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Mr. Anatomy,
I'm mad as hell, and I am NOT going to let him get away with this! I attend (Not Gonna Do it) in (Not Gonna Say it) and my cousin confided in me yesterday that she is having a physical affair with the associate Pastor of our church ! He's the next in charge at the church, and he's behaving like a teenager. She's 24 and he is 49 and married. I am so mad, I want it to be known. She swore me to secrecy but my lil cousin is in love with him but he tells her the time is not right to leave his wife! But wait, Mr. Anatomy, the bad part about it is, I am involved with him too and he told me the same thing! My cousin has no idea he and I are sleeping together too. I am 2 steps from telling our Pastor about all of this and exposing everything. My Question is ...................
How do I handle this without hurting innocent people not involved? Do I tell, do I shut up, What? Mr. Anatomy, please help me?
Hurchel Williams, MBA
Life Coach, Motivational Relationship Speaker,
Author, Anatomy of a Cheater
Williamshjr@anatomyofacheater.com (email US your Questions anonymously)
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Ma'am,
ReplyDeleteI accepted your question because I want others to help you through your situation, but I WILL NOT allow you to share the name of the church, or the name of your associate pastor! I am not here to feed the rumor mill, just assist you and help you cope. If for any reason you speak the Church's name, or his name, I will have to shut the question down. Thank you so much for sharing your dilemma with US, The Anatomy of a Cheater Franchise!
Mr. Anatomy = H. Williams, MBA
First of all you have 3 people who are in the wrong! And this anonymous person who is venting their anger apparently is NOT concerned about how his morals as a pastor can affect his following in a negative way spiritually and emotionally so, but it appears her anger is from knowing that she's not his only mistress..and that her cousin is one of them. Looks as if she was okay with it as long as she was "the only woman". She's just as wrong as her cousin and Pastor. Its hard to cry foul concerning a crime that you're directly involved in! I would first leave that relationship, encourage her cousin to do the same, and move forward! I feel bad for the wife...she's the true victim here.
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that now you want to expose him because he played you by sleeping with your cousin, but everything was cool as long as you thought he was playing his wife by sleeping with you. So therefore deal like you been dealing or get in another game!!!!
ReplyDeleteI think it would be wise to shut up because it seems as though you're only mad and wanting to expose him because you thought you were special and now you know yo'ure not .. my question to you is, if you had not found out about your cousin, would you have ever exposed him? Would u have thought he was a player?
ReplyDeleteYou're*
ReplyDeleteThe people I've encounterd on this blog keep it real!!!! So to the associate pastor's side chick, I doubt that you will get the sympathy that you are crying for here!
ReplyDeleteSince we're dealing with a church situation, here's the biblical steps to take...
ReplyDelete""If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. ~Matther 18:15-18
Now this is what Christ said concerning those within the church dealing with issues with each other, so you can give this over to her if you like. But again... I doubt she's concerned about the people who are following him, but only her feelings of anger that were derived out of a relationship she had no business being involved in the first place!
Rodney,
ReplyDeleteWe greatly appreciate, not only your insight, but your intuitive approach to helping the situation. Thanks, I congratulate your efforts!
Mr. Anatomy = H. Williams, MBA
As Rodney said leave this relationship, encourage your cousin to do the same, and most importantly REPENT and don't fall weak to such wickedness again. Im not judgin u but, you are just as wrong. Shame on you all. I think u know why... Also, I Agree with Monique and Whitney... Sooo, Mr. Anatomy next question please, and Thank You!!!
ReplyDeleteMr. Anatomy, YES, I am mad as HELL because he and I have been together for over a year. I have bent over backwards to make what we shared work. I don't want to be judged, but he told me to give him some time, and his wife knew they were getting a divorce but they had to work through the counseling process. Then, out of the blue, my lil cousin goes to him to pour her heart out about things going on in her house with her boyfriend and they had sex in his private bathroom! I am so mad I can scream. I thought he and I were on track to be together and he screws my cousin, for God Sake! I am HOT. I just hung up the phone with him and he wants to meet later to talk about it. He says it's just one big misunderstanding. I'm gonna show his ass about a misunderstanding. He has NO IDEA how mad I am. I had to tell someone, so Mr. Anatomy, you that somebody!
ReplyDeleteHere is the text I just sent him: Hey PASTOR, Go to www.theanatomyofacheater.blogspot.com it's about Yo ass. Keep F-ing with me, I promise, as God as my witness, I will tell everybody. My Cousin, my F-ing Cousin, you are a DOG! I AM HOT, you might wanna do some praying!
