Dear Mr. Anatomy, www.theanatomyofacheater.blogspot.com
I have a Co-Worker who showed me your blog and says she has read everything you post. So, Today, I find myself in need of a little help. Since she read this so much, maybe she will read my question and know I am trying to give her a hint. I am a single man who works really hard to maintain myself and take care of my children (2) from a previous marriage. I have been divorced for 5 years now and have found myself getting lonely as of late. I am a traveling executive for (Not Gonna Say IT) where I spend weeks away with other co-workers training contractors for the government. I live in (Not Gonna Say IT) Florida, but find myself in every major city in the south based on the need of our company. Here is my situation: One of my best friends and colleagues has my attention. I think I really want to take our relationship to the next level but the problem is, she spends so much time telling me about other guys, she honestly doesn't notice the chemistry she and I have together. Numerous breakfasts, lunches, and even late dinners have us in each other's lives daily, but all she finds time to do is talk about guys she meet, greets, and eventually sleeps with where the interactions goes NO WHERE! Inside I'm screaming, pick me, pick me, pick me, and have even given her hints from time to time. She gives me that "You are so genuine" but you don't want to date me, I'm a hott mess, speech!" The closest I've gotten to being with her is about 6 months ago, we were in (Not Gonna Say IT) and we drank ourselves to sleep in my hotel room. She fell asleep on my lap while I was massaging her shoulders. We came face to face but when the time came to kiss her, I talked myself out of it. When I woke up she was gone! Mr Anatomy, My Question is .............
"How do I turn a great friendship into a romance with the woman of my dreams?"
Sir, I sincerely thank you for bringing your question to our forum. While I don't blog as much as I once did, every now and again, I find a question I feel may help others and make time to reach the masses. First and foremost, you gave me too much information so I took the liberty of blocking out some personal information not needed to further our discussion. From hence forward, I will address you as "Mr. Friend Zone" and allow my bloggers/posters to give you their take on your situation before I render my opinion. Please stay close to the computer because I will give you my advice in 3 days, but everyone else will speak to you directly and may have questions as they proceed. Good Luck!!!
Hurchel Williams, MBA, PHR
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
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Just a couple of things. When someone tells you what they are listen. You cannot make someone be your perfect. You may be focusing on the wrong person and the right person is nearby looking on as you pant after this person. I think the decision should never be made when you are hungry, lonely or emotional. Take a couple of steps back and just enjoy dating before you settle on one person. Good luck
ReplyDeleteShe is not interested in you. You are the friend and keep it like that. She told you that you didn't want her she was a mess. Listen to her. You will last longer as a friend than a lover. That what she is telling you. She value the friendship better than being a lover. You said your self she don't stay in them long. You thing you can change that. First mistake. Can't change people. Be with someone that see you the same way you see them.
ReplyDeleteSir have you ever seen the movie "He's Just Not That Into You? " because she obviously IS a hot mess and she's told you that. But even that can be fixed when she wants to fix it. Right now she's enjoying her single life and essentially sowing her wild oats. She would sex you in a heartbeat but that wouldn't last because you work together. She's all about the conquest. She's not searching for anYthing substantial in a the form of relationships. She probably picked a job that allows her to travel because she isn't ready to settle down and this allows her to shed her sexual inhibitions with anonymous partners and this empowers her in a way. Although it is a false power it gives her great joy at the moment so she feels the need to talk to "the guys" about her conquests. Think about it, when she's orating about her latest escapade, doesn't it seem as if she's just one of the guys? That's how she feels her competitive edge is comparable in a seemingly male dominated job role. Maybe you should take her advice before you really get into something that you're not ready for.
ReplyDeleteLove/Like the one that love/likes you.
ReplyDeleteMr Friend Zone,
ReplyDeleteI would say by what you sat her actions are, either she isn't attracted to you and only you feel that chemistry or she feels as though you are too good for her. She has definitely put you in the friend zone and I doubt that she ever moves you out of there. I would suggest continue your friendship and if something happens between the two of you then great! Just make sure it's not going to ruin your work/friend relationship!
Thank you ladies, I guess, If I am going to be honest, I understand everything you are saying, but here is a serious MAN question. She tells me about other guys and their antics together, we talk about everything while we are drinking, while we are on the plane, ect. My first question to you ladies is "What puts us MEN in the friend zone?" I am not ugly, I am not fat, so what am I missing? Okay, she is just not in to me, I get that, but what about friends with benefits? I'm not seeing anyone, she is off and on but basically just dating, nobody serious, she tells me EVERYTHING, I even know when she is on her Periods for God' sake. So if I can know all of that, I don't have a problem with us being physical with no commitment like all the others she tells me about, what am I missing? She even tells me if she is with a guy and the guy doesn't meet her needs. Why have these conversations with me if you don't want me to be part of the solution. I will wait to hear your answers.....? I will check back on my break, time to start work :)
ReplyDeleteSigned - FriendZone
I have to agree with everything Billie Weaver said, for sure she has friend zoned u ...I think you may be looking for something she is not.
