Dear Mr. Anatomy,
My life has to change. I met a guy 7 years ago at work and everything I thought about him turned out to be a lie. When we met, we were both married but separated from our significant others and moving towards being with one another. We now have a 2 year old son who is the center of my world, but that is the only thing that has gone right! My man never stays the night, or can be reached after 11:00 PM. When I call him on the weekends, he says we can't talk because his head is always hurting. He has never taken our son on his own longer than 3 hours. When I question anything that is out of the norm, I become a whore, bitch, etc and he scares me and my other (2) children. I want to leave this relationship but he threatens to take my son away and that is my joy. He recently put me in the hospital with physical abuse. Mr. Anatomy ........
"I don't know how I got in this deep, but my question is how do I get out of this relationship without being harmed in some way?
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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Well it's quite simple......... call the POLICE and make them aware, get some PROTECTION and make your family aware of the violence, last but certainly not least move if that is feasible and don't tell him where you moved to. Oh yea put his sorry ass on child support and you never said if you sent him to jail for beating you, so did you? How many of his beatings have you or will you accept?
ReplyDeleteGoogle women in distress. They will get you and all if the children. Pick you up, hide, feed, council, and support you and the children through the ordeal. Their support will be emotional and legal. They can provide training as well as clothing an interviewing techniques. GET OUT NOW. Before you, or even worse, the children get hurt or killed. Just don't change your mind. People will go out if their way to give you their strength and wisdom. This group is throughout Florida. Depending on your area, google, help for women in distress with children. DO NOT TELL ANYONE, including family or best friends where you are. Contact one person that can contact your closest family or contacts, ONCE YOU ARE ALL SAFE. Let them spread the word that you and the children are OK. Keep your head in the game. The worst, could be over. Good luck. Be STRONG. Think only about what is best for the children. We are here for you. Thanks to Author Williams.
ReplyDeleteGirl you need to GET OUT! If he did NOT sign the birth certificate he has no rights to your child. Therefore he cannot take him. Smh. I was in your situation about 8 years ago. I was with that man for 5 years. You may have to go to a battered women's shelter. They will help you start over and also provide protection for you. They will help you do everything needs to be done to escape your abuser. I suggest you start talking to someone now because they will help you safely escape. But you need to get out. Dave any texts or emails whatever that shows he is abusing you and is a threat to you and your children and use that to obtain a ppo or restraining order. That will keep him away from you and your children including the one that you all share.
ReplyDeleteSave any texts emails etc. Typo.
ReplyDeleteDon't even worry about child support. Smh money is not what's important. You and your kids lives are what's important.
I went through this minus a child with him. If you ever need an ear just in box me.
ReplyDeleteGood afternoon . I agree with the other ladies you need to get out . Think not only of yourself but the safety of your children. I realize it will be hard but well worth it ... You and your family deserve to be loved and the need to feel safe ...
ReplyDeleteIm very blunt so forgive me if anything i say is harsh. I have also never been abused physically by a man but i have been through real life. Sounds like you know whats really up wit dude. He's either still married or involved and you are the other woman. A situation you have accepted until now. You can not change that man. All you can do is care for your kids and yourself enough to change your situation. You already said he doesnt even keep you baby so what makes you think he will keep him from you. Not gonna happen. Hes not trying to mess up his real happy home. If you dont like the situation your in, change it. Make a move not an excuse. No one is in control of you unless they have a gun to your head. Accept that you put yourself in a fucked up situation and the only way to fix it is to remove yourself from it
ReplyDeleteIf you need any support I am here. Do NOT allow this to define you. You are alive and you are well. You are a SURVIVOR not a victim. Don't live your life as a victim. Don't allow this to break you down or hold you down. Use it as a tool to be a stronger mother and a stronger woman. NOTHING is impossible.
ReplyDeleteWhat Planet do you live on? First off I agree , call Da LAW! Lock his Ass Up! Your a Grown ASS Woman? Your not suppose to be taking any Ass Whoopings, Especially to the Point of going to the Hospital. If You are not a Felon. Get You a Peace Maker, if he ever harms you in anyway. Put that Peace Maker on his Ass. Shoot below the waist and unload the Clip. To findout if he is still Married, which You know he is? Check public records , run his name. Don't see how a person can hide now since the Internet is available and Social media. When You press Dem Charges everything that was did in the Dark will come to the Light. You will hear from his Wife and possibly his relatives. Quit being the Victim!
ReplyDeleteWillie Hudson I am 100% with you on the peacemaker! Lol. She need that restraining order first to protect herself against doing 5-life. She has to prove that he is a threat to her or her kids. And he has to be a threat to her at the time. Or she will do time. Downside to the peacemaker is sending him to meet his peacemaker with a peacemaker may only give her little peace because she has to live with knowing she took a life. Some people can't do that
ReplyDelete@Akeiba Gordon, if you Shoot below the waist it's not attempted murder? It would just be aggravated assault. Plus what jury will convict a Woman that has been abused? He would be called my 8 Toed Baby Daddy that walks with a Limp!
ReplyDeleteWalk away. Focus on the children : ) Negative energy and words will keep you down, darling. You need all that positive energy to direct yourself. Stay focused. This WILL NOT BE EASY. IF you are looking for easy. Please disregard everything that I have said. I stayed on the wrong bus twice. Fractured my back, then my neck. Trust me, you will pay for it the rest of your life. Walk : )
ReplyDeleteColleen Murphy that experience has changed my whole life. I haven't dated since. I am working on me and moving forward with my life. My abuser is blocked on social sites, through email and my phone. The minute he held a gun to my head in front of my children. I knew 1 of 2 things was going to happen. He was going to kill me in front of them or my teenage son was going to kill him trying to protect me. He still finds ways to torment me. I moved out of my house and moved in with roommates. I also filed a police report every single time he abused, stalked, and harassed me. I was raised as a confident, smart and independent woman. Don't let this define you!
