To all of my amazing bloggers, thanks for a great weekend of exceptional thought and sharing. Whenever I get a question that I feel will provoke idea exchanges, I try my best to bring it forward! My email address at the bottom of the page invites you to share your ideas. With that, today's question is ...........
"Does having sex HAVE to be a clear sign of connection OR, can the act be like riding a bike; something recreational? What's the Norm, and why?"
I've had both, sex for clear connection and intimacy for recreation, and as I get older, my mind says I value friendship more than I love someone who loves ME........! (Figure that out!) I'll explain later.
A blogger's mind is a sharing tool and (she) wanted all of us to help with her dilemma.
H. Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Speaker,
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
Williamshjr@anatomyofacheater.comFollow me on Twitter
To me it depends on the person. For myself if I want to make a connection with the person I can. If I want it to be just recreational then that's just what it would be no more no less no feelings just good sex. But in order to be able to do the two you have to know yourself. For most females the moment they sleep with a male they are in love. That's a female looking for something and don't know what she looking for. But a female that can choose what she wants and keep it moving she knows herself and she knows what she wants.
ReplyDeleteHaving sex is definitely not a clear sign of connection. There are those times that you have sex just to see if your actually want to pursue something further with an individual. But what do you do if you are not satisfied with the outcome. Just because you "fuck" doesn't mean that you two are not "together". The emotions are not in the act. The emotions come with interpersonal conversations and spending quality time with a person. People cheat on their spouses all the time. And that doesn't mean that they are not in love and connected to their spouses. That just means that there was a physical inclanation that was acted upon. And not that I recommend cheating on spouses. But if it does happen, I don't think that it has to "take away" from any other relationship that is in place. It was just a good time.
ReplyDeleteBabegirl
ReplyDeleteWell said. I have also had both situations. I personally am able to distinguish between the two and I think I am much happier because of it. I know what I want and what I am stepping into when I lay it down. I think the maturity to know the difference comes with gaining wisdom and realizing what you want and need physically and mentally. Everyone you sleep with is not going to give you a connection but that does not mean they cannot handle a physical need that may be present at the time. That goes back to the itch scratcher question. Along the same lines. I do think that alot of men think women cannot handle or distinguish between the two but I have met men that have not been able to tell the difference. That is why I am such a communication freak cause if it is not discussed or the lines have been drawn then there can be major problems after the act is commited on either side. And in discussing it it does not have to be well I just want to have sex or be crass but there are ways to know if you all or on the same page. But it is sometimes good to at least say it in plain terms. Cause I have been in situations where I thought we were on the same page and before the act actually took place I found out I was mistaken. So assuming is not an option.
So sex does not have to be a clear sign of a mental connection because men are physical first and the only connection they need is his skin connecting with hers. So are we discussing a mental connection, right? Sex is always a connection in a sense. LOL...
Good Question for the day.... Gonna give this some real thought.
ReplyDeleteBabegirl,
ReplyDeleteI am going to attempt this again, I just wrote you a long reply and it must be hung up in cyberspace. So here it goes again,
I agree with your reply but with a bit of a twist. As you know, I believe in PURE communication of what is before you! So, sex with another depends on how many times this action occurs and how it is perceived in both parties eyes. For men, as long as the deck is stacked in our favor, we good! WE let you chug along thinking these acts are taking us somewhere until which time something drastic happens on either side. I'll explain; he is caught with his pants down, he says, "Ah Manne, you know we just messin around, you knew what our arrangement was, don't trip! We good, right?" Same scenario, but you get caught with your pants down, he says, "Ah now, see, you messed up where I was trying to go with our monogamy thing! I thought we had an understanding that we were just with each other!" OK fellas, tell me I'm wrong. It's called double speak 101 but means the same thing! Right ?
Thanks Babegirl for your comments.
H. Williams, MBA
Rukcus, Ruckus, Ruckus........
ReplyDeleteI have NO words, you are just raw as they come. It's good to have a man with a real set of balls stop by and give us his Realism without borders. But remember, when you speak, people are not always in "understanding mode!" What I am trying to do is make them see who MEN are through MEN eyes to a mostly women population. Whenever you get the chance, break it down to the "barest" form known to man so they can hear that passion and understand that YES, we might be assholes, but we don't stand on that side of the fence alone! Let them see the connections as you connect the dots! And remember to be RUCKUS 'till you D-I-E ..... Dee Eye Eee! You are now my Atlanta (ATL) Bureau Chief!!!!
Thanks for Sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
Tameka,
ReplyDeleteYour last sentence said it all when you said "So sex does not have to be a clear sign of a mental connection because men are physical first and the only connection they need is his skin connecting with hers. So are we discussing a mental connection, right? Sex is always a connection in a sense. LOL..." When women learn what you just said, they are one step ahead of their peers. Men are extremely physical and have to grow into calling you your name but only after the physical connection is made. You go from being What-her-name, to Tameka, but only after a few sessions. Sounds harsh, but true reality. Think I'm joking, test it. The next time you meet a guy and talk to him for a few weeks before sex, ask him a question you know you have already told him the answer to, he will say......huh? Oh, you didn't tell me your last name yet!!!!
Thanks, as always, for being a continued contributor to our blog.
H. Williams, MBA
I think either way
ReplyDeleteTo All,
ReplyDeleteIt's time for me to expound on my comment from earlier.
I said, "I've had both, sex for clear connection and intimacy for recreation, and as I get older, my mind says I value friendship more than I love someone who loves ME........! (Figure that out!) I'll explain later."
Well, what that means is, I have to have some feelings for you to lay and play with you. In my hay day, I would have to explain why I wouldn't hold them, why they didn't mean more to me than they did. I would rather be intimate with a friend who we mutually have feelings for each other, than have sex with someone who tells me they love me and I don't feel the same way. While it may be the road to easy prey, the person who loves you stand to hurt more when they learn you don't love them because your body, mind and soul will not let you lay there and fake what you are NOT truly feeling.
Please tell me you understand bloggers!
H. Williams, MBA
In my opinion "sex" has to be a clear connection and also an attraction. For me it would be hard to "just have sex" without some type of emotional or physical attraction. Also for me I could definitely not get into "sex for money" deal because I can not give it up to just anybody. Women are emotional creatures most of the time and we tend to get attached. I would not say specifically fall in love, but our feelings start to change quicker than those of men.
ReplyDeleteKim,
ReplyDeleteI agree, and I concur. Men are physical creatures and our desire to be felt is much stronger than our desire to be mental. We like what we like, and when we like you, we show it by any means necessary. We will lie, cheat, and do just about anything to achieve our goal.
Just tha way it is.
Thanks for sharing,
H. Williams, MBA