Today is Self-Evaluation Day !!!
Take a look in the Mirror and Examine what you see. Today's Question is ............
Are you a Damn Good Woman? - Are you a Damn Good Man? Forget your indiscretions, Are you the perfect mate for someone else?
Tell me about it.... I call it the "M. E." Syndrome! Do you have everything going for you and that PERFECTION intimidate the right person from coming into your life? (I'll explain "M.E." Syndrome later)
H. Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Speaker,
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
Follow us on Twitter
Yes I do feel as though I would be a wonderful match for someone I say wonderful because nothing is perfect. Im a good catch simply because number one I know Love and fear the Lord. I am educated, I carry my own weight, I have good credit, Im a nurturer. I know in relationships u will have good times and there will be some bad times however my issue that may still cause me to be single is that I have the "I" Syndrome......."I" refuse to settle for anything less than what "I" deserve because "I" can do good by myself and "I" can do bad by myself---------Anonymous Cloud
ReplyDeleteAnonymous Cloud,
ReplyDeleteBelieve it or not, this question was sparked because, like you, I have a friend who I feel has all the right intangibles to be in an award winning relationship but because she has "all the right stuff" men run away. Why, well, let's just say they can't "WOW" her with their stuff, and their things, so they meet her, greet her, and when they find out she's PERFECT in many ways, they run without ever giving her the proper credit she deserves. Sometimes, being great means being alone. Why should we have to lower ourselves to include certain people in our lives?
Never Waver, just keep waiting, he or she is coming! Keep wearing the hot-gurl hat!
Thanks for Sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
That depends on your individual definition of a good woman. In my own opinion, I think I am a damn good woman. I am supportive, loyal, and willing to compromise to make things work. But I will not stand behind a man who wonmt do the same for me.
ReplyDeleteI feel I am a perfect catch. I possess the qualities most men say they want but once I meet a man and he gets to know me. He is confused. I would be what most men would say is the perfect women. I dont bring any type of drama, dont nag, I'm the ride or die chick guys claim to want. But when they find it they say "you are too good to be true" and they fail to make me theirs waiting on that moment when my head will start spinning around. I completely agree with Anatomy's statement saying Sometimes being great means being alone. I have helped several hearts of men that felt women were the devil based on their past relationships. I sometimes feel my calling is to repair and send men back into the field. I have done this for many that have gone on to be in very successful relationships and for this I am happy. But because I am very strong and know who I am that can be intimdating to the some of the men I meet. Only because women are known to bend and compromise in relationships. Not saying I do not compromise but there are certain things I feel I should not have to compromise to be happy. And if I did compromise those things would I be happy in the long run, anyway? Any man that knows me knows that I am a great catch, but it is scary to find everything you want in one person when you have been programmed to believe no one is perfect. I dont strive to be perfect, nor do I think I am, I just am who I am and I just do what I do. Ok im hitting send cause I have been typing this since 8a. May add to this when I can focus
ReplyDeleteI am a Damn Good Woman I do whatever it is to make my mate happy. I make sure he doesn't go without. And he does the same for me. When that Damn Good Man come into your life you do what it takes to keep and make him happy. Now I'm not saying be a Damn fool behind him. But you have a Damn Good Man you do what you have to do for that Damn Good Man...
ReplyDeleteTameka and Antamica, (My two Meka's) LOL
ReplyDeleteYou guys are right, and if you feel you are a great catch, don't lower your standard just to capture the heart of a man. What you will find is, he will suck your goodness dry!! When a man is not prepared to receive all that's good in you that you offer, you are left with questions of why didn't it work. Men have an uncanny way of making all failures seem to be the fault of someone else. Unless we are real men, we hang our hat on something you have done and we run with it. Most guys like to play fix it. I use to be called "Captain Save a Hoe" by two people in particular, my mother, and eventually, my wife! For me, I screwed my relationships up because I had a mentality of I'm gonna do, what I wanna DO! When we as men don't compromise, we never get the good women offer, just the by-product of happiness she has left when she has given all she can to a relationship. Women, don't settle, make us date up to your standards and NOT down to ours! My dad always told me, "Jr., a man will always be a woman's downfall if she let's him!"
