Dear Mr. Anatomy,
I had an amazing weekend where your slogan, "Adults do what Adults want to do" came into play. I traveled out of town to work and do some training. Lately, my life has been a microcosm of one up and down after another. I am a young person who has had to grow up and be a woman in every sense of the word. My relationship, while less than perfect, is just that, my relationship and somewhere between I-Do, and playing housewife, I have lost the very essence of how a woman should feel. Today, I played sexy-bad-gurl and I feel wonderful about it. In the course of 24 hours, I was in bed with 2 different men, neither of which were my husband and for once in my life, I feel rejuvenated! One man was a co-worker from a different area, while the other was an important VIP I know from the community. The first may have been expected because of innocent flirting that finally blossomed into an evening, but the other took me by surprise because it wasn't supposed to happen with this stoic, poker faced individual......but was WONDERFUL on all accounts. I guess my question is,
Ma'am, as always, I would like to thank you for bringing your question to our forum. I have an answer for you, but not before my bloggers give you an intuitive spin on your question. From hence forward, I will address you as "Mrs. Attention" as we discuss this openly and look for an answers to your question.
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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Take from ur experience that u deserve more. Plain an simple. Have fun regardless
ReplyDeleteUr married!!!!! You suppose to make that fun!
ReplyDeleteNot judging, but sleeping with two men in the course of 24 hours AINT GOOD gurl, LOL!!! What you're feeling is false happiness. Do you and your husband a favor, and let it go, you dont want the married life, you're bored, and instead of haboring secrets, get out. Be single and sleep with whomever you like within any time period, but I can assure you that rejuvenated feeling will soon turn into emptiness and confusion.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Attention. Never make excuses, but try to use this experience as a way to build your relationship with your husband. Connect with your husband by communicating your fantasies and wants sexually. The lesson learned should be that you feel rejuvenated and sexy like you want to feel, now take steps to create a strong sexual relationship with your husband. Research lifestyle options... spice it up!!!
ReplyDeleteWhat tha hell????...Since when did screwing OTHER MEN besides your husband make a relationship stronger, Explore the freakiness BEFORE I do, not during. I thought this was real life, not Young and Restless..."honey have a good day at work, oh by the way I screwed two dudes last week" (dramatic music-commerical break) ...
ReplyDeletePrecious, Obviously it is not right for her to sleep with men while she is married. But we are not here to judge her. She can not take anything back, the adultery has been done. But, it does not seem like she wants to end her marriage and there are ways to learn from this experience. She does not ever want to do it again, that one one thing she has learned. She can learn to involve her husband, by communicating how she is feeling and trying to fix their sex life together instead of individually.
ReplyDeleteYes, there is a lesson! Although you may love or think you love the man you are with, you need to reevaluate this relationship because it have run its course. One weekend of escape turns into another then another. Take out some time before saying I do and pray about it, and then determine if the relationship is over
ReplyDeleteMrs Attention, dont you see,you were starving for jus that "ATTENTION "!!!!! But trust, a wild and sexy romp over the weekend is NOTHING compared to having a companion 25/7!!! Yes that romp rejuvenates your sexual bliss that's missing in your marriage BUT believe me you honey part time sex versus full time love???? Chile please, ima single woman waiting for a man to call my own FULL TIME, ALL MINE and when it gets dull I'll do wat it takes to bring dat sexy back. Dont fill your mind wit lustful thoughts of other men, put on a blond wig, some thigh high stilettos, red rouge and make it do wat it do. Thats jus my opinion. Cause karma is a fat bitch and she be hungry as hell when she come to yo doorstep!!!
ReplyDeleteOkay everyone want to judge but trust me they all have done or will do one day keep living. Just understand this sweetheart. If you do what frown folks do be prepared for hurt and pain in the other relationships. You say you aren't going back but yes you will with one or both men. You will touch on them again another time or to. I know you are married but it will happen so don't lie to yourself. Sometime people that aren't married or happy in there marriage for now make judgement that they know nothing about. But the only thing I can tell you is be very careful that you don't get your head and heart fucked up. Try to work your marriage out try to stay in it to win it. Try not to be so selfish. But make you happy and don't hurt other people especially your husband. I don't know if he deserve it or not. But don't cause him pain. But you want someone to tell you it's okay. Okay it's okay. But don't lie to yourself. You liked it an you will go back. Be careful. Be prepared to loose what you have and asked yourself if its really worth it. Do you have children? Does your husband try to make you happy in bedroom? Good luck and be safe and careful !!!
