"Is it better to teach abstinence before marriage, or prepare young adults by putting them on birth control?"
I have accepted your question because I think this is a topic that has been debated in the media for years, so why not debate it here as well. I have a firm answer for how I feel and believe, but prior to offering that opinion, I will let my dedicated bloggers give you their views. I will address you as Ms. "Concerned Parent" hence forward. Please make yourself available by answering any questions the bloggers may have to ensure this process gets the exposure it deserves.
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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How long will we continue to let our children suffer because we keep burying our heads in the Biblical sand??? Our kids are having sex!!!!! Abstinence has been taught unsuccessfully while pregnancy and disease has shot through the roof. Yes statistics are still high even with birth control access but your main concern should be YOURS!!!! You know your child and you know what route you need to take for prevention. Never say what your child wont do given the opportunity, pray about it on the way to the doctor ......
ReplyDeleteWhy not preach both. Tell her what the Lord say. Then tell her wat u say. An let her know by no means is getting her birth control giving her permission. And that they are not 100 % effective. But no sex is. Also stress to her we live n a world with Aids n It is not curable. And its not worth risking your life for. We only get 1.
ReplyDeleteMs. Concerned Parent,
ReplyDeleteWe have to stop thinking that our methods from 1912 are relevant in 2012. Pregnancy is a huge issue among teens and we have to address the issue. Tell your husband, peer pressure to have sex is way out of control. Sure you have probably raised your daughter to be good and keep her legs closed, but the football captain has told her if she don't somebody else will! In the movies, the good girl goes home and tells her mom what he says, and then she says something like, "Well Jenny, you're better off without him, he's a loser anyway!" Well, sorry, this is not Hollywood so there is no script Sir. What kills me is this, the very people who are pushing the abstinence thing are the very ones that were having sex way before it was time. Do as I say, don'd do what I did! I am all for abstinence if it works, but statistics are staggering that say we are losing the battle and teen pregnancy is still happening! Birth Control is Self Control!
White Choc in Montana
Please know that you cant fight nature. Children become teenagers and their bodies change chemically and hormonally. There is nothing we say going to change that fact. I would rather talk to my children with the RIGHT information than have someone in the streets tell them the WRONG information.
ReplyDeleteMs. 'Concerned Parent'
ReplyDeleteI'm no different than any other father having to face
the idea of our daughters having sex. We all are here because of it and have to believe the values we teach our kids help them make informed decisions when peer pressure surface. The more kids are told what not to do gives them confidence to find out in the street. Parents are the first teachers to a born child and have the responsibilty to teach not to restrict. Information is powerful and needed to make good decisions. I talk to my kids and keep it honest with them because of what I witness daily working with youths. Parents have to be proactive in this sex culture of teens. It's not going to stop. Teens are getting it in on campus in duck off spots. Have a talk with your about her sexual interest so she can trust talking to you about it. However, if teens feel they can't talk to their parent or guardian then you open the door for the street parents. Communication is key. Stay prayed up.
Dear Ms. "Concerned Parent"
ReplyDeleteThis is a question I have tackled for years, and my stance has always been the same. While faith is very important to me, prepare for the storm, instead of being sad that it came! In life, we would like to believe that our children actually listen to our wisdom because we've been there, done that, right? Well, tell your husband to think back to when he was this age and make a truthful assessment to where his hormones were and how he handled that peer pressure. The beauty of life and the cycles we are all apart of is this, they don't change that much. So if I have to make a decision on where we are as a society versus where we use to be, I would say the world is a lot more advanced. Boys are pressuring little girls at an alarming rate. Sure, teach your daughter to practice abstinence because ultimately that is the right lesson for her to learn, but when she deviates from "YOUR" classroom, give her a safety net that says I understand that little girls aren't perfect. It's not you I worry about, it's your hormones, peer pressure and those Football captains that push you into wrong decisions. My answer, birth control and serious education about how effective abstinence can be!
Mr. Anatomy = Hurchel Williams, MBA
Dear Ms. Concerned Parent,
ReplyDeleteThere is not much more that I can say that already hasn't been said but I want to reiterate that if this was a perfect world following God's heart then abstinence would be the answer. Unfortunately we don't live in a perfect world and there is an enemy out there that knows our weaknesses and how to tempt us. Communication with your daughter is imperative concerning this subject matter!!! She is 17 years old and no doubt she has already heard from her peers in regards to sex so now she needs to hear from her parents if you have not already had open communication about it! There are three parenting styles: dictatorship, passive and authoritative. Authoritative is the one that makes for an ideal parent. You say your husband has a strict religious background so I would like to bring attention to how Jesus dealt with sin. When He spoke to a person He addressed the issues of their hearts and not the sin itself. He spoke the TRUTH to them in LOVE with AUTHORITY. Our behavior reflects the condition of our hearts. What is the heart of your daughter? With her being 17, it is possible that she is already having sex! Take time to listen to her words and observe her behavior plus pray. What people say and how they act reveal a lot. Once you have done that then you will know what you need to do and how to approach the situation. I hate to admit it but I was younger than 17 when I first experience sex largely due to having absent parents and there was no open communication relating to sex. Open the lines of communication immediately with your daughter and teach both abstinence and birth control. Hopefully all the good values you have instilled in her thus far will help her make the right choices in her life.
I think abstinance is best, especially if that is your religious belief. If that does not work/she doesn't want to, than use birth control. Better safe than sorry. And don't forget the gardisol regardless of what you do for STD's.
ReplyDeleteAs parents we teach both. I taught my sons about why abstinence is important and its benefits but I also shared safe sex. If they feel they can't abstain then I wanted them to be well informed and prepared.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is taking notes and keeping tally of where this discussion has gone. He understands that I'm not trying to be a wife who is not submissive, I just want him to move into the 21st century! Cindy, your explanation, like all, was 100% effective for this day and age. I have never really blogged about anything but listening to the advice of people who have learned life and equally lived it is such a different approach. I don't quite understand what The anatomy of a cheater is about, but I am eager to learn. I have begged my husband to type something to defend his position but he said he's trying to open his heart to receive a message that soften his stance. We both understand that there is no truly right or wrong answer, just education on this topic.
ReplyDeleteYou can't be afraid to grow and move forward with the times. I was born in the early 60's and the same questions we are asking now are the ones they were asking back then, the difference is that abstinence bull won over taking the pill so secret abortion rates were higher! You have to understand one thing Sir, sex still happens whether you give them permission or not. You know how it use to be in the back of the Chevy at lookout point. "Please don't (blank) in me, are you sure your condom is on? My point is like everyone else, prepare her for real life, not the life portrayed on TV.
ReplyDeleteMs. Erma - New York