When in a relationship, often times both parties do and say things to express themselves and make their counterpart feel a certain way. With that in mind, let's explore those 3 magical words. Today's Question is.........?
Why do we say "I Love You" to someone we are in a relationship with when it's clear we don't? I mean, granted, we may have a strong liking, but LOVE, come on ...... you just met them on Tuesday and this is Friday !!!!
Talk to me people. What triggers these false feelings so early after meeting another person? I just wanna know, talk to me, and explain why?
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker,
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
Williamshjr@anatomyofacheater.com
https://www.facebook.com/anatomyofacheater71
I personally think it has to do with the character, quality, and insecurities of the person as well as their habits of expression. My view is that when a person is feeling unloved and insecure they can misinterpret their own feelings plus the actions and words of the other person. They have such a strong desire to be loved that they desperately want that love connection and they latch on to another. It's a deep hunger within to be loved and accepted for who they are. It becomes a habit when those strong feelings arise for them to say "I love you" when they don't really understand what is truly happening. They speak out those words at the first opportunity hoping to hear it in return out of a strong need to be validated as a person.
ReplyDeleteHa ha. Cute. But seriously, those words are often used to gain smthn. Words without actions are just...words.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree Tracee! Sadly, many don't understand that!
ReplyDeleteI already told you...I MAKE IT A POINT NEVER TO SAY THAT TO ANY MAN (OTHER THAN MY SON AND MY DAD)...IF I EVEN THINK FOR ONE MINUTE THAT I AM "CATCHING FEELINGS" DISMISS THAT WHOLE SITUATION AND START OVER! BEING IN LOVE IS HIGHLY OVER-RATED AND I PERSONALLY DON'T WANT ANY PARTS OF IT EVER AGAIN...CAN'T WE JUST AGREE TO BE "MUTUAL" FRIENDS??? SERIOUSLY
ReplyDeleteKim,
ReplyDeleteit sounds like you have allowed the hurt from one relationship to completely consume the ramp and exits to your heart! Be strong and let the right relationship make you whole again! Just hold on to what you learn, not the burn!!!*
Hurchel,
ReplyDeleteI have not! I have allowed it to teach me how to deal with men in general. I am not waiting on love and I am certainly not looking for love. When you keep doing what you do, you keep getting what you get...I am not changing me just the way that I deal with men. People in general have become too needy in any type of relationship so I keep it moving and never settle down in any m/f relationship. If I run up on something "real" I will be running away really fast! I don't like emotional situations, they irritate me to no end!
Wow. Running from love? You can't run from love. Your heart won't let you.
ReplyDeleteYou must not know Tracee, I don't have a heart when it comes to relationships.
ReplyDeleteBeen married twice and hurt more times than I care to remember BUT stayed open to the possibility that there was a decent man out thr for me. Been with him for almost a year and couldnt be happier. I understand whr u are but dnt run from it or even try whn it comes ur way.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to sprint! I keep my running shoes on in my sleep! I am truly happy for you, don't get me wrong, but I feel complete when I am alone. I don't like attention, I am not a touchy feely person by nature and if a person questions any action that I perform that does not directly infringe upon their personal space, I get very offended. I am not the relationship type. I've also been married twice and I shutter at the thought of someone uttering the words "i love you" towards me, it makes my flesh crawl. After 4 kids and 4(so far) grandkids, I can't even imagine my selfin a mutual sexual relationship. Im not a Holy-roller or Bible-thumper, Im just a happy-go-lucky, fly-by-night, carefree kind of gal. If relationships make any person feel better about themselves than they feel alone, more power to them. I've lived a great life, been a great wife, mother, sister and friend, and if that doesn't make me happy then I don;t deserve to be. I LOVE ME!
ReplyDeleteSounds like ur determined to be happy with u and that's cool. I'm a hopeless romantic who believes in prince charming and happy endings. The "new" me was born whn I began to value my self-worth. Takes time. I like having my + 1. Same man. Same bed. Enjoy being u
ReplyDeleteKim, Kim, Kim, I just landed and caught up with the conversation and I have to say this, I teach that men can be the serious "downfall" to a woman's overall approach to herself, her life, and most importantly her feeling towards and about another! Now, I won't lecture you about YOU because I don't know your situation, so I will talk about Hurchel! I've learned that things I've said over the years hurt people and cut them deep! I've learned that my actions have had the same equal affect on others! So, as I travel and speak to people about their relationships, I have Now learned that some of my personal actions were backbreaking to others even when I didn't know it! I'm saying this to say, don't let some actions of a past azzhole cause you to not trust your own instincts about life! We get one shot at this thing we call life and ultimately, the norm tells us we should share it with another! I've had to reBrand Me to seriously watch my actions! Franklin Covey says it best in his book The Seven Habits of Highly effective People. Habit 5, Seek first to understand, then to be Understood! Ponder that as I deplane!
ReplyDeleteMan just get off the dang plane already! the only reason I ever ventured into relationship status was because of people's cliches about a "better half". Hell, I am my better half, the rest just brings me down...you're depressing me man! I am not a man-hater, I just hate relationships. I have had some great guys in my corner but that isn't what I wanted. I didn't want the crappy guys either and I surely have never wanted the same sex, I just like my space and I like plenty of space.
ReplyDeleteKim,
ReplyDeleteI must stay, I like your statement about being the better half! Someone has to be!! I don't see you as a man hater, you are very upbeat and spunky! You are someone who knows what she wants, and Ma'am, I totally respect that! Just giving you a male perspective, that's all. You living the good life, and for that, I say KUDOS ! Knowing where you are going, is closely related to UNDERSTANDING where you have been and what you had to go through to get there! Live it, and live it out LOUD!
Thanks for giving us A peek inside of you!
H. Williams, MBA
I Love you are three word that should never be used unless you mean it... Some use these words thinking it's want a person want to hear...or thnking it going to help them get want they really want a lot sooner...If I just met you Monday and it's Friday and you can mess around and let these three words roll out your mouth...I will laugh at you in your face and walk away...And after I have walked away if you try to call me in the next 5 or 10 mins. my number will be changed.... I'm changing my number because I don't want any parts of you and what your going though....because your looking for someone and I'm not her....
ReplyDeleteHey CindyLou....you expressed similar thoughts I wanted to share because I experienced a emotionally dependent person before and it was interesting to know how childhood neglect and lack of nurturing led to her wanting to hear the 'I love you' when there isn't enough effort or cause for it. Thanks for hitting that mark.
ReplyDeleteBabegirl,
ReplyDeleteWhat you state is correct, but sadly, it happens all the time. I am not sure if it is done to advance a theory of a person over another, or just because they don't what else to say. I honestly believe when a person say they love another, they subconsciously believe it, but as time go on, the commitment for the words may grow. Love is a strange emotion that we may never truly figure out.
Thanks for your comments Babegirl,
H. Williams, MBA
Thank you Byron for your support. I always refer to that song by Waylon Jennings, "Lookin' for Love" in all the wrong places. Been there, done that and won't go back there ever again because I am a new person today!!! Unfortunately the world is full of lost, hurt souls that search for that love and never really find it because they have not learned to love themselves first and foremost. It is so freeing when you learn to love yourself and find the truth of where your value comes from rather than in someone or something else.
ReplyDeleteWell said CindyLou and as always I appreciate your mind and spirit....thx
ReplyDelete