ReplyDeleteShe simply enjoys your friendship...an dies not want to mess it up for sex... We woman would rather keep a male friend in the friend zone than chance losing him by doing FWB because someone ALWAYS gets hurt if, its an ongoing thing plus ,truthfully she may not even see you as a sexual choice.. A male friend is like the best its like having a female friend with male views, opinions, an input.. I'm thinking she sees you as a "brother" an why mix it up with random sex ...when, random sex you both can get anywhere. I'm sorry hun but I think you letting your man pride in the way suck it up buttercup enjoy your friendship an stop thinking so much into it...I think you not being honest you don't want just sex from her ,you want more an her giving u sex would most likely cause you more attachment an longing for more that she never intended on giving... good luck
ReplyDeleteLooka here, you gone have to let that girl cry on ya shoulder den catcher off guard. Its in her ta give you sum but you gotta kno how'ta work ha playa. Keep on drinkin and evntualy you'll get it. Im not playn brotha, I say jus tell a, you aint got nuthin to lose, you aint gettin nuthin now noway. mr Anatamy, you gotta keep deze quetins comin, you be takin too long breaks.
ReplyDeletethaDon n Miami
Often a person speaks to another about their sexual experiences because they want you to see them in thst light. Maybe this is her reason for telling you all of the outside bump and grind stories and im almost positive that in the majority of the experiences she tell u about she says that they were nit goodin bed, no good with communication, no longer attractive to her etc...something negative showing you that they atent what she wants. This is her saying she wants u but such a terrible route to take lol. Shes wants someone to make the 1st move that SHE SINCERELY WANTS! See if a woman just wants a one night RELATION we dont mind stepping to the plate and making the 1st move more than likely. But crazy as it may seem the man that we truly want in our life as a mate we want the to make the 1st move, STEP UP TO THE PLATE, show the initiative, let us know its mutual so we wont feel insecure within ourselves. And thats kinda how it will be for the rest of the relationship. We want YOU TO BE THE DECISION MAKER! She wants you and she knows you want her but if you never say it then it just may never be. And the WORST thing you can do is allow ALCOHOL to influence the situation of the moment of openness. Tell her SOBER! Not on a drunken night. That way she will know and understand its u taljin not the alcohol and your horny nature. Both of you are grown. Ass individuals that have heard YES and NO before so open your mouth and do it. Thats my 2 cents and I usually give pretty damn good advice lol
ReplyDeleteCindy Lou Open, honest, communication is the best policy!! You should tell her how you feel and then you two can make the decision together to pursue something more or not. You never know until you ask or say something. Plus you never know where it may lead to. You could be each other's boo for life
ReplyDeleteLadies, thank you for the advice, all of it actually. I am normally not timid when speaking to women, its just we spend so much time together, I have grown to like her and when listening to how these other guys take the easy road to being with her, it bothers me. I don't have any problem hanging out with her, its just I like her because it seems we are always together, except when she is finding men in strange towns. I hear you ladies when you say she may not like me, but damn, that is not what I want to believe. Whenever we fly, we sit together, whenever we are out to dinner, we sit together, and she always calls me when she needs a man opinion. It is heart wrenching to know I am NOT the one, but hey, you guys are ladies so I'm sure you know better than me. WE fly to St. Louis next week and I am going to express myself to her and if she shoots me down, so be it, at least I will know. Is it possible she is sending me mixed signals, or am I just reading her all wrong?
ReplyDeleteFriend Zone
Christine Smith I think mix signals come from you, I feel if she had a true interest in you as you do in her ... More than a,sexual interest she would not be sharing all her sexapedes... Now, she may or may not be open to sex with you or who knows even more ,once you put it on the table. She may never have look at you as having any other interest in her outside of friends ,so she may never entertained the idea. I do think you should let her know of your interest and thoughts however, be prepared for your friendship to possibility become awkward if, she does not see you the same way... See I truly believe woman can be friends with a man an never develop wanting more, however , truthfully most men would f.ck their female friends even given opportunity... Just my two cents wishing you the best.... Ps. It seems she enjoys her traveling sex toys and may not be looking to be with just one man...
