Since I am asked this question on a regular basis....... let's explore it as a group and as a forum! Not here to judge, just Explore!!
"Why do "PEOPLE" cheat on each other while in a relationship? If you have every cheated, tell us Why?"
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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its because they are lookin for a thrill or money issues is causing stress on their relationship a excuse ive heard is that the person is just not happy
ReplyDeleteBut what if they say they are happy at home?
DeleteThen they won't Cheat.....hopefully, Veronica.
DeleteGot feed up with given that person my all trying to hang in for my kids...I was a crowd and didn't walk away I wanted my children to grow up with both parents in the same home instead of ensureing my own happiness...lesson learned I am free of him and his issues!!
ReplyDeleteMr anatomy I can honestly say that I've never cheated in a relationship but surely been cheated on. Now I've dated more than one person but if it got serious I was totally jus with them. I believe that some people cheat merely because they can get away with it. Others cheat to prove something to themselves ,some jus greedy, there is really no rhyme or reason. There really ,to me is no excuse because I truly believe that as you say Grown folks do what Grown folks want to do. Passing the blame to the other person is a cop out. When we get real and communicate with each other our expectations and stop making these silent agreements of monogamy hen and only then can we stop this hurt and pain that comes from cheating. If I don't satisfy you or you jus wanna try Lily coochie out for size,jus say that !!! As I've said before over and over some women put up wit it anyway they jus don't tell that part . You know if yo man gettin it outside of you but you shut yo mouth and move on or you go get you some too. I will be so glad when grown folks start really acting like "grown folks" and jus be upfront. It would save us a lot of pain and bail money !!!!!
ReplyDeleteThere are characteristics that people feel that cause you to cheat, but "you" do the cheating. Characteristics such as: unemployed, drug use, difference in religious backgrounds, childhood experience with parents, living together (not married), blue collar jobs, low income, alcohol use....but ultimately u do the cheating. Is it people do things because "they can"?
ReplyDeleteThe reasons for cheating in a relationship varies but the core primary ones are: breakdown in communication, lack of respect for the partner and for the relationship, and lack of ownership for the state of the relationship. When people stop talking they start acting out. If you dont value or respect what and who you are with you will not honor them. We all play a role in the state of our personal relationship, whether we choose to own that role no matter how big or how small, will determine how fast we move on from that relationship.
ReplyDeleteDea I have to agree with you totally but I have my own story as well which encompasses what you contributed.
ReplyDeleteYes I cheated and I am not proud of it but I was a totally different person back then. I was in an abusive relationship. My cheating stemmed from a coping mechanism of dealing with feeling unloved, disrespected, insecure and seeking value. Like that songs goes, "Looking for love in all the wrong places". I valued myself through the attentions of men. I am happy to say that I no longer find my value through others. I find my value in my identity in Jesus Christ!!!
So in essence because of the abusive behavior or your ex, CindyLou you had lost respect for your mate and the type of relationship you were in. Lack of validation as a person will lead a person into the arms of someone outside the marriage that is willing to feed that need.
DeleteExactly Dea, well said!!! We all find ways for our needs to be met one way or another. How we meet those needs depends a lot on how we view ourselves and our past experiences. Everyone finds their value/identity in different ways. Some identify themselves by their work, from other people as I explained above, and some find it in material things/money. But when you find your identity in Christ you find freedom. Freedom from insecurities, fear, anxiety and judgement!
DeleteSex is a drug. Home situation could be great ... but when that somebody new is chasing u... the thrilled of it all is overwhelming. Keep it real!
ReplyDeleteMr. Anatomy Says ......