ReplyDeletewow...there are countless arguments one could put forward for and against her decision..but for me with my upbringing...it shouldn't have been done....she didnt say anything about communicating how she felt..she just decided to go and 'sort out' her situation. She's young..she would live and learn...but she doesn't seem ready to be settled and have the white picket fence and family yet
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are at a place in your marraige where things are dull and your self esteem is low. And sleeping with these guys was spontaneous and made you feel sexy again. How did you feel about your marriage after sleeping with the first man. For you to sleep with the second man you must didnt think about how this could ruin what you have at home. Has your husband done something to make you act out in this manner. I would say if you want your marriage to work to try to spice it up by doing different things. Unless you are really committed to making it work at home leave well enough alone. When you get to feeling like this again don't run to someone else turn to your mate and try to fix it.
ReplyDeleteI really hate when people act as if they have never had thoughts of doing something exactly as you have, or even better, go through with it. I know I am not a slut, but I was being neglected at home and I did something similar to what you did. While I didn't announce it on a blog, or ever discuss it with anyone, IT CLEARLY happened. Now, before anyone say anything, yes, she brought it forward on Mr. Anatomy's blog, so yes, she is open to scrutiny, but the reason I LOVE This blog is, it shows we are all human. It's like being on Jerry Springer, or Maury or something online. People, we are all human and with that, if it feels good, we will try it. Me, it was two co-workers at the same time. I had always had a fantasy and we were on a business trip to Key West, FL. The sand was white, and mood was right. I felt bad on the plane ride home, but I never spoke of it again but I cherished the moments. Now, when I see those two men, some years later, we just smile and think about how I was in control of EVERYTHING! Lady, keep your memories close, and go back and use those memories as a mechanism to deal with your husband!
ReplyDeleteWhite Chocolate in Montana
(part 1)I feel like someone took a page out of my own life here. I am glad there is a place to discuss such “indiscretions.” First I want to define that word: “Behavior or speech that is indiscreet or displays a lack of good judgment: "sexual indiscretions". Technically this woman is displaying behavior that to most seems to lack good judgment. Breakdown the situation if you will where the questions is Should a person have to make an excuse in their life. No. You should never make an excuse for anything because those are “A reason or explanation put forward to defend or justify a fault or offense “ and from what I have lived and from this blog’s openness you do not need to defend or justify anything. Now if you’d like to understand why you did this, for yourself, I feel like I can give some insight. If you are attempting to grow as an individual and educate yourself: here we go. I am a deeply, intense sexual person. I think about and fantasize about things that my friends and even family would be ashamed to say they KNOW ME, if they knew. I think that is hilarious. As humans we are inquisitve and when we don’t understand we jump to judging. So there was a point when I wasn’t necessarily developing a relationship with someone but I did like them and never planned to act on it because of the “co-worker” aspect. There’s a level of respect you keep and lines you don’t cross to avoid that weird feeling, but this specific person always displayed a very accepting and open attitude. I adored that as a friend and co-worker. On a personal level I saw how that, if I ever acted on any feeling that I wanted to explore with this person, it would stay between us until death. Not to be sneaky but out of pure respect.
ReplyDelete.(part2) The other person I will mention seemed “un-attainable” I knew if I ever did something (or thought I knew) that there was the potential to be “exposed” as people like to say. His was regal and his career was high maintenance and public in every aspect of the word, he was loud and opinionated, cocky and bordered irritating to me…but something about him turned me on and I figured ‘keep it to yourself’ because oh yeah …I’m married. He was a board member on an extension of my job from another city, but always seemed to be in town . When I said “ I do”….(bear with me here ladies and gents) I took and still take my vows to heart but my husband and I are very honest and open, still seems like he hides a part of his true self though for fear of my judgment and fleeting- and for that reason I do the same. I feel if we could take that gamble with each other and say honestly we wouldn’t mind being discreet with others and coming back to each other and lay down laws and rules to it where we always respected each other that we would be the most unstoppable marriage ever. But people are afraid of the unknown. My husband is not my ideal sex mate but he is my soul mate, I have children, he has children and we do not share a common child but love all our children the same. Now our sex is mind blowing and he’s got an amazing “member” lol but its not sensual and no matter how much spice I add on any scale he can’t reciprocate or initiate.
