We will keep it short and simple. While out partying with friends, I was asked to post the following question. So to Claude's request, I ask.....
How do you know when you're really in love?
Let's talk about it......
H. Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Speaker,
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
Follow me on Twitter
You know when your really in love when you still smile from ear to ear and your heart still beats fast and you get wet when you hear his voice that's the one your in love with. When you pay attention to the person you know what they like, you know what they want, you know when they are hurt, you know what makes them mad, you know what makes them happy. You know he loves gum and you never let him run out of gum. You treat him to lunch or dinner to let him know your there for him and it not about the money or what you can do for me. It's about what we do together. That's when you know your a Himaholic " Hi my name is Babegirl and I am a Himaholic".
ReplyDeleteBabegirl,
ReplyDeleteThat completely sums up a perfect man. Does he know you feel this way for him? I have heard you reference this guy before. Are these genuine feelings that are shared between the both of you? Love is such a wonderful thing when both parties know how the other sees them. Babegirl, I must ask this question, will you go to the ends of the earth for this guy? Are all aspects of the relationship with this guy perfect? I know one thing, a lot of women probably covet what you have.
Great Job, glad LOVE has found you!
H. Williams, MBA
When even the things you don't like about that person become things you learn to love about that person and we can both exist in the lost world of Unconditional Reality and still without a doubt love each more at the end of the day.
ReplyDeleteLatoya,
ReplyDeleteWhat are the challenges with that type of love? I mean, does it ever waiver based on outside influences? And, does loving him, and being in love with him take on separate meanings?
Thanks for sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
The "type" of love I speak of doesn't have challenges if the two people that exist in it have a clear understanding of how to meet the needs and wants of the person they are in love with. If God has his hands in it then it's understood that challenges don't exist. This type of love definitely is not concerned with outside influences and the only way to achieve this type of love is to be "in" with each other. Most people I believe are just in love with being love vs. being in love with the person.
ReplyDeleteLet's start by clarifying the question is to romantic love as opposed to familial or any other love.
ReplyDeleteNow let's offer a definition as to just what is love - as it is an onerous question for society/mankind.
Here's a simple distillation that we should be able to work with or even expand via other's comments: Intimacy+Commitment+Passion - lot's of the latter, and we'll see why in a minute.
Symptoms of love (things that tell you you might be triggering the emotional state of love), there are many, but the following three always occur, yes each and every time - other symptoms tend to be more sporadic in occurrance.
1. The best diet program available, though you can't purchase it for three payments of 9.99 on late night TV - You will experience a loss of appetite.
2. Narcissism, not the self-absorption type, but rather one becomes very aware of one's self. Yep, it's all that extra beautification one explores, who knows it might even involve a daily shower.
3. Now back to late night TV - Insomnia is the third symptom that always occurs, via obsession with the object (see Hurchel's question to Latoya above, being in love vs loving).
Back a little later, have some friends dropping in any minute now, to circle back to the statement above re Passion, and lot's of it.
Latoya ....
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your honesty and the explanation of your LOVES. Hmmmm, "in love with just being in Love" vs "being in love with the person." Real dynamic spin on that. I believe there is some truth and validity to that statement and probably has something to do with the personal loneliness of self and never wanting to be without an option of another.
OK Latoya, I'm buying your explanation with that twist. Thanks....
H. Williams, MBA
OK Narcissus,
ReplyDeleteLet me try to tackle your complex approach as a means to a simple answer;
So are you saying 1, 2, and 3 occurs when you are in LOVE and it closely resembles a lot of self and little of sharing? I was giving you some time for clarification, but I kept reading your response until I read it backwards for "forward clearance!"Intimacy+Commitment+Passion" I am sure the "in LOVE" evaluation carries a lot of what you have outline but when you have those three, I definitely see you on the right path to your goal, however what happens if any of those waver and lose presence, are you suffering from a loss and seek that answer in different areas of the same person, or do you simply live without until which time the loss is made up? I know you wanted to finish your statement, but you left us hanging on the cliff without a clear bottom to fall to!
I feel love deals with a lot of sacrifice and must center around one of the "7 Habits of Highly effective people" (Stephen Covey) "Habit 5 - Seek first to Understand, Then to be Understood"
Know what her/his expectations are, clearly understand them and work towards keeping those in the forefront of your belief to love someone else, then, work to be understood after you know what the other person wants. IF you practice this, you will always stay ahead because OF your goal; which will always be to "Love first, Me second" keeps your trying to be giving and not be received.
Thanks for the sincere opening of your beliefs,
H. Williams, MBA
Apology for the Wile E Coyote cliff-suspension trick - I know he does eventually fall, hopefully I am back before you discover there is no clear bottom to yesterday's post - let's pull you back from the ledge now.
ReplyDeleteBut first, an interesting thing happened yesterday, remember my friends that were dropping by, well they did - they are a married couple that i have known them since before they were married. Anyway, during our conversation they disclosed the were experiencing marital problems - they weren't "in love" any longer. Can you believe that, not the event itself, the timing of the event that is? So we had a long chat of this very same topic - generally we searched for what changed. So we may come back to their story later, maybe.
I am finding my answer to the question of the day is more challenging that originally thought, so this will be Part II (as I am meeting some guys at the sports bar for Sunday football), so Part III will come later - then the contextual set-up will be complete so that I can give my pithy answer to the question that has literally teased mankind since the beginning in Part IV.
Part II
We left off yesterday with the three symptoms that always occur, always. While there are other symptoms they tend to be more sporadic/random from individual to individual -in any event, add your symptoms where you wish, the point I want to make will be the same notwithstanding.
