Mr. Anatomy,
I'm an African American woman living in (Not Gonna Say it) trying to navigate this maze we call life. I was in a long term relationship with a man I met in high school and we eventually married and had 2 children. Last year I lost my man to a Caucasian woman and I have been extremely bitter about it every since. I am a professional attorney and I recently made partner at my firm. My ex husband and I are still friends and are great parents for our children. When I asked him why he left me for this lady, he said there are fundamental differences between dating black women and dating white women that frankly I would never understand. He has agreed to answer any questions my friends and I may have on your blog about those differences should the need arise. My girlfriend said she used your blog with success and suggested I bring my question to you as well. Understand, I am not trying to alienate any of your bloggers, I just thought this would be a way to finally understand why black women are losing a battle for our "GOOD" brothers to women of different races. I hope we can have this discussion, without it getting too messy. My question is......
"Why are black men now dating white women at an alarming rate? Can dating a different race truly be that different in the eyes of a man?"
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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Ms. Professional, I am a white female that make it a habit to date men of color, however, it has more to do with their strength in what they want, and not the color of their skin. Black men always have a story to tell as to why they come to us, but I don't accept that as a golden ticket or anything because for years, I wanted to date outside of my race, but didn't because of how society saw it. Now, the world has accepted that all shades of all races should be given the right to love without boundaries. So as a white female dating anyone, I try to give all of me, and the best of what I have to offer. I try to make a decision in what I want long before I make eyes with a person I'm interested in. My goal is happiness not fitting a certain mold.
ReplyDeleteMs. Professional,
ReplyDeleteFor me it's wanting something different. Im personally tired of the bitterness I've experienced being in relationships with black women and trying to be a good Brother but not being appreciated. I had to display aggressive behavior to demonstrate my manhood when I felt wasn't necessary. On the contrary, dating white women has allowed me to be myself and be able to express how I feel without
walking on egg shells. However, I find there is no
fundamental difference between black and white but
who the woman is that have the right chemistry no matter what color. It's on the individual personality
and character as well as people wanting something
different. Although interracial dating stirs a lot of
controversy in our society and often challenged by
the negative thoughts of race mixing. We should be able to date who we want without prejudice. People just want different.
In this world, it really shouldn't be about black, white, red or brown. Everyone should be able to date everyone but sadly we have differences in opinions and differences in preferences. I have noticed just like Ms. Professional that black men have gravitated to white women and I think it's because white women are an easier hill to climb! Black women, I'm told, have very high standards that sometimes knock them out of the running with their own men. Men like the road heavily traveled because they need certain stuff at certain junctures. By no means am I an expert, but I'm told white women "will, and will" a lot faster! Quicker to intimacy, quicker to romance, and quicker to the alter because the plan is etched in stone when she is still looking at her black man from across the work cafeteria! I am a Hispanic women and we are closer to the black women with our traditions and your mom's culture of "wait until the time is right" mentality.
ReplyDelete-Ms. Erma- New York
I live Philippines islands. I had date American soldier when lived in my country. Sometime for better life for me and my family and dated black man from America too. here life for marry is for better opportunity to be great and for family. Does not make difference if white american man or black one, we commit ourself and our life to live better and make life better for man because of the privilege given me. I try to get man to come to America and black man always say come, but no send. I think because fear being with me forever and that why date white lady because easier without fight back when do wrong.
ReplyDeletePeleu Ramos
I personally don't understand the thrill in White women. It may date back to as far as slavery when White women were forbidden, and even til this day the thought of a Black man having a White woman is looked upon as a major accomplishment. Maybe they enjoy the thrill of having the "forbidden fruit". But I don't feel that White women are much more easier to deal with than Black women because they have attitudes, can be drama filled , and can get on their husbands nerves just as much as a Black woman can. So my answer would be I think Black men enjoy having someone society says they cannot.