ReplyDeleteCheating is never about the one cheated on, but the one that is doing the cheating. While there are many reasons it happens, one of the most defined rationals is because the man that does it is insecure about his relationship at home. Somewhere in his life, someone has hurt him and skewed his insight about monogamous relationships. Because this is fact, his hurt was so damaging that he never wants to be that controlled and limited by just one female. While he loves the lady that demands his attention and faithfulness, he cheats for a source of power within himself. When something happens at home that test his will to be faithful, he uses that as justification of his actions. He says to himself, "that is why I have my spare tire, just in case the one at home goes FLAT!!!" This is just Mr. Anatomy's opinion through research, keep following the "Franchise" and purchase the book Anatomy of a Cheater when it's available, our teachings for women are earth-shattering and completely unorthodox with understanding!
Mr. Anatomy = Hurchel Williams, MBA
I can honestly say that the reasoni have cheated in the past was because I was tired of giving my all in the relationship and not getting any appreciation back. I was tired of not being. Validated and loved the right way. So when another man entered the scene, showed me affection,and lots of attention that i wasn't getting our of my relationship i steered to that b/c that's what i needed and wanted so much.
ReplyDeleteGOT MY RINGSIDE SEAT FOR THIS ONE..... COME ON ALL YOU BOLD PEOPLE TELL US WHY
ReplyDeleteDas my dude! That answer was spot on!
ReplyDeleteA! No arguing about that...You broke the Anatomy of a Cheater down! Now that I know all of this here is a question: Why do I need to buy your book?
ReplyDeleteJohnny Lovett, because that explanation barely scratches the surface of the many reasons men wander from their safe zone !
ReplyDeleteSo in so many words: READ THE DAMN BOOK!
ReplyDeleteoh i love it i need the book ASAP im definitely getting one for the ex boyfriend too. where do i get the book?
ReplyDeleteComing Soon....... keep checking our website, the book is at the publisher so out by the end of the month!!! Thanx for the love ! www.anatomyofacheater.com
ReplyDeleteok cool beans. Thanks much!
ReplyDeleteI'd rather read "Fifty Shades" trilogy....aaaawwww Mr. Grey where r u!!!!
ReplyDelete@ Teresa, Anatomy of a Cheater is a trilogy too. Just finished reading "Fifty Shades...." myself and while it was great and erotic, the learning aspect of what I teach wasn't there. Great book though! IJS ... Thanx for the comment
ReplyDeleteIma have to read it! Wise words
ReplyDeleteVery well said!!! Very wise!!! :))
ReplyDeleteTrue! But people have to write a book about how woman cheat too, except they never talk about it. Most end the relationship, but alot of them get revenge and never speak about it.
ReplyDelete@ Likina .... in my books we explore all aspects of both sides, even the anger and vindictiveness that follows when the Gander gets the Goose !!!!
ReplyDeleteLove it
ReplyDeleteI.cant.wait to read this book!!! Thannnnk you!
ReplyDeleteI can agree with this. Now if only we can address why women cheat.
ReplyDelete@ Mickey, remember, when a man cheats, he is NOT doing it with himself, it's with a woman. So, while society always places the emphasis on the man, women are at fault too. However, there is a bit of a twist to that explanation that I will explore in my book!
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to read it
ReplyDeleteOk so I have a question for you guys... If u aren't married is it still considered cheating????
ReplyDelete@ Roxy Furey, anytime you are in a committed relationship where you have expressed your love and desire to be one, then YES, it's cheating because of the promise you have made to one another. Now, men have a tendency to finagle the words to the situation if you are told different, but in my opinion, YES, it's Cheating!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you 100 percent!!
ReplyDeleteI agreeee! Preach! Lol I am so excited about this book
ReplyDeleteHold the help up! Lakina Richardson, Cristy Skyisthalimit Conner, Lj Cooper we ain't that bad....
ReplyDeleteSo here is a question for you ladies....Is it true that men are CHEAT MORE and women are BETTER AT IT?
ReplyDeleteMy favorite is when the cheater gets taken back over and over by the same woman .
DeleteI dont need to read the book, I lived it for 3 years with my ex who I recently left for that reason and have grown to hate him with a passion in a way Ive never felt before! Its selfish and damaging to the children involved in so many of these relationships and there is no excuse or justified reason exceptable for it and never will be. Its just flat out wrong!
