Dear Mr. Anatomy,
I am living a lie and I really don't know how to get myself back to respectability. I have been living a life of celibacy and telling the guy that I've been dating that the reason we are not having sex is I am cleansing my life and walking with GOD! However, I am lying and I have been secretly seeing my ex boyfriend who lives down the street a few miles. My boyfriend visits and shortly after he leaves, my ex boyfriend stops by to "take care" of my needs. The other night, my boyfriend came back to give me money for lunch and he didn't call. My ex boyfriend ran toin my daughters room, and had to hide for over 2 hours until my boyfriend left. I feel so bad, but I am addicted to my ex but he has a woman and child. My question is......
Ma'am, Mr. Anatomy never judges, just answers the questions that are before me. Volatile is definitely the correct word to use. From hence forward, your blog name is Ms. "No-Sex" and after my bloggers give you their opinion I will follow with my response. Please remain available for any questions my followers may have.
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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You are most definitely playing with fire here. What happens if your boyfriends finds out or the ex's baby mama.... How can you say you love you boyfriend and put him in this type of situation? It would be different if he knew what was going on but it's like you are stringing him along. How do you know he won't be better than your ex in the bed?
ReplyDeleteThere comes a point in life where you simply have to do what's morally and ethically right. Keeping both men around is a selfish way to fulfill different needs from different people. Inevitably, when people do dirt, it always surfaces! Take a step back and figure out what is truly important in your life. Don't run the risk of hurting a good person based on your own selfishness...treat others the way you would want to be treated! Not always easy, but the right thing to do! That makes it the easiest to lay your head on your pillow at night!
ReplyDeleteOk now ask yourself why are you risking a potentially good relationship for one that is gone but obviously NOT FORGOTTEN? Ex boyfriend is happy as hell because he can use you for sex and no longer have to deal with you or have strings attached. He fucks you and goes home to his LOVING family. Why don't you just let the new Guy go and see if your ex leaves his home to be with you. Not going to happen. Just remember what you do in the dark will come to light one way or another.
ReplyDeleteive never been dickmitized before until here recently, ahh hmmmmmm, so i feel ya, but the difference is we communicate!!!! we have no secrets and tell no lies!! bottom line!!
ReplyDeleteThis is my life, or rather, my immediate lifes situation. Let me share my must recent story with you. While my situation isn't exactly like yours, I hope you can gain some understanding from it.
ReplyDeleteHUM, interesting! Confused! Brings so many questions to mind. However, you may need to have the conversation with yourself that I had to have with me. WHY? Why do we continue to sex the ex? Why is he the ex? Is the sex worth the risk? Other than the sex, what is there? It brought me to some very true and brutal realization that contentment and security of knowing what to expect there was holding me back from fully exploring anyone else. Although it will be a very hard struggle, I feel that you are going to have to let the ex go. You guys can remain friends if you can handle it (Talk to him from a distance. Not up and close). But, give your "Boyfriend" a true chance at having a full relationship. That is the only way that you will be able to know if it is going to work. Shoot, if it does not, you can always hook back up with your ex
ReplyDeleteI've already taken my medicine for the night so I will try to make my point as clear as possible. (forgive me if this makes little since).Ms. No-Sex, Why aren't you sexually attracted to your boyfriend? Are you just using him? Most people, when starting a new relationship, are excited about their new prospect, potential new future. The excitement can and usually does turns into some type of sexual desire. Are you even interested in a future with your boyfriend, physically attracted to him at all or just interested in what he is providing you right now? I think you should go ahead and end it with him. Your relationship with him is already tainted whether he knows it or not. You can never honestly look him in the eye and say you have never cheated on him. When you are alone and finally give up on the old dick(which you know you have no future with) and learn to be by yourself for a bit, showing some self control, then you might be ready to pursue a new relationship. But until you are ready to give up the old, you are being unfair to the new and yes even you. You can get good loving anywhere but if you aren't ready for the kind that is being offered to you, let it pass you by so the next can appreciate it.
ReplyDeleteKeep doing you Girl? Cause that's what you are? A lil Girl playing Lil Girl Games! Real Women keep it 100 ...You Playin the Couchie Game? What's done in the Dark Will always be brought to the Light,Karma is a Nasty Bitch. You still hiding Dudes? What really gets me is You are Happy with being No.2 with the Man you really want to be with.