RIP Pops, you always gave me the life advice!
Thanks to my Meka's for Sharing!
H. Williams, MBA
I love it!!
ReplyDeleteWomen, don't settle, make us date up to your standards and NOT down to ours! This is great, sorry anatomy I'm stealing this one. That is why so women are fed up cause they have given all they have to make relationships around them work. They have given up themselves to make them work instead of giving up some relationships so they(women)can work and thrive. We as women have to start making the men around us date up instead of settling for whatever they choose to offer. Cause truth is if we dont settle they will rise to the occasion. I have seen the worst of them rise to the expectations of a woman once the lightbuld went off that this is a great woman and I would be a fool to let her get away. But all to often that does not happen until she has been used up and then she is resentful of what she lost in herself that she becomes bitter to the next. The same happens with men when they decide to do right and get hold to the woman that still is out to get what she can. But it seems most times that women realize the treasure in the right realtionship before men. Not a jab at the men just an observation. How about all the men that are ready for a perfect woman move to Wyoming and the women ready for a perfect man do the same and preserve some of the good that are left. And I did say perfect cause the only thing that would make one person perfect for the other is that they compliment each other. Not that there are no issues but if each has the best interest at heart for the other this makes the perfect man perfect for the perfect woman and thus making the perfect relationship.
Babegirl,
ReplyDeleteYou have spoken about your relationship before. It seems you are in a happy, rewarding relationship which in some circles, is rare. I commend you for stepping up proclaiming your status as a Damn good Woman for your Damn Good Man! Keep your relationship in front of you, not beside or behind and you will always see where it's going. Never get complacent or allow it to lead itself. Relationships need work and nurturing, give it what it deserves and watch it continue to prosper!
Thanks for Stopping by again,
H. Williams, MBA
Wow...I am THE M.E. SYNDROME! What I have discovered in this new "life" of mine, is that I have come across alot of men that are or can be intimidated by a successful woman. I do have my own car, house, businesses and author. I've been taking care of me and business for a long time. I know the things that I am capable of doing, having and accomplishing. However, when you meet a guy and you are accomplished, some run for the hills. I must have missed the memo where I was supposed to be dependent on someone or dumb down to have someone. Instead, why is it that they can't step their game up and bring something to the table? I'm sorry dick and balls just doesn't cut it on Avenue Je'. I need more than that from you. But if that is all you have to offer men then.......
ReplyDeleteTameka,
ReplyDeleteI would be remiss if I don't ask you to expound on something you said. The comment,
"But all to often that does not happen until she has been used up and then she is resentful of what she lost in herself that she becomes bitter to the next."
How do you define, USED UP? Are you saying that we stay in relationships too long knowing they are not healthy? Even when it's clear we should have moved on long ago? IF you are, I am right there with you. Sometimes, we are afraid to make a move or be the ONE to make the move for fear we'll be the one who gave up! (read that again) There are some practices we need to revamp. IF the relationship is done, let's not linger, let's agree to disagree and move the %*#^ (bleep) on!! You are so right in saying, we stay and become bitter for the next person. Men, well, we just find someone who is lacking some Man 101 in their life and start over, new life, new song, new dance, And the new person is happy we are there for they are NO LONGER man-less! You (women) however are bitter as hell, mean, and resentful for the next relationship and eventually call us back and become the side piece for an old relationship. THERE, I said it, "how in the hell do you go from being the woman, to being the OTHER woman just in the name of good, back-breaking SEX?
Let's talk about it!
H. Williams, MBA
Anatomy,
ReplyDelete"But all to often that does not happen until she has been used up and then she is resentful of what she lost in herself that she becomes bitter to the next."
This statement is referring to when many fellows realize they HAD a good woman. They do not realize this until she has given all she has and is used up emotionally. She then becomes resentful of who she has become to save a relationship that 9 times out of 10 she no longer has. So then the next guy comes along and he may be a great(perfect) guy but she can only think of what happened with the last. Making the "next" pay for the "ex". This is true for men and women. Realtionships are emotionally draining especially if both parties are not in it to win it.
