I'm a High School principal in California and I am also in the Army Reserves. I'm married to my 25 year old high school sweetheart. I was deployed to Afghanistan for 8 months with my reserve unit. When I left, our financial situation was really bad, but since it's just the two of us, we have always managed to just make it! Well, while I was away, my wife, told me she took a job as a cocktail waitress to make ends meet but when I got home, she told the truth, and said she has been stripping because it paid better than being a waitress. I was very angry and demanded she stop immediately but she said the club owner loaned her a lot of money to "help out" and she said she can't stop until her debt is paid. Since she is a teacher at one of the high schools, people are whispering all over our small town about what she is doing. I went to see her perform and sat in the back of the club. I was so disgusted, I left because I saw my wife naked on stage and men touching her to give her money! I can't even make love to her without seeing other men all over her. My Question is ..
"Can a HUSBAND, truly love a wife that is a stripper? This is affecting our life, please Mr. Anatomy, I need help!"
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Dear principal two things, she took the job to help with the financial problem BUT she lied about the actual job. On one hand she helped but hurt your marriage. Lying about was not right but I don't see why you can't forgive her and move on. Yes she needs to stop because I don't think u will continue to see her in the same light as wen you married her. Let her pay off the "debt " so you don't have added problems with this Guy (I'm assuming you can't pay it off cause u already strapped) and let her know you love her for the effort but that y'all good and gone make it. Now if she refuses to quit after the debt is paid then you have another conversation to have with her cause I don't see a husband whose wife wasn't ALREADY a stripper before marriage accepting her being one now. Tell her keep job hunting and I hope it works out.
ReplyDeleteMr. Principal
ReplyDeleteI'm in agreement with Sherita and want to add my perspective. Yes she lied about the job, but look at the circumstances for what it is. You both are strapped for cash because of your lack of money management and lifestyle. She is your "help mate" according to bible and she is helping to solve a problem within your marriage. I commend her efforts and the fact she loves you enough to do it. You have to give her a pass. Sherita stated to have a conversation and resolve your issues. Of course you love unconditionally otherwise you would have left her. You aren't the first man to have a women on the pole, by it how you deal with it. I'm a former marine leader and we don't leave our men on the battle field. You are a school leader and head of house, y'all spending habits caught up with you and now it's crunch time and your wife stepped up and was a soldier about it. Get with the club owner and discuss this pay out so y'all can move on and it will show your wife you forgive her and willing to go through the storm with her. It's not permanent so you guys can get through this by sticking together. Unconditional and true love is very painful such as the pain Christ endured for our sins. Don't abandon your wife.
Byron and Sherita.... thank you for your advice. I am sitting home now while she is out dancing on a freakin Monday. She usually comes home by 10:30 or 11 depending on the crowd. I am so angry, I could just go there and pull her off stage but that is not very adult of me. I am really trying to let her work through this because I don't have the money to pay off her debt. I feel like I am the laughing stock of my school. The other day, I got a stick note on my car windshield that read, "your wife has the best titties!" I am so mad, I truly can't contain myself at times. I am not a spiritual man, but I even prayed and asked God to help us through this. How can a wife disgrace her husband by dancing on stage for other men to salivate over? Byron, if you could stand this, you are a better man than me.