ReplyDeleteI so thank all of your for your comments and I lay awake at night considering everything each of you have said. I am able to stop for a time, but then my emotions get the best of me and all of this start again. Did I mention the daughter I have is his daughter. I keep looking at myself in the mirror and I say how can you keep sleeping with the man that cheated on you with the girlfriend he is with now. Maybe in my soul, I am getting back at her. Mr. Anatomy, if I am having sex with my ex, is it even possible for me to love the man that is helping me change my life; the current boyfriend. I am in a struggle for my soul and for what's right in the eyes of GOD. I have to stop and some weeks I do good, but then I give in to his advances and temptation. My boyfriend is such a good man, works hard end helps support me and my child. I work, but he is there mentally. He cooks, he takes us on vacations and he is waiting patiently for me as I walk with God and my Celibacy, but I am a liar and this has to stop, but how!!! Instead of calling me Ms. No-Sex Mr. Anatomy, you should just call me Jezebel!
ReplyDeleteThe fact that your ex is the father of your daughter matters not. Think about what your are teaching your daughter. 1 its okay to be second in a mans life, 2 its okay to lie to the one who loves you 3 its okay to play the field.4, its okay to sneak around. 5. its okay to let your desires overrule your rationality. You do realize you went from being first in his life to being the other woman? And now that you are first in someone elses life you are putting the new guy last. trying to change what this blog calls you, Jezebel, wins no pitty. This is not rocket science. You have a choice in what actions you choose to take. And you know you are choosing wrong or we wouldn't be here blogging today. Take action and be done with it. ***naught...oops
ReplyDeleteLooka hear, put cha big girl thongs on, stop letting yo pussy guide yo decisions!!!!! you sound like a fool ("did i mention we have a child together? ") who gives a flying frack?,? what happens when you get pregnant again by this OTHER WOMAN'S MAN??? and how you gettin back at her by fuckin him??? HE CHEATED SHE DIDN'T!!! tell you what, send me the church man info I'll SHOW YOU what to do!!! you leaving the door open for another woman anyway!!! an appreciative woman!! now stop being a toilet for yo baby daddy and leave him the hell alone!!!!! its that simple!!!
ReplyDeleteCan I like that comment twice lol
ReplyDeletelol yes ma'am!!! Leslie, she dont wanna leave dude alone, she want somebody to co-sign her mess, WRONG BLOG BOO!!! we straight no chaser round here!!!! we tryin to tell you God love and thats the Truth!!!!
ReplyDeleteI so agree with Ms Miller's thoughts. You are leaving the door wide open for someone to take that good man that you do have right from under you. Even though you and the ex have a child together it means nothing. If it messes with you mentally fo rhim to come pick the child up etc then get someone who can be the go between for you and him. You are never going to be able to move forward with any relationship as long as he knows that he can always come get sex from you when he wants it. He is using you.
ReplyDeleteYou know what is right. Stop fucking the ex. And learn to love the boyfriend. See so many times we ask God to send us what we want then when he does. We don't embarrass or appreciate it. You better check your yourself before you wreck yourself. Then you will be crying later for the new guy after he moves on. God can't put anything in your hand when you are holding on to something old.
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. No-Sex,
ReplyDeleteI have held my tongue as long as I could, so now it's time to share a little knowledge with you. First and foremost, I have read every comment given to you and approve them immensely for addition to my blog site. My bloggers have given you "Poignant" information to not only grow on, but to live on! Let me make this perfectly clear for you, and others in your situation: YOU never go from being the wife, to being the mistress!! That is a backwards state of affairs because in most cases, you break up because he or she cheated on you. What are you saying to the culprit if you take a break from arguing, he moves out (stops contributing) and slowly creeps his body part back into you? Seriously, sit down and analyze that fully. You just made what he did to you, Okay! Next, in this scenario, who stands to lose the most; YOU. The ex-boyfriend has who he wants to be with, and the new guy is "helping you" so if he finds out, you are alone, and the ex is back playing happy families down the street with the lady he left you for!!! All the efforts you are using to sneak and freak, should be used with your boyfriend to please and appease! You don't need our advice, you need to look in the mirror and stand strong on your own convictions. In the email you sent to me, you said you read my book, well, remember how I did Alexis until she had enough. Do you see how she got me to understand her pain? It's time you plan something similar with your ex! Take the power back and when you finish, add your expletive and tell him where to go! Stop using GOD to explain your celibacy to your man. If you are gonna walk with the LORD, walk, but don't try to dress it up for your man by telling him why you choose to be celibate, Just do It! Final thought, you have to do one important thing that I coin as "transferring the energy from one source to another," unplug the power to your ex, and light the fuse in your man. Let him know through your actions that the games of your past are gone; why you ask, because if he is worth his weight as a man, he ain't buying your celibacy bull anyway! He probably knows somebody is lighting your fire, he just don't know who the "Torch-master is!"
Mr. Anatomy = Hurchel Williams, MBA
Omg! Well written. I totally agree. It's time to be fair to the other guy. He deserves your honesty and as for the other man, he needs to go home and tend to his. I'm not judging but it's time to let go and move on.
ReplyDeleteAs usual the ALPHA MALE of the blog is ON POINT!!!!!!! Enough said.
ReplyDelete