ReplyDeleteStep one file a restraining order on him for the physical abuse you've already suffered. That should've been it, secondly he's not gonna take your son because he only sees him for three hrs at a time, if he really wanted a relationship with his baby he would be there more often. Third he's in another relationship or possibly still married and carrying on the charade, but at this point it seems to me as if you're the side chick that got pregnant and now he has to deal with. You're also an easy scape goat for his pent up frustrations and he figured if he continues to treat you the way he does. You won't retaliate because you didn't the first time. Get the legal system involved, your family and friends should have a good ol talk with ya boy... Let's say hypothetically speaking with some baseball bats to some kneecaps or shins. That'll serve as a deterrent itself. Don't be the fool and stay in the position you're in, you're only gonna damage yourself and your children's perceptions of relationships.
ReplyDeleteWell first Im sorry to read what she has endured.Now first RED flag was he was married...However that is the least of concern now.BUT IF....I was to go on just what I read HE STILL marriaged or in a committed relationships HER and HER SON are a secret and meant to stay that way...Now I know ppl gonna say it aint that easy BUT really it is WHY is he not in jail How does a woman end up in hospital and still not have a way OUT press charges get a PO go to a safe house DO whatever you have to do to protect urself and your children!!!! Plus really he dont want wifey /gf to know about the baby if he aint taking it more than three hours so he sure aint trying to take it they are all bs threats call him on it....Find strength in ur kids and Do what u need to we choose to stay...victims or become survivor. ...God bless her and her children
ReplyDeleteWillie Hudsonhudson rules on a peacemaker. .... 1 . If you have one and pull it you better use it. 2. When you use it you better kill me. 3. If you don't kill me I will kill you. Right? So like I said either way it go she need that ppo first. Lol
ReplyDeleteUnless we walk in your shoes, we cannot make your decision. I was and am very strong independent and quite curious. That was half the battle. My luck, as it was....was not being able to carry to full term. I was thinking I could change someone . Help them. Care for them. I was the only woman in their lives. I was off the road, at home thinking that I was safe. Where can you let your guard down, as I did, at home. When you least expect it. EXPECT IT. Run for the hills now baby girl. At least you knew where this bus had already been. Wish someone gave me the , heads up. PUNT!
ReplyDeleteI was trying to think of a diplomatic and tactful way of commenting and giving some advice but nah!!!! your situation frustrates the hell out of me, stop being selfish and weak, protect your children It's your duty as a mother, they have witnessed or are witnessing this abuse, this could effect them into their adulthood and how they perceive relationships. Be brave, find that strength and leave, let your children's well being be your motivation.
ReplyDeleteThe "taking your son away" is a idle threat that you need not pay heed to...the law is on your side...save all paperwork and be prepared to back your story...he already don't be around much so he's doing you a favor...change the locks on your doors as well as heart and mind...simply lock him out in all ways...yall not married so no messy divorce or outta pocket expenses to worry you with him buying a win in court...if this doesn't go your way its only cuz of your unwillingness to be strong mentally...stop calling him your man...he's not and its sounds that he never has been...don't subject your "centers of your world" aka children to this fuckery a minute longer lest they grow up to live out similar situations by way of their elders examples
ReplyDeleteHere in Florida a Woman was Sentenced to 20 years in Prison for Firing a Warning shot at her Abusive Boyfriend. She should have put Dat Fire in his Ass would have gotten less follow link: time.http://abcnews.go.com/.../florida-woman.../story...
ReplyDeleteLooka here sweetthang, Im just gone tell you dis. dont let no man put his hands on you an live! Im with wille, put a club on dat azz or boil some water for dat ass. Im down her in Miami an you could pay a mothrfuker ta beat dat azz if ya wanna. see, he got a lil girl an he dont want nobody puttin his hands on his kid or his sista or his mother. so he shud respec yu too. it dont matter but is yu white? an he a differnt race? i'm jus askin wat everybody else wanna kno.
ReplyDeleteTha Don in Miami
What Woman believe's a Man can just take your Child from You? You have to be proven very Unfit for the Judge to take your child away. You need to Educate yourself on the Custody Laws in your State. Quit believing everything a Man that does not respect You, is Saying? Also Pay and get a background check on this Dude. You Pay so much for 30 days of service and close account. Try MUGSHOTS too?
