Mr. Anatomy,
I saw what happened over the weekend on your blog and I thought I would resubmit my question I sent to you over a month ago. I currently live with my grandmother because she is aging and she needs assistance caring for herself around the clock. I have a boyfriend of 6 months and recently we took our relationship to another level. So far, everything is good because we were friends first. He comes over very late and typically is gone before grandma wakes up. The other night, while having "relations" with my boyfriend, we were startled by grandma standing in the doorway with the bible in her hand praying for the sinful act (as she stated) that I was performing. I have never been so embarrassed.
My Question is .......
"How do I co-exist in the house with an aging Grandma and still have a life of my own involving intimacy?"
First and foremost, I apologize for the delay in posting your question but our success has created a very unique problem; we have more questions than days of the week. We select the best possible topic depending on the trend of our bloggers. From hence forward, I will refer to you as Ms. "Late Night" to refer to the time period you said you spend with your man. As always, I will allow the bloggers to respond first before giving you my advice on how to co-exist with Grandma. Please remain available for any question posed by the bloggers. Enjoy ! Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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Get a room sweetie! Smh
ReplyDeleteGet your own place and be respectful sounds like your grandmother is a spiritual Women and she does not approve of Fornication, so either get your own house or get a room like Catrina Mayfield Ford advised and show some respect....
ReplyDeleteAround the clock care?...............Well hun if grandma can hear good enough to hear you and can walk good enough to get to your room and stand with her Bible then I honestly believe that WHILE YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND ARE OUT AT THE ROOM THAT YOU HAVE RENTED FOR A FEW HOURS...........I'm sure grandma will hold it down while you guys are getting down!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your opinions. I have tried it all. Grandma has the early stages of Alzheimer's and it's progressing. Some days are worse than others because she is in and out. On the good days, she remembers being a professor at Southern University in Baton Rouge, then other days, she barely knows me. It's the disease but I am not complaining. Precious and Catrina, getting a room or even going to my boyfriend's house has been tried, but if she wakes up and I'm missing, she presses her life alert button around her neck. There are times when I need to be a woman but most of the men that I have seen the past 2 years don't have the patience to understand. Mr. Anatomy, help!! (smile) One time, I found her with my (female toy) massaging her neck and shoulder. I was like WTF, give me that Granny! When this is all over, I'll need to write a book too, My Funny Grandma!
ReplyDeleteSometimes the most simplest of solutions are the ones that we overlook: buy and install a lock for your bedroom door. Caring for an elderly relative can be very vexing and overwhelming, you have sacrificed a lot in time, energy, emotions, independence and freedom. Stay encouraged.
ReplyDeletedoes her insurance cover home nurse? That would be your time for U. Ask somone to sit with her or a family member to spend one night and U go away with your boyfriend. To take care of an eldering relative is a full time job but U need some U time. If Grandma doesn't want that in her home dont do it!! It's where U are at in your life in this season. If Grandma needs you- be there. We 2 will be older one day!!!!
ReplyDeleteDea, this is an old home with high French doors and archways. The doors have the old time door handles and knobs. Trust me, the first thing I thought about is a freakin lock. Patricia, I am her nurse, I gave up my real job in a hospital to take care of her, so now I work for a local agency. It's such a small town that I have been doing this since the very beginning. The care for elders here is suspect at best, but I will look at sending her to some day activities at a local elderly care facility and see if she can function there.
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Late Night,
ReplyDeleteSince you work for an agency, why can't you hire a co-worker to come in for a evening/night so you can have "me" time? Where there is a will there is a way!! No family or friends that would be willing to help? Pay a "baby-sitter" so to speak to come in so you can have your evening out. It is important to respect her convictions in her home!
I would like to add that you could hire someone at least one night a week.
DeleteTo piggy back on Cindy's response since you work for an agency could you possibly put your grandmother on the list of clients that she make be in rotation?
DeleteExactly what I was saying ^^^^ your local agency U have more options more connections than most.
ReplyDeleteMs. Late Night....
ReplyDeleteThis is a topic, I hold near and dear to my heart. I took care of my Grandma for the last 2 years of her life. Ultimately, it was a sacrifice for all of the love and affection she had given me. Now, I understand how you need a life and the special touch of a man, but know that this is just for a season. I honor the courage you have to take on such a large task, but it will pay off where it matters the most, in your heart and your memories once she has moved on beyond this life. I thought I was ready to see my grandmother move on, but let me tell you, that was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. Grief is such a daunting task because we hurt from a whole new source. As you have, try to work your passion out the best way you can and take the advice of my bloggers. Try to get someone to sit with her when you make the effort to be with your boyfriend. No one promised us an easy life, but we must care for the ones that cared for us! I hope this helped.
Mr. Anatomy = Hurchel Williams, MBA
Remain committed to your task and accord to what our bloggers have shared. Hopefully your boyfriend don't leave because if it but it will show his true self as time go on. We all have to get old in time... Hang in there
ReplyDeleteWow! As Mr. Anatomy stated...we are not here to judge, but to discuss these topics like adults. Here are my thoughts on the GRANDMA blog post. I personally would not feel comfortable having "relations" in my grandmother's house. In this lady's situation, I think the best way for her to "co-exist" with her Grandmother would be to have "relations" someplace else. I understand they've only been dating for 6 months and she says they were friends first. So, if he's truly her friend, then he'd understand its a respect issue. He'd understand that she only wants to respect her grandmother's house, and if he wanted some "relations" bad enough, then he'd take her to his place or get a room.
ReplyDeleteNow that's another story...of how she only spends time with him late at night and he leaves early in the morning before her grandmother awakes. Well, I've been there and done that. If a man can only seem to make time for you when its convenient for him or when he wants "relations", then his heart isn't truly in it. I have found to be so very true, that when a man truly loves and cares for you, he will bend over backwards for you, he will see you not only at night, but in the day time as well. When a man truly loves you, he will be happy to hear your voice, which will cause him to call as often as possible.
The best thing to do in this situation is to respect the Grandmother's house, and if the boyfriend can't understand that and wants to stop dealing with her, then that'll show you how genuine or false his feelings are. If he decides to bounce after she talks to him about the respect issue, then she shouldn't get mad. Just be glad that he bounced so her REAL man can step up to the plate & love her whole-heartedly!!
Best Wishes!
Kiseler R. Brumfield, Author
www.blindedkrb.com
www.movinstar.blogspot.com