ReplyDeleteHurting Principal
If she was standing on a corner advertising for lil caesar pizza you would still get a sticky note on yo car!!!! People are cruel but F!#! them!!!! That's yo wife you evidently love her. Stop worrying about "people " they gon talk regardless!!!! Support yo wife hell how you think SHE FEELS??? I'm sure she didn't make stripping her first choice. Man up get over yo pity party and rub her damn feet wen she gets home!!! Bath the cruel touch off her body with yo strong husband hands!!! Wat you see as disgrace she sees as sacrifice!! Just have that bath water ready!!!!! I'm really praying for you principal don't give up!!! And don't put nothing in her water that make us itch!!! "SMILE"
ReplyDeleteDear Hurting Principal,
ReplyDeleteI wasn't going to comment on this question until I read your response. I literally feel your pain, hurt and anger and my heart truly extends out to you. I can honestly tell you that praying to God is your best source right now and might I suggest that you find a good spirit filled church and talk to the pastor to help you as well. Please don't allow your anger to get the best of you and do something that you might regret. Continue to pray! Get a Bible and ask God to speak to you through His word. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says: ...“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness"... You are in a weak state right now so allow God's power to rest upon you. I realize that you said you are not a spiritual man but this may be the time that God is calling you unto Him. God will give you the strength to get through this as you continue to go to Him in prayer and I believe that He will also guide you through this to a solution as well. God can take our mistakes and turn them into blessings to benefit all involved if He is allowed to. He waits on us with open arms to reach out to Him! You might also seek a financial counselor to help get you on a manageable budget to pay off all your debt. There has to be a workable solution you just have to keep searching until you find one. Don't give up!!! If you truly love your wife you will stand by her and find a way to work through this with her. You may need to take a second job to help pay off the debt in order to get her out of there sooner or borrow the money to pay the owner so she is not indebted to him. You will be in my prayers!!
Sharita has a great idea on how to show her your love during this time of trial. That is an excellent way to show her your unconditional love!!!!
DeleteI know you are hurting and never saw this coming but it's here. This will pass and your marriage will stronger than before. Sherita is right, what about her pain and what she is going through? You love that woman and it shows your manhood to love but please forgive because is doing it for y'all to get out of debt. Yes the club owner used his money to enslave her but it what it is. Don't do anything to ruin what you worked so hard for. You're a good man that have a good woman. Take the wisdom of Sherita and CindyLou to get you through. I promise you the end will be greater than the beginning. Make sure you comfort her instead of chastising. Let your love for her prevail and ignore the mockery and stay out of trouble trust me I know. Dr. King said, "the true measure of a man is not where he stands in comfort and convenience but where he stands during trials and controversy".
ReplyDeleteYou really have to be careful how you approach your wife. Like others have said, and assuming her intentions are in the right place, she could be fragile. You said yourself, the finances are not where they should be so take the high road and support her through this. Sherita said it best, that is your wife, so screw the rest and what they have to say. Go to work, do your job, and instead of hurting inside, find new ways to trust her. Did the bills get paid while you were gone? If so, pat her on the back, and get through this as a couple, husband and wife! Stop going to the club and let her do her job. It'll be over soon.
ReplyDeleteMan look, you got to let her handle her bizness! Manne, she makin money for the home-team. Whenever a person makin money for home, you have to let go of tha leash, and let her bring it home. I'm not married but my shawty was working at the biggest strip club in Miami and I was happy as hell. When everything dried up because of the economy, she kept us afloat. Don't neva bite tha hand that's feedin you!!! Don't down her for doin what she got to do to handle tha bills. Everybody need a wife like dat. I know I ain't no scholar, but when I tell you about tha streets and how life work up in the strip club, best believe I'm tellin you how thangs work. Encourage her and rub her feet when her night over. Let her know you standin behind her, don't trip.
ReplyDeleteWhy can't you love her through this..its what she does for a living not who she is as a person..if you truly don't like it get a second job and you pay the debt back
ReplyDeleteDear Principal,
ReplyDeleteTo answer your biggest question first, "Absolutely" you can love and cherish a woman who is a stripper. Everyone was doing such a good job at giving you great advice that I sat back and read like the majority does. I think her love for you is extremely strong and may have caused her to be a bit deceptive. Like you, I was in the military and contrary to what you may believe, there are situations the military put us in that requires complete focus or you can risk the life of you or your fellow soldier. With that being the case, she did you a favor by NOT telling you about her occupational advancement while working at the club. Look at your reaction. IF you were in Afganistan and got that news, what type of shape would you have been in? Now, fast forward to the here and now, let her complete her obligation to the club owner because trying to pay him off will only create new debt for you. Pay close attention to the advice recieved from Sherita and Tha Don, yep, I said it, Tha Don, because like he said, he may not be a scholar, but his PhD from the streets has to account for something! Listen to your heart, because it speaks the truth. You described her as your high school sweetheart, which means you've loved her for a very long time. There is NO need to turn back now! She's the rock, just be the glue she needs to hold your relationship together.