ReplyDeleteInteresting how I just read a part of my past. Most importantly..if he cant take your son for more than 3 hours then trust that he cant take him for life. Also, for him to be considered for custodial parent he gotta darn sure show where u are falling short. Now that we have taken care of the baby ,lets take care of you. Get yo shit and get out. Easier said than done isn't it? This is when and where you figure around your finances and job because you will have to start over. You will encounter an extremely bumpy road but it will be well worth it. To know ur babies are safe and you can stop spending nights at the hospital and in fear. Look wayyyyy past today. Step 1 get all the money you have and regardless of the amount you still need to borrow some from friends family and bank or loan company before u leave. Next get all yall paper work and fax it to your most trusted family member. Now get ur number changed and dont give the number to anyone but one person. Go get the kids outta school and dont even tell them they are leaving until ur gone. Now Go! Out of that city...if possible the state. Get a hotel room for 1 week. This week you will get the kids in school,find a job and a place to stay. I PROMISE YOU SOMEONE WILL HELP! Notify the police in the area ur leaving and the one ur going to that way ur story will be documented. Within 1 yr ur life will be better than it is today. ...TRUST ME LEAVE! And all of this needs to be done on Friday since he is limited on the weekends
ReplyDeleteThe story above..... now you see why I said she needs that ppo first! To protect her against that ish. Smh...... 20 years? Not worth it. By law... you get a ppo. That only protects you some. Then yoy get a peace maker. I prefer Smith and Wesson. Shoot that's who I have. I live those two guys. I have 3 of them. If he comes at her and puts his hands on her or presents a weapon to her she has every right to use her own. And she will NOT do a day. The lady above discharged a weapon in a public place which is considered irresponsible because what goes up must come down and can still hurt innocent people. If she fired at the ground there is ricochet which again can still hurt other people. That made what she did illegal. ( I'm a paralegal so I'm giving in site to get around the laws and protect yourself ) . Shooting him directly or while being assaulted makes self defense. Make sure the weapon is clean and you have a license to carry. Make sure all paper work is done and done correctly. You need that proof. Just in case you make copies of EVERYTHING! Threats emails texts the works. Put it somewhere safe. And only allow your lawyer access of someone you trust dearly in case you ever need it. That's how the laws work for self defense. That lady got convicted because of the way she did things. Not because of what she did. Willie Hudson.
ReplyDeleteIf she had to resort to hurting this man after she got a ppo that would mean that the laws failed her. And that works in her favor. Every time he violates she needs to have him locked up. Plain and simple. She needs to show up for every court date. Never miss one or they won't take you seriously.
ReplyDeleteHe os living a double life and ur not the main family so while he is spending time u home make the time work for you. NEVER LOOK BACK ONCE UR GONE....dont call or give him a heads up. Try hard not to care or give a damn sbout his feelings or what he may think. ONLY THINK ABOUT YOU AND THE KIDS CONSTANTLY
ReplyDeleteThat means after the ppo is served to him each time he calls you keep record. Each text. Each threat. Each email. It's work but it's worth it. He will get tired of being locked up and get the picture. Each time he violates that restraining order in any way shape or form you report him along with proof. At the same time she needs to understand once she gets the ppo SHE NEED TO CUT ALL CONTACT. OR SHE WILL MAKE THE RESTRAINING ORDER NOLANVOID. SHE CAN NOT CALLED TEXT EMAIL NONE OF THAT.
ReplyDeleteNo need for you to fight a loosing a battle. If you shot him now ur giving him something to go on when trying to get the baby and risking jail and another assv whipping when ur out again. Ur wasting time fighting TRUST ME
ReplyDeleteGet a gun***** serious typo
ReplyDeleteIf you know me then you know I too have a restraining order against my 3 month old son's dad for various reasons. You HAVE TO DO THING THE LEGAL way to protect your children and yourself. You can't do what you feel is correct. You have to do what the LAW says is correct. Step number one is always GET OUT.
ReplyDeleteGet into a woman's shelter ASAP. They will help you file a protection from abuse. Change the locks on your doors. Don't answer the door or his calls. But most importantly get away from him and protect your children. You do NOT need him and neither do your children!
ReplyDeleteMonique Brandnewkindofme Smith you are so correct about it being a piece of paper . But it's a piece of paper she will need if she had to resort to hurting him if he attacked her of her kids before the law arrived. That piece of paper is like our social security number. It's a must to not do anything other than a few hours of questioning at the station and filling out papers.
ReplyDeleteAuthor Williams I told you you got you a stalker. Sorry hun. Lol. If it's not threats to harm you or your family just keep an eye out. But you got you a stalker. Lol
ReplyDeleteIf he texts me 72 times in an hour I would be at the police station
ReplyDeleteOnce again. ..change your number. I have told u step by step what to do. Everything else is in ur court. You knoe the answer to every question you ask and ur situation even before this was posted.....you alreadt know what to do. You just love him too damn much to do it. Now at this point do u love him more than urself and kids
ReplyDeleteLol 72 txt means simple change your number listen ask her if she really wanna be done with him?? Cuz really she making simple shit hard not just on self but HED KIDS smdh
ReplyDelete"Troubling Situation" Responds ... "No my first husband and I had two kids by now 14,12 .. I was mentally and physically broke for 10 of those years. When I met my baby's dad he promised it would never be like that. Now he is worse.."
ReplyDelete"Troubling Situtation" ask me to ask you guys, If you truthrully received 72 text in an HOUR, how woud you react?"
ReplyDeleteWow!! This is a very serious situation that needs to be handled in a conducive manner. We can all say what we would do in this situation but each of us are different and the two individuals tht are involved are different. From reading her story there are some unanswered questions. I could come up with a list. She needs to seek counseling with what she has,is, and going to be dealing with. She is broken!! There is so much that needs to be considered. But she needs to work on herself first.
ReplyDeleteWOAHHH...hit the brakes one minute. We are all a group of adults from all over the US and some in other countries. I have not been able to read thru all the comments but I will. Frist and foremost we may all be aware of the laws in our own state, and some are not at all aware, they just say "do this or that you have the law on your side". But this young woman needs to be aware of the laws in her state, and not only her state but her county. She does not want to do anything that will make Mr Man able to claim she was deceptive, or forced him to act in a way that was out of his normal. (IE abusive, controlling etc) Sweetie you need a well laid out plan. DO NOT do anything spur of the moment, unless your life is in Emergent danger.
ReplyDelete"Troubling Situation" ask me to remind you guys that she is "Broken" (her word) so please, please, understand!