ReplyDeleteYes I think so...I think it comes more naturally for a man therefore he is more carefree...it's not really natural for a woman so I think they do it a lot more carefully...
ReplyDelete@ Angie, if you don't mind me asking, how old was your mate? (Just a Question)
ReplyDeleteAngie Smith I am pretty sure everyone on this status has lived throughout or been the person initiating it. Reading his book I believe that he hits various situations of a cheater. I know we look at cheating as cheating, but it is interesting to know and especially what I read how cheating is broken down...The anatomy per say.
ReplyDeleteNobody should do it at all, if your not happy, get out if your insecure, get help, dont destroy people who dont deserve it.
ReplyDeleteAngie Smith I just felt like you just reached your hand out of my computer screen and bitch slapped me lol I can tell you are angry from that last relationship!!!
ReplyDeleteJohnny...I wasn't discriminating lol women and men cheat. I dnt understand y...so Im gonna read the book! Lol I have delt with a cheater recently I hold a grudge cause he destroyed my happy family @30 u would think that ish wld b over with. I held it down as a woman so I know It wasn't my fault it had to b something inside him....I dnt judge all men by one...ijs
ReplyDelete@ Johnny, to answer your question, YES, men may cheat more, but WOMEN are the masters at it; why you ask, simple, as a man, we need a lot more of it than they do. When a woman does it, she plans, and carefully calculates every move. It's an experience for her, for us, it's a quick Rush!
ReplyDeleteMy ex is 31 yrs old, divorced his ex wife for me (my big wake up sign right there) and has cheated on every gile since he started dating his entire life, he is a compulsive liar and manipulates every person he meets in some way to benefit himself, I am well aware of the fact that HE has far more issues the cheating that was just his number 1, then puts blame on everyone but himself and complete avoids being confronted about it, changing any discussion of it into something else that argues what a bad woman the women he has been with are instead of admitting his wrong doing. I agree that not all men are this way, some are truly sorry and make mistakes and learn from them, there are great fantastic wonderful men out there. Its just him that is the sickest man ive ever met, I dont think honestly there is ANY help for him, at all.
ReplyDeleteSoooooo Author Hurchel Williams is what Angie Smith stated about her ex is how the majority of men possibly act or what?
ReplyDeleteAngie Smith, the reason I asked his age is this: It has been proven through research that around the age of 35, the act of cheating by a man slows tremendously. Why you ask, because this is the time where he realizes the importance of what he has at home and minimizes the feelings he finds in the streets! There is an exception to every rule, but men slow down and understand the true purpose of togetherness as we age. When we KNOW better, we DO better!
ReplyDeleteAwwww damn Angie Smith did you have to call the man out lmao
ReplyDeleteI believe that for most men as well, just not him, when you lose every woman you have ever been with for the same reason then lose your daughter, your wife, and finally find a good woman in me who stood by him for 3 yrs of his nonsense just to repeatedly hurt me and my children with his broken promises, I dont think he will ever change nor does he want to, and thats fine too, it just wont bve done to us anymore, unfortunately he will continue to do it to the next, and the next, and the next after that.
ReplyDeleteJohnny Lovett, all men have the propensity to cheat, but that doesn't mean they all do! I have done several surveys that say a large percentage of men take advantage of situations offered, but I can't say, with any degree of fact, that ALL men do!
ReplyDeleteSoooooo who are better cheaters? Mr. Anatomy?
ReplyDeleteJohnny Lovett, women are better, men just do it more often..... In my Opinion !
ReplyDeleteMen also do it for alot less reasons and woman usually have financial issues for why they cant leave first
ReplyDeleteI honestly believe that everyone and anyone can change...only YOU hold the power of change...but you have to acknowledge you have a problem first or you will never progress...I know this is 2012 but I still have an old school frame of mind...I believe that when something is broken you should fix it but ONLY if there are steps being taken and no one is being too harmed
ReplyDeleteAngie Smith, just as a side note, I am a Life Coach, Relationship Counselor, and a Sex Therapist. I think you may need some assistance getting back to normalcy where it comes with dealing with a man. I am offering my services if you are interested !