As for going from the woman to the other woman, that is from a lack of respect. Sex is not that important cause there is always a reason the "ex" is an "ex". Some women are just content with having someone/anyone. They will become the one that possibly broke up their relationship out of resentment. "Someone did it to me". And the cycle continues. Some think he will come back once he realizes what he missed out on, but is he really missing out if he still gets the sex and none of the drama that came with it before. Hmmmmmm (twisted lips)
Men are simple, they will get it when they get it and not a minute before. We cannot change them unless they want to change and our sex is no better than the next(despite what tricks we bring to the table). At the end of the day the nut is the same. Regardless of how he gets it. A mature mans wants more than sex and this is where the difference lies. But until he is mature you will always be the OTHER. As I read someone smart say, "There are some practices we need to revamp. IF the relationship is done, let's not linger, let's agree to disagree and move the %*#^ (bleep) on!!"
Exactly, Indeed, and Right!!! to all of the participants in the forum and Hmmph!w/ (Twisted Lips) By the way I'm a Damn Exceptional Woman and I'm better than all of you women in the forum...lol. that is all
ReplyDeleteNow I have get back to work so I stay independent until I feel like being dependent on a man who is worth my worth! I love this blog :)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteMs. Latoya,
ReplyDeleteHow you gonna just show up and "Self Proclaim" to be better than all? Were you given that status by a beau or did you looked in the Mirror and Proclaimed today to be M.E. Day! I am looking at you with "Raised Eyebrows" and seeking first to understand, then to be understood.(lol) OK now, on to the next one....Next up, got to address JE - While I await the arrival of Ruckus to jump in and give his two cents about Tameka's thoughts!
H. Williams, MBA
Bravo JE, Bravo.....
ReplyDeleteYou have just managed to do it again!! You just can't talk to the "brothers" like that if you expect to win one of their hearts! (lol) You have to act like a damsel in distress and all needy. If you come out blowing and going like you just did, it's gonna be "on to the Next One!" (smile) But seriously, while I joke, it is really true. Guys tend to take the road 'MOST' traveled and not the one that have fewer footsteps. If all a man seeks is face and ass, then that is around every corner. The trick becomes, where can he get face, ass, intelligence, brains, and Obedience or "Submissiveness!" If you say too much, they run, if you are too independent, they run! There has to be a delicate balance, one where you hold the "pole" as you walk the tight rope! Can you handle that JE, Tameka, Latoya, and Antamica? Seems like Babegirl has it mastered! (LMAO)
Thanks Ladies,
H. Williams, MBA
Im so mad at Latoya...but I do understand...LOL...If you dont believe who will.
ReplyDeleteIm also upset Anatomy is not commenting on my entry...Ruckus can get some when he gets on...I need feedback...Come on Cletis!!!
Yeah Hurch, but why should women have to fake the funk by pretending to be some dizzy broad in distress when we aren't? All that to get a man? I can't help it if I or WE all are able to care for ourselves...but what is wrong with us wanting a man to court or date us? Talk to us and really get to know us? When all they are truly doing is sitting back, checking a woman out, looking at tits, ass, and for some their bank...to see how fast they can get a woman into bed....Maybe women need to start looking at these negro's credit, what they drive, their credit score, their job TITLE, their choice of labels (meaning name brand, WalMart or Purple), shoe size, hand size, etc to see if some of sorry asses are worth our time... But...BUT...when we do, we are golddiggers and hoes, tricks and everything else...Shit, we would be doing the same thing men THINK they have been doing for years...except we have it mastered...
ReplyDeleteJe good job heart, but let me spin this. You're a successful , beautiful , black woman who has made her success. I can match wits with you without conscience and fulfill you emotionally, physically, intellectually and internally. To be with you is to compliment your being and acknowledge your self. Here is my scenario, I lost my job, but I am searching for one. To ensure your being is well kept by communicating and participating with household management. This is necessary to keep a balance, a lot of Brahs aren't participating and intimidated if they aren't bringing whatever to the table. Sometimes it won't be enough for an independent woman. Therefore push him away......
