To Women,
Is it important to understand the thought processes of a man? Sure it is, but from someone who will spill his guts and let you into our deepest darkest chambers of "know how!"
Cheating, infidelity, and falsehoods are a choice people make who lack transparency. IF you could ask a man any question at all and get the truth, what would it be?
Chime in, let me hear you.
H. Williams, MBA
Men seem to feel that toying with a woman's emotions is funny or it's okay..but the women that men tear down or disrespect are the same men that are always crying about wanting a good woman...
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you, that is why it is so important to identify in the beginning, what you both seek out of the relationship. Once that is defined, you can then proceed. Often times, we seek different things and our motives are twisted immediately.
ReplyDeleteThanks for commenting,
H. Williams, MBA
Yes I agree with you very much, that each person involved must identify what they are seeking in the relationship. But, I feel that most men, not ALL, is not honest about what they seek in this type of relationship. Also men must know the difference between a girl and a woman. Girls usually want more out of this type relationship than a man is willing to give, a WOMAN let you come over, fuck her and then send you back to your wife
ReplyDeleteQUESTION #1: EXACTLY HOW INEPT DO YOU THINK MEN SUPPOSE WOMEN, WHO DON'T KILL THEM WHEN THEY ARE CAUGHT CHEATING, ARE?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous,
ReplyDeleteI must say, that is a completely different spin on things but if you speak it as truth, you must speak from experience! Today, in my life, I have adopted a new format, I call it "Walking in your Own Truth!" As long as it matters to you and you use lessons as "life experiences" then you can pass on your ideas to others to try to show them where your failures may have occured and try to slow or offset their struggles!
Thanks for Sharing!
H. Williams, MBA
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteLets explore the word "Inept!" Let's use this definition: "generally incompetent : bungling"
I don't, in my opinion, think a woman OR man who catches their significant other cheating is inept at all. I think, if you LOVE that person, you try to figure out why this action occurs. Beause, notice, I said LOVE, if that is the case, you are in it for the long haul and see their action as childish, and not an attempt to be Malice or extremely personal to you! They may just be acting out! Don't reward bad behavior with a "huge" negative response, accentuate only the positives! (see book Whale Done!)
Thanks for your Question
H. Williams, MBA
My question would be WHY DO MEN CHEAT? IS IT BECAUSE THEY CAN. IF WOMEN DIDNT CHEAT WITH THEM THEY COULDNT DO IT BECASUE THEY WOULDNT HAVE ANYONE TO DO IT WITH. MEN ALWAYS SAY THEY ARE LACKING SOMEING AT HOME THATS Y THEY CHEAT I SAY NO THEY CAN HAVE A STRIPPER\COOK\MAID AT HOME AND THEY WOULD STILL CHEAT BECAUES THERE WOULD ALWAYS BE SOME FEMALE IN THE TRENCHES WAITING TO CHEAT WITH THEM
ReplyDeleteWhy do men thinks its ok to cheat, but when the tables turn, they can't handle it?
ReplyDeleteBoth (2) Anonymouses... I will try a wayward attempt to answer both of the last 2 questions. My book will outline how men come to cheat in the first place. In some cases, it's much deeper than anything you see on the surface. Like one of you eluded to, we do like to have all of the intangibles at home, the ole "lady in the streets, freak in the streets" mentality; but is it realistic to think anyone can keep that up and for extended periods of time? My answer to that is a resounding NO. So that is why you must meet on a much higher plain than just sex. A man can be married to a porn star and still seek to trade her in. Sorry to report this, but sadly true. Men and women must start to seek something much deeper to substain relationships of longevity.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the table-turned statement, it's really a case by case senario. I seek to teach people in my seminars that both men and women are stronger than we give ourselves credit. The art to survival is COMMUNICATION!
Thanks for Sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
That's the way of men. Most men can dish it out but damn sure cannot take it. It's a man think and most woman will never understand it. Women just have to be smarter and 2 step ahead of men. Which in most cases this is already happening
ReplyDeleteSo are you implying with good communication, men and women alike can sustain from cheating or come to an acceptable happy medium about cheating?
ReplyDeleteTo try to be "Frank" and for the purpose of our discussion, women are already smarter when it comes to infidelity; seriously! Why you ask, well, in my opinion, it's not something they will continuously seek without reason. Sad to say, but in most cases, men are the root of a woman's infidelity. We do something wrong to you, and continuously do it, and women get fed up and seek refuge elsewhere.
