Dear Mr. Anatomy,
I have a problem. Without making this story long and drawn out, I know my man is cheating on me. We live together and have an adorable child together. This weekend was my man's birthday and our goal was to spend it together. Friday night, he disappeared to get a haircut, not unusual, but he didn't return until Saturday morning. Saturday, he worked until 1:00 PM and got home around 6. We had a few words because I was resting after being out with the baby at a fall festival. Sunday we were supposed to go to church as a family, but plans changed and he went to an NFL game. Well, since Sunday was his birthday, I understood he wanted to hang out with his friends, so I didn't get bent out of shape however, I didn't hear from him again until I was headed to work on Monday morning. So Monday (yesterday) I got all dolled up to take him to dinner, and got the baby dressed, but he didn't come home until 8:00 PM and the baby goes to bed at 7:30. I was over it, so I went to bed around 9. He came to bed at 5:30 A.M. this morning. While getting the baby dressed for daycare ...... "yes, I did it," I went through his phone that was hidden under the covers and my worst fears were realized; His entire weekend in "text! It told a graphic story of not just me, but 2 other women, and he has an ex-girlfriend pregnant. Mr. Anatomy, I'm done but my question is .......................
"How do I handle what I've seen? How do I walk away without completely falling apart. He has NO idea that I've been in his phone, I just left home headed to work, but inside I'm a mess!"
Dear 'Secret Agent' ...... let me first tell you how sorry I am that you have gone through such a tumultuous weekend. That is enough to drive anyone insane. Today, I do you a favor, I will turn you over to my Strong Women, my bloggers and they will tell you how to handle your next few steps. Personally, I am glad you didn't go off the deep end without a plan. Stay tuned for their responses!
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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Secret Agent needs to Haul-Ass Now or tell Him to leave ASAP. He don't Love You Boo-Boo? He Loves the attention of the Other Women. Not giving You any Respect to whom should be his First Lady? But You already knew this... Suck up your emotions and Love for this Man Forget him. Focus on You and Your Baby First & Foremost. Now the next thing You need to do is Beat the next Baby Momma to Court. Yes, Court cause which ever BabyMomma makes it to Child Support First gets the Most Money. Don't be that BM that waits cause Her Baby Daddy says he is gonna do Right. Just an Example One Babymomma gonna get over or close to $100plus per week. The Next babymomma may get $15.00 a week if she Lucky? Make the Best Choice for You and Your Child , think M.O.F. ( Money Over Feelings).
ReplyDeleteMy question is Are you really done? I know your angry and say it right now but are you really ready for the single life and raising a child on your own
ReplyDeleteI read this word this morning, hope it helps u.
ReplyDeleteLife is short and time is precious. I have separated you to Myself, says the Lord. Your separations from others rarely feel good, but they are necessary for your growth and development. Don't lament on the past, but rather learn and progress. The events of your life are designed for your eternal, spiritual perfection. Stay focused.
2 Cor. 6:17 Therefore "Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean and I will receive you."
You deserve better chick!
1st thing you need to gather yourself because you are overwhelmed and there is no way in hell u will have a good day at work so just take the day off. 2nd...think about you and the child. What is it thats best but less damaging and please realize there will be damage done mentally to every individual involved. 3rd....get a pencil (not a pen because u will need to erase and start over) and note pad. Write down your investments in that relationship. The child, money, materialistic things and even his tired ass. Make a plan regardless if you stay or go. 4th...that same pencil and paper needs to write him a letter while ur in the middle of this intense pain and abandonment. It dont have to be neat or even flow well. Just write it as it comes to u. 5th...tonight for dinner present it to him and whatever options u decide to put on the table. 6th...get a hotel for 2 days so he can clear his shit or either for u to clear your because he will surely be all in ur ear apologizing until some kinda foolish way you start to believe all this is your fault. If u wanna leave and financially able to then do just that. Pick up and leave claiming ur gettig ur hair done and never to return. BUT IF ur gonna play back and forth then no need to leave in the 1st place. DONT U DARE APOLOGIZE OR TAKE BLAME FOR SHIT YOU HAVENT DONE! Remember too that u arent yhe 1st or last woman to go through this hell so no need to be embarrassed. Just make damn sure its ur last time going through it sweetie. The more time u take the bigger the chances that u aint goin no darn where. Now if u wanna stay and help raise his newborn while he play with the ex then dont u ever cry and complain about ur choice. JUST DO IT!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou need to run away from that. You need to take your baby and do what is best for the both of you. He does not love you. You may think I can't be a single mom and no one will want me. That is not true. You can pull through and if you are happy your precious baby will be happy as well. There is someone out there that will treat you like you deserve. I totally agree with Willie Hudson. Go now to court and get what you need to first. That will help you some emotionally as well. You will have days at the beginning of heartache and then you will go through the "why" stage. Don't text him or call him wanting to know because it is a waste of time. Then you will go through the pissed off stage and finally realize you can get through this and do what's best for the both of you. Lean to God because without him it's even harder. I'm not saying it's going to be easy but in the end you will be proud of yourself. You will finally get to a point later on in life where you can see him as just the father of your child and nothing else. Be strong for you you and your baby.