ReplyDeleteDear Mad as Hell,
ReplyDeleteCalm down, and let us work through your issue as a community and as a forum. Anger will always lead to destruction. After a year, I am sure you love him, but be mindful of your actions today, because they will haunt you tomorrow. Wrong is Wrong, no matter who wears the shame. Go back to the basis, and breath, relax, and let some time come in between the situation and the anger.
Mr. Anatomy = H. Williams, MBA
poor child, she is so lost in the forrest. all you have to do is look up...LOOK UP I SAY! All you are doing is looking down the barrell of a cocked and loaded pistol poor child. This man knows how wrong what he is doing is but he keeps doing the same thing with other women. TRUST AND BELIEVE 1 THING...YOU AND YOUR COUSIN ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES! I say this time and time again, people refuse to LOVE themselves. For if you loved yourself first, no man woman or child could hurt you this much. The age old adage has never been proven wrong, "If he leaves his wife for you he will leave you for another" You've got to step back and look at this thing for what it shonuff is...a sex fling and this man is flinging his sex to and with everyone. Babygirl if you can't see the wrong in what you are doing on your own, then none of the great sound advice that is being given to you will mean anything to you. If venting is what you needed to do then you have done that. If you are seeking to "make him pay for what he is doing" then please understand that this is dutch date, you will have to pay for what you have ordered and eaten as well.
ReplyDeletePreach On Kim.....Preach On, wisdom is the education of us ALL. 7 habits of highly effective people says, "Seek First to understand, THEN be understood! Thanks Kim for helping her open her eyes!
ReplyDeleteMr. Anatomy = H. Williams, MBA
Mr. Anatomy, Kim, and the rest of you. Yall have NO idea what we have shared. I stayed in the shadows out of respect for his wife. He would say things like, "God knows my heart, but I can't just leave my wife without first going through counseling." I know they go to counseling because I have sat outside on the street in my car to make sure he wasn't lying. We are destined to be together, he told me this. I am so mad because I encouraged my cousin to go to him and share her problems, and he sticks his (*%#$) in her!!! She is too young for this type of thing. She says, "I think he really likes me!" Imagine how I felt having to listen to that shit!
ReplyDeleteMs. Mad, it seems that you refuse to accept advice that you solicited. The thing you need to do is put yourself in his wife's shoes walk a mile, and then put on your cousins shoes a mg d walk a mile. Now if either of those women had the knowledge that you have in knowing he is no doubt sleeping with all three of you ask yourself, how would they feel? I understand that you're hurt but you chose to eat off that plate. You need to ask for forgiveness and leave this situation and go on with your life.
ReplyDeleteCousins shoes and *
ReplyDeleteChild of God let me do something that I never do, share one of my actual life stories. Although I made a decision in my life to never ever date pastors of any kind, or anyone entertaining the notion of being called to preach, I date married men often. And in doing so, I have encountered the "we are destined to be together/soul mate professors" over the years. I have heard that I am going through a divorce and I really want to be with you speech so much that I have started to secretly record conversations as soon as I recognize them heading in that direction. And trust me when I tell you, I could let you hear some of the same promises from men as the promises this man is making to you. They never work out like that, EVER! You are not the first person that this man has told this to and you won't be the last. His type are on ever street corner, in every church, working in every school and pimping little girls with the same mentality as you are displaying (and I say displaying because I don't know you personally). Right now as we speak, I am involved with a married man who lives with his wife and has a baby on the way with another woman, but I stay involved with him because I know my place with him. I AM THE OTHER WOMAN PERIOD POINT BLANK! Yes he bought me a house and yes he pays my bills and yes he bought the vehicle that I drive. The only difference is that these things are all in my name and I don't go making waves in my pond because I don't know how to drive a boat. BUT I can learn if need be. I don't go looking for his wife or asking him to do anything that I am not willing to do, I am not interested in committing my life to any man at this point. I think I may be a little older than you but age really has no bearing on maturity levels (per se). But once you realize what your place really is in this relationship, then you will understand that your decision to become involved with this married man was a misjudgement on your part (if he was really leaving his wife, no amount of counseling could make him stay), you let your feelings get too involved with another woman's husband, and that is exactly what he is. Just because he divorces her does not automatically qualify you for