Dear Mr. Anatomy,
I am a regular, everyday guy, who has been married now for 3 years. This is my second marriage and I give my marriage all it deserves, and sometimes more; but I can't stop cheating! I know everybody and their momma will try to bash me, but I am seriously asking, from one cheater to another, why do we do what we do? I am not trying to open up old wounds with you, but you have publicly acknowledged your indescretions, so I ask you,
"What is your advice for a man who has a wonderful woman, but gets bored at home? Bored enough
to find others to make him feel good?"
Sir, your problem is not new but most people won't tackle it head on and give it the attention it needs. So, you have come to the right place. Without trying to downplay this, or make you feel worse than you probably do (evidence by outing yourself in a public forum) we will explore this with my bloggers and then, I will come back and offer my opinion and solution. You may be shocked at my approach!
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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That seems to be the now thin? g.one cheats and the other acts like they don't know. Marriage is such a scared thing.some ppl just don't understand
ReplyDeleteI Respect You Man! Putting Your Confused Married-Sex-Life-Relationship here on Mr. A's blog. Having a slew of Lady's or are you cheating with the same Women? I gotta keep it 100 with You. You are not ready for Marriage and you were not ready 3 years ago?. So let this be your 2nd marriage an get a Divorce? Keep it 100 with your 2nd Wife. Don't want to hear any BS about how you can't quit cheating. When a Person gets their Mind straight on things they do not want , they Stop. You need to keep 100 with yourself too. You are not ready for a Committed relationship. So separate now, file the papers work and go on your jumping from one woman to the next,that's the Lifestyle You want. I would not be Mad at Cha, Player? You wasted 3 years of marriage BS Yourself. Become one of those Mormons that have several Wives? seen it on a TV Show recently. Guy had like three Wives. All of them accepted their position. The Kids did too, you may like it?
ReplyDeleteWe cheat because we want to. Period. Its no puzzle, enigma, or riddle, people (including women0 do what they want to do and usually if you're the one being cheated on it has nothing to do with you, although we would like to believe it does. From a self proclaimed former cheater i don't NOT cheat on my significant other because of her but because of me and the self respect and self love ive finally found. Not to mention it wastes too much energy lying and sneaking around.
ReplyDeleteI am off the opinion that if you know that you get bored at home you might want to consider some swingers clubs in your area. And involve your wife in the festivities. I don't agree that you should get Divorce. I do agree that you were not ready for marriage. Cheating is a slippery slope, and a double edged sword. Because would you be willing to forgive if you found out that your wife was cheating. And don't think just because she tells you that your dick is the best she had ever had is always the end of the game. So, I say don't be selfish with the game. Open the floor to new opportunities. But be careful, you might find out somethings about yourself and your relationship that you were not expecting.
ReplyDeleteI don't believe in DIVORCE even though I once had one due to a situation of being with a cheater and a abuser. Man all I could say you were and not now ready for marriage not only you lie and disrespect your wife but God as well... All I could say is keep it 100 with your wife and instead of seeking pleasures from other females learn to spice up your marriage. You married her for a reason, that reason made you say I do... Have you ever thought twice of bringing your wonderful wife a disease home from them random females... My question to you is before you cheated did you try to spice up your sex life in your marriage?
ReplyDeleteI appreciate all everyone is saying and Mr. Anatomy, thanks for using my question. I hear all of this, but let me go a step further. I enjoy my wife. We've had the extra in the bedroom conversation and even tried it but I get the feeling she is not real with her feelings. Before me, she had never done anything like trying to swing and I don't like forcing anything on her. We tried it and when it was my turn to be with the woman I felt like her eyes were burning a hole through my skull. So, even though she says I'm cool with it, I just don't know, this is my WIFE, ya know. What am I doing wrong? I want to be faithful, but I can always find a girl at work, or at the gym that don't mind being a back up to my home life. Women, y'all think I'm bullshitting, there are women who would rather be the other, and not the number 1. What's up with that. I want to tell my wife so bad, I am not addicted, I just got a problem that I can't fight that urge to have a chic on the side.