ReplyDeleteTameka,
ReplyDeleteSome of what you have outlined is definitely coming from a woman. You said, "We cannot change them unless they want to change and our sex is no better than the next(despite what tricks we bring to the table)." Ma'am, I can't let you go through life thinking that. Some of you are good, and some of you are PORN STARs! and that, my dear, is a big difference. The best women I have encountered are the ones with the "Get in, sit down, and shut up" mentality. That just means, everybody knows their role, everybody shut their holes! (mouths) Samuel Jackson said it best in the movie Jackie Brown, when he told Robert Deniro, "I can always trust Melanie to be Melanie!" Men look for women to be predictable and when you are, all conditions are met, but when you change, and start "THINKING" the whole game is changed. We can debate this all day, but at the end, the rules are simple. Find a man that is compatible with the needs and wants you have. Don't try to change him, don't demand too much, and things will work out. Don't expect more from him than you are willing to give. It's like sending your children to church on the church bus demanding they get some religion, but your lazy, sinning ass stay home and lounge around in bed! Get what you give. IF you always do what you've always DONE, you can expect to have, what you've always HAD! Process that one!
Thanks Tameka for Sharing, I am here today and will rock it until the Wheels fall off!
H. Williams, MBA
Yeah, but it depends on which INDEPENDENT woman you introduce yourself to. Not all women will turn an honest man away, as long as their is some effort and not a lazy ass just wanting for a woman to wait on them. But, you do have some women that are all about the dollar, and they go for the men with the most money. Just like women, men need to be careful of who they choose to really take an interest in...
ReplyDeleteTime out, equally men and women do this cat and mouse thing, but there has to be just more than materials and money. I agree the art of dating is gone, but we can achieve little achievements by going back to courtships and be open to self-expression. We spend too much time looking for the tangibles and not focus on the on sex in the beginning. Slow the pace of sex or communicate the interest and let it be known. Otherwise we will just be spinning the wheels with the same unhappy issue, but I respect your truth......thx
ReplyDeleteIndeed Je'... Indeed!!! Fortunately, I come from a strong line of great men, who taught me the x's and y's of the "Man" and his "mind games" when I was a wee little lady. With that said Mr. Hurchel, your quote is exactly right. "The trick becomes, where can he get face, ass, intelligence, brains, and Obedience or "Submissiveness!" Je' you know this because I preach it faithfully, but the woman has lost focus on her position in all of this. "We" (women) are in control of the men that deserve submissiveness and the men that we feel deserve RESPECT...NOT "obedience". So slap yourself if you failed to review the application of the incompetant one before you hired them for the job! Tameka you knew exactly where I was coming from so don't be upset, you know I love you lady. Confidence derives from self, we must believe and know it within ourselves in order to expect someone else to receive it.
ReplyDeleteJe those are my post. Having tech problems with google acct. Byron
ReplyDelete@Anonymous: I'm sorry, I've NEVER been about anyone's money or materlistic things and couldn't give a damn about screwing someone...sex comes in time when desired and so does money...I'd take a man with a good heart and a will to succeed, with proven efforts. Yes, I do want someone that can be there for me, but it's not all about the money here...oh and I knew it was You Byron lol
ReplyDeletePreach Toya...
ReplyDeleteMs. Latoya,
ReplyDeleteYou indeed have an advantage if what you say is true of the long line of great men! That is the best way to gain knowledge of our inner workings with females. Toya, you sound as if you have entered the school of hard knocks and have learn from a few scrapes, bumps, and bruises. Life teaches us that the submissive woman controls the man through mental telepathy. Let us have what we want, when we want it, how we want it, and the rest of the insignificant things are yours. We don't seek control, just understanding. When will you gal pals learn, this game is simple, just learn the rules of engagement and meet our needs. The rest is simple semantics. We don't mind being led, as long as you take us where we want to go! (read that one twice) Study us, we are creatures of habit. Roll here, touch here, lick here...etc. Just follow the maze of sticky notes we leave for you. Like Jerry McGuire, you will have us at HELLO. Seriously! Use your memory of the good times as a guide...Enough Said!
Thanks Latoya for Sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
Also, Tameka...Tameka... Just because we all born with the same body parts, does not mean that they all produce the same results. All sex is NOT, I repeat NOT the same. It's okay to be sweet as a button sometimes but we have to leave meekness to the unexperienced, that my dear is a prime reason as to why men cheat. You'll lose your man with that mentality. Set it on fire if need be blame it on your alter ego later. LOL! There is no room for the inhibitions in the bedroom.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteJE.....