the position of wife in his life (remember the cousin you sent to him?) her coochie might be better than yours (IJS, you did say that your cousin said she thinks he really likes her), and this man is obviously a cock-hound! He will stick his pee-pee in any hole that is available and tell all of you whatever you want to hear from him in order to be able to do it. In reality, all you are is a woman scorned. You feel betrayed. You feel like you have wasted over a year of life trying to work this thing out with this married man. You are hurt that you trusted this man to be a man of God and he betrayed your trust by sleeping with your little cousin when you sent her to him to try and work out her relationship problems. You want revenge. you need closure. All of these things and more are going through your mind and more. But you have to understand that you have some culpability in this. he never held you against your will. he never forced you to seep with him, all of these actions were voluntarily given on your part and you just have to accept the fact that he played you because he did. he is a player, it is what he does. In my opinion, the best thing for you to do is to go to your cousin before she invests too much time in him and inform her of your situation with him so she can not say that she did not know after that. Remember, Reverends like Ray and Brooks are a dime a dozen in this world and this man is definitely in their categorical likes. Girl Pick Yourself Up, Dust Yourself Off and Go and Find You! This man will get his, trust and believe that! But you can get more than you are bargaining for if you keep this attitude. IF YOU KEEP DOING THE SAME THING YOU ARE DOING YOU WILL KEEP GETTING THE SAME THING YOU ARE GETTING!
ReplyDeleteI agree wit my sisters on here. No sympathy you will get here. You are only upset bc he played YOU. What abt the congregation. You crossed the line whn you chose a Man of God to play your dirty game with. Its enough you chose a married man but a PASTOR. Wat abt his wife and her feelins or do you even care. You flesh got u here and your flesh is controllin you now. You and ur cousin nd to repent , find another church and let God take. Care of the vegence that u so bad want to serve. The church souls will be on your hands if you decide to handle matters the way you want to. I feel sorry for you bc you thought it was ok whn it was jus you. You need to Psalms 51 and let ur anger become a repentful one. You are mad at him "ask you Y" bc he did to you wat he did to his wife. Seek God for Peace bc that's wher u will find it. Nothin I said is meant to b disrespectful but to have an affair is one thing But a wit PASTOR. "SMH
ReplyDeleteRead psalms 51. Its more than just you in this but a church full of ppl that see him as a man of God. It is by the Grace of God that we are not as worse as we could be. But some things should be a definite "NO NO". IJS
ReplyDeleteKim, OMG, thanks for sharing your story. I never really saw myself as the other woman because he said his divorce was inevitable and he had told his wife he was seeing someone else. Kim, you referenced my age, I am 31 about to be 32 and I feel I have lived a good life. I thought this was the man I prayed for because we've prayed together. He said he was my lover, my future husband, and even my father figure. I'm listening to Luther Vandross's Dance with my Father right now and he always played that song because he said it was our tribute. Ladies, I am a MAD BLACK WOMAN right now, and I want that as to pay. He just text'd me and said he is reading what everybody is saying about him and I am letting yall judge him. READ this asshole, "I'm done with you, and you better pray I calm down, or this won't end happily. I have dialed your wife's phone # over and over, but I keep refusing to press the last digit because this ain't her fight. Keep sending me these sorry ass text and I promise, I am gonna call her. (TEARS are ROLLING) You said I was your future, but your screwed my lil cousin. You knew she didn't know any better. Asshole, I am "Dangerously IN Love" with you!
ReplyDeleteThis is the PASTOR...
ReplyDeleteMr. Anatomy of a Cheater, will you do me a favor kind sir, will you remove this question. She is totally unreasonable and this is really getting out of control. I don't want her feeding into this negativity and someone innocent be the byproduct of it. I will work with her to calm her down but God is not the author of Confusion! I appreciate all the concern from your bloggers, but we need to handle this ourselves and not in a public forum or format. Honey, please be reasonable and let's talk about this like adults. You need to listen to all the facts and we can sort through them together. Thank you all for being patient with her, she is just a bit hurt right now, but I will straighten things out.
God Bless you all.
You are playin rushin roulette my sister cut the communication off. I dnt think you are through with him if you wher to see him u would probably hv mkup sex afta he tells u y he did wat he did. Sorry 4 bein blunt. But I Hold Pastors to a certain level bc they are men first "This is not a game like a normal man and woman. Leave his Wife ALONE. Hv ur pity party but remember for every cause there is an effect.