ReplyDelete.(part 3) Back to my story…so the “nice guy” as I will refer to him now and I are both out of town one weekend and we are having coffee and I guess I got bold and I said “what do you think of me—no harm no foul, good and bad, and the ugly lay it out there” I guess that was his cue. He described me in a way I wished my husband would vocalize to me. I smiled, he smiled and we went back to our rooms in the hotel. I get at text saying “one night and never again…” with a room number in the hotel. I was like what ? I went to the room and it was like he had literally listened to everything I had ever mentioned in water cooler talk at work for the last 2 years and had an amazing suite set up. We had a night that night. I felt like he read my mind, it was fate, and it would never happen again. And as I thought we went back to being co workers and it never became awkward. The other gentleman “ regal guy” happened on my return home…maybe I was all hyped up on fantasy but I got back into town at the air port and there he was. I said hi…and he stopped to talk to me as we had done before. And get this….asked me if I wanted some coffee. I was like that’s so ironic. And we got that 12.00 coffee at the airport laughed about its price. I said something along the lines of “I don’t even pay that much for shoes “ and he said “really?” which led into tons of random conversations.
ReplyDelete(part4)I really didn’t need to press to get home because my husband was out of town as were the kids with their mother/father. He said offered dinner at the hotel he stayed in and I accepted. One thing led to another and we went to his room. It was not to mess around and wasn’t hinted but the room was like a condo…I had never seen anything like it. He said something’s that hit home and we kissed and went from there. When my husband returned I felt completed. I know there are people like WHAT…how dare you. But both men showed me amazing times, respect, sexual experiences I will cherish and draw upon FOREVER..which was truly unexpected. But they both made me realize I can capitalize on fantasies with my husband and because what they had to offer…I didn’t want forever and I thought I would. So I as an adult had a wild weekend, lived out sexual indiscretions, attained two polar opposites and was lucky to never have it brought up again thanks to the caliber of the individuals. My lesson was I am grown, I control my destiny, I have my soul mate, and if for some random reason I ever need those feelings again I know who I can go to…and knowing that--- I don’t really need it because again…its not what I truly want. And I don’t feel bad that I learned where my heart is. Call me what you want but my marriage is stronger than ever and one day I will tell him just not right now. I was safe and protected the whole time and I have a feeling my husband has something to tell me too. But should you live life miserable never knowing answers to your questions or should you take the risk to find out what makes you happiest. People say “you should have got it out of your system before marriage” ok but did you meet everyone in life you were ever going to meet before you got married? Do you know everything about yourself when you say I do ? Do people change? Are you a psychic? Don’t marriages fall apart even in ideal circumstances? I don’t feel I should have divorced to find that out. I don’t feel wrong for learning what was right with in. and I believe as the blog states. Adults do what adults want to do…they just don’t always tell. Thank GOODNESS for blogs! No excuses because, life happens. Some people are wilder than others and should not be shunned because they have those feelings. As long as you are safe and smart. LIVE YOUR LIFE and play your part.
ReplyDeletewow these are things we used to read in books and see at the movies and never ever thought we would be in situations like this...it seems like you are still searching for something.. We all know being married doesn't necessarily mean we have that happliy ever after story.
ReplyDeletehowever note that all actions have serious consequences, i think while your weekend excitement may have gotten the best of you, you still need to sit down and reflect on what was done... ask yourself how important is your family, how would your carelessness and selfishness affect you in the future, what do i have to gain or lose by my actions and do i really love my husband...these are just some of the questions you can ask yourself because if you don't reflect on this a pattern can occur and then you will be in so deep there will not be a way to dig yourself out.
We all had some sort of hardship in life some more than others but note what makes us special is what we take from it and turn it around to make it become our success story. Don't allow your past to dictate your future...
Advice came to you in abundance but as my mother always says the truth is inside of all of us and we know what is right from wrong...
Dear Mrs. Attention,
ReplyDeleteI think some of my bloggers have given you some much needed advice, so I will take the "positive" advice, and continue to run with it. My disclaimer, "While I don't condone Cheating, I do recognize that is Happens!" It looks to me you didn't set out to find passion (times 2) this past weekend, it found you. I didn't read where you were having problems with your husband, or you were lacking any major attention, so your actions, while NOT justified by any of the normal reasons people give for stepping out, do not apply here. It seems you just found yourself in some situations that if you would have thought you way through them, you probably wouldn't have done them. In my serious cheating years, instead of looking for solutions to stay clear of new "sexual freedom" I always found myself gravitating to it. For you, PLEASE, use these situations as lessons learned and don't think so much about the acts you performed, but the reasons you allowed yourself to jump deep into the web of ecstasy with both participants. Try to understand your relationship at home a lot better and look for ways to improve the intimacy between you and your spouse. You will never know if your better half has some fantasy "tricks" up his sleeve just waiting to be explored. There are certainly more than one way to "skin" a cat........ Meow!
Mr. Anatomy = Hurchel Williams, MBA, PHR