ReplyDeleteNothing is wrong with you. Just like every person i know...U enjoy VARIETY! You get bored with routin. The same touch from the same person...hell im sure you even get bored with the main chick on the side DONT YOU? But just remember that while your being bored SO IF WIFEY (not about her so im moving on). Being a highly sexual woman i have come to realize that sex and love are in 2 seperate hands. Meaning the love u have for ur lady has nothing to do with ur sex or lust. Im even sure that most of the outside femles dont compare sexually to ur lady but just the fact that its new makes it more desirable. Your issue is lust and greed. Your like a fat man that cant say no to a bag of chips for example. You look, and think, u turn away, walk away, look again but say NAWWWW, keep thinkin, keep lookin until your inside of what you lust. Its hard not to lust something tht feels soooo damn good even though we know its soooo bad for our life including reputation, health, home, family, finances, sleep and religion. So your lust and greed seems to play a role that is more important than nything else in your life. EITHER GAIN CONTROL OR LOSE EVERYTHING ELSE BEHIND IT! Balls in ur cort dear.
ReplyDeleteThe reason why some women settle for being the sid piece is because it doent compromise her freedom, your not her problem and she can have you when she wants you but not really when you want her. Many people rather have the relations over the relationship. QUESTION...Would you want woman thats known for cheating on her husband? Lol well neither does the side chic want u full time. Even the side piece want someone true, faithful and all theirs TRUST THAT
ReplyDeleteYou owe her the truth u need to tell her. You weren't ready for marriage and you should have never got married you should but her through this just because you can't remain faithful. How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot. You would be pissed
ReplyDeleteErika, what you just said is dead set RIGHT! I do love my wife, but being in love and having sex is something totally different and I wish women would wake up and see what we see. For you who say how would I feel if she did it, well, right now, I can't really say, but I am one of those men who don't go looking for stuff. Willie, man, you right, I probably wasn't ready to get married, but I did, and I don't want that multiple divorce tag on me. I am successful, have my own business and I am doing well. My wife fits a certain mold in my life, and she completes me in a lot of ways, its just that I try to be faithful, and some months I am, but every now and again, like Erica said, I want some damn variety. Alan, you right too, we do it cause we want to, no if, ands, and buts about it. But tell me this Mr. Alan, what made you stop and turn in your player card? Y'all might not even believe this, but my woman would probably be understanding if I told her the whole truth, but then she would know I ain't been playing fair and what would that do to the relationship. All I'm getting is some extra sex, it ain't like I want to marry nobody else!
ReplyDeleteOk , Does your Wife suffer from Low self-esteem? Or is she so far in Love with You she accepts anything and everything You tell her or Suggest? Some Females cool with any and everythang as long as she is Married and not lonely. This reflects in the Bedroom too...If she was not Touching the other Female she was not cool with the Trois .You think Your Wife enjoyed watching You Knock down another Female? What was she suppose to do Wipe the Sweat off your Forehead? Plus I think Your Wife knows you possibly Phucking around? Why are You married Homie? She must offer Good Financial Security cause if you knocking off chicks like that , You could be by yourself with no problems. She is Whipped anyway so go ahead and tell her from time to time You knock other bitches off, But they know their Positions. You no.1? What do you really care anyway, you knocking off enough of them One of the Side chicks will step up and be the 3rd wife. The 3rd Wife is gonna be Game for other Chicks in the Room. And Homie I ain't knocking what You doing, I just choose not to do it cause I am Married. If I was Single , it would be On?
ReplyDeleteAlan hit the proverbial nail on the head. I've been the side action. It's not easy living with that scarlet A on your back but that being said, I continue to walk that same path today. So I am definitely not on here to judge the cheater. Why do men cheat? Because there are women out there who prefer to be the side action. Rarely does a married man leave his wife for the other woman. It's a proven fact. So why do men and women cheat on their partners? Damn I wish I knew. The bigger question is are you happy with yourself and what you are doing? What would you do if your wife found out? Have you considered the hurt and anger and are you able to deal with that? Can you commit 100% and never cheat again? Food for thought and only you can answer those questions. Your cheating is not only about you, but your wife and what you may do to her mentally, emotionally and even physically.
ReplyDeleteWell Mr. Cheater, You need to man up like the rest of us and leave that behind and wake up to the same mf like the rest of us and deal with it. She probably thinks the same thing looking at you everyday,but accepted everything that comes with it.