ReplyDeleteI cut U-U cut me, we ALL bleed the same color. Black men have been dating n marrying not only WHITE but all nationalities for MANY MANY years. Hell, I have been married to a mixed man for 16 years n b4 him dated black men. It's nothing new maybe some have hopped on the date out of my race bandwagon b/c 1. Its not shone upon as it use to be. 2. We all live in this world together. 3. Instead of seeing a color they MIGHT JUST LIKE the person for WHO THEY ARE. 4. They might think its easier <-- ha right or exciting out of their race. 5. Don't knock it til U try it. I could go on n on. Its becoming known U can't look at a person n know their RACE anymore- so don't hold onto bitterness it will rotten your soul n U will hate that whole race
ReplyDeleteHurcel, so what about the black women who date whites? Society says they can't have them? I be dog on if I let folks tell me I "can't" do it b/c of color. Don't care how they stare b/c the same people if all colors look at a person of their own race if they see a "fine " man n there they go looking at the flaws of the woman he's with. I say love who U want n 4 get the looks, talks, pressure of having to just go with the flow b/c folks think that's right. I smile pretty when folks stare at me n all my children. If I am not bothered it does NOT sit in my heart.
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Professional,
ReplyDeleteI am going to try to walk a fine line with this question in an effort to keep everyone's feelings and opinions in front of us. So, your husband left you because he felt a Caucasian woman could meet his needs better than you. Well, of course, that is a matter of opinion. I challenge him to come on between now and tomorrow and let us hear his side of the story. Most men my age (late 30's early 40's) have experienced not just white, but probably many races. All races have something to offer and cultural differences that make them unique. Depending on one's taste, everyone should have the autonomy to cross racial lines, religious line, and international lines based on what their particular needs are. I must say, after travelling the world the way I have, the Western Hemisphere is the last to truly embrace these ideologies of everyone eating from the same table. No one is at fault, but it takes a time period to make a change. Nothing happens overnight. Now more than ever, people are finding the good in different races and cultures. Yes Patricia, black women are saying, "I'm not going to get left out of this cultural phenomenon, I'm going to date the man that treats me the best!" To each its OWN. Ms. Professional, tell us what your view are on what your husband said and bring us up to speed on your current situation as it relates to dating.
Mr. Anatomy = Hurchel Williams, MBA
Ok i was goin to bow out of this one because of the sensitive nature of the issue but here it goes...................I dont believe that anoyone loses a person to another merely based on race. SOME of our black men have been brain washed to thinking that "white" women are the savior as it relates to having a mate. WE ALL CRAZY, WE ALL LOUD, WE ALL DEMAND RESPECT,WE ALL WANT LOVE,CHILDREN AND HAPPINESS ETC.!!!!!!!!!! Yes some of us havent figured out how to relay that message correctly or correctly to "you" Black Man but it doesnt mean that that "she" can do it any better. The only difference is our DNA and I dont mean deoxyribonucleic acid(gues i spelled it right) I mean how we were raised. If she came from a family where conflict resolution was handled in the key of C and not sharp A then yes, in that aspect she is different, if we came from a family where pork was the main ingredient in breakfast lunch and dinner and she didnt that jus makes us different not better or least than each other. If it aint in your DNA then choose who shares your DNA and get with them and be happy. I say good riddence to bad rubbish if a brother or anybody else leaves you cause they think the grass is purer, sweeter, more docile, less argumentative, not bossy, anti-gold diggerish, sexually less frustrated (you know what i mean) etc!!!! LOVE YOURSELF AND WHATEVER HUE HE OR SHE IS WILL LOVE YOU BACK!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for talking ladies, but let me tell you EXACTLY why I left my wife for a white woman! My wife made more money than I and I had to hear that every day of the freakin week ala Terri Joseph on Soul Food the movie. I am a Real Estate Broker and the last few years have been a bit slow but she has been litigating and making mega dough and I have to hear it. Next, sex was on a schedule and frankly I got tired of that. White women come on in, ask if you need some first, and then get on to other things. In the beginning, my wife was that way, but as time went on, it changed. Third, that damn attitude, the rolling of the neck, the finger pointing and the back talk from hell. I was getting to old to be treated like a child in my own home. We are in the same family, same house, but she watches her pennies like I was stealing from her. My new "White" love is so different. She is very understanding, shares love, money, and we communicate. It's never separate, when we started dating, she opened her finances. I use to see her at the bank at the end of the day deposits, she droppin hers and me droppin mine. One day we had drinks, which turned to conversation which turned to sex, all in the same evening. She knew what she wanted, and Got it. I went home, and within a few weeks, I moved out and moved on! She said she had been watching me and was just waiting for the opportunity to say hi!