ReplyDeleteAs for the communication comment, YES, I feel with good conversation, and "Truth" all things are possible. I have a friend who always speaks about transparency. She states, and I quote, "If he just tells me his intentions, and allow me to do the same, we could be adults about the situation!" Remember my slogan that sticks near and dear to me......Adults do What Adults want to do! (that is such a true statement!)
Thanks for Sharing
H. Williams, MBA
The key work TRUTH!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeletesorry the key WORD TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteTell me this...I have seen many people in relationships cheat, but what is your response of people who seem completely wholesome, meaning normal, but yet they decide to cheat with the same sex, whether it be man or woman??
ReplyDeleteNo one can do anything to you unless it is allowed and entertained...if you are in a relationship with someone who is cheating, leave-if that is what you want to do or stay-if you chose to. But either way, YOU have to deal with the choices and consequences. Life is full of both...and if you make a choice to cheat, then be prepared to suffer the consequences whether they or good or bad...Otherwise, if the person, man or woman stays and deals with cheating, then be prepared to suffer whatever consequences that follow.....and that too can be good or bad...
ReplyDelete@Anonymous....I say that is mere curiosity...Cheating creates a vulnerable state of mind to the person on the receiving end...and wherever and whomever provides them the attention they are needing because they aren't receiving it at home- is simply fullfilling the desire for attention and to be satisfied...#ijs
ReplyDeleteOk, let's tackle the same sex comment. As you know, I am not an expert in that field, however, I do have a friend who would be more than happy to log on and give you her point of view. Her book, Blessed Therapy speaks to that inner desire of alternative lifestyles. Check out her website and you will see what I mean. WWW.BlessedTherapy.com - I am sending her a text and have her comment on your question.
ReplyDeleteH. Williams, MBA
I'm not so certain that even if men were being satisfied at home, they wouldn't cheat. I think men have such a strong curiosity for the unknown that they would still cheat...because they want their cake, and to eat it too! Whereas a women generally won't cheat unless she is given a reason to cheat.
ReplyDeleteI wish you guys would say Anonymous (1) or Anonymous (5) or make up a name in your text so I can address you directly. Just a thought!
ReplyDeleteKeep it coming!
HW-MBA
To my community, I was just informed that my "friend" the expert on alternative lifestyles did chime in but did it in anonimity. Looks like she did address that issue. Thanks Blessed Therapy Lady! (LMAO)
ReplyDeleteMoving right along !
HW-MBA
NO problem Big H! lol ~Je'
ReplyDeleteok on the subject of cheating...I love my husband because he does all the things a wife could ever ask of her husband, but I am at the point of just being plain bored...he tries to do things to spruce up the relationship...the toys...different areas in the house...but in my mind I have been picturing someone else to get me to my level...what would you suggest?
ReplyDeleteWhatt is someone else doing that your husband isn't that is peaking your interest? Have you tried suggesting to your husband to do these things?
ReplyDeleteTo be quite honest this other guy isn't doing anything. We work together...we laugh..never has it been un-appropriate, but I find myself dreaming about him and I find it quite intriguing...
ReplyDeleteTo the last Anonymous post, that is a question I answer a lot. Let me first start out by giving your husband KUDOS for doing all the things he can to keep your relationship fruitful. I tell others, try reaching out to a bookstore and find a book on Trantric Sex. The principal, in my opinion, is to space out the orgasms and do more feeling mentally! Bordom is an age old problem, but it too can be beat! It says, instead of loading up for one big "BOOM" have a whole bunch of little boomers! (LOL) and Communicate your feelings to one another without being disrespectful. Only push one another as far as your comfort level will allow. I sure hope this helps. Keep us posted! The older lady who I credit in my development use to always say to me, "feel what Mama is doing to ya!" (in one of my late chapters, I explain exactly what "Mama" was doing!)
ReplyDeleteH. Williams, MBA
As for the dreaming about the other guy, we all fantasize about the things we can't have. When we reach out, that is what get's us in trouble. Remember, once you go there, you can't pull YOU back. Be cautious when stepping out. Especially when you say your Hubby is really trying! Normally, it's not until much later in life, through research, we learn, everyone can be taught to react the way we want them to, we just need a patience factor. We are a microwave society, we want everything now! Let's go back to using the oven, if you know what I mean!