ReplyDeleteYour frustrations show!!! Advice, calm it down just a few notches. For men, we work off physical and sight. If we see you as aggressive, stand offish, and ready to blow us up immediately, we run, hide, and try the easy road up the hill. You definitely have the M.E. Syndrome. You have an internal battle with self. JE is the strong personality, and Jennifer backs it off a bit and let's the beauty show. You remind me of the characters of Zane's book, the one with the split personalities. I think is was Nervous. It seems like JE protects the franchise of self and Jennifer wants the love. JE says, "screw those MF's if they don't wanna play our way." (are you seeing my links) Men scare easy and when we do, we run with our proverbial tails between our legs! We want the female calm before the storm!
Ya feel me?
H. Williams, MBA
Latoya,
ReplyDeleteYou just gave Tameka some advice for the ages! I am so glad a WOMAN has seconded my words and understand that when you Bring it, YOU must Bring it GOOD! We are physical, and just like a Whale trainer with his fish, we remember where our TREATS come from! The trainer with the most treats get the bigger Whale! Everyone else just throwing tic tac-s in the belly of the whale, he don't see them or feel them. BE creative like Latoya just said and your Fruitfulness will show!
Thanks Latoya for being Dreadfully Honest!
H. Williams, MBA
Yes, I am a great catch... not because of what material items I have but because I have an enduring spirit. Many times what you are looking for isn't looking for YOU. Once you realize not only must, he or she be a compliment to you, but you to them. This is a game changer, patience and discernment becomes key, when to stay, when to let go. Remember new and different is uncomfortable in any situation. I personally think common slags as, "a lady in the street and a h*e in the sheets", or “I need me a thug who know how to cut it on and off” is our way of admitting how 3 dimensional that person will have to be. See one personality may be stronger than the other, more h*e than housewife and more thug than sense. You will need what compliments you the most ... be it your bad boy or your good girl... I want to learn something new with whomever I am with and I want to offer the same. Be it teaching her to change a tire and she teaches me how to cook a cake... it's not what you have ... but what you offer.... as woman say, "His potential" or as the good ones say...HIS VISION.....
ReplyDeleteLatoya and Anatomy,
ReplyDeleteI love it. My comment did exactly what I wanted it to do. My comments were mainly for conversation purposes to get the minds turning. I for one do not think sex from all is the same. I am with Latoya on this one. I am the bomb and I compare to no other. I love how each of you put your respond and I completely concur. I as Latoya was schooled by men all my life(two brothers, all their friends, father, uncles etc) which is why I have different insights. I have heard men, immature ones might I add, say the things I mentioned in my previous comment.
Toya you were right on point with this statement, "We" (women) are in control of the men that deserve submissiveness and the men that we feel deserve RESPECT...NOT "obedience". So slap yourself if you failed to review the application of the incompetent one before you hired them for the job.
Anatomy I agree that men do not seek control but understanding and that is why I have such good relationships with them, I always get an understanding, reagrdless of the situation. I do not leave anything to assumption. I talk and that is why I understand men because I hear them when they talk I dont just listen. Ok I gotta go will be back on shortly.
I have missed so much in an hour I almost do not want to step away. back in a few
Thanks Mr, H. Williams
ReplyDeleteI'm just keeping it 100%. I really only expose myself to the lucky individual that I chose to have "relations" with for because I respect my man but I don't mind "cracking the bedroom door" if it's going enlighten someone. "I'm a lady in the streets and ... :). I'm done for tonight, because I must go grocery shopping so I can get my kitchen popping for Thanksgiving. My man is expecting the meal to be done by 8:30AM on Thanksgiving day. He DESERVES it.
This place gets better and better by the day...;-)
ReplyDeleteJustYes, --- and the M.E. Syndrome !!!