ReplyDeleteTrue true and true...been here done this.at the end of the day there is only one real question. ..put up with it or not. If not then there is nothing to fo but leave. She can work on self when self is safe. No need to work on self if self is in the same shit. Fix u later...leave now. Hech the kids will need just as much help as she does
ReplyDeleteI would ignore all 72 text. I would avtually block his number if i was serious about wanting better. I wouldn't give him his in to be able to get at me
ReplyDeleteWhen you have been in an abusive relationship that has sucked every bit of energy from you physically, emotionally, and mentally. You dont know who you are anymore and do you even care. You go day to day in automatic just getting thru. There is one thing that still remains, you love this man. You have history with him, and a child. A woman can not just throw those in a gutter as if they are nothing, Anyone who thinks so is mistaken. Ms TS the crossroad you stand at I stood at many times. Do not discount your feelings as important. It takes courage, strength, and love to acknowledge things are not what they should be. But that does not mean you are ready for the next step. Nor does that mean you are wrong. Each step closer to being in control of yours and your childrens lives is a victory. You are the victory!!!
ReplyDelete"Troubling situation".. I am so sorry you are in this situation .. You have a tough decision to make .. Try to think of your happiness long term.. You are broken and have endured a lot .. I believe you are a strong woman. One step at a time first heal yourself and protect yourself .
ReplyDeleteWell when something is broken counseling, discussion, fighting and all is just like patching up a broken roof. If will only be temporary. When domething is broken there is no repairing that can fix it permanently. Change the entire roof,replacement is in order. Remember were broken not just damaged. Broken stuff has to GO. Im aware I may sound harsh but if u csn take a slap then u can take words as well. Whether you realize it or not this means life or death. I see it on the news daily sweetie. Whose to say where the next hit may land u or if the next hit will be on the kids. This isnt a sweet issue so no need for me to be all nice about it. Get up and out PERIOD
ReplyDeleteMr. Anatomy, Im sorry really I am BUT STOP playing.....the victim. ..Ppl swear they broken they want better they want out YET feed off the poor me ..f.ck that ,poor kids who have no chose but in the shit cuz she wont handle it ...DAMN stop making a simple situation so hard .DO what you need to any means to keep self n kids safe..If not then let ur kids go be safe and keep eating the bs...Im sorry maybe I need to hush ,but WOMAN Got to do better our babies are paying for our weakness to men. WHY not change number.go shelter.get protective order. .call police...I know FEAR. ..I know it all to well but DAMN enough is enough. STAND UP..FIGHT BACK !!!! Ok Im leaving the post...Sorry
ReplyDeleteBroken is an excuse. I know its super hard but its a situation only you can fix for yourself. You have to take back your control of your life. No one can give that to you. You have to want it for yourself and your kids.
ReplyDeleteI felt like i was broken once to. Like someone else had control over my life. I hated it. I hated the way i felt about myself so i started doing something for me. I also found positive people who support me. I have changed my whole life around in less than 2 years. Its not easy but it can be done. Dont focus on all the bad in your life. Focus on the good and your daily blessings. I know of 3 very special ones and im sure you can think of many more
ReplyDeleteMr. Anatomy, truth she wanted to know what to do know she knows but no one came make her do it she has to wanna stop being the victim and take charge and do it. We ALL have ate shit..But....only ask n seek help if u want it ...Its like forcing a person in rehab over and over BUT until they sick and tired of being sick and tired making them dont change nothing. I get u ..You want us to encourage her love on her and trust me She in my prayers...BUT she got babies....If she was single .I think many be like whatever keep choosing to stay trapped but because she has kids her love for them have to be her motivation her push to seek help n get out the messed up situation.
ReplyDeleteI watch the ID Network/ First 48 all the time. I refuse to be the Victim! She needs to find the Courage and stand up for Herself First. Doing that You will not fall Victim again. You only put up with what You allow.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is Restraining Order and Smith & Wesson & AttOrney on retainer with a mental evaluation scheduled. I suffer from post traumatic spouse disorder. I've never been abused but I've been the abruiser!!! Scared gets you dead!!! And LORD PLEASE DINT BE ONE OF THOSE WOMEN WHO DINT PRESS CHARGES BECAUSE IT WILL ONLY CAUSE TROUBLE FOR HIM ON HIS JOB OR IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP. YOU HAVE NO RELATIONSHIP!!! YOU ARE A SIDE PIECE THAT HAPPENED TO GET KNOCKED UP BY A DERANGED LUNATIC!!
ReplyDeleteIF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE ASKING PEOPLE TO WASTE THEIR TIME LISTENING TO YOU WHINE?
I don't have any room for any more I believe him when he says he's sorry trifling ass women in my timeline so if you came for that please be gone. But if you sincerely want to leave all you have to do is put one foot in front of the other and don't look back. If he beat you bad enough to put in the hospital he dOesn't give one sad penny of a thought about you or your children and if you take him back or don't press charges against him then neIther do you.