ReplyDeleteI appreciate that, where the hell were you 2 1/2 yrs ago lmao
ReplyDeleteReally? Lol. People cheat cuz nobody has scruples anymore. We do what feels good at the time regardless of the consequences or who we hurt. We are a selfish, greedy generation void of self discipline...that's why people cheat. U can over analyze it and blame it on some deep seeded need for fulfillment but it's not that deep. It's pretty simple.
ReplyDeleteI am not worried about my next relationship, I am a realist and know not all men are Shaun and not all of them will hurt me and have bad intentions, their are great guys out there and I know quite a few. I will be fine and recover just as well
ReplyDeleteYa never know though I may contact you for advice in the future
ReplyDeleteSCRUPLES?!?!? Sarah what the hell?!? Is that a STD lol You made it sound like people cheat because they can't catch the scruples.
ReplyDelete@ Johnny Lovett >>> So I agree with the men cheat more but women are better at it! Like one says its just a quick rush for a man ... & most men just want to hit whatever & whoever just to feel wanted or they still got it ... men love attention especially a womens! Women on the other hand i think cheat not all in my opinion because of a past relationship so they are more vulnerable when a guy wants her again! When a guy tells her she is pretty & so forth! U feel me & the reason they dont get caught is cuz We dont like to brag on ... Oh I done hit that! LOL!! Thats my opinion though!.
ReplyDeleteOh so yall be cheating and not bragging....Damn smh...I might have been cheated on in the past hmmmmmmm
ReplyDeleteAngie Smith, I invite you to read my testimonies at http://www.anatomyofacheater.com/life-coaching/ Life Coaching Changes lives !
ReplyDeletei think people cheat because of an adrenaline rush also maybe cause or insecurities and mind wondering. Maybe it has nothing to do with at home it could be mutiple reasons i reqlly feel that people are missing something and trying to find it in love, lust, or sex.
ReplyDeleteLook here cuz Lj Cooper I don't want to think about you doing any of the above things!
ReplyDeleteLol im pregnant haha think about it. i am not a cheater if i want to be with somebody ill conversate THAT ISNT CHEATING but i want to find out who they are and what they can possibly give me..not sexually but mentally emotionally i like to make friends and if the vibe is right nd im single ill def try something out. i do have cheating intentions Omg its only cause i think with my vagina at times and not my noggin.
ReplyDeleteduhhh most women will not admit it because they think its having hoeish ways...BS most babies are made by thinking with the vagina lol its a way of life.
ReplyDeleteA way of life? Where the hell I've been?!?
ReplyDeleteMen and Women both cheat because of something they are searching for that is missing inside of them. Most of the time the woman needs the attention and the man wants to feed the need for variety and the ego boost. We live in a world where things are so easily accessible now. A cheater's best defense is to usually try to manipulate their partner's mind by making them think it is their fault in some way. Sticking it out with a cheating partner does not make a woman or a man 'a ride or die' or a 'down' partner...it only feeds the cheaters addiction. It would be best for men and women to learn what love really is...God is love and he says a man should love his wife as Christ loved the church and a woman should love her man the same. Reality is that we are all human and we are going to get tempted but if you stay prayed up and work daily on your relationship with God he will help fight the temptations with you and change the desires of your heart as well as your head! Just a small amount of my opinion on the topic! ;)
ReplyDeleteSo what about the people who don't believe in GOD will they have happiness in a relationship?
ReplyDeleteHush Johnny before u get burnt!! Lol. U know what I mean. People cheat cuz they have no morals n cuz it feels good at the time. But we could do another video together...instead of me being pregnant it'll be more like a public announcement warning against catching the scruples!!! Nannernannernay!!!