ReplyDelete@ Alan there truly is not a limit on Pussy to get? Just comes a time when you have to make a CHOICE?
ReplyDeleteI agree. I mean how much is enough If ur fortunate enough to experience lots of diff relationships when u r younger its easier to accept and make adult decisions when older. Trust me, im no goody two shoes and i have other vices. Women just ain't one. Got 8 million problems but a bitch ain't one.
ReplyDeleteOh yea before i forget....what is you telling her going to accomplish other than her heart broken and trust issues. Only tell her if u are willing and ready for help and all hell to break loss. Yea shes gonna become insecure about her sexuallity and yalls relationship but mostly she will never ever look at u the same again. To most women when we find our men cheating we fault ourselves even though were the last issue. Dont bring your hell to her because thats pain that is almost unbariable
ReplyDeleteI wish I could tell her to log on here now so it would open our discussion up now. I want to be faithful, I want to be real, but damn, I think at time I'm a coward. There are times when I am home and my text go off, I feel bothered. But, I get up and take my ass out and fuck around. Willie, she has high self esteem, but I don't think she was cool with me sleeping with another woman in the room. Trish, being the side action, what do you do when you are alone? I am not happy with this and that is why I am here talking about it.
ReplyDelete@ Cheater , You would not bring a Trois to a Female that has a strong self-esteem? Unless she was Bi-Sexual and in your case she is not Bi , cause she would be bringing different chicks in there Weekly. I know some strong Women ,You would not consider non of the Shit You pulling with a Strong Woman.
ReplyDeleteI deleted my previous comment. I went a little astray. Go figure. Bottom line my friend. You are playing with fire. You may eventually meet a bunny burner who could make your life hell and cause terrible hurt and pain to your wife. Tread wisely. If you are hitting random chicks you have no idea what you may open you and your wife up to. Unless you have an open relationship these affairs rarely end on a good note. Look inside yourself and see why you are doing what you are doing. If you are not happy being married to his woman then get the fuck out. Better to leave now before she discovers your indiscretions. Just my opinion.
ReplyDeleteHey i noticed you said that you wasnt addicted. Well imma say it like this, people always seem to claim the opposite of what they are. Example...people that are crazy mentally claim they are sane but sane people for some reason want others to think they are crazy. People not addicted to sex always claiming they are but the ones that truly are addicted say they arent. Well im a sane person saying im addicted lol.
ReplyDeleteWell, well, well.... As a wife, I would love to chime in on the conversation. First and foremost this is not my first marriage and with that, I knew this marriage had to be different, I had to be different. For the first time in my life I went into a marriage without preconceived notions or ideals on how things "were supposed to be". I opened my mind, fell in love, and went in head first. Let me preface my comment by saying I had never thought about, considered, or participated in a three-some or "female" experience. I had never been in a strip club or a swingers club. Pretty much I was sheltered from sex; not to say I was a prude by any means, just not many partners. Before my husband and I said our vows we had many open discussions. Both of us shared our expectations, fears, concerns, and needs from each other and laid them on the line. I made a decision to throw all caution to the wind & love with all that I am. Needless to say we have the best sex life a couple could ever have. We enjoy each other very much and our intimacy is not only physical but emotional. We have attended a swingers club and I am ready to go back at the next opportunity. We have invited women into our bedroom a couple of times. At first I was not sure about that, but my husband was very comforting and loving throughout the experience. I have to admit that seeing my husband F**k another woman was not easy, but at this point in our marriage, it’s actually is a huge turn on. I realize that the other woman is just that the “other” woman. She only wishes she were me because the sex is awesome and my man knows how to treat a woman. We’ve had several conversations since our escapades and he has expressed concerns about whether I am just doing it for him. To be completely transparent, initially that was it, but I now realize it is also something I desire. I am still growing and learning. My advice to you, share EVERYTHING with your wife, you might be surprised. Willie, I’m a strong, beautiful, and successful woman who has high self-esteem, so that goes completely against what you said about his wife!