ReplyDeleteNice to see you join our party again! Discernment is something we all have but few play into. We started the day speaking about the M.E Syndrome. Well, let's placate just a bit and slow it down. M.E. is actually the initials of a PERSON. She is a person, a good friend who I feel has it all together. She has the life, the job, the flair, and the ability to take any man that crosses her path and make them her husband; so, why is M.E. alone? She is alone because of the aforementioned, all of the things I have outlined as positive, works against her! Men want to play Superman, Captain Save a Gurl, Knight in Shining Armour, or Shrek. The one who rescues you from the big castle locked away in the highest Tower! With people like M.E., they don't need your freakin rescuing and that poses a serious challenge for men who don't have anything going for themselves but toys, careers, and a look at me, I'm somebody, mentality! If you are not impressed, their ego is shattered in a matter of days because their "Winky Dinky" is closely related to the rescue. IF they can't rescue you, their "Winky Dinky" is crushed and may not come out of the shell....Mr. Turtleman! Sounds primitive, I'm telling you, this is true. The M.E. Syndrome is experienced by more successful women than you think. They walk around wondering, "What the hell did I do?" Well ladies, what you did was achieve more than most men would have you achieve. BUT the killer part is this, most of the ladies who climb that ladder are normally unattractive on the outside and they are boyish in features because they feel they have to fit in. So they smoke, cuss like a sailor, and chug beers through a beer-bong. They know they are cursed so they deal with it, but when you are M.E. and you are pretty damn good looking or pretty damn fine, you are cursed coming and going! Ladies, for those of you that have the M.E. Syndrome, don't stop your pursuit. Keep looking to the hills which come-eth your strength. I assure you, he's there, just wait one second longer than insanity! You'll win every time!
Thanks for making today special. Tomorrow's topic will floor you because it deals with the hidden sacrifices of women!
H. Williams, MBA
Good to be back Anatomy,
ReplyDeleteMaybe I am wrong here but don't most women of that caliber usually have a list of “must haves” ... that as you get older become less and less accessible? These "type of woman" usually aren't as “put together “as they appear. Usually the reason a man cannot give her what she desires or "rescue" her, Surrounds a man’s ability to be patient. Most women of this level don't NEED A MAN....THEY WANT A MAN...and I would much rather be wanted then needed... wanted keeps the fire, the desire and the Longevity of a real relationship... “a need”… is a survival and a admission that without you I can’t do it and I need you... this is where woman say, “he is so controlling” and don’t realize you told him you need him, so what did you think would happen. No way!!!! Give me WANT any day.
Evening all, “Am I a damn good woman you ask?” I would certainly say yes. In my opinion a damn good woman is two-fold. I am sure that we are all of the opinion that we are good women. I am a damn good woman because I take my better half for what he is, and that is a damn good man. He is not a good man because he makes a six figure income, because he doesn’t. I bring all that I have and all of me to the table. Just because materialistically speaking he does not bring what I bring to the table does not make him insignificant. I was not looking for a spouse that could take care of me, although that is a perk that would be nice, I don’t have that. We do what we do together. I like the simple things in life, i.e. him asking, “Have I told you I love you today”, and me saying as a matter of fact you have, several times. Some people get things twisted thinking that a man has to have everything they have to be equal to them. A damn good woman accepts who she has and works with what she has. She continues to reassure him that he should continue to push himself and one day he will be more than he ever thought. A damn good woman takes a man with all his discretions and works with that. She realizes that not all relationships are perfect, but the times are gone when you find a man that has everything you are looking for. It’s nice to have those things, but a man or woman worth having is worth doing what it takes to get him and even if that is allowing yourself to be the “baller” , so to speak. Everyone can’t have that college degree you are looking for, or that big money making job, or no children, or the best looking guy features, etc. Quite honestly when I got my man he was none of that, but the best part to that is I was able to mold us and make us what I wanted us to be. He was not an already ready made man. We grew together and it holds true that we will be together. He is not beneath me and I am not beneath him, we are on the same limb. So, I said all of this to say, being a damn good woman goes way beyond the scope of the material things in life, it is the simple things we learn to appreciate. If he has no money to buy me a card, but he or she can scribble a note to say, “Baby I love you, I couldn’t get you a card”, then you know what…you got yourself a damn good woman or man.