ReplyDeleteSarah Pendleton I got that video somewhere....mama got this, mama got that, mama got pregnant lol
ReplyDeleteI knew you were gonna come with that!! Lol...So I don't know everything but my response to that would be probably not what everyone wants to hear...but you know me I'm gonna say it anyways! I would say then whoever or whatever they do believe in can be where they find their guidance. That's my politically correct answer lol. Now what's on my heart and what I feel in me is to answer by saying No!! They will never know true happiness until they first know God. And that's that I guess.
ReplyDeleteLMWAO!!!!!!! We should have made more and come up with our own SNL type show. We would be rich by now!!
ReplyDeleteWow Johnny!
ReplyDeleteChriste Blackshear what happened?
ReplyDeleteidk where you been? but its 2012 time to hop on the vabd wagon
ReplyDeletewhat do you mean what happened?
ReplyDeleteChriste Blackshear u said wow johnny, and i said what happened
ReplyDeleteYes women are definitely better at not getting caught! And yes our Vjayjays have a mind of their own that can get n the way sometimes. But that's where self discipline comes in. Just cuz I CAN do something doesn't mean I SHOULD :) not that I'm perfect either so don't think that..nobody is...but it has little to do with self esteem and more to do with self indulgence as to why people cheat.
ReplyDeleteSarah Pendleton, you are so right, we live in a "Microwave" society where everything is supposed to be instant without the work! You meet, greet, and hit the sheets! Life is so fast, and ironically, relationships are doomed before they are even started good. Requirements in the bed are much higher while moral requirements have taken a backseat to a good sweat-producing session! (IJS)
ReplyDeleteChriste Blackshear u said wow johnny, and i said what happened
ReplyDeleteYes women are definitely better at not getting caught! And yes our Vjayjays have a mind of their own that can get n the way sometimes. But that's where self discipline comes in. Just cuz I CAN do something doesn't mean I SHOULD :) not that I'm perfect either so don't think that..nobody is...but it has little to do with self esteem and more to do with self indulgence as to why people cheat.
ReplyDeleteSarah Pendleton, you are so right, we live in a "Microwave" society where everything is supposed to be instant without the work! You meet, greet, and hit the sheets! Life is so fast, and ironically, relationships are doomed before they are even started good. Requirements in the bed are much higher while moral requirements have taken a backseat to a good sweat-producing session! (IJS)
ReplyDeletei have a question for angie...why do you hate shaun so much?
ReplyDeleteto answer the original question... I am going to go with false. This answer is not all inclusive. Some treaters treat (note I did not say men) because they are very secure with their relationship at home. some treaters know their mate is not going anywhere. Other treaters treat because of a lack of self control. This does not imply they do not have morals for they know its wrong and feel bad for the some of the decisions they have made. true some want to see if they still have. I know a few like that. Everyone has been treated on and for various reasons. sexual noncompatibility, exploration/boredom, revenge, lack of self control( whether it be from someone getting caught up in a moment from a situation they shouldn't have been exposed to or being seperated from their mates for extended unnatural periods of time), finding selfworth, I could keep going
ReplyDeletesome men that treat still value the idea of a monogamous relationship or else they would be single. no one wants to be controll. everyone has lost them selves in a relationship before, everyone has a sob story. in the end. its give and take... what are you willing to put up with for what you think you are gaining out of a relationship?
ReplyDeleteIf your not feeling appreciated or not getting what you want in the relationship anymore, you sit down and have a serious talk, kiss an makeup. Not go look for ass somewhere else. There was a reason why you got into a relationship with that person and wanted monogamy, they must of been what u were looking for. People can't be perfect the whole time in relationships. There will be ups and downs, but how you handle yourself during the downs determine who you are as a person. I honestly think people will think twice about doing it if they got cheated on before and felt the pain and agony one goes through afterwards. You may even go through an almost grieving period. I just think that people who are cheaters should get cheated on to see how it feels. Maybe their egos can get a reality check.
ReplyDelete