ReplyDeleteSelwyn Edwards · Friends with Lady Nv
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to say bud but it's 100% your fault, I would know cause I'm trying to fix the same problem myself. first off she sees you as a friend cause u presented your self as a friend. Next thing you seem too nice and that’s a very bad thing, u trying to get her by sneaking through the back door wich is very dishonest (go on Kindle and buy "NO MORE MR NICE GUY" by Robert a glover phd) women don't want a nice man they want a good man, next thing when it comes to relationships women don't think they feel, you always hear women are emotional creatures, they need to feel emotions, so when u see beautiful women with undesirable looking men,these men stirring up emotions that u ain't doing. Before u go any further read the book, fix yourself, be prepared to lose her. You can get back to me, I understand your situation I've been there
Well I think u need to read my comment again and go from there. Thats where all your answers can be found Sir l o lol
ReplyDeleteIf you don't leave that damn woman where she is!!!! I'm telling you IVE BEEN HER and dude SHE DONT WANT YOU LIKE THAT we (me in the past) see men like you as a good gurl friend. She is actually helping you by not letting you in the way you want to be in her life. HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE. She is allowing the mistreatment of the other men because she has an inside struggle that yo ass gon end up visiting if you don't back the hell up. Let her be cause trust me you don't NOTHING especially "friend wit benefits" cause the wall of self hate she is struggling with gon come down on YOU! SHE IS PROTECTING YOU FROM IT SO PLEASE LISTEN!!!! Go get you a boo thang and stay in her friend zone. Don't say I didn't warn you!!!!
ReplyDeleteI've friend zoned men for a reason and it's as simple as I am not interested in them or attracted to them like that so making them interested in you would not be wise because they are not! So move on honey and find that one that is interested in you and wants you physically and mentally!
ReplyDeleteDude are You saying You never had to put and keep certain Females in the Friend Zone? It goes both ways. When a Female tells you about Guys she is Dating & having Sex with You are Stuck in the Friend Zone,move On. Make Passes at her Friends or tell her to hook you up. If she does not get Jealous, Your a Platinum Member of the Friend Zone running for President.
ReplyDeleteI have talked to guys about other men it doesn't particularly mean that they are friend zoned I just felt comfortable enough with them that I could talk about another person and still be open with them on how I feel
ReplyDeleteTomorrow we fly to St. Louis and while I'm going to take the advice you ladies and men have given, I feel like the least I could do is sample that puddin! When she talks about others she gets graphic with it to a point I feel left out by not touching her body. Erika, I'm hearing you and Christine, I'm going to put it out there and since she reads this blog, tomorrow on the plane, i'll tell her I blasted our business on here so she can take heed to what you all are saying. Hell, call it what you want, but I wanna touch that body at least once with no strings. Men should not have to hear about what she has done with others and not get a chance to roll in the hay themselves!
ReplyDeleteStuck in the FriendZone
Dear Friend Zone,
ReplyDeleteI appreciate you bringing your question to our forum. What makes this great is I just sit back and observe everything that has been said and render my opinion to close it out. At first, I seriously thought you were all about a relationship with all the warm and fuzzies, but as the days went on, it seems you were more upset because you weren't a part of her sexual circle and I feel a bit of jealousy kicked in. I understand how YOU want things to be but I am sad to have to be the one to tell you, but as men, we are always lead by the woman! If she chose to be more, you would jump to be her man, if she chose to have sex with you, you would love to be that MAN as well. I always tell people, what you start out as is normally what you end up as. So, if you are her friend, and she tells you about all of her SEXAPADES, then 9 times out of 10, you are what you will BE! Simple as that. Now, have I shared intimacy with friends? YES, have I had a friend turn into more than just a friend, YES, but, the mutual understanding was there, we knew from the very beginning that we had a strong interest in one another. But, like most of the ladies and men have explained to you, if she is sharing INTIMATE details with you, it's probably not because she wants your approval, it's because you are like a gay best friend and she loves your man-take on it. This is what I would do, and you can try this if you haven't already pointed her to this post and have her reading it. When a woman doesn't give you the attention you need, stop giving her the attention you are giving! Let me break it down: Stop being her sounding board for anything inappropriate. Sure, you can be friends, but knowing how she did this with him or that with him is truly not the conversation you should be having if you want her that way. Next, stop letting her know you want to lay and play with her. The man that is not overly eager to get the "draws" is normally the guy that gets them! You wonder why "Thug-Passion" is what many women seek, simple, it's because he comes in, does his thing, and puts on his Timberlands, and he is OUT! And ..... she may not hear from him for a few days.... when it happens all over again. Stop being the nice guy friend, and try acting like YOU got some business too. Who knows, it might change your fate!
-Mr. Anatomy - is Hurchel Williams, MBA, PHR