My story....... I was with a man for 5 years. He caused me to loose one baby and a set of twins. I stayed with him because I loved him and because I was under his spell I was made to believe that no one gave a damn. His mother used to tell me to leave him and never come back because she knew he was no good for me. She is actually the one who supported me and helped me leave him and if he knew he would probably flip his top on his own mom. Who knows. He was a drunk so I used to make excuses for his behavior blaming the bottle. I would believe his lies of I will never hit you again. I love you. I'll never hurt you. I used to do everything for him. If something was not right he would hit me. Broke my nose. Busted lips etc. When I grew tired FOR REAL first thing I did was detach myself. That ment a year we did not sleep together. I quit caring. A year it took me to map out what I was gonna do. I had his mom ( also a victim of abuse from his father years ago ) in my corner. It takes time. When I left him I went to a battered women's shelter. His mom paid all my moving expenses. She paid for it all. She did most of the stuff for me. I had to trust her. She was my support system. I got a ppo FOR LIFE against him. I got out. I stayed away. I moved far far away. I bought myself a " peacemaker" . And I lived my life. Not looking over my shoulder. Not worried. It's a process and it don't always happen over night. Some shelters will come at get you from the police station . That man did not notice each day while he was at work I was slowly moving my important things out. He thought that since his mom was there I wasn't going anywhere. I was. Because she had my interests at heart. That last trip he went to work. His mom went to his sister house for the week ( nothing out of the norm ) and I moved the rest of my stuff out while he was at work . I watched them serve him the ppo from the cop car at his job. It's It's a process. You have to detach yourself and stop caring about him and care about you and your kids. After my abuser I met my daughter dad. A sweet wonderful man who never did me any harm other than lie. I had one kid with him. Stayed with him 3 years then we broke up because family being to much in our business. I became a strong woman who will no longer stand for any man's crap. First time you raise your hand at me you must GO.
ReplyDeleteControl.... that's what he has over you. And what makes you think that he would get the child even if he were to try? Doesn't sound like to me he has that much of an interest. Let me tell you this.... DO NOT stay because of the child in an abusive relationship. Take it from someone that knows, it won't change things. I went through hell in a marriage, tried to stay because of the kids. I wound up with a gun pointed to my head twice in one week with the trigger cocked. The 3rd night the gun went off, by God's grace and mercy it didn't hit me on the head but in the shoulder. I spent my 26th birthday in the hospital on morphine not knowing that I was in the world. I have many horror stories, but that was the worst. It never gets any better. My suggestion, take the kids to a shelter. They have lots of resources to help you. Whatever you do, get out!!! I tried to make it work but when my daughter was threatened with a gun by her own father, I walked away and never looked back.
ReplyDeleteI didn't see anywhere in this post or in Ms TSs comments thru Author Hurchel Williams that she was asking to be the victim or wanting us to consider her so. Have you considered this could be the very first time this woman has actually reached out to someone or a group to say, "I need advice". If any of you were in an abusive relationship, you know the statistics. And you are part of them....How many of you left the first time you considered it? The 3rd, 8th, or maybe even 15th? My family, closest friends, and his family had NO clue I was being beaten, strangled, bones broken, even with numerous hospital stays. I wasn't playing the victim...I was surviving the ONLY way I knew at the time.
ReplyDeleteI agree !
ReplyDeleteWell this troubling situation is actually really normal maany women go throygh it
ReplyDeleteOk thats a fair request....ill share one of my situations. Married my high school sweetheart a month after graduation. Never had he put hid hands on me. We moved from Ga to La when he joined the military. A month in was his 1st time hitting me so I brushed it off. The next was hitting and choking so I brushed that off. Months after were now on a regular schedule of punching, kicking, cursing and rape. Embarrassed to call home and ask family for help because I was told not to get married in the 1st place so I stayed. He said I was to small so I gained 80lbs. I wasn't bright enough so I tried bleaching my skin. He wanted s child so I got pregnant only to lose it after being beat and kicked with combat boots and spent 3 days in the hospital. That beating was because I camr home early from school sick and went to the emergency room which is when I found I was pregnant. When I got home I walked in on him and a female soldier in my childs bed having sex and she was in my lingerie. He beat my ass in front of her because I didnt inform him I was leaving. I didn't get a chance to tell him I was pregnant. Now pregnant again walking 4 miles to work because he needed the car. A female sees me walking and pulled over in my 5.0 drop top Mustang and asked me if I needed a ride to work. This man wanted me to sex his friends because he wanted to be a mason. He gave me an std and told me I should have told him something was wrong with me and he would have stopped fucking the other chic. One night while I was asleep he climbed through the window and pulled the trigger twice...nothing happened. He threw the gun on the bed and said well I guess u were ment to live and took a shower. I picked the gun up saw it was 2 bullets in it. Went to the bathroom and shot him twice. Finally I came back to Ga and he went A wall to find me. He busted my moms tires, punched her, busted the house windows and during church walked in screaming my name. Got arrested several times but nothing ever happened including probation. Hi s 1st sergeants did nothing. This man was my entire life. We trafficked dope together, partied like best friends but when he came back from Haiti everything changed. When I finally had our son 2 months after I got my shit and left with only 300 in my pocket and 2 kids not even a car. I did love him more than myself but I damn sure didn't love him more than my babies. That's when I said fuck him. More to the story but that's enough for today lol
ReplyDeleteFriend I don't know who you are, but please listen to the wisdom you had been showered with and make an informed decision
ReplyDeleteWhat's so crazy to me is when I did finally tell my best friend she didn't believe me. I was always that bad bitch in school. The one that no chic would dare try and fight and there I was getting beat like a man. He always yold me how I was too pretty to mark up. One time he busted my lip and he sacked the blood until it stopped.