ReplyDeleteWell said Justyes
ReplyDeleteAt the "M.E" stage women do not need a man. I feel I have reached that stage persay. I run into men that cannot accept the fact that you dont need them but want them. I am lookkng for someone that I want around just because I enjoy his company and his time. I have been told I am to independent by some but on the other hand some that know me
better have elaborated on that statement stating
I am independent but only because I have to be. Who else is going to step up when the truck breaks
down, or the light bill is due etc? I think the M.E. woman is very independent not by choice but out of neccessity. She has no choice. This in turn makes it hard for a man to see where he fits in her life. I will be Oh so ecstatic when I can let a man be a man and submit to him knowing that he is leading me places. This is the day me and my M.E. syndrome long for.
JustEyes,
ReplyDeleteNot all of the women have the "must haves!" I know what you mean most women of her caliber run men off with their got to have list, but, with this particular woman, her list wouldn't be any unrealistic than any other women. She doesn't want too much, she just wants the typicals, Job, Life, Laughter, and fun! She is the M.E. of the Syndrome. I noticed she is a regular person when we hung out. She danced, she drank, she sweat on the floor, and had breakfast when the night was over. Men approached, but seemed to be intimated as they walked away. Funny thing about it, she probably would have pursued extra conversation with them if they would have initiated!
Thanks for Sharing,
H. Williams, MBA
Kim,
ReplyDeleteEveryone sees them-self as different. What you have outlined means your self examination tells us you are a Good Woman based on the standards of compromise and communication! Everyone has to see what it takes to be "great!" You are not measuring yourself based on the detriment of another, rather the build up your man by using his weaknesses seen by others, as his strengths seen by you. Kim, this life is finicky and we have to "Find the Good, and Praise it!" (Alex Haley) and by doing that, reach for what we need to make it worth living.
Thanks for sharing with us today. It has been very productive!
H. Williams, MBA
Tameka,
ReplyDeleteSome of the statements and questions you have made have to be asked in the initial meetings with your new potential guy. Women have to learn to ask, "what are your intentions in my life?" or "IF this relationship progresses, what will our allegiance be to one another?" It's time out for games, let a man know you have his back, and maybe, just maybe, he will be your AAA when the car breaks down or the electric bill is running a few days late before payday. Those situations, while rare, test the true grit of a man's intentions. If he sprints from responsibility but is the first to the bedroom, somebody's responsibilities are skewed just a bit.
Thanks Tameka,
H. Williams, MBA
These are questions I ask initially and this may be why I'm still single. I have not been shy about the fact I am not looking for a "captain save em". I do not need saving or rescuing. I am looking for companionship and someone that I compliment and that does the same for me. I am very easy going and can take a relationship for what it is. I know the man that is for me will be exactly what I need and desire.
ReplyDeleteTameka,
ReplyDeleteSo are you telling me you have a list of standards they must hit, or a guide by which you seek these men? Do you have a test drive policy, or do you window shop, and buy immediately after browsing? You have to let a man be a man! This means letting him rescue you in some aspect or you will forever be alone! Do you believe this? Just curious!
Thanks for burning the Mid Night oil with Us.
H. Williams, MBA
Yes, I feel I am a good match for someone else. This "perfection" you speak of is subjective, meaning it is really what your mate is "measuring up to". This sort of perfection is what left an impression on you and drew you to her in the first place. Like you said, men do work off physical and sight. It could have been that glow she had about her or the confidence in the way she carried herself, but it was there all along. It could have been the excitement she had when she saw you for the first time as well. Just like in the business world, it is a partnership (except there isn't room for a silent partner in this one). If she isn't intmidated or feel resentful for her high merits (why should she), then why be intimidated? You both bring different assets, as well as liabilities, to the table.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous....
ReplyDeleteWell said Anonymous, it took me a minute to really put together what your meaning was, but I got it. I gather you are saying, intimidation is a character of the beholder. IF you seek to be intimidated, you will be but if you seek first to gather information, then exploring the perfection in another will yield a different outcome. When all else fails, everyone here knows I always fall back on communication. It is the key that unlocks the maze of emotions, chaos, and interaction of 2 becoming 1.
Thanks for sharing!