ReplyDelete*Mrs. Fulfilled*
Well I am married to a cheater. We have been married 5 years. He hasnt come out and told me the times that he has or who with but the women he has cheated with have made it known in some way or another so that it gets back to me. He says he loves me and sometimes I feel that he does, but then its like so why are you cheating then? My husband feels that because he takes care of home and he comes home that I shouldnt be worried. I went thru the whole is it something wrong with me thing for a long time. And just to put it out there I was in the lifestyle for a very long time. I brought this into our home and it still didnt keep him from straying. I am educated, I work, take care of the kids, and beautiful. I think cheating has a lot to do with the person. Men and women come at you more when you are unavailable than available. You just have to know how to be strong and walk away. Knowing about the cheating has made me feel different towards him but I still love him. Its hard to throw away years of feelings and what you have built over sex with someone else. To me there is more to a relationship than sex. People dont think outside the box when they are cheating and they dont realize that you can bring something home to your spouse that they have to live with for the rest of their lives. Thats what I am dealing with now. So now I still continue to be the wife I am supposed to be even with all the extra baggage I now have to deal with.
ReplyDeleteLast Statement Anonymous .... I would like to explore your story further if you are willing. Send your story to AskmrAnatomy@anatomyofacheater.com annonymously and lets make your story EVERYONES education.
ReplyDelete-Mr. Anatomy -
Dear Cheater,
ReplyDeleteI am going to be 100% honest with you because that is all I know how to be. When you seek physical attention elsewhere, I found it is something you lack within yourself. Yes, I have cheated, yes, I have stacked the deck in my favor many times and I always tried to be honest with all parties involved. Now, does that always happen, no, but the attempt was there. As I look back, I feel as though I echo your sentiment when you called yourself a coward! I think what I understand that to mean is, you are not owning up to your feelings when it relates to your wife. We live is a very complex society, and most would have you believe you are standing on an island all alone, but truth be told, what you are experiencing happens more often that we would like to own up to! Let me give you an example; I tell women, a woman who is in a relationship and is happy is less likely to cheat as her counterpart who is equally as happy. For men there are two major differences, temptation and opportunity! Temptation meaning, a man can go off to do his daily ritual over and over for years and NEVER think of cheating BUT one day, he crosses paths with a person he finds attractive and the conversations start. In the beginning, they are harmless, just passing, but as time progressess, he starts to admire her smell, look, and overall presentation. Then, that's when opportunity rears its ugly head. It may start with inappropriate conversation and jokes that go too far, and before you know it, YEARS of faithfulness is ruined amidst playful banter. A man's mind says I can do it once, get my feeling and move on, but that is just NOT real life. With Pleasure comes Consequence~!
My suggestion to you, live your life, but do it within the confines of your marriage! Am I asking you to be a prude and not express yourself, a resounding NO, but what I am saying is, include your wife in all discussions! Let her tell you how she does, or does not feel about you being outside of your marriage! Have an OPEN CANDID discussion! You may be surprised! If that doesn't work, maybe marriage is NOT for you. Traditional matches don't suit everyone.
Mr. Anatomy = Hurchel Williams, MBA, PHR
AskMrAnatomy@anatomyofacheater.com
Personally i think its almost impossible to be monogomous, however, if you are honest with yourself, and your partner, then you've done your job. People usually don't like decisions being made for them, so if i tell you i ain't shit, you should believe me, and if you choose to stay then thats on you. The rules are different in regards to marriage so if you can't live up to the expectation then maybe u shouldn't be married.
ReplyDeleteVariety ! Hell if that's what you want its called role play ! With your wife
ReplyDeleteMr. Anatomy,
ReplyDeletethank you for you words. I have a problem and I want to talk to my wife about it, I just don't want her to take things wrong. Men are just different like you said. I mean, I can talk to my girlfriend easier than my wife. My girlfriend is reading this blog, and has her own set of questions, but I don't have the balls to tell my wife that I want to talk to her about all of this. How tha hell do you start a conversation with your wife about sleeping with someone on the outside and make her understand and listen???? I love her and hurting her is the last thing I want to do. I just like to get drunk and have different recipients to feel sometimes!
That's deep
ReplyDeleteI think you may ask this question to the man in mirror. I am sure you can find the man in the mirror
ReplyDelete