ReplyDeleteOk sorry interrupted by the phone dear miss troubling...I will relate something about myself and a situation I was in as well as give you advice on what I would do...abuse can happen to anyone...im a surgeon...I was raised on a farm in the midwest...we were poor honey I worked my way through med school a full time job school and two teenage boys at home because thier real parents were too busy getting high and thinking about number one...I was broken bone tired from no sleep and years of going on nothing but adrenaline when I met him...he was a tall sexy boxer who looked like bill goldeburg...a bad boy and a woman just barely holding on, but together we were a team...until we werent...it started with the arguing and a few well placed cut downs, then it excelled to pushing...the night always comes when it goes too far...and it did in front of my handicapped child...he was so scared I remember him screaming for momma when I put him in the car and packed our stuff as he shived me oudt the door and smacked me real hard I knew it was fight or die...so I fought wirh everything I had because it wasnt just me my son was in rhat car defenseless unable to defend himself...so I screamed hello to a neighbor put my head down and I speared him in his private place...I jumped on top of him put my knee in his back and almoat took his arms right out of the socket and I said "only a coward ayour size woild hit someone my size and atill think himself a man...now when you calm down enough to let me out of here without hurting me or im going to break both your arms and I aint playing... " now im not gonna say he didn't struggle cause he did but he calmed down when I told him his reputation was safe I wouldn't tell...I cant say I dis it right here is what I should have done I should have left the minute he touched me while he was at work I should have checked myself into the nearest homeless shelter because he could have killed me in front of my son and then him too my suggestion make plan leave no addy no forwarding addy
ReplyDeleteAnd get a ppo restraining order and dont wait too long these situations go from physically debilitating to fatal in no time ur in a seriously dangerous situation...think plan do keep these three things in your mind and if you nwed help add me ill find you somewhere to go
ReplyDeleteAs for your baby ur not married hw has no legal right to that child it dont matter about the money if you go to a shelter they will protect you feed and house . You help you find employment if needed this guy is keeping you around as his "other" the minute he has no use for u is the minute your life means nothing to him...however if you continue to allow him to do this you could be deemed unfit ...Only a coward hurts something smaller than they are and a small man doesnt want to be reminded how small he really is
ReplyDeleteSometimes we get too comfortable with certain people and situations. We make excuses to stay when we know that we need to walk away. I've been there. From battered women's shelters to living in hotels by the week to staying with friends and family. Its going to be a cycle of going back to him until she is ready to leave. All I ask is that you find you a good support system of friends who have been thru it. Cause unless you've been there you don't know the rollercoaster of emotions and back and forth a person deals with in situations like this. I pray that you get the strength and courage you need to do what's in the best interest of your kids and self. Oh keep plenty of records for future reference for your restraining orders and custody issues with your child.
ReplyDeleteSeriously??? How many women have bee.n "deemed unfit" for being in an abusive relationship and afraid or torn by leaving? Lets not shame Ms MS into.doing what seems so easy for each of us. Im.not saying its a healthy e.vironment for the children by.any means but that would not make her unfit. The ,"battered woman laws" would withstand that statement.
ReplyDeleteThere are many ccase studies of just this thing happening Janelle I know of at least 9states it happened in this year alone
ReplyDeleteBecause the father was the aggressor and mother allowed it both lost the child to a third party
ReplyDeleteThat would be in cases of aggression towards the children.. Allowed by the mother. No where does Ms TS say he is aggressive to the children. Again I am not saying it is a healthy situation but she is not u.nfit.
ReplyDeleteThis really hurts my heart I am very sensitive to any type of abuse. How long were you seperated before you hooked up with him? We as women are very emotional creatures and very vulnerable when hurt, especially when marriage was not working we tend to share with the the other guy too much information why the marriage did not working. Therefore with all information that is given they know how and what type of game to run know what to say and how to say things, what to do and what not to do. When they know they have you mentally, emotionally, and physically, things start to change because we have shared too much by being honest. The abuse starts out by being verbal and aggressive conversations, very argumentive and defensive, we as women and speaking about myself dont like to argue and they (some men) gets very upset. We as women tend to be like maybe I should not have said what I said and begin to loose our voice as far as speaking out. Therefore he studies you and know just how far he can go with you. Next it becomes physical because he have studied you and know because you are humble and forgiving the physical abuse starts. Now that you have lost your voice you start to feel worthless self esteem is low self respect as well. We start to feel we deserve it because we are stupid for allowing it to happen and continue to put up with it until we are numb and just dont care thinking we can not do any better. One thing we can not do is rell an abused person to leave and get out. When we make up in our minds that we are tired , or some dont until its too late and something drastic happens. We feel at times ok they will chg because that is what they tell you some do chg but the chg have to come from within with help because its a sickness. It is easy for someone to say call the police get a restraining order again we as women are emotional we love him and dont want nothing to happen to him. When a person gets help and get their self esteem self worth back and just get tired and say I dont want my children going through the samething, but it have to come from within. Once the chg come about within second step is legal help. Sounds like to me this guy is living a double life or scouting for his next victim. Good saying to recite everyday is " I Can Do All Things Through Christ Which Strengthen Me" also There is nothing too hard for God! God can chg anyone but first we have to acknowledge that we have a problem and need help. Hope This Helps! Just trying to be transparent.
ReplyDeleteThis comment comes directly.from. Ms MS ( she asked me to share)
ReplyDelete"I am the only one that gets hurt.. Not them. Usually they were not around. I take it all. I need no pitty. I didn't tell anyone cause I wanted pitty.. I wanted advice someone to share with. My kids are good n safe. I would die for them. I have proven that,again and again.. I just am so lost".
This is a woman who deeply loves her children and wants to do what is right. What is right and what feels so mixed up are causing her much grief.
AMEN Precious Crowell.....and some of us just forget where we came from and where weve been after years of being abuse free we forget how we truly felt and handled things.
ReplyDeleteBless her heart shes making me tear ok she doesn't have my pity sge has my respect it takes alot of courage to come out here to ask for help
ReplyDeleteThank you Anna Planck. I appreciate your compassion.
ReplyDeleteJanelle Holmes Lane you are so right! People become judgemental pointing the finger like a school teacher what people should and should not do. Everyone is not the same and until we realize that the better off we would be.