Mr. Anatomy = H. Williams, MBA
To everyone who has responded, as much as it pains me, I have decided to let her finish her "run" on the pole. A lot of what you have said, makes plenty of sense but my fears are getting the best of me. People are whispering in the halls of my school and now there is a rumor that she is sleeping with the owner of the club, but I trust my wife and I won't buy into that talk and jargon. She goes to work with a smile and comes home really tired. I am trying my best to be supportive and maybe one day this frown of what has happened to us will be behind me. I spoke to the preacher at our church and he says I have quite the pickle. He too had heard about her working at the club. It seems word travels fast when you are not just living a slow life. Our sex life has suffered quite a bit, but I am truly trying to get my head wrapped around the idea of her still being sexy and only for me, but it's hard.
ReplyDeleteThe Power of the Lord is with you in all you do, in every step you take! Allow me to explain that statement. I went to a HBCU in New Orleans, LA. I attended Xavier University and like everyone else, I had a story too. I grew up in the Delta of poor, sharecropping Mississippi. I dreamed big but had every reason to quit and just make excuses. I graduated with a degree and became a Pharmacist in Camden, NJ. When I saw this story, I tried hard to ignore it, but Mr. Anatomy's topics always hit home in all of us. I do more reading than responding, but I am here to tell you, I'm a "Anointed" Pastor's wife, but I was a stripper shortly after college trying to make ends meet. For me, it was a job, not a career, but just like your wife, I tried my best to hide it from friends, co-workers and my colleagues, just as I tried not to chime in on this story, but the LORD kept pushing me to say something to you. Young man, don't give up on your wife, because if you do, you may be giving up on yourself. GOD moves in us to pull the best of who we are out. While I don't agree with the profession anymore, we can NEVER say what we won't do to make ends meet. I thank GOD he delivered me but, he allows me to use my story to help others. My prayers are with you, but you said yourself, you were not a spiritual man, but you prayed! See GOD's work!!! Keep praying young man, your miracle is inside, just as the LORD for it. Mr. Anatomy, keep telling these unique stories. I have joined your site and even added my picture to show this young man we can't run from who we are, we have to face our critics. I can't wait to hear Mr. Anatomy's story because GOD tells me your story will shock the "truth" we all carry! Get that Book out Sir, all of New Jersey is waiting.
ReplyDeleteBless you, First Lady - NJ
First Lady.... I honor you with all I have. Thank God for people who are not afraid to tell the truth to churn the glory in us all. Thank you Jesus! Hallelujah, Hallelujah! Mr. Anatomy, you have something here, she said it, That book better be Good! :) Any speaking engagements here in Middle Tennessee?
ReplyDeletePearl in Murfreesboro
Principal,
ReplyDeleteDon't scare her with your insecurities! OK, so she stripping, So what! It's already happening now. No, we don't want our wife or partner for life on stage, but there are a lot of circumstances that makes it impossible to stop. So, unless you are going to do a bake sale, sell raffle tickets, or go to the church for some funds, LET IT GO, and like the First Lady said, let GOD deal with this situation. I'm a Gay man, and whenever you do what people don't want you to do, they always have to say. Well, I stand up in my mind naked on a perch and say to the world, "This is ME, there won't be another Matthew, so see this one, judge this one, but Love this one too! First Lady, Bless you, the Lord shows his love through your eyes!
Thank you "Garden State" first lady from next door! You really touched us all with your story. I am in New York and you have inspired us all to think of our past and share our story. I've never been a stripper, but I lived a promiscuous life until I was delivered and found pride in myself. Principal, your wife is just trying to make ends meet and you can't fault her for that. First lady said it best, WE all have a story to tell. Me, you, all, everybody. If someone says they don't, they lying. OK, everybody put up their picture so Ms Erma got to do it too. I am not as good looking as the rest of y'all. Matthew, you are a handsome man, if Ms. Erma was still........, let me stop! :)
ReplyDelete