ReplyDeleteHurchel if you take this down I will unfriend you Nikka!
ReplyDeleteIf you are reading this PASTOR than. Know that I'm not judging you but u hv put a mark on other Pastors. Its hard enough for ppl to trust Pastors. I pray that as a so called man of God that you will do the right thing and seat urself down from behind the pulpit. Only God has to know of this disgrace that you hv brought to the other Pastor and ur otha victims. Talk to the otha pastor and step down bfor u destroy a church.
ReplyDeleteUNREASONABLE.....MF ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I am trying to stay respectful, but Pastor, and I use that lightly now, YOU are pushing it. Don't even go there. I LOVE YOU and you know that, YOU were dead wrong. MR. Anatomy, PLEASE don't pull the question. I want him to see how other women feel about what we did. YES, we were wrong, but he promised me a future. NOW you don't wanna face our critics. You can't throw a rock and then hide your hand. I know we were wrong, but you made me believe what we were doing was right. In your eyes, in God's eyes, and in the eyes of our future. KEEP F-ing with me, I promise, I will say more!
ReplyDeleteHad me reverb back to my hood for minute but I'm good. Pastor you ought to be ashamed of yourself! You are supposed to be a Man of God but you must have dyslexia (God - doG)! You should by yourself a set of kneepads and never get off of your knees! You have caused this girl a great deal of hurt with your lies and you know they were lies! And my Father in Heaven is not a God of lies! YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF AND YOU GET WHAT YOU YOU DESERVE WHEN YOU GET TO THAT DAY! Young lady, REMEMBER THIS ONE THING IF YOU DON'T TAKE ANYTHING ELSE AWAY FROM THIS... WHEN YOU STAND BEFORE GOD ON THAT DAY, GOD WILL NOT HOLD YOU ACCOUNTABLE FOR ANYTHING EXCEPT YOUR OWN TRANSGRESSIONS! GOD WILL DEAL WITH EACH PERSON AS INDIVIDUALS AND NOT AS COUPLES. DON'T DO ANYTHING ELSE THAT CAUSE MORE HEAPS OF COALS ON YOUR OWN HEAD!
ReplyDeleteBUY*
ReplyDeleteHow do you even get on here and call her HONEY!!!
ReplyDeleteMr. Anatomy of a Cheater,
ReplyDeleteI know this is not what you meant for your blog site. I have been reading it and it seems to tackle different types of questions, not public disputes. If I send you my number privately, can we talk and come to some common ground about you pulling the questions. Surely you won't want this type of feedback for 3 whole days. She is very angry and I am partly the blame for that, but this is getting to be a bit ridiculous. And Samkeepitreal, I called her honey because I didn't want to say her real name. Sorry if that offended anyone. I am trying to keep this civil. Honey, please accept my calls and let's meet and discuss this like Man and Woman, not like enemies on the streets. -Pastor
Everyone, Should I pull the Question?
ReplyDeleteHell NO!!!!
ReplyDeletePlease do not Put the Church out there God is not the author of confusion. Souls are at the gates of HELL. Do not destroy a church. Let GOD be ur PEAce young lady. Please do it has truly put a bad taste in my mouth. She doesn't want spiritual help she just wants to blast him bc he can read it I'm mad at myself for feeding into the garbage. Shame on ME! Befor I thought she truly wanted help but knowin he is reading wat we are sayin. Its still a game to her. SMH
ReplyDeleteHurchel God knows the desire of ur heart and ur website. I blv its for wisdom , knowledge and encouragement. Not a MOCKERY. Shame on her for using it to get even. DELETE HER POST !!she's had her seconds of fame
ReplyDeleteSamjuskeepitreal Woods, I promise you my heart is heavy. I didn't mean for this to be a mockery, but a painful lesson for me. YES, I told him about the blog site because I wanted him to know what he did is wrong. He has a way of turning things around to make me feel stupid. NO, I don't have a PhD like him, no, I haven't been to the finest schools, but I am a person. I work at the church, and I do what is asked of me. I never asked for this. He approached me and he told me his marriage was over. I have never accused him of cheating on me before, but being with my cousin was LOW. I am not looking for sympathy, or even encouragement, I just wanted to know how to deal with him. YES, I admit, I am in love. Mr. Anatomy, you met me when you were in town, you interviewed me for your magazine, you know I am not a bad person, I am just a person in love and sadly confused. Please don't judge me, I seriously seek help.