ReplyDeleteI know I was wrong Janelle Holmes Lane im looking back knowing that 10 years ago it was me in the same situations same type of mab I kbow the path to being free and it aint easy
ReplyDeleteUSually. KEY word here. If the kids were there ONCE TO MUCH. EASY TO ESCALATE THEY SHOULD SEE AND HEAR NO EVIL. The children are already pawns in this. Janelle Holmes Lane. You may want to reference all prior comments. I tend to aggree with the others but whilst we were on one bus, it appears you may have been driving along side of us in a Bentley : ) Just my opion, of course.
ReplyDeleteYou gotta be strong & put it in your daily thoughts that you gonna make a way to get up out of that situation. Done rely on others cause most of the time others will fail you. You won't be safe until you leave. And you know what the outcome will be if you continue to stay. Love yourself enough to get out...
ReplyDeleteColleen Murphy. Not that its any of yours or anyones business I am in the same.bus as you. I received a message thanking me for my kind words and open heart. Then was asked to share that comment. BTW I referenced the one comment that was someone elses. The others are my own words and feelings.
ReplyDeleteThats why I said id help quietly cause I know what she needs and the first thing she needs is a hug and to be told its not her fault when someone misleads you hurts and abuses you and scares you you cant think your in a constant state of panic and your in constant crisis
ReplyDeleteBeautiful comment luv. Was referring to your reference to the children only being there. It takes 1 instant to effect a child gor the rest of their life. That already happened, correct? That was what I was referring to sweetheart. I think your comments, we're brilliant. See, that's the concern I have with data, technology..... Very easily taken out of contents. I prefer picking up the phone, an audio or video conference, better yet. A documentary, with real people. Like. All of us talking real. We loose the senses portion. Eye contact, body language, energy in the room, etc... So sorry that I came off that way, trust me. It was not intended. : ) Signing Off.
ReplyDeleteI have NEVER forgotten what I went thru, it may be one of the reasons why I'm still single: the MOMENT/INSTANCE a man says something derogatory or disrespectful, I'm out! "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, makes me the fool."
ReplyDeletePhyllis Lester. I'm with you 100 % : )
ReplyDeleteI so agree Colleen Murphy...and to you I also say thank you for your care and compassion.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking from personal experiences sometimes all a person needs to know is that they are not alone in this. Some women put on a front like they've never been in similar situations because they don't want to be frowned upon. I watched my mother as a child go thru abusive relationships and I grew up to do the same thing. At times I had to depend on those who I barely knew because relatives didn't want to get involved. I sent my children to another state. Broke my lease. Moved into a shelter. Filed for a restraining order. Then I moved to another state. I didn't want to risk running into him anywhere. Starting over some where else may help.....
ReplyDeleteI must go as this has taxed my strength and I have been very ill...please dont take this as an indication that I dont care that is not true I care very much and as I am a doctor and take pro bono cases I would just consider her a payient which binds mw from discussing your case with anyone if you wish it my help is available or a sympathetic ear
ReplyDeleteGo rest Anna. It was an absolute pleasure.
ReplyDeleteWith that said good night dear ladies hurchel until later good night ...... Absolutely a pleasure to meet you and call you friend
ReplyDelete***** To all ..... Thanks for all of your support and comments ***** NO ..... the person going through this is NOT Janelle Holmes Lane, but because of her history/compassion with this type of issue, coupled with the subject "Troubling Situation" having so much information to sift and decipher through, I linked the two of them together so she would have someone to relate to and speak through ***
ReplyDelete-Mr. Anatomy-
It is my hope to be a blessiing to Ms MS
ReplyDelete,A Friend & Support to her.
I have been blessed with 3 birth children (boys 23,21,20) &'4'adopted (19, 18,18,& 17 girl,boygirl,boy) who are my world.
I am honored Mr A trusts my ability to share my heart. .
Ill go a step farther....if and when your ready to leave I will help you and cheer you on through it all
ReplyDeleteSo will I ( help you ) as long as it is within my means ANY THING I CAN DO I WILL.
ReplyDeleteCount me in : ) Don't have much to give, but fun and smiles
ReplyDeleteShe has to remember to NOT be a victim. Do NOT say victim. Say survivor of.............. In therapy they teach you that. You never claim victim. You claim survivor and you do what you have to do to get out.
ReplyDeleteGod grant me the serenity to accept the the things I cannot change (him) the courage to change the things I can (the situation you are in and yourself) and the wisdom to know the difference....
