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Mr. Anatomy,I've been in a relationship with a man I work with for about 7 months. At first we were friends and then, the company took us on a retreat and, well, the rest is history. This man is truly secretive and doesn't openly share who he is. He just kinda comes and go into my life at his own leisure, but spends more nights with me, than he spends at his own place. He recently gave me the "girlfriend" tag and now introduces me as his woman when we are in the company of others. I don't rock the boat because, to be honest, I am just happy having him by my side. You see, I'm a big girl and he is a small fit individual, who I truly don't want to part with. He says I am the first girl with size he's ever been with and its a different "ride" as he puts it. The other night, while having sex, he removed his condom and inserted himself in me raw without discussing it first. That was the first time we have EVER been intimate without protection, which actually concerned me a bit. My question is .......
"How long do you date a man before sex should go to the "No Condom" level? When a man removes his condom, does that say something about the future of the relationship?" 
First and foremost, thank you for bringing your unique question to our forum. I selected your question out of the many I receive because I truly think this is a topic many women secretly ponder within themselves. From hence forward, I will address you as Ms. "Voluptuous" and allow my bloggers to give you insight into the question you have posed. I will chime in a bit later once everyone else has had the opportunity. Please remain available for any questions our bloggers may have.
Hurchel Williams, MBA
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It only says this man is an inconsiderate jerk and you love the image of him besides you over your health and well being . Girl get some self esteem and learn to speak up for yourself. This is truily a parasedic relationship: he is stuck to you cause you let him treat you any kind of way you are stuck to him because being seen with a "fit" validates you as a woman worth looking at .
ReplyDeletewhoa, whoa, whoa!!! That is definitely something that he should of discussed with you, sex without a condom could be life changing, weather it be a child, stds or aids... this move shows the relationship is going no where because just as he went "raw" in you, he's probably done with many others normally before I choose to be intimate with a man, we spend our "first date" at the clinic, I have to much to live for, for it to be taken away for a few moments of pleasure
ReplyDeleteHe should have discussed that with u on the way 2 the health department 2 b checked....really b4 u laid down w/him.....don't get me wrong, we have all played Russian rullet b4, but now things r totally different. We all must b careful & take responsibility 4 our own bodies....
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Voluptuous,
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me, you may be fighting your own demons of self esteem! Sometimes, when we feel we are not worth as much as we should be, we have a tendency to accept less than we should.(read that one twice)You have been dating 7 months, you can ask some questions! He is coming to your house, probably eating at will, showering at will, and doing all the things that people who live there (you) do, so you can ask some damn questions! I am happy, however, he gave you the girlfriend tag, at least you are not being introduced as "hey Y'all, this my girl Voluptuous, or something like that. If women don't ask to be something or demand to matter, you won't. Now, the more important issue, Mr. Dood pulling off his condom for a closer peek at your soul. Yes, I said it, your soul, because if he's bringing anything but an orgasm your way, he will affect your soul and like my Grandma use to say, "Euh Ole" ain't gonna change NOTHING! Ma'am, take it from Mr. Anatomy, there is nothing better than sex in its purest form, but that is a discussion both parties need to have. Now sure, things happen at the spur of the moment, but that doesn't make it right. Stand up, look in the mirror, and tell yourself, I am the other person in this relationship; WE need to talk! I hope this helps.
Mr. Anatomy = H. Williams, MBA
Ms. Voluptuous, when you struggle with who you are, you struggle with making others respect you because you are so into trying to have someone in your life. Don't show your low self esteem because, I'm sure Mr. Anatomy will agree, men exploit your lack of confidence. They do things they feel they can get away with based on the signals you send and the secrets you keep. Did you two ever discuss your medical histories; your stance on parenthood, and even if you were on birth control? By removing his condom, he took all those choices away, and by you not saying anything, you told him you agreed with whatever he wanted to do. Him removing his condom means absolutely nothing, other than he wanted a different feeling. Don't be a fool for what you perceive as LOVE, because like Halle Berry said in Boomerang... Love should have brought him home; EVERY night!
ReplyDeleteFirst Lady - NJ
Please go to your gynecologist and get a full std screening. In this day and time it is just not safe you dont know how many other women he has done this to.
ReplyDeleteI thank you all for your words of wisdom and encouragement. My boyfriend and I are talking and he is opening up based on some advice I received here. He said he just wanted us to go to another level sexually and that is why he wanted to feel me. He said since I didn't stop him, it meant it was OK. I expressed my feelings about it but he knows I don't want to lose him, just protect us from any STDs or other diseases. He said he loves me and the idea, but if I want condoms, then that is where we will stay. My self esteem is low, I don't know how you all knew it but I have been working on that. I am also trying to do something about my weight even though my boyfriend says I've made him like big love! It had been a while before him, so that is why I am trying to keep this one strong. All I can do is pray that things get better. Thanks Mr. Anatomy, Dealovingmemore, Simone, Whitney and First Lady, all of your words rang loud in my spirit.
ReplyDeleteMs. Voluptuous
Well my friend actually asked me to go to the doctor with him. I did but i tild him that i still didnt want to not ever use a condom bwcause we are not married! i was just being honest with him. i didnt wann make the same mistake twice and out myself at risk to become exposed to anything. She ia sensitive. My last "serious" exclusive relationship ended bc he didnt protect me but i shiuld have been protecting myself.
ReplyDelete