Dear Mr. Anatomy,
I am in a real quandary about my private life. I am almost done with graduate school and I haven't dated in years. There is this young man that is going to a Seminary here in town and he recently joined our church. He asked me out on a date and believe it or not, I really enjoyed him. Now, we are seeing each other a couple of times a week. Well, my only job is an exotic dancer and I am living pretty good, if I must say. Recently, I invited him into my home, had dinner with him, and extracurricular activities, but after which he found it in him to question my income source. Today he asked me a question about my occupation. This guy is very nice, spiritual, and respectful. My question is ......
Ma'am, I seriously thank you for bringing your issue to our forum, while I have my ideas about this topic, as always, I will let my bloggers speak before I render my comment. Please remain available for any questions my bloggers may have for you.
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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Truthfully speaking if your are bold enough to slide down a pole every night and make the income that affords you the lifestyle you enjoy, then be bold enough to give answer to what you are doing. He is bound to find out. Best that he hears it from you than someone else that is going to add to it. I hope that you have a thick skin because sometimes the redeemed of the Lord will carry the biggest stick of condemnation.
ReplyDeleteIf he accepts you for you then he should have no problem with you being a dancer as a means of income thru college or whenever. If he can't accept it and wants to continue seeing you then maybe he can afford to support your lifestyle the same way you do it for yourself IJS
ReplyDeleteHonesty is always best. U wouldn't want him finding out from someone else. What happens in the dark always comes to the light.
ReplyDeleteOh I forgot to add, if he says he has no problem with your choice of profession : 1. listen to his actions over his words sometimes men will say what ever in order to get the cookies, even the ones in church 2. I would question the sincerity of who he says he is if he didnt take issue with the stripping (I know that this seems to be a contradiction but it is not just follow me) he is in training to be a man of the cloth (Seminary) he is being called or have been called to a higher standard in order to lead that even mean in his personal choices....dating a stripper would be in contradiction to that training. Now if he said to you I dont agree with it but I like you as a person but there will come a time that you will have to make a choice in your life about your profession or being with me. That is different than readily saying I am okay with this.
ReplyDeleteMr. Anatomy, I am soo sorry but I didn't realize you had selected my question so I feel like I'm a day behind. Anyway, yes, I truly like this guy but I'm afraid if I tell him the truth about what I do and how I earn my living, it may come between what we are trying to do together. My mom says everyone has a past so although he has found GOD and is pursuing a career in the ministry, he likes you, so you never know who he is and what he's been through. She also says, he may already know, and wants me to tell him. Mr. Anatomy, I am so confused. I haven't opened myself up for meeting anyone, and when I do, he's a man of GOD. Is this a sign? Yes I'm a stripper and yes I know it's not the best of professions, but it pays the bills and is my life as I go through college!
ReplyDeleteSo Damn Confused !
I say tell the truth and be honest about it...Put it all on the table, because then you give him an option and stealing his choice. Plus, even though he may now be a man of God, if the "extracurricular activites" took place ...or what I "think" those activites are, then he should tread lightly.....Get your man girl
DeleteSo what if you are a stripper...there are worse things you could be doing! He is a man of God so he should not judge! You should just be honest...I agree with your mother Everyone has a past...nobody is perfect!!! You should really spend some time with this man to see what he is about and see what his story is regardless if you see a future with this man then by all means schedule this talk ASAP! And this is not a Career you already said it was to get you thru college....Only two things can happen A. He accepts is B. He doesnt either way you will still be you at the end of the day! IT is what it IS. I know you like this man but just because things sound good i.e pursuing a Minister Career doesnt always mean that person is Godly Im sure he has a few skeletons and thats ok Life is about understanding!!!! Good LUCK!
ReplyDeletegirl look gon tell this man what you do, if he leave so what! if he stay, knkw this he will eventually want you to stop if you make tgis a long term relationship, BUT you need to lay down the law that if he is not prepared to pick up the bills and lifestyle where you left off, then he'll have to wait until you finish school and have the career you want to sustain your lifestyle of living!!! We get in trouble when wr make these silent agreements with each other. He will silently want and expect you to stop stripping and you will silently agree, how you ask, lemme tell ya, if you continue to see each other, eventually sleep with each other, say you love each other, thats when the silent agreement is signed and sealed. COMMUNICATE!!! i kniw it sounds cliche but it really works, Mr Anatomy will tell you dear, telling a person where you stand BEFOREHAND will get you much better results than lying, withholding information, being afraid to state your true feelings!!! Man of God or not, he either gon be down for you or run from you, either way at least you know. so make dat money, finish your education and COMMUNICATE!!!!! thats my advice to you.
ReplyDeleteDear Stripper Girl,
ReplyDeleteYou must tell him!!! Beginning a relationship with secrets is not wise. A person will reap what they sow. If you sow seeds of deception, lies and secrets you will suffer the consequences of all that these choices bring into fruition. They create division eventually and a disconnection in any relationship where these decisions are given place to. I am sure you have heard of the scripture "the truth shall set you free"!! Being honest with him will start your relationship out on the right foot and can bring you closer as you work together to come to a workable solution. You have to trust your partner with everything if you are going to have a rewarding relationship. If he cannot show mercy, grace and willingness to communicate about this then you don't want him. Trust me, if you can't communicate about difficult things, then you are not going to have a good relationship. Relationships have to be built on great communication and trust!!! If you don't tell him and he finds out another way then you have lost a trust that is very hard to regain!! Please tell him and don't hide it.
Dear Stripper Girl,
ReplyDeleteFirst and foremost, never concern yourself with someone else's story, tell yours! This guy has no idea of your plight and what you have endured to get to where you are. Sure, exotic dancing may not be a glamorous job where you live, but if you were in Vegas, it would be a striving career! My advice, lay your cards on the table before someone else (in the congregation) does. People can be mean spirited especially if they don't think you deserve the man that is holding you up high. Can't you see it now, "hey young man, now, you didn't hear it from me, Hallelujah, but...... I see you keeping company with that young lady in the choir. Well, before you get to deep, there is something you must know...!" And your reply, "Thanks Mother Johnson!" While comical in nature, that is the truth and with that, don't let someone discuss what you should be sharing. So you are a stripper, SO What? Is anyone else helping you get by? Tell him as soon as possible, because, he may already know! It's not what you do for a living, it's How You do it! If you are ashamed of your job, are you sure you should be employed there?
Mr. Anatomy = Hurchel Williams, MBA