ReplyDeleteH. Williams, MBA
He does exactly whatever I ask of him and tries to give me things in the bed...even things I don't particularly like, but again that is what I mean my he tries. I guess I should just leave well enough alone and deal with it.
ReplyDeleteMa'am,
ReplyDeleteAs we all know, relationships and marriage take work. One of the things I point out in my book is there is NO guide to how we enter into these unions. I mean, do your parents truly sit you down and say, "Life is not just great sex, or, you know me and ya daddy had many problems shortly after being married!" NO, if you didn't witness it, you might have missed it. Then you start asking yourself, "Is marriage supposed to be this way?" Remember, if it were easy, anybody could do it! My question for you is this, how long have you been married? Are you looking to do anything and everything it takes to right this ship? Of course you are, right? Talk to your husband. Have a date night and take him out, hold his hand, and say, "baby, your old football moves ya been doing, need some revamping!" Make it comical and see if you get his attention.
Thanks for Sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
Why are men such cowards when it comes to commitment? They portray like they have it all together and want to be in a committed relationship, but as soon as sex comes in to play(whether its just the sex talk or an actual act) everything changes.
ReplyDeleteSounds like the blog is doing just what you wanted it to. I have seen many truths already & look forward to following you & your success! Very interesting subject matter that we can all relate to on one level or another.
ReplyDeleteTo answer the question about men being "cowards" that is not totally how men see it. Men see it as we just think differently. Where woman are already planning a marriage, men are still busy learning your last name!!! When you say cowards for commitments, men don't even realize that is what you seek. Communication is KEY.
ReplyDeleteAs for the sex question, men are built differently, we see you initially as someone who is very attractive PHYSICALLY - first!
I hope this answers your question.
Thanks for Sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
To the last blogger:
ReplyDeleteThis has truly been a success and yes, the blog is doing exactly what I wanted it to do, be thought provoking. I want to be groundbreaking in the fact, I want women to have a forum where they can express their questions openly and honestly without bias. I will do my best, to give it to you raw, and let you know where our minds are in relation to yours and your feelings.
H. Williams, MBA
When men get caught cheating, why do they not want to give the details or tell you why so that you can do what it takes to prevent it again?
ReplyDeleteI will try my best to give you the most honest answer I can, in reference to your cheating question. For us, getting caught is not as traumatic as women may see it. Sure, we are embarrassed and shame, but we just want it to go away. I always tell men, when you get caught, you have to answer all the questions your significant other has because your back is against the wall and she deserves some answers, BUT, we just want it over and to just say those 3 words...."Baby, I'm sorry!" I believe in getting to the root of why it happened, but as men, we think you want to hold it against us and rehash it over and over. We are dead wrong for what we do, but there has to be some healing time. A way of letting go of the pain in a mutually agreed time period.
ReplyDeleteI hope this answers your question. We see cheating differently!!!
Thanks for your question,
H. Williams, MBA
In my eyes cheating is cheating. I know that time heals all wounds, but for me I just want to know why it happened so that I can try and fix the problem. It i like pulling teeth to get an answer. In the past when I was cheated on, I was told the reason men don't want to tell the details is because they feel if they are put in this situation again..we as women look for the same behaviors and when it reers its ugly head we assume they are cheating again and that is not always the case.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I truly don't feel men really know themselves why they cheat, other than for a feeling! I like your comment about wanting to know so you can fix the problem, BUT, that's admitting that it has something to do with you. I preach "you are NOT the reason" we do it! We do it solely because we saw an opportunity and took advantage of it in the hopes of NOT getting caught. Sure, some women nag and get on the nerves of their counterpart, but I personally feel, the reason is much deeper rooted than that. You will see what I mean in chapter 4 and 5 of my book. (early on in our growth process)
ReplyDeleteThanks for Sharing
H. Williams, MBA
Well the way I see it, cheating is something that has always been done by both sexes. Men have been more open about it and tend to be exposed more. I believe however women have always stepped out just as the men but covered their tracks. I know many won't like my posting but it's true. Want proof? Look at Basheeba in the Bible. Enough said on that.
ReplyDeleteMy question is if he has the woman he says is his soulmate why cheat? How can you have all you need but risk losing her over a piece?