H. Williams, MBA
Okay folks...it's time to hear from the woman that is the real "M.E." behind the M.E. Syndrome. I think it bears explaining what this "syndrome" is all about and what it really means. To start I will say it isn't about thinking that I am or any of you are better than anyone else. The motivation behind all of this is my being a well-educated, professional, successful, stable (emotionally, intellectually and financially),attractive, self-confident without being arrogant, intense and funny woman who can't find a man that respects and appreciates all those qualities. Although I will agree (to a point) that many men say they want all of these things in one woman, the truth is it terrifies many of them once they find it. As soon as a man realizes that I am with him because I want to be and not because I need to be, his ego doesn't deal well with that concept. As Hurch has referenced, it's findng a man that sees me as he and my friends have learned to see me, not getting caught up in the image or job or perception of me. And for those that do have a perception of me because of the person they THINK I am, once they learn about the real me and that I am a very normal, down-to-earth person they run for the hills. This typically happens because I have not fulfilled their expectation of being unapproachable and elitist. So...as much as I hate to admit this (and I have been told this by several friend), men are intimidated by women like me because of all the characteristics listed above and the assumption that I/we have an inflated opinion of ourselves. And as the old saying goes: we all know what happens when we assume?!?! Thanks for letting me post and sharing all your incredible thoughts and insights on the "syndrome".
ReplyDeleteTo the Actual M. E. ........
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by and giving us the word to hault the whole day. Today was about you and what I saw as Perfect when I saw you in your element. I have witnessed you in business, I have witnessed you at play, and I have witnessed you through the eyes of others. When you connect the dots, you teeter around a 9 with the ability to reach 9.5 with a sneeze and a handkerchief! Today, you will learn why! M.E., I like the fact that you didn't wear your accomplishments on your sleeves like most tend to do. You have gracefully accepted the success that life has afforded you. I have several friends in my life that have achieved "status" and ironically people hold their climb against them. Because of that, the nose may turn NORTH. With you, not the fact. You will make the right guy a perfect compliment once he gets past his "lack of need," is probably a good thing. While I always tell people reach up, not down when dating, my advice to you, reach parallel because those above you may have to pull themselves out of the clouds to dibble dabble with what they perceive as stepping lower!
Keep on looking in the mirror, if you blink 3 times, the prince will be standing behind you albeit in a frog form. Your Kiss may just unlock him! And your happily ever after awaits.
Thanks for being our focus today!
H. Williams, MBA
Anatomy,
ReplyDeleteI have some things that will not be compromised but as for anything outside of those couple things I am more than willing to grow with my potential mate with. I am sure there will be something he may not want me to work on bring to my attention that I may not be aware of. So there is always room to flex and shift around. I do test drive not impulse buying for me. I have done the impulse buy before only to realize I had purchased a lemon. It may seem I am set in my ways and leave a man no room to be a man but that is far from the truth. I want to be swept off my feet or would even be ok with tripping into love. But after being in relationships where I have been lost, I am very protective of me, but not to the point that I write off any guy that has a flaw. This is not the case.
First, let me apologize for missing out on all of this great action and conversation. I do certainly appreciate all of the candid conversation and realistic answers to a very necessary topic. So, here goes. Initially I was going to answer the question myself. But that would have been rather self service. I am here for all, not just self. But that leads me into the necessary conversation thta we are having. It is GREAT for a woman to know her self worth and accept herself for exacty who she is. But it becomes rther unattractive when she flaunts it in front of people. Expecially someone that she is considering for a life partner. Sure, all women are going to accept the statement that they are the greatest woman created. But at the end of the day, it really is a man that chooses a woman. And that man doesn't necessarily choose that woman because of HER characacteristic. The majority of decisions that men make have more to do with the things that he has going on, that what she has to offer. You know that this is true, because look at a man that cheats on a beautiful, successful, respectful, deserving upwardly mobile woman, with someone that is soo beneath his situation that it just doesn't make sense. He chose that other woman not because of what she had, or what she was offering. IT was just something within him that he wanted to do. So please women, don't be had on yourself. Just be exactly who God made you and the man that is for you will make his way to you when your time ha come. Don't force it, and don't settle for the bullshit that average dudes will try to run on you. Game recognize game. And people should be wllling to call "bullshit" when they see it.
ReplyDelete