Mr. Anatomy,
I am not sure if you keep information on your attendees, but on March 19 of 2011, I attended your seminar for professors and college chairs at (not gonna say it) University. Your seminar was on infidelity, sex and relationships. During that seminar, you spoke about abusive relationships and how they can be closely related to the inadequacies of a man to please his mate. You said their is an association between a woman's high sex drive and the anger of the man who can't please her. At that time, my relationship was still fresh and new, but here lately, something has happened to make me reach out to you, and ask that you expound on what you were saying. I'm Asian and I spent a few minutes after the seminar speaking to you about my husband's lack of association with sex and pleasure. My new husband seems to want to get upset with me when I don't react the way he feels I should during intercourse. My Question is ......
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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If you are asking if you should "fake it" no you shouldn't. If he's not satisfying you, you have the right to voice that opinion. Him not satisfying you is a personal issue he needs to fix within himself and using you as a punching bag is not it!
ReplyDeleteSweety if he gets mad because he's not satisfying then that's his problem and there's nothing you can do about it. If he's putting his hand on you violently then your never going to respond in a good way. Best thing you can do is either get counseling or pack your bags and move on because, it's only going to get worse.
ReplyDeleteMy problem is my husband says in our culture, sex if for procreation, not pleasure. In our country men are permitted to go elsewhere for pleasure sex and the wife is NOT supposed to enjoy it. The problem is, if he feels I am enjoying it, he gets upset. When I purchased a toy to assist, he literally forbid me to use it, and took it away. So now, I purchase one for a one time use, and throw it out. I feel like I am being dishonest. I have seen a family counselor and she told me to remind my husband we are NOT in Asia but America. She has asked me to invite him to therapy but my husband is really old fashioned and traditional. I try to close my eyes, as to not show emotion, but sometimes, it just doesn't work. I am a professor and I came very close to interacting with a former student. I need help in the worst way.
ReplyDeleteTry sex with the lights off so he can't see your face.
ReplyDeleteIt seems like you are deeply amassed in tradition from your culture. Or HE is in the old thinking. You need to ask him frankly, "What exactly do you want from me?" and stick closely to your rules. If you are trying to make and keep him happy, you need to follow his guidance. I am not sure what culture you are a part of, but it seems it is something from the far east or China. I had a friend who was from Singapore or Hong Kong, and her husband would stay at the massage parlors getting a "massage" :) but would only want to have sex with her when she was on her monthly cycle. She took it as he wanted to degrade her and make sure there was no pleasure on her end.
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Professor,
ReplyDeleteI truly thank you for reaching out to me after a long absence. I do remember you, and the timid fashion in which you approached me at the end of the seminar. When it comes to cultural rituals and customs, you have to be clear on your expectations when entering into matrimony. Based on what you are saying in your email, what he does to you is physical/mental abuse although you don't see it that way. To expound on what I said during the seminar; I said, sometimes there are women who want a lot of attention in bed and when they get married, or get a long term boyfriend, their true self starts to expose itself. Typically, you would think a man would be all for having a highly charged, highly sexual counterpart but in some cases, that is not the case. Why you ask, because there are men who would like to take the road MORE TRAVELED, than less Traveled. Meaning, he gives you all he thinks you need, and then he wants you to lay there and shut up, act like you like what I just did to you! IF he feels you are not in total enjoyment, an argument ensues and then escalates to something much more. The root issue was, he was inadequate and didn't take the time to truly understand the woman's needs. Then, a man who feels insecure, immediately thinks you are out there cheating or looking for another "fixer" of passion and this makes the relationship truly unstable; all this because he didn't Seek First to Understand, Then to be understood. (Franklin Covey, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People). I hope this gives you an understanding into what I was trying to capture that night during my seminar. If you respond, I will follow with a final thought.
Mr. Anatomy = Hurchel Williams, MBA