ReplyDeleteThe sad part is Pastor she's mkin herself look bad. This shld hv bn handled different. Delete bfor ppl that's strugggling use this as a tool. We are human and we mk mistakes. PLEASE DELETE for the SOuls that nd men like Pastor ROdney to talk to.
ReplyDeleteDelete
ReplyDeleteDelete
ReplyDeleteSee, at least someone here understand when Love becomes blind. Thank you Samkeepit Real. Thanks for the vote for doing what's right.
ReplyDeletePastor
To Everyone,
ReplyDeleteI have made a decision to let the question run for only one day only. I feel we have gotten the necessary feedback to help the lady in this situation. Ma'am, none of us is without sin, so none of my bloggers have judged you or the Pastor. We have simply used the facts of your relationship to make honest, real, assessments of what we see to be true and not blurred. Ma'am, ultimately, you have to make your own decision about your future, but the ladies here NEVER say anything that would be detrimental to your development. You made a mistake, he made a mistake, or two, and the good think about it is all can be forgiven eventually. My advice, if everything that has been said is true, back away from one another slowly and look to higher ground for strength and guidance. The reason for this blog, I have found myself in some rather peculiar situations before, the lesson, you CAN bounce back and be whole. But know this, When YOU KNOW BETTER, YOU DO BETTER!
This one was deep, let's all learn and move forward.
Mr. Anatomy = H. Williams, MBA
Good Decision Mr. Anatomy of a Cheater. I will continue to read and visit your site. Sorry she got you involved with our spat but I will do my best to help her heal and be "whole" as you have outlined.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless - Pastor
And I pray God will shield the eyes of the Babe in Christ. But I can remove wat I posted. Be Bless.
ReplyDeleteI respect everyone for their words. Samkeepitreal Woods, Kim, Mr. Anatomy, and everyone else, Thank you. I am hurting, but your words were heartfelt and received. I am done with this and thanks for helping me see clearer. I need prayer, so ladies, please say a special prayer for women like me.
ReplyDeleteStill Mad as Hell !!
Im driving but no DON'T PULL THIS QUESTION THEY SHOULD BE ASHAMED
ReplyDeleteIt's just a shame all this goes on in a place of worship. Having sex in the bathroom of the pastor's study, that is just awful. Women, when are we going to take charge and say enough is enough? I know we get horny, but we have to take charge of our actions. Take it from an older lady, there are men who are out there that are NOT pastors who will love to be your man. Stop settling for all the tired lines and make a man own up to being with you. Sometimes a battery powered toy is much better than the body it is supposed to be attached to.
ReplyDeleteErma in New York
I just think that this man is a real manipulator. Nothing about this situation speaks love. Lust is often confused and seen as love but in reality it is still only lust. I still say this man must be dyslexic because he is using all of the d.o.g. tricks he can to keep getting in this girl's pants. But remember one thing Ms Mad As Hell, you were not the only person he cheated with, he cheated with your cousin and he knew she was your cousin when he did so. He will never stop cheating, trust me, he won't won't stop because he has no consequences to his actions that he can physically feel, forget morals because he has shown everyone here that he has none, being a man of the Word, he knew better and he did not do better. Babygirl there is a whole world out here just begging you to see it for what it really is...LIVE AND BE FREE OF THIS DRAMA!
ReplyDeleteI have a question for the pastor, what is the underlying issue that you feel you have to prey on these woman for sexual gratification while still being married as well as being a pastor. There is always an underlying cause to an acted out behavior. I have seen this several times over the course of the years that I have been a christian and the underlying cause has been that the man has been involved in pornography or has a sexual addiction with a hunger that needs to be satisfied. It happens more than what people want to admit or discuss with men of the cloth. Please don't misunderstand me, I am not saying that this is what's going on with you but I needed to ask the question and if it is, then you need to seek help. I think all parties involved need to do some serious soul searching and repent. Allow God to minister to your hearts so that you can make the right decisions from henceforth. Pastor, go to your senior pastor and reveal to him what has been going on, step down from your position and get your divorce or make things right with you wife and leave the other women alone. Ms Mad as hell, God says to let vengeance be His. I believe at this point you need to go to the senior pastor and reveal the situation between you and the associate pastor. He does not need to be in a trusted position in ministry behaving this way. He poses a danger to the other women in the congregation as well because of his sexual promiscuity. The senior pastor should have the wisdom on how to handle this situation with discretion. The church is legally liable for this type of behavior because silence is considered condoning it. This needs to be addressed quickly!! I am in total agreement with Rodney and what the scripture says.
