Have you ever caught your man/woman cheating? You had all your facts; or they were caught almost in the act! Did they lie or come clean? Explain ...........!
I was speaking to one of our bloggers about this in a personal counseling session and I told her I would bring this question forward to see if she is alone or if this happens more than we care to speak about. Later, I will explain her situation.
H. Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Speaker
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
Williamshjr@anatomyofacheater.com
http://twitter.com/anatomyofacheat
I have been on both sides of the board with this question. But when I have caught my woman cheating, I had all of my facts straight, like I could have been on the show "Cheaters". I tracked the phone conversations and the text messages. And I know without a shadow of a doubt that it was happening. But she tried to turn the tables and make it seem like I was crazy and reading too much into a nonexistant situation. Trying to make me second guess myself. But Karma is a phat bitch. And in the end she has missed out on the love that I had to give. But in a way it did jade me to future relationships. And it is easy to justify that I cheated because I was cheated on. However, for the record, nothing justifies the negative actions that on takes, So don't try. As men we are going to give a rule to the, "deny...deny...deny!". But honestly you should give your partner the option to make a decision on their own whether they want to remain in a cheating scenario.
ReplyDeleteI too have been on both sides of this coin. When asked, I told him straight up that I had cheated. But when I caught him looking on Match.com he said absolutely nothing to me when I questioned him, he just walked off into the other room with NOT A SINGLE WORD. Then once I got so extremely pissed at his silence and shoved him (which I don't recommend)the only thing he could say was that he was desperate because he thought our marriage was over but realized that there was just miserable unhappy women out there that would not be good catches. I could not believe my ears and here we are two years later still in the process of going our separate ways.
ReplyDeleteI posted the previous post at 7:58 and failed to mention that my cheat was 19 years ago and the match.com episoded was just a couple of years ago. We are going on 22 years of marriage.
ReplyDeleteTo Ruckus,
ReplyDeleteI completely understand your explanation of your situation, been there done that. When we are cheated on, we harbor a lot of resentment for "women" and hold that near and dear. While I know that shouldn't be the fact, it's hard to move on. In my later years, I learned to look at cheating in a different manor because I was so intrenched in the action. I tried to understand why it happened by looking at self. I, for one, am one of the ones that say there is totally a reason for why it happens. I feel every situation can be talked through! In life, we don't cheat by ourselves, however, when caught, we have to come clean to give the other person their self respect back. If you continue to lie, the other person thinks they have completely lost their minds because they say things like, "wait a minute, am I the crazy one, or what!"
Ruckus, thanks for stopping through. See you tomorrow where the question is a doosey and involves alternative lifestyles.
H. Williams, MBA
Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteYou are commended for telling the truth immediately because for the most part, that never happens! I must say this, Women come clean when caught more often than not. They don't drag it out because I feel, they want to get caught anyway. Women always have a reason for stepping out. But men, oh LORD, men will drag it out and make it a performance before they ever just come clean. Typically, in my dealings with others, women are always understanding if you explain everything and answer their questions; AND just know, they are gonna ask Questions. What she wore, where she touched you, where were you suppose to be, where did you tell me you were going, etc! You HAVE to answer their questions MEN if you expect them to understand AND, they are gonna watch you like a hawk for the next 20 years! (lol)
Anonymous, is it safe to assume your marriage was rocky after that first episode or did it ever get back on track? What kept you there for as long as you've stayed? Please advise!
H. Williams, MBA
My marriage was actually rocky from the very beginning otherwise I would not have done what I did 3 years into it. What I did was a symptom of how I felt and that was not feeling loved. I was repeating a pattern and once I discovered that that was what I was doing then I was able to begin my healing process of past hurts that led me to that behavior in the first place. In answer to if my marriage was rocky after the incident, I don't think as rocky as the first 3 years because that is when I began focusing on me knowing that I wanted to end this pattern of behavior. Yes, he didn't trust me for a period of time but once he saw that I was really, truly working on me then he began to trust again. Unfortunately he did not want to take responsibilty for his part in the issue so therefore it created tension. The reason I stayed for as long as I have I think partly because at that time we had young boys that needed stability and I was such a mess even though I was working on me, I felt it would be better to stay than go through the conflicts of a divorce. So in other words I just did not want to deal with a divorce at that time when I was walking through so much inner healing myself and I think hoping that he would seek help as well. Now we are just at the point that we realize that we are not compatable but we are looking at it from a more mature perspective and know that we really bring out the worst in each other as husband and wife. There is a large age gap which contributes to all the other issues as well. So we will part as good friends.
ReplyDelete