ReplyDeleteWe are only getting a very small part of your story with this man so to tell you to run or leave him is crazy. Thats not a decision for anyone to make but you. To say he doesn't love you is also insane. Him cheating has nothing to do with you. Its all on him. Im not saying stay but im not telling you to run either. Neither of those will fix your pain. You have to figure out what it is you really want and go from there. I agree with Erika Sunshyne Pittmon Jones about writing down how you feel. Its always good to feel your pain to ever be able to get through it
ReplyDeleteI do suggest you find a sitter for your child today so you can talk to him without the added stress. You dont have to make a decision about your life or your future right now. You probably will break down. Pain is hard to deal with but you cant let it beat you. You have to get back up and deal with life.
ReplyDeleteLet me tell you the beginning of what my response will be, Leaving takes a plan, you don't just go home and start going off, you have to have a plan or you will end up back in the same situation, with a little sweet talking. We "men" will have you believing you didn't see what you saw, or read what you read! That why, sometimes its best to save what you saw so you can reference it again. But my official response to come later!
ReplyDeleteGot a few questions that I think she needs too ask herself. #1...exactly why are u leaving? #2...is it because of who he cheated with (an ex girlfriend)? #3....is it because shes pregnant? #4....or because it was a soecial occasion and he gave it away to another? The reason im asking is because most of us can forgive a CHEAT but one of them other reasons is b tge true reason why ur throwing in the towel. There is a specific thing that made u say that's it and im willing to bet my life plus $1000 that the baby is the true reason. Somethings u can ignore and deal with in ur mind and wear off but the baby is the THATS IT reason. AM I RIGHT
ReplyDeleteYou need to do what you feel is best for you and your child. I would talk to him and be very honest with him. If you are concerned for your safety make sure there is someone nearby that can rescue you if need be. We can all be unpredictable in situations like this. If his cheating is someone you will not accept, then you need to pick yourself up and move on with your life without him. I also suggest getting some solid legal advice for petitioning for custody and child support if you do choose to leave him, and fast!
ReplyDeleteI'd hate to be in this situation. I mean really dude? Staying out all night. Did you think it wouldn't be obvious? I'm stunned by his audacity more than anything. I hope she gets her ducks in a row and can move forward and make a new life for herself and her children. He won't change. And being so blatantly obvious is simply disrespectful.
ReplyDeleteI know a lot of women have answered this for you. I agree don't make any big decisions without a plan. Make sure you got you and yours taken care of. Me personally I wouldn't tolerate the cheating. Some women don't mind it and some women look the other way. However, there are some women who don't. Only you can make your decision of why your leaving. Are you going to stick with by your decision? Because if not why even leave?
ReplyDeleteYou can attempt to save the relationship... Or you can leave it after you've got a plan and done things civilly, but the main thing is you need to decide what it is that your heart truly desires. If you take him back then you'll always be suspecting him and since his ex is pregnant I mean, it's pretty simple what you should do. There is cheating without attachment and then cheating with attachment and he's done both of them. The problem is more then likely the other women know about you, and they don't care. This side piece stuff is getting a little out of hand. I recommend you leave, understand that it is going to hurt, you've invested years and even new life with this boy... However to stay would only give you more psychological damage and the fact he doesn't even do these things at respectable hrs, means he doesn't respect the household he's built with you. You will degrade yourself for him if you continue the relationship and then after yrs you will feel lost, confused and not even know who you are anymore and your sacrifices while they may seem worth it at first, in the end you'll be like many other women I've talked to in bars and random little places I do go. You'll be seeking yourself and while yes you're about to search, that kind of searching is a lot harder later down the line, when you've compromised everything you once stood for, you'll have nothing to stand on. I wish for you to have strength during this time of trial and fortitude to stand by your decision with unwavering nerves, whatever that decision may be.
ReplyDeleteI also wana say i hate that your going through this. It really sucks. I wish you the best. No one deserves to be lied to by the people we love and trust the most. Always know your worth sweety. Dont let anyone take that away. We can all give you options but in the end you are the only one who has to live with your decisions. Know what YOU want. Dont let him make or influence that decision for you. When men are caught up they will say everything they think you wanna hear. That's why you got to know what you want first. Good luck. I wish you the best.
ReplyDelete....... She took one of you guy's advice and took a personal day to get her thoughts together, I am awaiting her response to post to those of you who had questions. ...... Thanks for everyone's participation - Keep that advice coming !
ReplyDeletePregnant means he is having unprotected sex have you checked yo draws are they crusty lately???? Look you AINT goin no where and you know it so go get you some Flagyl and hold that damn info til you want something!!!! UNTIL you decide that YOU can move on and leave him (usually after you meet somebody else) you jus gon stay and argue EVERYTIME he goes to see the new baby and when he leaves the house for anything!!! If you ain't left this man after him not returning for days YOU AINT LEAVIN the baby means nothing! You have no self love or respect so do you really thing he gon magically give you some????? Hell naw! So go get yo meds and buy a car seat!
ReplyDelete