a lot about what to share and also why to share anything at all. I was held captive because of this threat and because he was a good father. Was I ever happy? At times I thought I was, but later I will explain how I know now that I wasn't. I realized that I had to leave to protect myself. I left and he followed through with his threat. My plan of escape saved my life!
ReplyDeleteMy apologies for the spaces in my comment...my touchscreen was acting up. :)
ReplyDeleteWhy to share? I want YOU to know if you are being held hostage in a relationship,1) plan how to get out safely; 2) talk to someone about your plan; 3) GO; 4) happiness will be waiting for you on the outside. Today I am a woman who has found happiness or maybe happiness found me. It came in the form of my first love, my high school sweetheart. We are planning our wedding and he is teaching me how to love and be loved, how to trust, the value of honesty. Running away wasn't easy, but living the wonderful life of freedom from fear and enjoyment of true love is unbelievably wonderful.
ReplyDeleteLatoya.....You said a mouthful when you defined how we must understand the dangers in the lack of love we have for self. That 4 letter word carries so much weight and often times rattles us at our core. I have often asked myself, "where is the love" in any particular relationship I found myself in. The answer, it has to be inside of YOU first!
ReplyDeleteThanks Latoya,
H. Williams, MBA
Turquoise Eyes......
ReplyDeleteThanks for being our focus today. This topic was electric and how fitting you show up and to give us a piece of your "PEACE!" Your story really touched me and taught me a lesson about how staying 1 minute too long in any relationship could be "hazardous" to one's health. I truly want everyone to read your words and understand what you say about having a PLAN! It's late as I finish reading all you have posted so I will let this question run an additional day so your words can be read and understood! Your beauty after your pain truly stood out as we flew on the plane. What others must understand is this; the reference to beauty, had Little to do with your outward appearance and more to do with the courage in which you shared your story with a complete stranger! KUDOS, sharing your story may help one woman find strength! If it saves one, it educates us all!
Thanks for your transparency!
H. Williams, MBA
Well said Latoya, I couldn't have said it better myself. I think another important question here is "why do we love so strong?" I agree that the reason we "love too strong" is because of the "lack of self love" as Latoya so eloquently put. It is important no learn the right questions to ask as to why we do the things we do. Once we learn the right questions then we can search out the answers and hopefully find freedom and truth which will set us free from ourselves. Then we can find the real and healthy relationships that we have not experience before, leading us to a healthy love for another.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mr. Williams & Anonymous. This topic had me a bit floored because it hit so close to home not only for me but for most. It amazes me how much we endure in the quest to find the "perfect" type of love.
ReplyDeleteLatoya and Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteThis topic has generated a lot of buzz and forward thinking through backwards strides! It's allowed us all to pull ourselves out and look back at life's experiences. Love is Pain, and whoever don't believe that has never been in true love. I was told one time by a young lady I wouldn't argue with, "Hurchel, if you love me, we have to disagree!" You know what, later in life, I feel she was right, however, my goal is to give, give, give, and when I do that of myself, it is reciprocated greatly. For us men that seek to make lady's happy, we have to understand the hormonal changes you guys go through and embrace our differences.
Thanks for sharing ladies. Our topic will change tomorrow, but thanks for giving this one its "Just Dues" while I had it posted!
H. Williams, MBA