Here is the interesting question about these symptoms - what makes them occur? Short answer, it is a psyhcosomatic response, yes a physical symptom originating from an emotional cause - causality. We could have a long discussion on how human behavior confuses cause and effect, but that is for another time. Let's just say mankind gets it wrong more times than right and leave it that for now (there is a point for this digression that we will address later, it is not just a stream-of-consciousness).
These symptoms are simply your adrenal cortex (effect) responding to the emotional stimuli (cause) - to keep it simple, it's an adrenaline "rush" (remember the movie Point Blank) - the euphoria you feel is in street terms a "high." For those that just don't experience this feeling have your thyroid checked, no it's not the adrenal gland, but thyroid levels are a good indicator of adrenal sufficiency. For the rest of us, what happens next? (BTW, the full explanation of adrenal response would be another 4 parts series, it's truly complicated, for now I am just wanting to share the source of euphoria - and, be patient, understanding source matters as we will see).
However, the adrenal cortex is very effective at creating a negative feedback loop to down-regulate the hormone release - in effect, cutting off the supply of the "drug." We self-regulate, there's that word self again - it seems to be appearing frequently in this discussion. Simply stated the "higher" we feel the greater our system's response to shut-off the drug.
Guess i was too verbose, having to cut in half and post twice.
N
....continued....
ReplyDeleteNow let's circle back to PASSION, I told you yesterday we would re-visit passion, why do i say lots of it - of the three symptoms it is the one with the greatest impact on the adrenal cortex, this single emotional stimuli rev's up the adrenal cortex. So guys, when she says she wants you to be a "romantic" she wants passion in the relationship. This leads to the release of endorphins, sheesh isn't the endocrine system getting complicated now, now we bring in the pituitary gland. BTW, intimacy (the bedroom variety) triggers a release of more endorphans than the cause of other two symptoms - just an FYI. And boy don't we all like endorphin releases.
So now we have a simple definition of love, and we have identified what I offer as key symptoms of that emotional state. So let's summarize where we are so that we can move forward in Part III.
The emotional response to intimacy, commitment and passion is based on "your" (self again) perception of each. As only you know what looks attractive to you, what feels good to you, what makes you comfortable - so understanding yourself is very important. Again, as I stated yesterday and for clarity, self in my discussion here is not self-love or self-absorption of the unhealthy kind - it's understanding yourself.
We also understand that the physical response to these emotional stimuli is subject to a high degree of down regulation (this is why I stated above we needed to know the source, and why it happens so that we can understand why it fades) - the euphoria simply fades (we are going to come back to this so don't get all sad and depressed as are going to find it gets substituted by something else that's even more powerful, but now i am skipping ahead as Hurchel did in his reply). The euphoria does fade, so yes Hurchel, it will happen, not might, it will - the endocrine system will see to that, an it is very effective at what it does.
BTW, here is a personal comment, not that any of the above is not, but Hurchel, "sacrifice" is a rather strong word to use when discussing "knowing" when one is really "in love," maybe it is better used in "giving or sharing love." Even then I would still lean to saying that it is a strong word to use in describing such.
So, we wrapped up with a summary.
Now i need to go work on fantasy football, I have 13 teams that I need to get starting line-ups in, though 10 of the teams are an experement I started last year and are subject to control conditions so not that difficult to to get setup - then to the sports bar by noon.
As a preview for Part III, as I don't want anyone jumping from the ledge:
I am going to pick-up in Part III discussing, ooh, hold on now, here it comes, INFATUATION. Remember we discussed causality, and I stated human behavior gets it wrong more than it gets it right, we are going to explore infatuation - false love, as it elicits a similar adrenal response, but it is usually missing a certain one of the big three words we used in defining love - which one do you think it might be?
Anyway, we will try to conclude with the context setup so that we can move to the answer. And, yes, Hurchel has part of the answer burried in his reply above. Hurchel, patience, you are rushing to a conclusion.
N
Ruckus!
ReplyDeleteTo seriously answer this question is going to be an involved event. You have to first understand that love being an emotional response to your immediate surroundings, is just that, a respose. You know that you are in truly in love when the things, that the person that you are in love with want and need, take presedence over the things that you may want and need. When you are away from the person that you are in love with, you fall asleep with the phone in your hand, because you don't want to miss the call. When you are with them, your concern is for their happiness and comfort. And you have to know that it is not always reciprocated. True love could be one-sided. And you know that it is true, when that doesn't even matter to you. Truly being is love with a person is just what it is. The statement, "I love there dirty drawers!" is a real concept. When you are truly in love is really doesnt matter what that person does, right or wrong. Just because they did it you love it. And you also have to know that love, being an emotion, has the potential to fade.
...all of this coming from a Tru Playa! Holla at cha boi. I got the answers for ya.
Rodrick C. Williams, BS
President of Operation, ATA
Ruckus,
ReplyDeleteWe welcome you with OPEN arms! Glad we found each other again and your insight is certainly welcomed! You have a "certified participant status" of The Anatomy Site and franchise because you assisted with the reseach and education through your worldly exploits! Your comments serve as commentary from the lifestyle and while we don't condone cheating, we acknowledge that it occurs for various reasons! Together, we open our lives for examination and afterthough!
Thanks for blessing us with your presence!
H. Williams, MBA
Again, welcome, your expertise proceeds you!
Narcissus,
ReplyDeleteLet me applaud your passion and persistence to get your word out. I love the way you broke your word down and dissected the meanings to poignant explanation. Although I like the K-I-S-S method, Keep it Simple-Simple! LOVE diverts our attention from the root and the core of what we expect. You talked of endorphins and the feelings we endure upon their release, well, LOVE controls many impulses and I still say it closely resembles Understanding first, self Second, sacrifice throughout. I await your final chapter.
H. Williams, MBA