Wow, someone actually showed their name and Pic... Kudos Ma'am! To tackle your question head on, no one thinks of getting caught. The word soulmate means you connect on many different levels, not just in a sexual way. Have you ever witnessed a couple that has been together for a few decades? They say things like, "it was rough, but we weathered the storm." Well now a-days, the first sign of trouble, people look for the way out. Remember in marriage vows it says, "For Better or For Worse!" I would be hard pressed to ask some of you, what exactly do you think the "Worse" covers? What if you knew your man was gonna cheat, just like you knew what his favorite color was, or his favorite pair of shoes? Would you be more prepared then? My advice is this...expect some bumps in the road like you do in a car, that's why you have shocks and struts!
ReplyDeleteThanks for Sharing with Us.
H. Williams, MBA
Tanya you are right, both women and men cheat, but women are better at it. I have truthfully asked in the past, why men do it cause they always seem to get caught and they are horrible at it. I figured they would learn to be better by now!
ReplyDeleteMy question...What are your thoughts about a man who is honest about being a cheater in his past but insists that you allow him to show and prove that he has changed but after two years of dating he confesses that he made a stupid mistake and had meaningless sex with the mother of his children but insisted that it was a complete mistake and says that I satisfy him fully in every aspect and that it had nothing to do with me. I really want to believe him...but terrified of allowing myself to be hurt again...
ReplyDeleteI always ask people who know me this question: "Would you rather I lie to you?" Basically, that means allow me to come clean and talk to you freely and frankly about the ideas and feelings I have inside. You have to give your man credit for letting you inside and allowing you to accept his past. Now, as for the relapse of sorts, people are human! I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, condoning his actions, but people are human! You have to open your ears and HEAR what he is trying to say!! He confesses his love, he confesses that you give him all he needs, and I'm sure, that he won't do it again. As we get older, we get wiser. When we Know Better, We Do Better! Have faith in him through his actions. Fool me once, your fault, fool me twice, my fault and if I can't handle the second time, I exit gracefully! Believe in your ability to keep him happy. Women are the glue that keep our relationships strong. Don't be Elmers, Be CRAZY glue holding yours together!
ReplyDeleteI hope this helped,
H. Williams, MBA
Do you think a married man prefers to cheat with another mans' wife?
ReplyDeleteIn my humble opinion, married men like to be safe and I learned from an old mentor once, when she said, "make sure the woman has as much to lose as you! If they don't, it will bite you every time! So yes, for the most part, married men like to cheat with "like" individuals!
ReplyDeleteThanks for Sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
Is it game for a man to wear his wedding ring, praise his wife and family and act untouchable to get attention from other women? I have guy friends who will admit; wearing a ring is like a magnet for women.
ReplyDeleteIn a word, Kinda.....Yes (OK, two words) Everyone has different tactics and motivation, BUT, men understand that NO one wants someone who NO one else already has! (read that twice) Wearing a ring is a magnet, that has been proven. However, for the most part, after a certain age, women know if you are not married, something is probably wrong with us. Selfish, narcissistic, or control freak, one probably suites us if we get too old without wife/child! (I'm just sayin!!)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment,
H. Williams, MBA
To All:
ReplyDeleteI want to say thank you for a successful FIRST day. The Anatomy of a Cheater franchise is on the "Grow!" Stay tuned for continued updates, Facebook, Twitter, and now the website of WWW.AnatomyofaCheater.com. Together, we can figure out this complex world!
Stay tuned for a fresh new Question tomorrow.
Goodnight!
Why do some men think they have to control you? That is the one question I would like to ask my husband. I have tried to have this conversation before, but in the end, he asks, "Why would I want to control my wife?"...hmmm, maybe because it makes you manly??? I have done research and have pegged him as an emotional abuser. I hate to say it, but why else would he act this way???
ReplyDeleteHow long have you and your husband been involved with one another? There may be some insecurity issues within himself that allows him to take his fears out on you. IF he can scare you to being afraid, it makes it easier to control all situations you are both a part of.
ReplyDeleteAs men, sometimes our wives, girlfriends, or significant others serve as the only person we have control over and we exploit that immensely. If we keep you afraid and guessing, we know you will never step out and explore other options.
I hope this helps,
Thanks for sharing!
H. Williams, MBA