ReplyDeleteHello Everyone Love can be quite complicated and being in a relationship! I was a victim but now I'm victor and you can be too! Take all steps needed to protect yourself, your children and home! You want to feel secure with a peace of mind in.your safe haven (home) I promise give it to God in Prayer he will give you a self calming inner Peace! Fear no man! Even though they're stronger we have strength in our physical too if we apply the right approach with our minds! Counseling can help you relieve yourself and get things off your chest that you want to express
ReplyDeleteAlso get a Restraining Order, go to a close family member or Organization that helps single Mothers in your current situation that us as Women I'm sure have been there at least once in our lives! Its not healthy for a Woman nor her children to live in that type of atmosphere with a abusive person. Once they show the signs of agression or wanting to get violent its times for them to go or you take yourself out of the situation! This could get worser than suspected just cover your tracks! You nor your children deserve to be affected by the abuser! Y'all deserve better amd you can have it just heal first no matter how long it takes heal yourself and family inside and out (your heart, mind, spirit, body and soul) Never let an abuser control you or put fear in you..You are your own person with your own mind capable in making your own decisions. Be free, live, observe and learn from past mistakes cause we're all human and nothings perfect but want the best for you and your family never settle for less! Set goals to achieve and don't look back! Stay Prayerful and keep the faith! Surround yourself with family and friends who truly love you! Keep yourself busy (occupied) to get over him and relieve yourself from the stress you've endure! Love yourself don't waste your time, energy nor money on a man that can't respect you, truly love or care about you or your children cause alot of them lust before they can understand what love truly is! They tend to become obcessed, enfacuated, possesive, aggressive, dominant and controlling over you wanting to put fear in you to control you or always get what they want. "If I can't have you nobody can!" I don't think so it would be time for him to Go! This could be your life taken away from you and your family! Get out and away while you have a chance! Woman aren't No Mans punching bag! Whatevers going on in his corrupt mind doesn't give him the right to ever take it out on a Woman nor the children! He has to get his mind right regardless of how we love a man hard, deep and strong it'll never work only get worser with an abuser! How can we give our love to someone else if we can't love ourselves and children first and foremost? A Woman can and will always have what shes dreamed, hoped and prayered for if you treat yourself! You don't owe nobody nothing but yourself and your children a Good life! Don't never help build a man up whose actions, treatment and additude were already in his mindset to break and tare you down with his Game Plan and coniving intentions! Always love yourself! "Your Deserve The Best!" "Never Settle For Less!" Praying for healing and strength for all my Sistahs mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually! Know that we are Queens and you carry yourself that way to be treated that way! Love♥
Pamela Harris. You hit me hard. Thank you for everything. Bet you didn't know that you would change the course of a life today. I certainly didn't know that it would be mine. You ever need anything. Call me, day or night. I will always pick up my phone. You are a blessing : ) Grace happens. You never know when or where, it just does. If you are relentless in learning. Nite my friend for life.
ReplyDeleteIt's simple! Trust God and dismiss this guy, as from his activity or lack their of it appears his threats are just that idle threats. Abuse tends to get worse over time if allowed to continue so if I were her I would move around and do it NOW!! Think of those precious kids who deserve a healthy living environment, full of nourishment, love, support, and structured discipline. God bless!!
ReplyDeleteI don't know wgy I cant let this go...but I can't...I wont make promises to you I cant keep but here is one I know I can I prayed forvyou last night before I went to sleep and I cried thinking you could be hurting this morning and I am not going to stop until this feeling leaves me I will pray for you every night abd I will not forget you those are the only tqo things I am sure of this morning
ReplyDeleteGirls rule ♡♡♡♡
ReplyDeleteDear "Troubling Situation"
ReplyDeleteI sincerely admire your courage for wanting to make a change in your life, and reaching out to my forum to do so. Out of hundreds of stories I receive, I chose yours because of its rawness, and its appeal to my bloggers. When pain of a woman, or children is involved, the best of who we are shows! I chose the people I tagged in this story systematicially because of the special stories I know about them, and how they have shared their compassion to help others. Janelle Holmes Lane, a survivor herself of domestic abuse that almost took her life, Anna Planck, a Gynecological Surgeon who volunteers her services to people who can't afford it, Kimberly Michelle, a strong woman who has blogged with me from the beginning, Lisa Poitier, a Physician's Assistant who from humble beginnings, overcame her own odds to be highly successful in her field, and the list goes on and on. Why am I telling you this, simple, because you have options, and you WILL beat this Demon! I have seen your story played out in my blog before, and women, just like yourself have banned together and shared how they got over. I have several women waiting to assist you and your children with encouraging words and options the minute you say GO! The abuse you are enduring, while tragic, is not new. Men take the weakest part of who you are and exploit it until they scare you to do what they want you to do. Since you and I have talked, I know you are accomplished, I know you have means, and I know you are just in a bad situation waiting to get out. For those who say just get a restraining order, or get a gun and shoot away, I say this; she got a restraining order, and it did absolutely NOTHING to slow his advances. It just made him mad! She has to devise a plan, one that doesn't require her to leave the life she has built for her and the children completely behind. The other (2) children have a father who will fight her leaving the area. He too, was an abuser in her previous relationship. A little history, this lady was raped at 6, again at 16 and had issues with her own father. This is a cycle that may tell her this type of tragedy, while wrong, is what she is accustomed to and in some way deserves, but today, I say, "The DEVIL is a Lie!" You can beat this, you can move forward, but you have to use the things that are in your power to do so. You told me he never signed the birth certificate, that is a silver lining in a dark cloud. You say he may still be married, another silver lining. Because you met at work, he knows most of your daily movements but even that can be overcome. We haven't discussed your religious beliefs, but I do have a highly successful, highly visible female pastor from the midwest who I am honored to call my friend, Dr. Cynthia Wolford, whom I've spoken to and would love to give you any assistance you may need spiritually. Together, we shall overcome the horrible cycle you have endured, and for everyone that has given wisdom and kind words in this endeavor, I say thank you. Keep your encouraging words coming..... She is Listening!
Mr. Anatomy is Hurchel Williams, MBA, PHR
AskMrAnatomy@anatomyofacheater.com
Im glad she is as she has moved me in ways I can't describe and reminded me why I have chosen to walk this path...it isnt easy. I have been alone for 5 years because I won't settle ever again...I bet your wondering if I ecer allowed another man to abuse me the way he did... let me assure you...no man has ever laid another finger on me in anger because I'm very upfront...if I trust you enough to let you close your one in a million...and if you bring out the pasion and I allow you to stay...1 in a hundred billion...I no longer live with one ounce of regret nor do I live in fear IT CAN HAPPEN! I lived it
ReplyDelete