ReplyDeleteMr Anatomy,
ReplyDeleteI want to thank you for having the courage to post this sister's question & the integrity with which you have done so. By posting this question you have inadvertently shed a bright light on a dirty little secret that is often kept hidden under the rug in our churches today: Pastors who prey on & sleep with the women in their churches. After having read this sister's question, the responses given & the "Pastors" arrogant audacity to ask that the question be taken down, I felt outraged & obligated to speak.
As a female Pastor who has been in ministry for the past 14 years, I've seen the devastating affects this type of "pimp like" behavior reeks on a church & the women entangled in their evil web. I have counseled countless women who have been taken advantage of by these "so called" Pastors & who are often left feeling used, deceived & of course ashamed. By having the courage to post this question, you have given these women who have been sexually violated by their Pastor a voice.
We all agree that her sleeping with a married man/Pastor is wrong. But what I will never understand Mr Anatomy, is why we are so quick to judge the woman for her inappropriate actions, but there never seems to be an outrage or disgust for this "so called" Pastor's breech of trust & positional power? Did we not read that the sister stated "HE APPROACHED ME?!!! Whether she eventually agreed to sleep with him or not is besides the point since he was the aggressor, "so called" Pastor & the one in power. He should be held to a higher code of ethics since he works for the Lord. I'm so tired of these kind of men getting a pass &/or slap on the wrist in the name of Jesus for their despicable behavior, while the women who trusted the sweet lies of these "Pastors" are labeled home-wreckers & hoes.
Although I know in my heart he will not do the right thing by stepping down or telling his Senior Pastor of his affairs, I want this "so called" Pastor to know that the blood of every woman/victim he has used will be on his hands. Whether it happens today or next week, the bible is very clear, HE WILL REAP WHAT HE HAS SOWN!
A Mad As Hell Lady Pastor
First of all the person that you should be mad at is not the associate pastor but YOURSELF. You did not say he raped you or your cousin. You BOTH knew this man was MARRIED. If you chose to become temple prostitutes that was a personal decision. He will continue to screw and use up women who ALLOW him to do this to them. People can only do to you what you ALLOW it was fine when you thought that you were the lead in assuming the role of the next wife so what is wrong now that you realize that he is sermonizing more than just you and the wife in the congregation? Repent for your own sins. Get to a doctor to get checked out. And stop screwing this married-available man!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a sad case with the church, that is why Alot of people now refuse to step foot in churches because of these type of things that go on in Churches my heart is so sad of this type of actions because this is SUPPOSE to be a MAN of GOD using his title to MANIPULATE women for sexual acts. People now is saying that Pastors and Elders is nothing but PIMPS and PLAYERS, and using people for MONEY! I blame BOTH of them because there is no such thing as a BIG and LITTLE SIN in God's eye sight it is ALL sin! Again remember we are ALL made from dirt we are DIRTY, which is no excuse of this SICK ACT! In Matthew 18:15-17 there are steps set forth for purposes of chastisement First you are to go to a "brother" that "offends." If he will not listen to your godly, biblical counsel, then take an elder of the church with you. If, at that point, he still will not receive, then it is up to the leadership in the body to bring it to the church. This is an act where the Elder on do it to weak and timorous. Remember ,GOD knows All and see ALL they think they are getting away but they are really NOT. Vengence is mine Romans 12:19 Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” Excuse typos , typing in between working. I really hope this helps!
ReplyDeleteDear Mad as Hell Lady Pastor,
ReplyDeleteI agree with everything you have said, and I offer my own tidbit of information. I counsel women everyday in my profession as the "First Lady" of a mega church here in the North East. When I deal with women who have been mentally abused, or lied to, we go over a series of things they need to do to make themselves whole. One of those things is to stay clear of the person who has caused them harm, which unfortunately in this case would mean leaving the church she works for and worships at. Men always get off easy and even if you look at the responses we are getting here, it's appalling! Ladies, we are all we have and if I can't get compassion from my sisters in faith, you run me back into the hands of another man. A man shouldn't be allowed to hurt us, lie to us, and then help lick our wounds! It's like an abusive boyfriend saying, "I'm sorry I blacked your eye, but you know you deserved it." My husband is a Pastor too, and he is completely engulfed with the same temptations known to other men. He and I decided there would never be any counseling without someone of trust in the room as well. Whether it's me or some other woman of faith from the church. Temptation works both ways. Mr. Anatomy, PLEASE, don't ever run from the truth, and by run, I mean let someone come on this BLOG and tell you to pull down a question because they are uncomfortable with what is being said. YOU didn't do anything wrong, HE DID! It's time we point the finger at the right individual, THE PASTOR that harmed her mentally!