ReplyDeleteThe Husband who is Happy!
GON THEN MY BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like i said if she rocks your boat then sail on but i have a question, did you say to your ex that you "preferred" white women, why you ask, let me tell you......when brothers part there lips and say they have a preference then i wonder if you prefer your mother, aunt, sister and granny be replaced with "white or other" as well......communication is key when it comes to expressing your self and the wrong words could damage a persons mind, soul and future relationship. Im sure its "other" women who do the exact same thing your wife did to you and worse. Im happy that you are happy. But for my sisters reading this blog that got your own, dont think yo gotta give over the keys to your kingdom in order to have a "brother" be loyal to you, that aint in EVERYBODY'S DNA!!!!!!!!!!!!! be round here broke busted and with bad credit wondering why yo dumb ass gave him the damn pin code!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEEK LOVE SHARING AND UNDERSTANDING NOT JUS A PAIR OF HARD LEGS IN YO BED!!!!!!!!!!! POW POW POW!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteMiss Sherita, no, I don't want to replace my parents, or my relatives with white women, I just like their demeanor. I still love my ex wife, we just grew apart and I found something else to make me happy. Marriage can be for a season, and ours just passed. Yes, I left her after I spent time with my new lady but I had tried several other black women as I was trying to define my next woman and they just didn't do it for me because they had the same characteristics that my wife did. As for Miss Patricia, I truly don't know what circles people travel and all but the rolling of the head and snapping of the fingers, for me, is not the class level I seek. Even my ex wife agrees but that was the part of herself she couldn't hide when her anger reached a certain level. The woman I am with now is just completely different and I am not saying White is any better than any other race, it's just a matter of my own preference and the preference of a lot of my colleagues as we move forward in understanding of this type of dating down south where we live.
ReplyDeleteHappy Husband
You didn't really try to talk to me about my faults or short comings before you fell into the arms of your white lady. I was not only willing to change, but also compromise in the name of the kids. You always said I was a work a holic who didn't know how to have fun but somebody had to support the lifestyle we had chosen. As much as I love you and the friendship we carry, that was one tired ass excuse you just gave these people. Like Sherita and Patricia said, it shouldn't have anything to do with the skin color but the person inside. Did you really go out looking for a color? You are too educated to come at us like this. Yes, I am bitter, and yes I have a slight anger for white women but truly, it's not their fault but I can't help the grudge I carry. God is trying to heal my heart and that is why I solicited other opinions. I read a passage online about black women being left out in the continued growth of the black man, well, you might want to look back at the race that had you and dealt with you while you were educating and climbing that ladder to your "so called" success!
ReplyDeleteMad as HELL Black Woman
If U want to friend me-send me a request. I am truly sorry U have to go through this. Inbox me if U like to I am open to talk. Patricia
ReplyDeleteWe don't go through things to hold our testomines to ourselves , thank U!
ReplyDeleteMane looka here, you mean to tell me, you told this lady you left her cause tha new woman white? That came outa yo mouth, mane please. I done dated every good thang that Miami has to ofer but i aint neva said I left you cause she white and do thangs different. Tell da damn truth, you wanted a new flava and she probaly put it on ya. I ca'nt stand wen people say stuf like this. You keep racial stuf goin on betwween white and black. I'm from Cuba but we have black cubans and white cubans and we like all the flavas. If you date one ova the other, its just cause that what you wanttd to do. I alwayx say things to help, but what you tryna say is rediculous. it aint neva tha race, its the way each one putt it down!
ReplyDeleteTha Don n Miami