Today is the middle of the week. Typically, our minds are in "overdrive" by now. Since that's the case, let's challenge our thoughts, Today's Question is ...........
Have you ever left a stable but "not too comfortable" relationship, for another, only to find the grass "wasn't greener" on the other side?
You got on the other side of the fence and secretly said to yourself, "Damn, what have I done?" It has happened to the best of us. Did you stay and suffer or did you go back? Let me hear your heart!
H. Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker,
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
Williamshjr@anatomyofacheater.com
I have done exactly what my question outlines. I left one relationship for another only to find out, "wait a minute, I'm not happy at all! I could have stayed where I was." It's like your grandma always said, "The Devil you know is much better than the Devil you don't!" The strange thing about it is this, you find out shortly after being with the new person, this might not be where I want to be, but you ride it out, hoping for a change. You see all the signs, but you keep trying until finally, it happens; things get unbearable. When it gets to that point, the first thing you do (as a man) is test the waters of what you left. You gauge your past relationship to see if you are missed! (tell me I'm wrong) If possible, you try to get back where you can fit in. BUT, here is the problem, most people don't think of.....even though the relationship you left is now back in your grasp, REMEMBER, you left that one for a reason! Try being alone and find you in the smoke screen!
ReplyDeleteH. Williams, MBA
Anatomy,
ReplyDeleteCan't say that I had, but offer this: I was in two "want to leave, but can't " marriages due to children and wanting to be there for them. Both situations presented unhappiness to the point the children wasnt enough to hold me there. I was never going to make enough money and be home at the same time. As fate would have it, I left for me and was better off paying child support. I have no regrets and my kids and I have good a relationship. I spend my days rebuilding my inner self and evaluating what causes selfishness, greed and mistrust. I'm proud to say that it wasn't another woman that ended my marriages, but indifferences that couldn't be worked out. I'm not perfect, but I did give of myself and it wasn't enough to satisfy my mates. It was more money and material possessions. Therefore, I sought comfort in many arms, but wasn't enough to break my marriages. I needed those outlets to hold me together. Henceforth and forever the next will be compatible.
I like Byron have been in marriages that did not serve me but when I left found that being single didn't please me either. I sometimes felt I could have stayed longer and not faced the boredom of life alone. I think what being in a bad relationship sometimes forces people to choose the lesser of the two evils... The inner battle to stay or go. Most times people choose to remain with the familiar. Then there are people like me who believe if I'm down I can only go up and they jump ship. This has made me question many things regarding commitment. Regardless of the reasons the marriages ended, and they were serious... Can I fully allow myself to trust the "til death do us part" again.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm inquiring minds want to know!!!
Tanya,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. Although the road to rebuilding and making me anew will be challenging, I like to think honest commitment means something. Otherwise, we settle for some who is tolerable, but seek the compatible. If I (a big IF) commit again it will be with a compatible mate...Thanks Dear
I am in my second marriage which is soon to end. My first marriage was with a man that was abusive and lasted 8 years too long. I had the opportunity to leave him for another man but wisely chose not to do so. I did not want to jump into another relationship right away knowing that I needed time to heal plus the other gentleman was married. I did not want to be responsible for the breakup of his family. We were not having an affair but we were great friends. I am truly glad that I did not enter into a relationship with him because I discovered that I was indeed so much happier being alone raising my boys, able to make my own decisions without having to meet the approval of another. Then eight months later I entered into another relationship just to get married shortly after. I chose a man at the total opposite of the spectrum from my first husband. I went from one extreme to the other losing myself in the process. So now at the end of this marriage I realize how important it is not to lose yourself to someone else and I have a better understanding of what I am looking for in the next one(if there is a next). I am excited about rediscovering who I am and finding someone that I can have a healthy and mature relationship with. I look at this time as the next chapter in my life and therefore writing it with much more wisdom and caution than past chapters as I am older now with much more experience under my belt so to speak. I don't desire to stay in a relationship where you just seem to bring out the worst in each other rather than the best. I desire to be with someone that makes me want to be a better me for them. In other words they bring out the utmost best of me!!
ReplyDelete