-First Lady-
Mad as Hell Lady Pastor, First Lady, and Cindy Lou,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your words of encouragement and assisting with pointing the blame finger in his direction too. I completely understand what I did wrong and I accept my role. I have been on my face praying since yesterday and I am not accepting his calls or text. I am done! I am not a victim, but I was promised a lot and he assured me his marriage was over. I just needed someone to talk to and this Blog gave me the outlet I needed. I am just encouraged that women from the church faith and clergy like the 3 of you understand what's happened and how it happens at the church and in the pulpit.
Lady Pastor, you said so much that was true and he will never admit it or step down. His profession is very important to him because he loves the prestige and attention it gives him. He is a great singer and that gives him additional exposure to the world. The ladies who blasted me, I asked for it and I appreciate the criticism because that is what I needed. I have talked to my cousin and told her the whole truth and we are both in agreement that we can never go back and let him pleasure himself at our expense. We both cried together and prayed that we never fall victim again. We are family and no man can separate our sisterhood. Thanks Anatomy of a Cheater website and I will surely buy your book when it's available.
-Mad as Hell-
Dear Mad as Hell,
ReplyDeleteLet me first thank you again for allowing my bloggers to weigh in on your dilemma. You certainly have been given quite a bit of information to digest in the last 48 hours and I trust you will use what you feel is best to assist you with your healing into the future. In my opinion, you can be viewed as a victim only if you were convinced into believing your PASTOR was seriously getting a divorce and you were waiting in the wings for this process to be completed. I know how persuading men can be because from birth, I have been a man. Women often times are easy to convince of one thing or the other because we tell you what we assume you want to hear and if that works, we stick to it. So, what I am telling you is I completely understand both sides of this coin. Now, with that said, I also have to lash out to the Pastor here and say Sir, you are held to a much higher standard because of your position and what you are sworn to do. When a person of your statue is presented with opportunity or even advances toward you are made, you have to have the wherewithal to shut it down immediately and direct that person to a place of protection and shelter! The healing starts with the counselors and those of us who have weathered the storm to learn better by doing better. I tell everyone to understand life, you must first go through it! Things happen, and my prayer is the 3 of you can limit the collateral damage and find the truth in each other by understanding why this was wrong from the beginning. I commend you for reaching out to your cousin and bonding with her to make her see the wrong committed by all parties involved! IF need be, I have several people here that would love to give you guidance and would be available to speak to you in the spirit of anonymity to help you understand how you can bounce back and be loved by YOU first, before any man's promise can effect you further!
Mr. Anatomy = H. Williams, MBA
Mad Ass Hell, I think you should be the bigger person and leave his NO GOOD ASS ALONE!!! I know you mad and hurt by all the lies he has told you, but now you have to let all that go. When you play the game you have chosen to play you can not let your feelings fit in at all. You have to leave room for hurt when your seeing a married man not matter what he is or what you do on Sunday morning. Now your hurt and now you what to tell the wife. Why? Because your hurt? Because you thought you was the only one? Why would you run and tell his wife when she didn't ask you to take care of her husbands needs? So now you want to hurt her because your hurt. When you play with fire you will always get burned. And let me say this his wife know what she married when she married him. She already know her husband is not right, she already know her husband cheates. So what ever it is you think she don't know trust she knows. When a married man tell you he's going to leave his wife you take that shit like a grain of salt and play the game the way it should be played with you coming out on top. That means keep you feelings in your back pocket. And know one thing your not the first and you will not be the last person that this man play with and go home to his wife and not even give you are them a second thought. His pick up line is " I'm going to leave my wife, but the time is not right yet". WEAK!!! But yet you see them every Sunday in church. Now he has had sex with your cousin and told her the same BS line that he told you. And you still want his NASTY ASS. Your question should have been do I love myself enough to leave his NASTY ASS ALONE???? I hope your answer is YES and you leave his NASTY ASS ALONE!!! He have to answer to GOD for all that's he done and all he's doing.. I hope you love yourself enough to tell him to GO PLAY IN TRAFFIC!!!
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