To All:
Let's use today to ponder our own involvement in extra curricular activities. What do I mean you ask, our question of the day is:
Have you ever Cheated on your significant other in any way and (here's the twist) ...... Why?
Give me your reason for doing it BUT, the only excuse you can't use is "Because my girl or guy cheated on me!"
Let me hear you and let's have a engaging discussion today !!!
H. Williams, MBA
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
http://www.anatomyofacheater.com/
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I personally have not cheated physically, but I have cheated mentally. It was simply for the attention. I always felt that until I was married I was free to do as I please. Therefore, I would be in a relationship and always have side conversations/flirting. In relationships people get complacent and comfortable and the little things that brought you together get forgotten. And when someone outside the relationship comes along and does something you thought was lost or forgotten, it sparks your interest. Currently, I don't cheat physically or mentally but that may be due to the fact, I choose not to commit or have not for the past 5yrs. I do want to be in a realtionship but rather than be placed in a situation where cheating is feasible I would rather date to get to know someone rather that commit now to later find out I would rather do something else.
ReplyDeleteYes, with my first husband, I cheated on him. The reason...ummm, let's just say I fell in love with my best friend. My best friend showed me the inner and outer beauty of myself. No, I do not regret what I did. I have blossomed into the person I am today, and in all, I still love my best friend and he will forever be part of my life!
ReplyDeleteTameka, Have you grown from that experience? You made a very profound statement which I must repeat, you said,
ReplyDelete" In relationships people get complacent and comfortable and the little things that brought you together get forgotten. And when someone outside the relationship comes along and does something you thought was lost or forgotten, it sparks your interest."
That is a very true statement and in itself becomes the reason we step out or do things that gives our bodies, or more importantly our minds, release! I personally feel cheating always starts mentally and progresses from there. I use to have this saying, and it goes, "IF you can't stimulate me intellectually, you can NEVER stimulate me physically!" It's starts in our subconscious minds!
Thanks for Sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteYou didn't mention anything about the "First Husband" being the source of your exploits. Did he meet your needs, but the best friend found ways to stimulate you that he didn't? Often times, we like our cake, but want a different flavor. Does that make us bad people, I would say not, it's just frowned upon in certain circles. I have always wondered about Western culture. In the biblical days, people had multiple wives, and today, in the Middle East and Africa, it is still practiced today. I think at times, we may be creatures that restrict ourselves. Question, how many other mammals stay with just one mate for life? (I'm just sayin) I believe cheating is a learning process, When you KNOW better, you DO better!!!
Thanks for Sharing your story and your Truth!!!
H. Williams, MBA
Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteIm just curious, you fell in love with your best friend, but based on how your comment reads, the two of you are not together any longer. Correct me if I am wrong."I still love my best friend and he will forever be part of my life!" I know you said that you do not regret it but was it worth it?
Anatomy of a Cheater
I have grown from that experience and in the past five years of singleness. I have realized that no one is capable of making me happy,I have to be able to do that for myself and if I seek it elsewhere I will always come up short. Many people never take the time to dig deep and find out what makes them happy. If don't know what makes me happy it is a lost cause for me to expect him to know. I have also realized I have to be happily single before I can be happily "taken". There is much more to being happy than surface happiness. He makes me laugh, he takes me nice places, he has a JOB, he is Fine. All these things fade with time. He will not always make me laugh and if there is nothing deeper keeping me with him then the first man that comes along and tickles my fancy can lure me away.
Tameka,
ReplyDeleteYou seem to have found out some things about yourself that many miss along the way. You are ultimately responsible for your own happiness. Sure, a man or significant other can assist and keep you company, but we have the wherewithal to complete our own equations of happiness. When you understand, and get to the root of who you are, others can't rattle us at our core because we are always on guard and keep it protected. I speak on that a lot, the fact that we give "US" up too fast before we understand if the other person is out for no good! With men, cheating is typically on the surface, physically, but with woman, as the other blogger spoke of earlier, is more mental and about a feeling of greatness within self.
Thanks for Sharing Tameka. Your passion in "self" shows!
H. Williams, MBA
Join our Blog page and next time, Bring a Friend. Our discussions are alive and we dwell in the present. This is not your ole Man's point of view, we let life be our guide!
ReplyDeleteH. Williams, MBA
Tameka, It was worth it to me because my best friend helped me learn things about myself that I could not see. When you are with a man that constantly puts you down and tears away your selfworth, it is hard to see the beauty that you possess. My best friend was there for me, inspired me, and put a mirror infront of me and showed me who I am. My best friend and I are still close and I still love him...always have, always will.
ReplyDeleteAnatomy of A Cheater
I loved my first husband, but he took all my selfworth away and almost destroyed me. Full filling ones needs is not always about sex, it is about companionship and someone seeing the beauty you possess and who you really are inside and out. I am thankful for by best friend because he truly showed me who I am, and I thank him for that everyday!
Anonymous....
ReplyDeleteI picked up on a few things that are repetitive in your blog, you keep saying your "first husband" meaning, there must be a second! Right? You say you and your Best Friend are still best friends to this day. So what keeps what happening in the past, from happening again? Men are creatures of habit, even when we move on; things that are familiar to us, we keep close, even if we aren't still cheating, we still have that opportunity if we trip and fall into one another, (catch my drift?) If there is a second husband, do you trust yourself still having the "crutch" of a best friend around? Not saying he's bad, but bad habits are hard to overcome! Men have these best friends too, and sometimes they aren't good for us if both parties aren't in agreement about the boundaries!
Talk about it!!!
Thanks for your continued Comments,
Join our community blog and bring a friend!
H. Williams, MBA
Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI completely understand about losing yourself. I was in a relationship for 8yrs and I gave up so much of me to be with him. I lost who I was and the worst part of it all was he never asked me to give up anything I volunteered it all thinking that is what he wanted. So I have used these past 5yrs to get back to me and build the confidence in who I am and courage to know that I do not have to change to be in a relationship. Compromise is one thing but most women change who they are to fit into his mold of who he wants. I always tell my friends that a guy will go as far as you let him. Truth is as I said before he never asked me to give up things but he never stopped me either which is just as bad. But I in no way blame him no one can make me feel inferior without my permission. I work with teen girls now to try to give them a strong foundation of self, so they do not give themselves up to the first guy that winks at them. Anoynonmous, I am glad you found yourself and realized your self worth. Now use what you have learned to help someone that may be in that situation or prevent someone from heading down the same road. Knowledge is Power but only if we use it. :-)
Tameka, You are exactly why I wrote my book. IN life, we have to go through something to get somewhere. Life is a series learning to empower ourselves. If you don't lose yourself in something, you will never learn of the traps that life sets for us. Once we learn better, (say it with me) you DO better!
ReplyDeleteTameka, you get the "Golden Blogger" award for the day!
Thanks for Sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteWE didn't get the responses to the question I had hope for, but I appreciate everyone's transparency. We are growing together and I thank you all for participating. Today was a travel day for me so I was a bit absent. I look forward to seeing everyone tomorrow where the question will center around our favorite four letter word....LOVE!
ReplyDeleteH. Williams, MBA